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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 351)

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Brown "advice" essay - Pickle Time

4 - it's about what the pickle symbolizes it's redundant to say this.. Take this part out.. And I...

Undergraduategumdrop41 - Dec 28, 2009 / joosunggrace - Dec 28, 2009
MUN delegate, George Washington University- Supplement Essay

3 - An hour-and-a-half hour later, I dismiss my students for recess, and our soccer game continues... Keep that verb...

Undergraduatejoosunggrace - Dec 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
a robotics club in my school - Tell us about a time you used your creativity.

3 - ...and together we properly organized a club that we named Quasics (short for quantum physics). With the invaluable...

Undergraduateyatindrahp - Dec 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
"Nursing degree" - all they want is a simple response on academic goals?

12 - Thanks!!!...

Undergraduatebonitachica - Dec 28, 2009 / bonitachica - Jan 2, 2010
USC Essay + NYU Short answers critique

12 - Are you talking about the essay about epilepsy? It will answer the prompt if you end the first or...

UndergraduateAIRanimechiic - Dec 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Stanford Supplements: short answers plus Why Stanford

8 - Profile questions? For Stanford the supplements restrict the short ones to 300 characters and 1800 for the short answer....

UndergraduateJuniper_Jumper - Dec 28, 2009 / Juniper_Jumper - Dec 31, 2009
What don't you know?

3 - Ha ha, I love all of it, and this part is the best. It is such great writing....

Undergraduatekeilinger - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
U of Illinois transfer application essay: Academic interests

6 - lol thanks for that. put a smile on my face that you actually felt compassion for me. I'll look...

Undergraduatefightingillini - Dec 27, 2009 / fightingillini - Dec 28, 2009
"best advice you have been given, and why?" - Brown Supplement

5 - Just a heads up - your essay was great, but I hear that admissions offices tend to reject essays...

Undergraduateloveyelledno - Dec 27, 2009 / Katlynedwards - Jan 3, 2010
Common App Essay: "Franny and Zooey"

5 - WOW! I thoroughly enjoyed this essay! This is the type of essay that interests me. You took something that...

Undergraduatewhitepolarbear - Dec 27, 2009 / CobraRose - Dec 28, 2009
"Grace, what do you want to be?" BROWN Essay: PLME essay (no word count limit)

8 - I think that the quote is good, but it could really be shortened. Maybe try using something that your...

Undergraduatejoosunggrace - Dec 27, 2009 / LewisClark13 - Dec 28, 2009
Emotional, multicultural, and optimist - My BU Essay

5 - It seems nicer if we make all three words adjectives: ...use just three words they are emotional, multicultural, and...

Undergraduatenewsdrms - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
NYU Supplement - famous New Yorker, year 2050, short poem

15 - alright, well i already wrote about ayn rand lol so this is what i got for a famous new...

Undergraduatelekha - Dec 27, 2009 / lekha - Dec 29, 2009
fantastic academic programs - Stanford Essay-Why Stanford?

4 - Choose the one that will give you the most access to and experience with both. You can do...

UndergraduateNeoGeo - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
UChicago - (Extended Essay) Outgrowing Being Short

7 - The revisions allowed it to evolve. Try to find other ways where you can show more about you....

Undergraduateluminousx - Dec 27, 2009 / jyu104 - Dec 28, 2009
MIT - significant challenge or something that didn't go according to plan

3 - Hmmm, yes, I think what luminous might have meant was: My friends and I share many common ideas and...

Undergraduateyatindrahp - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
"a Team-Player", Boston describe me in 3 words.

5 - You can make it shorter by taking out this part. It is so much bragging! Bragging is never...

Undergraduatemomoboy92 - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Stanford Intellectual Vitality Supplement Essay-String Theory

5 - Ahh the famous Brian Greene! I'm applying to Columbia :) The essay is flawless. Just one thing, if I...

Undergraduatesonrisa247 - Dec 27, 2009 / poisonivy - Dec 28, 2009
"Sindoor": Why Mac? Supplemental Essay for Macalester College

7 - Everything that comes before this is so confusing! It is because you are a little mysterious at the...

Undergraduatevanitashaz - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Kosovo, MIT world you come from?

6 - I think you need to refer to it this way (as the star that you orbit) again at...

