Writing Feedback / Suzanne Barakat: Islamophobia Killed My Brother. Let's End The Hate [4]

Hi Muhammad, I'd like to share a few insights for your essay;

-In this video, Suzanne Barakat in this TED video
- shared about her experiencedin life.
- ForIn the beginning of her speech,
- she was introduced by her brother to the audiences ,
- who passed away a couple of years ago
- becausehe was murdered by her neighbor.
- I thinkbelieve it was a very interesting speech
- because she tried to encourage the audiences for standing upto share their hatredwith her against hate onthe Muslims .
- She toldshared that in her environment,
- extremely hate with Muslimspeople .
- Furthermore, she said that in three years ago,
- her house got couple of bulletshas been gunned down
- but the condition was unchangeddid not change .
- She's always got bullying frombullied by her neighbor

There you have it Muhammad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / The choice for some people is to be happy from an early age [3]

Hi Andika, here's another one from my end;

- The choice for some people to be happy from early age
- until end of their age. For example,maturity has been studied from
- the teenagers activities all the way they do activities untilto their old age to
- see what and how can people can stay happy and healthy.

Andika, as I go through editing the essay, I started a little bit confused and honestly, it stayed this way for the entire length of the essay. You see,one thing that is very confusing in your essay is the fact that, the structure is not very logical and the strength of the ideas are so put together in a way that is quiet confusing and not necessarily in conjunction to the idea or the message that you are trying to send to your readers. Having said that, I made a few starting points of revision as you can see above and I hope you follow through, I wish to review the final draft soon.

Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the information about the proportion of captives in several nations [4]

Hi Andika, please find a few suggestions below to strengthen your essay.

- A breakdown of the information abouton the proportion of crime
- punishments in several nations over the 50 year period is shown in the graph below , it is measured byin thousands
- is illustrated in the bar chart .
- in others nations .
- Also, USA numbers was by far the highest rate in 1980.

- Great Britain was by farhas the most significant
- changed in the first 20-years.
- In contrastOn the contrary ( contrast - is for colors / contrary - is for ideas ) ,
- The fluctuatedfluctuating trend was
- seen inwith Canada offenders.
- ... and Australia stayed with the same of proportions by ...

There you have it Andika, as you can see there are only minor corrections that needs to be done in order to strengthen your analysis, however, it will be great if this corrections will be corrected properly before submission.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task TED Summary Holly Morris, nuclear accident in Chernobyl [4]

Hi Dioba, here's another one from my end.

- was happened and released nuclear radiation 400 times
- as much asmore radiation than
- The accident was occurred in Chernobyl.
- city because of the leak of the nuclear reactor ...
- air arewas categorized as the ...
- one in our hemisphere.
- Holly Morris, as a TED speaker, was tried to filming the accident
- of the Chernobyl.
- She found strange facts about the area thatwhere a vast of people
- Almost all of them are women and
- theythere lives in dangerous areaare in danger .
- For the victim of this tragedy, they suffered higher levels
- depression all their lives. But, however, for self-settlers, their spirit and existence of them keep their spirits alivefor their life .

There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
For future writing reference, mind the minor details on your sentences, remember, the sentences makes up the idea of the entire essay so you have to be very cautious.I wish to review your final essay soon.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Hundreds More Species than We Thought Might Be Endangered [3]

Hi Asmawati, below are my thoughts for your summary essay.

- is found in most parts of Colombia and Ecuador,
- and isit's almost extinct.
- According to the satellite data of elevation
- advise is to rethink in classifying the populations.
- then examined the changes in the forest covering in those areas.
- According to the email from the teams about
- there are contrastcontrary notions between the teams,
- whichwhere the classification was incorrect

There you have it Asmawati, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, for future writing reference, you have to strengthen your sentences and make sure that you have your ideas alined and as this is a summary essay, focus on the details of the essay, be careful in collaborating and summarizing ideas, make sure that you don't sacrifice the idea and the message of the essay, keep your sentences clear and your words simple as you can, in order to ensure clarity and understanding and should you need additional help, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / The Republic of China: A state-backed up a firm that is developing a gigantic space ship [4]

HI Dioba, here's another one from my end.

