Writing Feedback / It seems that people are very thrifty in regard to expenditures on leisure and education [3]

Hi Vina..
please, you review my thoughts below for your writing.
Hopefully, these can help you to improve your skill.
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK
:)


That is not an overview because you only describe information about notice of the table. The overview is a summary of general trends in the table. Besides that, you have to display comparisons amongst the figures. Well, I will offer the example of overview.

OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT COSTUMERS OF ALL COUNTRIES ARE MORE LIKELY TO LOCATE THEIR BUDGET TO PURCHASE OF FOOD/DRINK/TOBACCO THAN OTHER CATEGORIES. FURTHERMORE, TURNING TO EACH CATEGORY, CITIZENS OF ITALY SPENT THEIR INCOME MORE THAN THE OTHERS FOR CLOTHING/FOOTWEAR, WHILE OTHER GROUPS OF EXPENDITURE ARE DOMINATED BY COSTUMERS' TURKEY.

.., Turkey and Ireland had HAVE (Owing to not the information about the year, it should be categorised as the fact data so that you are supposed to use simple present) the highest percentage of ...

Turkey also had HAS much higher percentage of (...), while THE consumer'S expenditure on clothing/footwear was IS significantly higher ...

It can be seen that Sweden had HAS the lowest percentage of ...
Spain had HAS slightly THE higher figure for this ...

Writing Feedback / TED summary: How does my brain work? [2]

Hi Fauziyah..
These below are my thoughts towards your summary. Please, check it out..
^_^

... parking area AND then we walk into the (...) to remember A LOCATION where isthe THAT car.
THE Brain made by IS COMPOSED BY a hundred billion neurons. THE Neurons communicate with each ...
There is a brain research with A rat, that shows SHOWING the way OF THE brain remembers TO REMEMBER. THE Brain cells illustratedin the picture with colors. When a THE rat was put into the box and let IT moveS around to looking for food, THE cells show something ...

but HOWEVER, when DISTANCE BETWEEN the box expands AND the fire location are expanded. In a border puts into the box, fire sort (...) where the border LOCATED. There are A few cells consistING THE boundary cells, place ...

The brain will make a THE map of a place ...
... every boundary, the more spacious a location ... We could people to COULD remember a way or ...

Writing Feedback / A step that we can do to avoid the bad habit [2]

Hi Aris Indra..
These are my thoughts towards your summary.

First of all, he talked that humans PEOPLE (Actually, humans and people have the same meaning. However, you should avoid using humans if there is an explanation about plants or animal. Human, plants, and animals are the unity. It is about the collocation) have A tendency to do act...

... because they consider about ITS effectS sides such us obesity and ...
... because of some reasons like THE taste and daily need.
... to near what they are supposeD to be prohibition because it gives a big curiosity THAT why I have to ...
As the result, many A LARGE NUMBER OF people are attracted to try THE harmful action. Many school children A GREAT NUMBER OF STUDENTS, for example, smoke(...) been restricted as IT provideS many drawbacks ...

This method does not avoid HELP people to do AVOID something bad instead.
For example, people can try ciggarette CIGARETTE if they want.
In this case, people tend to ARE LIKELY TO (Avoid repetition) state that smoking is ...
People have changed their knowladge KNOWLEDGE to be MORE wisdom and it is going to beCOME guidline GUIDELINE for making THE better life.

OVERALL, YOU HAVE SHOWN THE BETTER PROGRESS
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Camille A. Brown talks about dance, and specializes in social dance [4]

Hi fasidah.
These below are my view towards your summary. check it out

Camille A. Brown talks ED about A dance, and specializes ESPECIALLY in THE social dance. It is an universal language for ...
It THIS DANCE(Avoid repetition "IT") is not choreographed by ...
It BESIDES THAT, THE ACTIVITY cannot be traced to ...
As A result, it rose RISES dramatically, changes,.. (You should be consistent for use of the tenses. Camille stated that the HAPPENS IN present always contains the past. Then, she starts to share about the Juba dance which is from Ensloved ENSLAVED Africans' experts in THE plantation. It was about ITS MOTIVE IS keeping cultural traditions alive and retraining RETAINING a sense of THE inner freedom creativity.

It THE DANCE was performed by the ...
... about Charleston which was famous in 1920s. , (you are supposed to know when you place comma or period)
This kind of dance is suitable with FOR children as it is a fun dance THERE IS EXCITEMENT. All of these dances continue to evolve, grow, and spread CONTINUOUSLY.

... that at present, THE social dance is about RELATES TO community connection. If someone knowS the step, it meant he/ ...

NOTE: Make sure what you write is what you mind. Please, reread your summary before you upload to diminish your fault in grammar and meaning.

Keep Spirit
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Our natural sleep cycle is nothing like what we do now [3]

Hi Ibal.
These below are suggestions to finalize your summary. Hopefully, all can help you.
GOOD LUCK

When you wanna summarize contents of a video, you should present an introduction sentence to make the resource of information clear.

That ACTIVITY is not only for a human ...
... and become the cycle in their live LIFE.
.., since the activities did DONE every single day can it help them to do LIVE continuously the next day.
... can manage them to goin g sleep or just to take a rest. Nonetheless, some people who ARE productive in a job feelslike confused because they don't DO NOT(NEVER EVER EVER WRITE CONTRACTION IN THE FORMAL WRITING) have enough time to sleep. For people who live in the equator has HAVE THE equal time in a ...