Undergraduatemjellma - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Common App Essay on Mount Kinabalu, Sabah

9 - I also like the originality of the essay. However, I felt like I was reading a book rather than...

Undergraduatesixfoottall - Dec 27, 2009 / cheetah777 - Dec 31, 2009
University of Chicago Essay - A dream about lakes, bridges, and The Box

3 - ahh, thank you very much! you gave me a lot of valid points (and fixed my grammatical errors, yayy)...

Undergraduatecolorfuloving - Dec 27, 2009 / colorfuloving - Dec 28, 2009
BU: how became interested?

11 - BU has a lot of international students....

Undergraduateangie127 - Dec 27, 2009 / angie127 - Dec 29, 2009
I was completely ignored by Freshman Mentor; COMMON APP

19 - I'm confused about this part. If you earned good grades, why did he need to show concern about...

Undergraduateemorris - Dec 27, 2009 / jampamz - Jan 3, 2010
Common App Essay - London Business Trip

2 - Despite the many people who did not believe I could succeed... Okay, I think you should cut out...

Undergraduateraluca - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 29, 2009
Freedom of speech, alternative energy, northwestern supplement essay - why NU?

4 - How fascinating that you thought a larger class size was a good thing. That makes the essay really interesting....

Undergraduateseattlelite - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Northwestern essay: unique qualities of Northwestern....

3 - This is a bit long. I remember that the NU essay has a 500 word limit. The essay is...

Undergraduatesckergrl101 - Dec 27, 2009 / Tictac8 - Dec 27, 2009
Common App Activity Essay-----FBLA; 'The ten of us intently traded glances'

5 - that compels me to participate in my school's Future Business Leaders of America your paragraph is well written. i...

Undergraduatertgrove123 - Dec 27, 2009 / demuredelight - Dec 27, 2009
Impact of Tennis - Common App Essay

3 - Playing and watching sports has always been my passion. Tennis was my first love as I was growing up...

Undergraduatemdtennis92 - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
"to change my mindset" - Tufts University supplement essays

3 - You spend too much time at the beginning talking about how you like all kinds of music. Everybody says...

Undergraduateepirote901 - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
why tufts - strong psychology department

6 - What do those skeptics prefer... the "hard" sciences? Some people call psych a "soft" science, because it is so...

Undergraduatemmmargarita - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Stanford- Intellectually Engaging- Dogs brain

3 - This is a really interesting idea for an essay! I think it is going to turn out really well!...

Undergraduatetchonis05 - Dec 27, 2009 / medelman2010 - Dec 28, 2009
our trip to Costa Rica, Essay topic: evaluating a significant experience

5 - I think it can work for both, and I think that in both cases it is important to write...

Undergraduatealiyoung8143 - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Cornell College of Engineering Essay

2 - I think your whole first paragraph is too general and it should be cut. I really like your paragraph...

Undergraduatealphacat92 - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 28, 2009
NYU Supplement - Multiple Prompts + Topic Ideas

12 - Those who studied calculus Tried to be miraculous... I was thinking of that for the meter... Ha...

UndergraduateSignifica - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
'The Grameen Bank' - Stanford Supplement - Intellectual Vitality

5 - Ok, so I had this thought but I wasn't sure if I should include it. I was thinking...

Undergraduatedanielhe - Dec 27, 2009 / danielhe - Dec 28, 2009
U Chicago Supplements: Something you have outgrown and Why chicago?

3 - When I thought of a modern day chemist, I had often visualized a smartly-gowned scientist with the famous hair...

Undergraduatekiwi90 - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Help with my Pratt personal statement. (Graphic design)

2 - Art has always been a passion of mine. When I was no older than five I would keep myself...

UndergraduateShelbieSam - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Susan - Dec 28, 2009
math, science, or engineering, CalTech Interest Essay

3 - I think you could say all of this in half the amount of words you used. Don't use...

Undergraduatebirthdayattackr - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
How can you answer the what you can contribute to upenn supplement

16 - thanks alot here Zahra, here is my updated version of hte upenn essay, any comments(will be turning in by...

Undergraduatesrandhawa - Dec 27, 2009 / srandhawa - Dec 31, 2009
'I didn't get sick' - NYU Supplements- my summer vacation was...

8 - I think you add more description to make it sound more interesting and use language a bit more creatively...