- Nowadays,the Republic of China
- A state-backed up a firm that is developing a gigantic space planeship .
- This space planeship can fly up to more than 20 passengers
- to the sky space -
- spaceflight firm hasever pledged to fly to date.
- Before its realizationrealized ,
- because almost all of the engineering tests havehas been finished
- The ChinaChinese Academy
- space planeship whose design can be scaled
- up to carry more people.
- offer six passengers trips to near- space, and XCOR,

There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance do let us know, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / A balance is required when covering news about celebrities and ordinary people [5]

Hi Miftah, it's great to hear from you and here at EF, you can be sure that we will be here whenever you need us and you don't even have to write a formal essay or answer a prompt, a draft will suffice an entry and practicing to write as often as you can is always a good way to develop your writing skills and with the help of contributors, students and writers here on EF are here to back you up.

For future writing reference however, mind the minor details of your sentences make sure that you include them in the essay and keep your sentences direct to the point while keeping it simple and easy to comprehend, it will also help if you use simple words, words that best describe your ideas, this way, you yourself understands the essay and you are able to convey your ideas to your readers, this is one of the most important aspect of writing.

I do wish to review more of your essays soon and should you have anything in mind at all, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / There are many troubles people can get when move to a new country [3]

Hi Huy, I believe this is the first review I'm going to share and as this is an analysis essay, it is important that you include the graph or the presentation of the information where the analysis is drawn from and this is exactly what you did here so this is very good.

Moving forward, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- The chart gives information abouton the difficulties
- that people have when ...
- There are differences about theof percentage
- when comparingcompared among age groups.

- The highest column in the chart is the problem
- in learning the local language offor old people over 55.
- to 54 suffering from the similar problem.
- It seemed that the number of people
- who havehas difficulties in learning
- the new language decreases according to the age.
- In fact, the bar corresponding to the youngest people is the lowest (at nearly 30 percent) .

There you have it Huy, I believe there are minor modifications needed to enhance your analysis, however, this minor details are important and they can affect the overall outcome of the analysis so it's better not to have this remarks and straighten them out immediately.

Writing Feedback / The level of customer satisfactory in the US when travelled with airplanes [3]

Hi Ifra, before I give you a few suggestions to modify and strengthen your essay, I must remind you of the importance of including the graph or the representation of the analysis, this will make sure that the review is accurate and also a proof of the analysis draft that you made so we can exhaust all there is to enhance your analysis.

- The bar chart shows the level of
- satisfactorysatisfied costumer in the US when
- travelled withtraveling on an airplanes and the
- table gives information abouton the percentage
- of satisfactorysatisfaction aspect in flying experience
- at surveys induring 1999, 2000, and 2007.
- Overall, most of costumerswasare fascinated when ...
- whichthat experiencedhad an upward trend
- by the following survey years.
- The reason why people are attracted in flying experience
- wasis the courtesy offrom flight attendants

there you have it Ifra, I hope the above remarks and helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / There are many kinds of foods that attract attention people especially children to buy it. [5]

Hi Faiz, for this specific essay, it is not enough for you to just write Cambridge Book number, it would help if you include the title or the prompt, this will ensure that the reviews you are getting are accurate and you will be able to strengthen your essay even further.

Having said that, I have a few insights to help.

1st paragraph
- ... of foods that attract the attention of people especially
- It wasThis has been proven in my previous school,
- in the canteen, this day sellsthey sell more meals
- that have more types than in the pastbefore .
- ... the food stalls containsell unhealthy meals
- that often disturb theirresults to distraction of the study process.
- SoTherefore , I think it is important
- even the school officials must be selective
- especially the ones that are sold inside the school.

There you have it Faiz, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / A balance is required when covering news about celebrities and ordinary people [5]

Hi Miftah, as I go through your essay, I must say you have created a well written essay, you made sure that the words you choose are very easy to understand and this is one thing that some writers tend to neglect, as they say, keeping it simple is the best way to go, comprehension is one thing to consider when writing, so your message will be sent across as clear as possible.

Further to your essay, I have a few suggestions that will strengthen it.

- Some people believe celebrities,
- often reports the lives of celebrities' lives( the word "celebrities" does not need an apostrophe in it, it's the plural form of the word "celebrities") , which is gaining profits,however,

- I would argue that the media should cover both sides .
- Thus, the principal of media can be upheld.- I'm not sure what you mean by this sentence when you say, "the principal of media", please elaborate or rephrase"

There you have it Miftah, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, so far, the above remarks are my suggestions and I hope they are able to help you out in your revision.