To sum up, people have a THE natural sleep cycle, thus,

Writing Feedback / SUMMARY TED 4 - HOW THE BRAIN PERFORMS UNDER STRESS [2]

Hi Rosa..
These are my thoughts for your summary. I really hope these can help you. GOOD LUCK

When someone is under pressure, the brain emits (...) cortisol, . FOLLOWING THAT, THE STRESS ALSO increases the heart rate...
The cortisol itself is a toxic TOXIN for every system in the body, it WHICH shuts up all the ...
... someone's cortisol climbed higher, . (Be careful to locate period and comma). if this THESE conditions happen (...) serious illness such as, type 2 diabetes ...
However, Levitin IS sure THAT there are some methods WHICH can be applied (...) at the time WHERE someone faces A problem or under ...
... that speaker shared is putTING THE system in THE place, which can decrease the bad thing happens HAPPENING such as forgetFULNESS to bring the wallet, cannot NOT findING the reading glasses, or LosSING the keys.

... goods people usually lost, . for example, create CREATING the hangers close TO the enter door at THE home where we can put the keys IS A WAY to ease our brain TO remember THE LOCATION we keep it .

Writing Feedback / The more we talk to others, the more links gets stronger - 7 Ways to Make Conversation With Anyone [5]

Hi Dioba..
These are my thoughts for what you wrote. Hopefully, these below can help you.
GOOD LUCK

(You are supposed to introduce the video which you reviewed to ease readers who wanna get the information about the link) .
Every time WHAT we talked with someone IS WHAT we never know before PREVIOUSLY, BECAUSE THAT IS a tiny link is formed (make you sure that what you write is what is in your mind) .

.., the more links gets stronger. In every conversation constructS THE new links. THE Conversation is AN interesting process. The benefits of this process are establishING a connection, process learnING THE PROCESS OF something new, gives GIVING a whole new perspective ...

Malavika Varadan, a radio presenter, she has a THE conversation with (...) that she HAS never seen every morning. She suggests ED some advice about how to make THE conversation with anyone. First, word floodgates, itS is means said MEANING IS THAT first word in the ...

Second, she suggestED TO skip the small talk.
Third, findING something that us WE and ANother person might have in common. Furthermore, THE LAST STEP IS give GIVING a unique impression and askING for a notion.

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Prison of your Mind by Sean Stephenson [2]

Hello Yonathan
These are my vantage points to finalize your summary. Review my notes and deal with them
GOOD LUCK
:D

... believe every prediction that doesn't DOES NOT (NEVER EVER EVER HARNESS CONSTRUCTION IN THE FORMAL WRITING) empower them, . THAT REASON APPEARS BECAUSE Sean himself EVER predicted by many ...

... he said THE pity is the most dangerous drugs in the world that , WHICH would totally frozen FREEZE your potential. Being disable does not mean THAT you are literally disableD PERSON, but the real disability is THE refusal to adapt. Adaptable in every conditions giveS US many chances for you to learn with new environment ...

The last, you must bullying yourself with many A LARGE NUMBER OF (You should make it various, MANY/ A GREAT NUMBER/ A LARGE NUMBER/ PLENTY OF) negative predictions, ABOUT opinions that ...

The best thing to doNE is love yourself in every conditions and love everyone because everybody needS to be loved

Writing Feedback / Everybody who wants to be happy, and get the dream, is suggested to read book every single day. [5]

Hello Bams.
These are my thoughts for yours.
GOOD LUCK

... everybody in the word wantS TO GET A good life, but ...
Todays, globalizations are moving faster,(You cannot merge two sentences without a conjunction. I think here is period, not comma) . ITS REASON IS BECAUSE THERE it can be seen developing (...), international diplomation DIPLOMATIC and etc. People are not chalanges UNCHALLENGED if they do not have A good strategy, . More persons are successFUL in worldwide (...), like A mentor who guidance GUIDES their plan. THE Mentors are vital itemS to be successFUL, BECAUSE they ARE SUPPOSED TO have A power to changes THE life, more powerfull and give the best (...) Bill gates, Kennedy WHO they are mentors. For example, many people came COME to Hollywood every year to got GET (Remember TO INFINITIVE, TO + V1) their dream as artist, (...) and many kinds, . every ody wants to got GET something in THE Hollywood, but everybody DOES not got GET WHAT they want in Hollywood, because they are do not know ...

As the result, gread dea BUNCH of people are not perfect (...) without THE mentors.


Honestly, I could not find what you explain in that sentence. It is quite messy. I suggest you rewrite that.

However, lifes THE LIFE is short, but also we should get THE best achievment ACHIEVEMENT during THE ENTIRE life, . that Is why we are needs NEED tutor. Based on speaker, there is THE good and best (...), that is WELL-KNOWN AS A book. You can enhance your skills, changes THE good mindset, AND GET more knowledge and get do WHICH you want WHEN YOU READ by THE books BECAUSE that is THOSE ARE short cut mentors. Most OF people in Europe divide to budgeting money for buyING THE books, SO THAT they are save their money espesially for buy it TO BUY THOSE., this phenomenon is ...

... most OF people in Europe are consious CONSCIOUS that book is A treasure, good tutor and good teacher, SINCE everybody who want OBTAINING hapiness good life and ge t the dream, TO BE suggested to read ...

Writing Feedback / Chris Anderson explained about four keys to be an extraordinary public speaker. [4]

Hi Aris Indra,
I am pleased to read your summary because you have got the point of creating the summary. You have had the better progress. In this time, let me finalize yours. Check it out.