UndergraduateEmmerz - Dec 27, 2009 / lekha - Dec 28, 2009
Poverty and lack of education in Kosovo - personal, local, international concern

4 - Kosovo, a tiny dot in any geographical map, is the country I come from. As the newest country in...

Undergraduatemjellma - Dec 27, 2009 / luminousx - Dec 27, 2009
Ithaca Answer FOR WHY I'VE CHOSEN BIOLOGY MAJOR

NEW - Here is the question: Please note briefly the reason(s) you selected the academic program to which you seek admission....

UndergraduateJd87rh - Dec 27, 2009 / — -
an excellent liberal arts education and the choice - Cornell CAS Essay

4 - The first paragraph is confusing, but I figured out the way to fix it!: I was in my own...

Undergraduateapplesandtea - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Cal Tech Essay-Interests in Engineering!

5 - Number agreement: can take my abstract ideas and turn them into concrete realities. Your intro is excellent writing;...

Undergraduateletsgetfroyo - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
"Generous toward international students" - Swarthmore essay - Why Swarthmore?

3 - Thanks, you helped me a lot. I wrote it like that to emphasize how much I changed my...

UndergraduateCermi - Dec 27, 2009 / Cermi - Dec 27, 2009
Common app Activity essay - international event

9 - I agree with past comments that this seems like awkward wording.Perhaps try "Waking up at 6 AM and...

Undergraduatepoisonivy - Dec 27, 2009 / stars11 - Dec 31, 2009
"Community and Equity as a battey and its charger" - Lehigh supplement

5 - A comma is necessary in this kind of sentence: ...without the battery the charger has no meaning, and without...

Undergraduateaikd80cn - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
my funky shoes - COMMON APP ESSAY. thoughts?

7 - Thank you so so much. I can finally go to sleep. Go into the new year knowing that you've...

Undergraduateyikescollege - Dec 27, 2009 / yikescollege - Jan 1, 2010
"Setting Werther Free"--Common App Essay

10 - I feel like this essay and the other Bates essay go hand in hand. This, as well, was an...

Undergraduatepmurray62 - Dec 27, 2009 / marycornell - Dec 31, 2009
Stanford "Intellectual Vitality" Essay about Dementia

4 - Here are some corrections. I didn't remove the second paragraph just because I believe it ties it to the...

Undergraduatespak417 - Dec 27, 2009 / spak417 - Dec 30, 2009
History with neuroscience - Brown PLME

3 - I love the beginning, but I have to challenge you to do an operation on that first paragraph. Right...

Undergraduatepbhat - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Grandfather's Influence - Princeton Supplement

5 - I think this a really good essay. The wording and fluency is pretty good. I did think the start...

Undergraduateeskape - Dec 27, 2009 / tchonis05 - Dec 27, 2009
elaborate an activity - Red Cross First Aid Course -

6 - Excellent explanation. =) It shows a lot about you. It might be better to show rather than tell how...

Undergraduateaikd80cn - Dec 27, 2009 / garfunkel129 - Dec 29, 2009
"Alzheimer" QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS - JHU major essay

21 - thanks guys! I just submit them :)...

Undergraduatepoisonivy - Dec 27, 2009 / poisonivy - Jan 1, 2010
page 217 - man on the plane

8 - oh, that part is actually 100% true. my grandmother tells me that story like, once a week. i'm not...

Undergraduateowls - Dec 27, 2009 / owls - Dec 27, 2009
nyu supplement - gatsby and summer

6 - Eh, I mean, I personally think NYU will get it. They asked what I did over the summer and...

Undergraduateowls - Dec 27, 2009 / owls - Dec 27, 2009
mica - artwork changing perception

2 - We don't all see the same way, I'm sure of that, but I want to know to what extent...

Undergraduateowls - Dec 27, 2009 / SkittleRose - Dec 27, 2009
What would you choose to do over and what changes would you make?

4 - Ha ha, at first, I did not realize you meant the organization of your essay. I thought you...

Undergraduatedaft123 - Dec 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 3, 2010
Cornell CAS Essay- Finding Nemo

5 - I greatly enjoyed reading this essay! I think it is a great analogy to use Finding Nemo. Your transitions...

Undergraduatetiliu - Dec 27, 2009 / CobraRose - Jan 4, 2010

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