Writing Feedback / Were customers satisfied using services from nation's major airlines in 1999, 2000, and 2007? [3]

Hi Nur, below are my thoughts on your essay and I hope they are valuable to your revision.

- The bar chart provides information abouton how
- satisfysatisfied the customers are in usingused the service
- from the nation's major airlines in 1999, 2000, and 2007.
- The table shows several factors that affectedaffects the customers' satisfaction of ...
- Overall, passengers'( the word "passengers", does not need an apostrophe, it is the plural form of the word "passenger" ) satisfaction
- Courtesy offrom the flight attendant
- wasis the most important aspect that affected customers' conveniencesatisfaction .
- There wasis an upward trend too infor each aspect each year.

- To start with, there wasis ( you are analyzing a graph so you have to choose the present tense and not the past tense )
- It wasis followed by a declining of unhappiness to 24 percent in 2007.

There you have it Nur, as you can see, the focus of this modification is your sentence construction and there is definitely some enhancements that needs to be done.

Writing Feedback / Healthy food is needed by school children to provide their ability to study effectively. [2]

Hi Ifra, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- School children need to eat Healthy food
- is needed by school childrenin order to
- provideexhaust their ability to study effectively.,
- Because food consumption is important for childrens growth.
- The quality of food will affect the children's brain.
- Both of parents and schoolsofficials are responsible to maintain and make sure that children's eat healthy food every day.

- They spentspend at least six hours at school.
- They must eat to improve their ability to getacquire knowledge.
- The ingredients of food are matters.
- provide their body with protein or milk to giveget
- calsiumcalciumto their body oras well as vegetables to make them even more healthy.
- become theis as an aspect to consider to make healthy meals.

There you have it Ifra, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision. Overall, the corrections are focused on the the choice of words you use in your sentences, they play a crucial part of your essay as this is how your idea come to be realized and understood by your readers.

Writing Feedback / Courtesy of flight attendants became a greater factor of air travel than courtesy of check- in/ gate [6]

HI Wily, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- The chart gives information abouton the percentage
- of customer's satisfaction rates about the result of work byfor the nation's major ...
- The table illustrates about the number of several factors
- of the flying experience causedthat results to satisfaction. - All of data are covered inThe data covers 1990, 2000 and 2007.
- ... increased slightly over the three-years period and
- the Courtesy offrom the flight attendants became a bigger factor
- of air travel than the courtesy extended by theof check-in/ gate agents over the three-years period, but the differentdifference between both
- aspects didis not that significant.

There you have it Wily, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last two paragraphs for you to practice editing yourself, following the modifications above.

Writing Feedback / Flying in the United States. How content were customers from the aircraft service there? [4]

Hi Faiz, below are my thoughts for your analysis.

- These two figuresBelow are representations of theprovide information
- abouton how much customer was satisfied
- are customers with aircraft service in ...
- In general,While the bar chart gives ina general perspective ,
- the table displays more specific information using some indicators.
- Overall, during the eight years period,
- In contrastOn the contrary , their
- Besides that, flight attendants' aspectsperformance became the highest ...

There you have it Faiz, as you can see there's still a lot more modification needed to be done in order to make your analysis stronger. For future writing reference, please make sure that you choose the right words to associate in your sentences as this affects the accuracy of your analysis.

Writing Feedback / People should require from their kids to have at least a basic experience in particular working area [3]

Hi Ivan, I believe this is the first time I'm going to review your essay and I hope they are valuable to your revision and you follow through with the suggested modifications.

As I read through the essay, I must say you have written a well managed essay, you have directed the prompt accordingly and you made sure that the words you choose are easy to comprehend, this also helps in making sure that your reader will understand the essay and the message that you are trying to send across to your readers.

However, I have a few suggestions for the last part of your essay.

- In conclusion, i think people should require from theirI believe kids should acquire theto have at least basic experience in particularof a working area,

before their graduation. This will make them not onlyencourage them to be more responsible and confident,
butand be even more independent ...

There you have Ivan, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Summary: The Homeschool Option - it is chosen by the most of families in United States [2]

Hi there, I have a few suggestions for your essay and I hope it is helpful.