..., Chris Anderson, explained about four keys to be ...
First of all, the AN idea OF THE SPEAKERS becomes an important secret factor influencing TO INFLUENCE people to make SO THAT TEHY CAN PERFORM AS a good speaker. THE Idea is an array of information which connectS collectively amongst many views . Therefore, it is going to become individual's point of INDIVIDUAL'S view. Every person has his or her THE own idea to consider a phenomenon. For Instance, people looking a young women must have different prespective PERSPECTIVE when they have to spell it out. In public speaking, a THE speaker must have the spesific SPECIFIC idea which is(Here should be omitted) talked in front of the audience.

... easier to be understood by THE audience AUDIENCE. Secondly, the speaker has to have THE interesting idea to attract the attention of THE audience. ... public speaking with languange LANGUAGE which is easy to be got by THE audience is an essential factor to pull up THE audience's attention.

... obligatorily ensureS that the idea is exceptionally important ...

I hope you pay attention to spelling.
I really believe you can become better in this case. Practice more and more
Keep spirit.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that healthy life implementation is easy to be started [2]

Hi Russell.
Let me help you to finalize your essay. In this moment, I only focus on your contents in the essay. Please, check it out.


You should not harness "and" because you wanna describe something contradictive.
..............even now it has done by some people. BY CONTRAST, THERE IS AN OPINION THAT healthy lifestyle is not that easy to be implemented......

Turning to your thesis statement, you should mention reasons why people encourage the first and second opinion briefly. It can give general description what you review in the body paragraph. That can be represented by one or two words.

keeping fit by taking an exercise everyday EVERY DAY are IS AN easy things

In the first body paragraph, you offer the opinion, but there were not supporting sentences strengthening yours. Apart from that, you explain effects of the healthy life " they get, such as prevent obesity, food addictive, and food poisoning" although it is not essential information and did not encourage your mind.

Hopefully, those can improve your essay..
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Aviation Emissions Are Next Target in Fight Against Climate Change [3]

Hello fasidah.
these are my vantage points about your summary. Hopefully, those can help you to finalize yours.
GOOD LUCK :D

... negotiators from around the world discussing and composing TO DISCUSS AND COMPOSE(You have to understand the meaning which you wanna write. Make you sure that what you write is what you mind. There needs to infinitive) a framework to REVIEWING ABOUT limitING future aviation emissions. It IS (Each sentence needs a main verb) also a hope of all citizen ...

All of those negotiators has HAVE(pay attention to verb agreement) a same goal to cap THE emissions when the agreement would give A strong impact in 2021...

All of those planS cannot stand alone, BECAUSE they must be supported by AN advanced technology and A more efficient airplane.
Although,this THESE stemming emissions in aviation in particular presents a difficult task, however all officials from (...) do support and hope that an THE agreement will be reached by the ...

All in all, all of these agreementS address to keep global ...
... all residentS around the globe (...) commit t o fightING THE climate change by ...

Writing Feedback / Three goods exported from Someland in the past, and the future measured in billion dollars. [2]

Hi Eka..
In this time, I focus on your contents solely. Actually, this is a good job, but I wanna give you a few suggestions to enhance your score.


I feel there is an odd situation. That is an overview, but you describe the period detailed. Following that, why you only mentioned the condition in 2015 whereas meat products also dominated in 2005. You should find the other general situation. It can be represented like this

ALL COMMODITIES EXPORTED TO OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY. HOWEVER, THERE IS AN ODD CIRCUMSTANCE WHERE A SECTOR OF INTERNATIONAL TOURISM IN A PROJECTION IS GOING TO SHOW A SMALL DECLINE.


I remember that I ever told you about the prompt of the writing task1. In this matter, your job is to compare the figures relevant. You cannot describe them separately. Turning to the first body paragraph, it is clear that you only review about one figure. That seemed that you play safely. It doesn't matter if you do that, However, you cannot reach the score more than 6.

I hope these can help you. You should review my notes and make it alarm for you when you write task 1. My point is that you have to have a bravery to compare.

Keep Fighting..
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / THE NUMBER OF FOREIGN STUDENTS HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY AND IT HAD BEEN DOMINATED BY MALE. [4]

Hi Fauziyah.
Let me help you to finalize your writing. Please, meet my note and deal with them.


Actually, that is not an overview because you only tell information about difference of the bar. The overview is a summary of the information describing the general trend. I will give you an example of the overview.

OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE NUMBER OF FOREIGN STUDENTS HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY AND IT HAD BEEN DOMINATED BY MALE.

... while the lowest number in 2010 WAS around 30 percent.
... International students had dramatically THE lower RATE than native students.
... studying abroad HAD increased steadily from less ...

... country had increased MARKEDLY from less than 25 (...) highest proportion at REPRESENTING AT approximately 43 percent.
... International male students climbed CONSIDERABLY from 20 percent in 2010 ... (to make it more clear, you are supposed to include verb with adverb)

Note: In the writing task 1, if you wanna the high score, you have to make comparisons amongst the figures. You cannot describe the data separately because our job is to compare them.

I really believe you can improve your skill on condition that you wanna provide much time to practice again and again.
Keep spirit.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / About thirty per cent of travellers each year choose learning programs to be their holiday purposes. [2]

Hi Rizaldo..
Actually, your summary is a good job. However, let me finalize this.

... common for all layer of age is a trip that enjoy ENJOYING(You should conduct reducing here to make this variation) a different kind
Next, travellers who go to Britain, they can enrol in courses at residential colleges that contain CONTAINING THE activities from ...
These are just a few exampleS of the many ...
This program must SHOULD be more economical than ...
... ability rather than just have HAVING fun in the traditional vacation.

Note: this is free of the macro errors grammatically. I only hope you can make yours more various. You can modify your word, using omitting or

reducing.
keep fighting
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Summary News from BBC: Aid reaches Madaya and other besieged towns [2]

Hello Pizarro..
Welcome to Essay Forum. I am delighted to tell you that you have been the right medium to improve your written skill. Let me help you to finalize.

Actually, before you describe contents of your summary, you should display an introduction sentence about its resource. For example
THIS SUMMARY IS EXTRACTED FROM AN ORIGINAL ARTICLE ON BBC.COM IN 2016 ABOUT....................

... has been sent to four besieged regionS in Syria.

According to the international comitte COMMITTEE of the Red Cross, the emergent aid...

... children and many civilianS who have been suffering (...) after a deadly attack to ON the convoy.

NOTE:
I cannot offer a large number of suggestions because you have not passed requirement of a good paragraph. Keep in your mind that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. Honestly, almost all paragraph only consist of one sentence. When you wanna construct the summary, you have to remember essential elements in the summary. First, you illustrate the resource where you take the article. After that, you explain the content of the article. To strengthen your description, you are supposed to iinclude the supporting sentences. You don't give detailed information which can appear the question. It is important to note that you can explain the elements (What, Why, When, Who, Where, and How).

I really believe you can master this skill on condition that you wanna provide much time to practice more and more.
Keep Fighting
Happy writing.

Writing Feedback / Good News: The tech to change your grandma's life is already here (Summarizing) [3]

Hi Zul..
This is my vantage point for your summary. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.

Actually, before you described contents of the origin article, you should display an introduction sentence about the resource. For example:
THIS SUMMARY IS EXTRACTED FROM AN ARTICLE PUBLISHED BY....... IN........

This day and age, either mine grandma ... It is tricky for them to move ...
(Each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. In the next term, you have to follow that)

Regarding TURNING to this problem, there is ARE (Verb Agreement) some private companies which (...) it is commonly called AS paratransit. Yet HOWEVER (You are supposed to harness (...) where the spending reached REACHS 12.2% of THE total OF money which [i](here is omitting. You diminish "which is") spent for transportation in ...

However IN A FACT, there is a bright news which ...

Note: This is actually a good job. However, make you sure that you write is what you mind, I really believe you can improve your skill on condition that you wanna practice more and more.

Keep Fighting.
GOOD LUCK :D

Writing Feedback / The grade of school of Bulgarian students who were anxious to leave their country and stay abroad [2]

Hi Andika.
These are my thoughts for your writing. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.


be careful of paraphrasing the statement. the word "anxious" is by far different with the origin meaning of the statement. It will make your score falls down to less than 6.


It cannot represent the data because you only describe separately. What students do you mean in this.?? You should write like this.
MOST OF BULGARIANS' CITIZENS HAD THE PLAN TO CONTINUE THEIR ACTIVITIES IN ANOTHER COUNTRY AFTER THEY FINISH THE EDUCATION IN A SECONDARY SCHOOL.


You have missed the essential point of the writing task 1. Your job in this circumstance is to compare the figures, not describe them separately. Keep in your mind that one of task responds is comparing the data


you are supposed to make a paragraph consisting of more than 2 sentences to be the good paragraph. Therefore, you should include overview in the first paragraph. In fact, you placed the overview in the last paragraph. However, you create it as a conclusion. Keep in your mind that the writing task 1 does not have the conclusion as you cannot give your opinion in illustration of the data. You only can write the summary of the information which is well-known as the overview. Why I suggest you locate the overview in the first paragraph because you have limited time, approximately 20 minutes for writing task 1. I am afraid that you do not have time to write it so that your score can fall down less than 6.

I really hope these can help you to improve your skill
I really believe you can master this on condition that you wanna practice more and more.
Keep Fighting
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The percentage of Bulgarians who were expecting to live abroad, based on their education [2]

Hi Eva.
Let me help you to finalize your writing. In this moment, I only concentrate to your contents of this writing. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.

Miss Eva, you should make a paragraph consisting of at least three sentences to be the good paragraph. Because of that, you are supposed to include overview in the first paragraph. Actually, I know that you placed the overview in the last paragraph. However, you create it like a conclusion. Keep in your mind that the writing task 1 does not have the conclusion because you cannot attach your opinion in description of the data. You only can write the summary of the information which is well-known as the overview.

I offer the example of overview.
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT MOST OF BULGARIANS' CITIZENS HAD THE PLAN TO STAY IN ANOTHER COUNTRY AFTER THEY FINISH THE EDUCATION IN A SECONDARY SCHOOL. MOREOVER, IN THE TIMEFRAME, THE NUMBER OF CITIZENS IN BULGARIAN HAVING PASSED THE PRIMARY AND LOWER SCHOOL HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY IN THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCE WHILE THE FIGURE OF THE SECONDARY EDUCATION HAD SHOWN THE REVERSE TREN.

Hopefully, those can help you.
Keep Fighting
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Sports heroes in the field of badminton in Indonesia [3]

Hi Atthya.
These are my thoughts for your summary. Please, meet my notes and deal with them

Actually, before you describe your summary, you should display an introduction about your article which you extracted. For example,
THIS SUMMARY IS EXTRACTED FROM AN ARTICLE IN A TIME'S MAGAZINE IN 2016 WHICH PUBLISHED.....