- Homeschooling is chosen by the most of families in the - United States at approximately one million children.
- It can be found atis practiced in Japan, Taiwan,
- not a novelnoble idea:
- in contraston the contrary ( contrast - is for colors / contrary - is for ideas ) ,
- it is a relatively new practice of enrolling the
- homeschoolinghomeschoolfor their child's education way:especially if they live in rural area,
- arts,are often disgruntled to school available school .
- home-grownnational schools cannot
- whilst homeschooler are perhaps required only to follow common guidelines
- or even nonesome who doesn't have any guidelines at all.
- As a matter of fact, most of families keep their preferences
- it hasis more prevalent among parents.

There you have it, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the words that you use to associate in your sentences as this will have an impact in the overall outcome of the essay.

Writing Feedback / People's opinion toward several communication skills that were important to use in working [5]

Hi Nur, here's another one from my end and it starts with the title;

- The ImportantImportance of Communication Skills in Workingat Work

- ... information abouton the percentage
- ... 1997 and 2006 towards several
- wereare important to use inwhile working.
- ... the most important external communication externally
- ... internal communication wasis

- To begin with , four external communications
- wereare essential forwhen working in ...
- as the most important form of communication skill .
-Knowledge of a particular product or service washas a slight increase from 35 to 41 percent.
- It was the second largemostr essential part in dealing with people .
- wasis essential to
- apply inat work with an increasing of number between 36 and 39.

There you have it Nur, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your analysis essay and for future writing reference, do work on your sentence construction as seen above and I hope you follow through.

Writing Feedback / Governments should invest more in public services, but arts cannot be neglected [4]

HI Miftah, below are my thoughts on your essay with the focus on correcting your sentence construction.

- be paid on investmentinvesting in public services
- In my opinion,- this phrase is not necessary
- be entirely neglected by the government entirely .
- This is because the arts can entertain most people in many ways.

- .. arts cannot be separated into human lives.
- People need the arts in order to get entertained while
- with the expectation that these activities
- But, at the same timeHowever , people are not
- prepared when they have to pay high faresexpensive tickets to attend some shows.
- ThatThis is the primary reason
- why some of government investments should continue investing in the arts,

There you have it Miftah, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know so we can help you further.

Writing Feedback / The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. [3]

Hi Tanjin, I believe this is the first time that I'm giving you a review and I hope it will be valuable and even more so, useful to your revision. We aim to provide you the most accurate and credible feedback in order to modify and strengthen your essay.

Having said that, as I go through the essay, I believe, the first thing that you have to do is to to make sure that the presentation of the paragraphs will not look like you are trying to make them longer by creating short paragraphs, you can merge the 1st two paragraphs and the 3rd and the 4th as well as the 5th and the 6th, this way you will create 3 paragraphs that are better presented than the one you have with shorter paragraphs.

Overall, you have a well written essay, you managed to create a full standard writing, following the presentation of the introduction, the body and the conclusion. I do agree with you that the use of technology is accompanied with great responsibility.

Writing Feedback / Electronic media have a good effect for activities of people between another people. [3]

Hi Reski, here's another one from my end;

- In the past, electronic media is one of the things
- which do not muchthat is hard to find.
- People just communicate with send aby sending letter
- by posthrough post .
- But nowNowadays , electronic media becomes an
- important thing for theirpart of our life.
- In this time, electronic mediaIt consist of many
- and others .
- This situation make peoplemakes it easy to
- communicate whichwith other people.
- ButHowever, others have a view that,
- relationship in their life .

There you have it Reski, as you can see, there's still a lot of modifications to be done in your essay and I hope you follow through with the corrections and for future writing reference, mind the format or the sentence construction that you compose in your essay as this will affect the overall outcome.

Scholarship / SYNOPSIS ON GENERAL MEDICINE AND HOW THE COURSE WILL ENHANCE MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE NATION. [3]

Hi Branchie, I belive this is your first time here on EF, WELCOME to the Team and I hope you find this website to be helpful and valuable to your writing projects. We strive to provide you with the most effective and relevant feedback that will hopefully enhance your essay.

Having said that, please find some suggestions below;

- General Medicine is a biological science that deals
- on thepeoples health of human beings .
- General Medical Practitioners are particularly trained
- to particularly treat acute and chronic illnesses

- Given the study opportunity to startstudy Medicine,
- and enhancebecome an integral asset to the
-Furthermore, I will further partner with International
- Likewise, byIn doing so, supporting my education; will enable me to spread mya new found insights and knowledge
- to further educate the people around me.