Indonesian citizens cheered shortly IMMEDIATELY after THEY know THAT sports heroes in the field of badminton NAMELY Tontowi Ahmad ...
... in Central Java on 18TH OF July 18 , 1987.
... in 2010, he has get OBTAINED important achievements, including ...
While clearly Liliyana Natsir CLEARLY (Be careful of placing adverb) has become the queen of ...
Many achievements ARE GOT (Here is not a verb. make you sure that each sentence has one main verb)of FROM the collaboration between Tontowi (...) Swiss Open Grand Prix Gold 2012, and . their last victory IS when THEY GOT A GOLD MEDAL IN the Olympics in Rio DeJjaneiro, in Brazil and get a gold medals.

Note: Before you upload your summary, you should reread again. Make you sure that what you write is what you mind.
I really believe you can master this if you wanna practice more and more.
Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The Survey of Electronic Commerce in Four Main Parts In New Zealand During a Decade [2]

Hi Hikuma..
Here is my view to finalize your writing. Meet them and tackle. Check it out.


You cannot say that it is as a survey because there is a note that all information are got from the survey. Be careful of determination wrong. Actually, you can write like this below.

THOSE ARE OBTAINED FROM CIRCUMSTANCES IN TWO DISTINCT YEARS; 2003 AND 2013.


Avoid mentioning the percentage in the overview. It is going to seem as detailed information.

This below is the offering overview.
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE MOST SIGNIFICANT IN THE ONLINE SALES WAS REVEALED BY THE SECTOR OF FILM AND MUSIC. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE PERCENTAGES OF BOTH BOOKS AND THE FILM SALES EXPERIENCED A SUBSTANTIAL INCREASE, THE OTHER SECTORS DECLINED MARKEDLY.

A closer look at your body paragraph reveals that you failed to get all prompts. Keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not listing the data. You managed the data safely. Actually, you have to group the data to be guided to comparisons. These below are the examples.

INITIALLY, THE FIGURE OF THE TRAVEL SUCCESSFULLY COMMANDED THIS CIRCUMSTANCE, REPRESENTING MORE THAN A THIRD OF THE TOTAL. MEANWHILE, A RECORD AS THE LOWEST PROPORTION WAS BROKEN BY THE SECTOR OF THE BOOKS WHEREAS IT STATED VIRTUALLY A FIFTH OF ALL SELLING.

Hopefully, it can help you to enhance your ability.
Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Online sales in retail sector between 2003 and 2013 [4]

Hello Mrs. Dhyllah
Here are my thoughts for yours. check it out
The pie chart presents INFORMATION about the percentage of e-commerce sales which was sold by retailer between 2003 and 2013


It actually did not describe as the fluctuation trend. Be careful to decide the condition of the figure. Your score can fall down if it does not give description appropriately. I offer an alternative overview.

OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE MOST SIGNIFICANT IN THE ONLINE SHOPPING IS SHOWED BY THE SECTOR OF FILM AND MUSIC. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE PERCENTAGES OF BOTH BOOKS AND THE FILM SALES WITNESSED A MARKED INCREASE, THE OTHER SECTORS DECLINED CONSIDERABLY.

You are supposed to remember that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. You can separate overview to 2 sentences to comply that.

Turning to the body paragraph, you have not succeeded to cover all of the prompts. Actually, your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures. However, you play safely. You only described one by one figure. Well, you can get the point, but the high score will be difficult to be obtained. Make you sure that you can pass that before you upload.

I suggest you read the examples. As many as you read those, you will master this as soon as possible.
Keep Fighting
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Your Body is My Canvas [6]

Hi Alam..
These are my thoughts for your summary.

Painting is the kind of art that usually painted S (You are supposed to be consistent for using the same tense. This is a fact and here should demonstrate simple present)the an object on the a canvas (Object and Canvas you mind are general things. You cannot include article "the" if you did not mention the previous sentence) . But HOWEVER (here you should write a transitive word) , there is a new method that painted TO PAINT (Make you sure what you write is what you mind) directly on top of the object, ...

It skipS (VERB AGREEMENT) the canvas, so it needS to paint PAINTING all of the body of AS THE object: ear, feet, clooth CLOTH that used by THE object. (You need comma, not period) And make it fully ...

In this way, it be IS able to take a three-dimensional ...
It cameS up by A new idea from a woman ...
... found when she IS so exCited and fascinated by light and shadow. That is A REASON why she have HAS an idea to combine ...

Note: I hope those can help you to improve your skill. As many as you practice, you will master that as soon as possible.
Keep Fighting
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The brief life of Circus from ancient world in Romans [4]

Hi Mr. Fatta.
I am delighted to read your summary because you have demonstrated the positive progress. I really appreciate your effort. In this moment, let me finalize yours.

We HE was A skilled rider who invented stunt ...
... acrobats, and a parade of trained TRAINING animals.

Note: Make you sure there needs to Infinitive or gerund. For example

trained animals

, it is actually converted to gerund or you write noun.
OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB
KEEP SPIRIT
GOOD LUCK.

Writing Feedback / Some editors have a great deal of consideration before broadcasting news on television or newspaper [5]

Hi Aris Indra.
Let me help you to finalize your essay. In this moment, I wanna focus on contents of yours. Check it out my notes.

I really appreciate your effort to describe an introduction paragraph. You can paraphrase the statement successfully. I only add a few words to make it clearly

However, I believe that the good news should be much more reporting than the bad news by THE EDITORS IN THOSE TWO MEDIUMS.
Why I mentioned two mediums is because you can review reasons why the editor has to do that on the television in the first body paragraph and the newspaper at the second body. Following that, you can include your position or opinion at the last sentence in each body paragraph. It is well-known as a concession.

Actually, you can directly describe both in one paragraph. However, if we see the statement detailed, there is a word "AND" ( what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers). It is a minor keyword to decide the edge of your explanation. Keep in your mind, on condition that you wanna get score more than 6, you are supposed to address all parts of the task.

Apart from that, you should harness linking words properly to make your flow in the essay well. For example,


CONSEQUENTLY, when the news...
It can help the readers to get your flow. Pay attention to the proper transitive words

Overall, you have demonstrated the positive progress.
Practice more and more.
You can master this more and more.
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Summary TED Willie Smits: Samboja Lestari [4]

Hi Fajeri.
These are my thoughts about your summary.

Samboja Lestari is a small village, located on the East coast of Borneo, about 35 km FROM north of ...
Samboja Lestari, East Borneo, IS(Make you sure that you have one main verb in a sentence) one of the places for ...
... babies in Samboja Lestari but it is ARE(Pay attention to verb agreement) horrible because it is proof of CAUSED BY our failing FAILURE to save them in the wild.

... for western countries is what is causing CAUSES these problems. When THE deforestation was (...), it will be creating GENERATING CO2 volcanoes that are emitting so much CO2.

Note: Be careful of verb agreement because it is essential in grammar measurement. Besides that, make you sure what you write is what you mind. Focus on the meaning of the original article or video.

I really believe you can show the better progress on condition that you wanna provide more time to practice again and again

Writing Feedback / Summary of TED Old books reborn as art (Brian Dettmer) [4]

Hi Ifan.
Here are my few suggestions to finalize your summary.

An obsolate OBSOLETE book could be engraved become ...
Brian Dattmer, An Chicago'S artist and sculptor, (...) his first creation which is(You should omit those) called "Allternate route to knowledge". According to his justification, he have HAS (Verb Agreement) simply collected either fascinating ...

Furtheremore FURTHERMORE, he sealS the edge of it with a thick vernish VARNISH ​to make it solid ...
Many kindS of books which have been craved (...) artwork such as THEbook of Raphael'S paintings who is WHICH HAS BEEN WRITTEN BY A Renaissance artist, THE traditional books, ensiclopedia ENCYCLOPEDIA, THE mechanics book, and even THE dictionary.

... perfectly formed by utilizing A knife and hold it by clamps and ropes.
... books have been trasformed TRANSFORMED into perfect art.

One of the major mistakes is misspelling. Please, pay attention about that.
I really believe you can master this skill on condition that you wanna need much time to practice more and more.
Keep spirit
Good Luck.

Undergraduate / "How did you first learn about Rice University, and what motivated you to apply?" - Essay Qustions [2]

Hello..
These are my thoughts about your grammar

... colleges I was about 12 YEARS OLD. Obviously I didn't DID NOT (Avoid using contractions in the formal writing) know a lot about (...) in a college, (Do not put comma) but I was fascinated by...

But HOWEVER, (Here should be a linking word) I soon found out that Rice ...


That is really complex so that readers get confused to get the point of meaning in your writing.

I'm I AM mostly looking forward to ...
The tour guide, while she wasn't WAS NOT an architecture major herself...
I feel like that's THAT IS awesome that others from all ...
They also were helping each other out and while I'm I AM sure they were a little ...

GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 - in some countries, secondary schools aim to [3]

Hi Rosa.
See u again. In this moment, I will review contents of your writing. Let me help you. Please, you detect my notes and deal with them

Turning to the introduction, you have only written a sentence in a paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. Actually, you can explore your idea to describe the statement of text above. Besides that, you can include your position about those two perspectives.


MEANWHILE, THERE IS AN OPPOSITE OPINION THAT THE SCHOOLS.................. BASED ON COMPARING THE OPINIONS, I AM LIKELY TO DECIDE THE GOAL WANTING TO BE ACHIEVED.


please, you avoid the linking word twice.


You don't move explaining another topic if you don't review the previous topic yet. It has needed the supporting statement to strengthen your opinion. If you don't, it will seem like a layman's opinion.


Avoid using he/ she in the writing. It will make your writing seem informal.


Pay attention to the collocation of your verb. FOCUS ON.
I have found that you frequently have fallen the same mistake.


A VALUABLE EXPERIENCE


be careful of using comma or period. It is supposed to be comma.


DEPENDS ON--------------whether---------- V1+s


CREATES ---------(Verb Agreement)


THE CULINARY WORLD


BOTH OF THE APPROPRIATE SYSTEMS


DISTINGUISH. Make you sure what you write is what you mind.
In the conclusion paragraph, you are supposed to write the suggestion to be a consideration for the readers

I really believe you will show the better progress next term
Keep spirit
Good LUCK

Happy writing
------------------

Writing Feedback / Athletes are obliged to train their skills and focus not only to the muscles or body movements [4]

Below are my view about your summary. Check it out

... their skills and focus ON not only to the muscles or body movements but also to the rapidity and accuracy visual. The rapidity and accuracy visual is ARE an imperative activity ACTIVITIES needed to support the performance ...

... called as peripheral vision, which is an area WHICH looks indistinct at the time WHEN we focus to ON a point.
... be able to focus to ON a THE point and scan the peripheral ...
Even a blinking action interfereS the athlete's focus (...) getting anxious, because it creates ...