There you have it Branchie, you have a very noble aspiration and I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor and for future writing reference, mind the position of the words that you associate in your essay as this affects the overall outcome of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Over the years, an issue dealing with air pollution has been emerging. [2]

Hi Sman, I believe this is the first time I will review your essay and just like everyone here in the Essay Forum Team, I hope my suggestions are valuable to your revision.

First paragraph
- Over the years, an issue dealing with air pollution
- has been emerginga pressing issue .
- that sky tripair transportation should be decreased

- in a reduction of the number of trips,
- and thus solve the problem of air pollution.
- It is because a large number of aircraft
- in the sky can produce ...
- ... believes that reducing the proportion
- shouldwill not only subtract ...
- in the land but they also
- need to make a policy to totally diminish the total of airplaneaeronautical trade.

There you have it Sman, for future writing reference, I suggest that you stick to simple words that you associate in your sentences as this will have an impact to the person reading your essay. I hope this insights and suggestions help.

Writing Feedback / A new study reveals that happy people have a great sense to cheer their spouse up [3]

Hi Dila, here's another one from my end;

- Happiness is related to the physical
- happier are usually also
- healthier and with less physical problem.
- At the moment individuals fell good, they tend to beWhen they are more active they definitely feel good. .
- Related withIn relation to this,
- a new study reveals that the happy people have a great
- to havebe in better in shape.
- DataA data confirm that people

- it is because a happy partner has a number ofpossesses a positive energy
- to take care of the significant others .
- individualsto stay away

There you have it Dila, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as always, be careful in choosing the words that you incorporate in your sentences as this will have an impact in the overall outcome in the essay.

Writing Feedback / The increasing damage of pollution caused by aero transport emerges an opinion to reduce air travel [3]

Hi Rizaldo, as I read along, I must say that you have written a well managed essay. First of all, there is just the right number of paragraph, not too long and not too short, enough to answer the prompt and make your idea known to your readers. Next, you have a logical order, from the introduction, the body of the essay and the conclusion, you have followed the standard flow of essay writing and the simplicity of your words will also help in the comprehension of your readers.

However, I have a few suggestions towards the last paragraph of the essay;

- In conclusion, although to restricting air travel
- is one of the predominant techniques in order to reducethat air pollution can be reduced , thea more advantageous methods should be (...) to acquire virtuala more effective merits .

There you have it Rizaldo, I hope the above remarks help in the revision of the last paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. [2]

Hi Muhammad, below are my thoughts on your essay with the focus on the right words to incorporate in your sentences.

- Publics more fascinating ifThe public is fascinated when they are watching a risky Sport .
- partly public gave opinion to bandHowever, the public made a petition to ban extreme sports
- because as the name of the sports imply, extreme sports have a high risk .
- I disagree to belt risky sport.

- Several community thingpeople think that sky diving
- challenge of the sports and they
- likeare willing to take the risk sport .

There you have it Muhammad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, make sure to choose the right words that you include in your sentences as they affect the overall outcome, not only in the sentences but the overall outcome of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Although air travel becomes the easiest way for massive people to transport, it should be reduced [2]

HI Gigih, as I go on and review your essay, I believe you managed to write a well written one, the ideas are in the right logical order, this is very important in order for the essay to remain true to its purpose and not to be jammed everywhere in the essay. The order of the ideas will also help you pick up the pace of the essay and bring you to the contents and the ideas that you might have left, this way you will also be able to make sure that you are leaning towards the right path where the essay goes.

However, as much as I love the order of the essay, I must say you have some difficulty in your sentence construction and this affected the overall outcome of the essay, to elaborate this observation, please find samples below;

- becomebecame the main problem
- that, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) the only way
- thatthis statement

- Although air travel becomesis the easiest way
- for massive people to transport more people ,
- it should be reducedregulated by the government
- to reduce pollution especially in the air pollution .
- the emission of carbon dioxide that can makecreate air pollution.
- For example, if each day there are severalwe lessen air travels from place to place on a daily basis ,

There you have it Gigih, I hope the above remarks help in your revision.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays it is very difficult to stay healthy in this modern world [3]

Hi Nur, below are my thoughts on your essay, first of all, the tittle, it's missing a word or two; below is my suggestion;

- People find it Difficult to be Healthy in the Modern World

First paragraph

- In this globalization period,
- that it is hard to have a
- healthy lifestyle because everything is almostof instant life .
- However, it should not be difficult if people strugglestrive to be healthy.
- I think both of these situations can be chosenan option for todays generationby people in recent life .