Note: You have to pay attention to collocation for verbs. Focus relates to ON, not to. It can know and memorize naturally if you always read the articles. As many as you read them, you can enrich your vocabularies. I appreciate your effort because you have known importance o the conjunction. However, you have to understand meaning of your sentences well so that you can recognize where the conjunction is located appropriately.

OVERALL, YOU HAVE SHOWN THE BETTER PROGRESS. I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR ENDEAVOUR. KEEP FIGHTING.
HAPPY WRITING

Writing Feedback / Writting Task 1 the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in ten years [2]

Hi Shandy..
I am delighted to read your writing. In this moment, let me help you to finalize yours. These are my notes. I hope you are able to deal with them.


IS DEPICTED IN TWO PIE CHARTS..
you are supposed to use simple present because you explain a fact.


MEANWHILE, ONLY THE PERCENTAGE OF PETROLEUM
In the writing, you have to harness proper linking word to make it interesting. Apart from that, keep in your mind that each paragraph has to have at least 3 sentences. I suggest you include the overview in the introduction paragraph. It will seem more systematic.

The biggest HIGHEST (avoid using the biggest in the writing task 1 because it generally is written in the task2 ) production of energy was presented ...

... illustrated an upward trend, the different position REVERSE TREND was shown by petro. Instead, It plunged considerably TO approximately 10 percent (...) it was almost THE same figure as THE gas having the enormous rise.

Overall. Good Job
Keep spirit
Happy Writing
---------------

Writing Feedback / Five - second rule revealed (summary) [3]

Hi Husnul..
These are my thoughts to finalize your writing. Please, you meet my note and tackle them


EVERYONE
Be careful of misspelling. That is one of the major mistakes in writing. Besides that, you should give introduction before you review the contents of the article which you have read. For example:

THIS SUMMARY IS EXTRACTED FROM AN ARTICLE PUBLISHED ON news.nationalgeographic.com IN SEPTEMEBER 2016. ITS ORIGINAL TITLE IS................................

food or plenty of bacteriA WHICH attack it. All moms over the world seems to teach their children to ...
... no scientific explanation about FOR it.

According to BASED ON A RESEARCH FOUND BY A food scientist, Paul Dawson, how fast (...) depends on the kinds of the surface which is hit and the food itself.

This can be improved on condition that you harness linking words properly. The linking words will help readers to understand the summary better. It also helps readers to move from the topic to another topic. I believe you can show the positive progress if you wanna practice more and more.

Keep Spirit
GOOD JOB..
^_^

Writing Feedback / Successful performance is not merely physics, it's also a multitude combination of supporting skills [3]

Hi Dhyla..
These are a few suggestions for you to finalize this summary
Check my notes and deal with them

... merely about physical predictors, BUT (you cannot merge some sentences without the conjunction) it also about a multitude ...
One significant skill can be refers REFERRED to visual ability.

THE Peripheral vision enables the athletes ...
THE Peripheral vision involves the ability ...
A simple example of THE peripheral vision (...) and stay bringING to notice the position of ...

Note: This is a good job. I really appreciate your effort because this is free of the major errors, and I can get the points. However, you are supposed to reread more times before you upload the summary so that you are able to reduce your mistakes.

Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Contrasting of energy production in France between 1995 and 2005 [2]

The pie charts shows compareS kinds of energy THE PERCENTAGES OF FOSSIL FUELS PRODUCED in Ff rance between 1995 and 2005 in TWO DISTINCT YEARS; 1995 ADN 2005. Overall the highest energy had been coal and the lowest was other steam. OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE RATE OF THE PETROLEUM DECLINED CONSIDERABLY IN THE LAST TIMELINE, WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF OTHER FIGURES EXPERIENCED A REVERSE TREND IN THE SAME PERIOD. FURTHERMORE, THE COAL STILL BECAME THE ENERGY PRIORITIZED.

According TO THE charts, THE highest type potency IN both years was coal, REPRESENTING VIRTUALLY AT more than a third OF THE PROPORTION , while the minority was other sources ONLY at 4.90% ONE-SIXTHS AS MUCH. The highest in 1995 was coal, less than a third ONE-THIRDS (Avoid repetition) and the smallest RATE was nuclear at 6.40%...

That above is a good job because you have got the point of prompts. I appreciate your effort because you have been brave to make comparisons amongst figures.

As many as you read examples of the writing task 1, you are going to understand key points of the writing task 1. I really believe you can find the sense of writing task 1.

You can master this quickly on condition that you wanna need much time to practise more and more.

Writing Feedback / The least popular transportation chosen by the workers is cycling or walking [4]

Hi Kiki.
These are my thoughts about your writing. In this moment, I only focus on content of your introduction. I hope you can meet my notes and deal with them.


You should paraphrase this because this is identic with origin statement.
THE TABLE REVEALS HOW CITIZENS IN HOUSTON GO TO WORK BASED ON SOME GROUPS OF AGE. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE LEVEL OF EMISSIONS RELEASED BY A FEW TRANSPORTS IS PRESENTED IN THE BAR CHART.

You should offer the overview of your writing in the first paragraph. The overview is one of essential elements in the writing. Due to having limited time, you are supposed to write that in the first paragraph. You cannot get the score more than 6 if you do not write the overview.

This is the alternative overview.
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT ONLY FEW TRAVELLERS WALK OR CYCLE GOING TO A WORKPLACE, WHILE THE CARS WITH HAVING ONE PASSENGER BECOME THE MOST POPULAR AS THE TRANSPORT TO TRAVEL TO OFFICE. ON THE ONE HAND, OWING TO REACHING THE HIGHEST RATE, THE CARS HAVING A DRIVER SOLELY AND NO PASSENGERS GENERATE THE EMISSIONS WITH THE GREATEST PROPORTION.

You are able to achieve the higher score on condition that you have a bravery to compare the figures. There is the statement that one of the task responses is comparing the data.

As many as you read examples of the writing task 1, you can understand better and get the sense of the writing task 1.
Keep spirit.
GOOD LUCK.

Writing Feedback / Men are more likely to sign up for the fitness membership, than women - according to the bar chart [3]

Hi Aris..
These are my thoughts to finalize your writing. I hope these can help you to improve your skill.


REGISTERING AS THE FITNESS MEMBERSHIP BASED ON GENDER FROM 1970 TO 2000.
(You should mention essential information like the gender because you will review detailed in the body paragraph.


THE MALE MEMBERS SUCCESSFULLY BROKE A RECORD AS THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF THE FITNESS MEMBERSHIP.


IN THE BEGINNING PERIOD, THE RATE OF THE MALE MEMBERS COMMANDED AT 2,000 PEOPLE WHILE THE FEMALE ONLY STATED AT A HALF AS MUCH.

If you wanna get the high score, you are supposed to compare amongst figures. One of the task responses for writing task 1 is comparing the data so that it seems interesting to be reviewed.

I am sure you have been able to show the better progress if you practice more and more.
As many as you read examples of the writing task 1, you can get the sense of that.
Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The incredible trips of Bird Migration [4]

Hi Mr. Patta.
These are my suggestions for your summary.

According to A passage, migration is commonly movement ...
THE Birds WHICH do migration has HAVE responded to the biological ...
The most of birds' migration take place ...
Approximately amount six to eighth EIGHT hours

Note: I am surprised when I read your summary. Honestly, you have shown the better progress. This is free of major mistakes. It is an amazing change. However, I suggest you a few to improve your skill. You should harness proper linking words to guide readers from the topic to another topic. Besides that, you are supposed to reread some times to make sure that like your mind. It can help you to correct verb agreement before you upload.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB
KEEP SPIRIT
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Many birds migrating very long distances to breed and feed their youngsters [3]

Hi Bams.
These are my thoughts for finalizing your summary


where is your main verb? Mr. Bams, you are supposed to remember that each sentence has to have one main verb.


This is messy enough. You have to keep the meaning of original resource.
THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT TYPES OF THE MIGRATION, THE TIME FOR BREEDING AND FEEDING NESTLINGS.


Avoid repetition. For MANY, you can use (a large number of, a great number of, plenty of ). Make it variation.

Bams, you should review more and more your summary before you upload to make what you mind is what you mind. Sometimes, I cannot get the point of your summary

keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / After Africa's Sahara Desert, the next great desert is Taklimakan Desert [2]

Hi Rosa..
This is my vantage point about this summary

... Desert which the ITS width can be ...
In an intolerable area which the ITS temperature is unstable and changeS dramatically, have HAS a high saltine (...), SO the plants can probably found FIND only at a transitional zone where ...

An array of plants who WHICH thrive in such conditions include (...) Alhagi sparsifolia have HAS been defending with ...
The coping methods are IS (Its verb agreement refers to COPING) ; drawing in as much ...

Note: Rosa, you have shown positive progress. I believe you can master this skill if you wanna improve some notes. Pay attention to Verb Agreement. I have seen that you get confused when you face between HAVE and HAS. On the one hand, you have to remember that the MODALS always pair with V1. Apart from that, you are supposed to review your summary more and more before you upload to make you what you write is what you mind. I cannot find the way to understand the last sentence in this summary because you created the complex sentence, but you slipped the actual meaning.

Keep spirit.
GOOD LUCk

Writing Feedback / Great increase of fish consumption in China from 600 grams/person/week in 1995 to 850 grams in 2010 [4]

Hi Bams..
These are my thoughts about your writing task 1. Meet my notes and review them.


Mr. Bams, I suggest you add one sentence in the overview. Each good paragraph has more than 2 sentences so that you can strive to create two sentences for the overview. This is my alternative overview.

OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT FISH HAD BEEN ALWAYS THE MOST POPULAR, CONSUMED BY CITIZENS IN CHINA. MOREOVER, WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF SALT HAD FALLEN MARKEDLY, OTHER FIGURES HAD WITNESSED A REVERSE TREND.

On condition that you wanna get the score more than 6, you have to make comparisons amongst figure. One of essential elements to achieve the high score is answering the prompt about the comparison of the figures.

I have counted words in this. In fact, its number is on 150 words. Be careful because it is at edge of the number of words. I suggest you strive to write the writing task 1 170-185 words. It will seem that you limit ideas. I believe you can develop that in the next term.

There were intresting INTERESTING phenomena showed by THE chart, In 2010 THE fish consumption dramatically increaseD approxiamtely BY APPROXIMATELY 250 850 from 600 in 1995, while THE salt consumption decreaseD in 2010 around 200 and meat consumption improve GREW TO 200 in 2010.

Salt consumption constant declined years -by-years from 480 in 1985 to 200 in 2010, it was showed THAT china's citizens ...
Meat consumption double improves ESCALATED from 100 (...) it was descr ibed people in china ...

Pay attention to misspelling..

GOOD LUCK