There you have it Nur, as you can see, there's quiet a lot of work to be done in your essay and I hope you will be able to follow through with the corrections provided, with the focus on your sentence construction.

Writing Feedback / The offspring is a happiness factor for married couple. [2]

Hi Ifra, below are my suggestions to enhance your analysis essay;

- whichthat camecome from married
- married couple according to havingwith children and those without .
- Overall, married couples experienceare twice
- married couples, this does not affect their happiness

- In contrastOn the contrary ,
- even if they do not have marital statusare single .
- Over 65 years old, unmarried people get happiness which isare happy at 34 percent.
- ButHowever , most people in the US
- feel thethat happiness is under 50 percent.

There you have it Ifra, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, I made the first 2 paragraphs and I left the last one so you can try to edit it yourself, following the above modifications.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - The graph below and the chart on the next page show the answers people gave [4]

Hi Mardian, I have a few suggestions for your essay;

- ... information about the satisfaction rating ofwith life according
- ... be seen that the least happiness occur in young
- agepeople are happier by having money,
- ... older people does not make them happy.

- After thatHowever , they have similar
- pattern in 21-30 age group until it reaches thea bottom in 41-50 ...
- ..., the trend is upward and has hit a high point atof 5.6 for everyone

- and this has decreased sharply
- health issues begins from the bottom
- inat the age or more than 75.
- There is a cross in age group of 45-54 between

There you have it Mardian,I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and overall, the analysis only needs minor modifications and this should help enhance your analysis.

Writing Feedback / Smart camera system checks patients' vital signs from afar [4]

Hi Nurul, I would like to share a few insights to your essay;

- Oxehealth, accompany spuna company that spunned out fromof the University of Oxford,
- created a medical device, a software that
- in parallel with sensors.
- to make sursuresomeoneit is safe when they ...

- This software watchessurveys the small changes
- It also tracks subtle changes in the colourcolor
- of the patients skin
- and patients their selves can monitor it themselves in the comfort of their ownthe illness from home.

There you have it Nurul, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know. For future writing reference, mind your sentence construction and make sure that they are transpiring the idea that you are trying to convey to your readers.

Writing Feedback / Happiness ratings for people who have partner and do not have partner in the US [5]

Hi Wily, below are my thoughts on your analysis essay;

- percentage of a research on enjoyableenjoyment ratings
- for people who have partner and those who does not have a partner
- in the US and athe happiness
- that a spouse have higher number of
- happiness,at twice than a single person.
- ButHowever , for all people,the
- Besides that , husbands and wives who
- than the spouse who have young adults.

- The happiest people who havehas partner
- But forFor the single person
- that has age group 65 and more it is 34 percent. - Furthermore, spouses in 50-64 age group
- and unmarried people in the same group-agesage group and in 18-29 age group at 21 percent.

There you have it Wily, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance do let us know, we will be here for you.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK II - CHILDCARE CENTERS [2]

Hi Risky, I have a few suggestions to enhance the last part of your essay;

- To sum upOverall , both childcare
- centers and family members can bring benefit
- forto parents to takein taking care of their children,
- wherewhile some parents believe
- asare the most trustworthy person
- to babysit and teach their children.
- Where possible, children not only should not only be be taken cared of but also taught early.

There you have it Risky, with the first 3 paragraphs, there's not really a lot to enhance, however, upon proof reading your essay, I believe the final paragraph needs that improvement as you can see with the above remarks and corrections, I hope you follow through for the benefit of a well written essay. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task II _ Pediatric care centers offer best service for children [3]

Hi Husnul, I believe with over 6 essays that I have reviewed, this is one of those essays that does not necessarily need to be modified with a major enhancement. I believe this is a well managed essay, you were able to draw a clear picture of the idea that you are trying to convey to your readers and this is very good when you're writing.

Should there be anything that I would recommend to be changed, it will be the appearance of the essay, I believe the 4th and 5th paragraph can be merged and it should present a more presentable final paragraph.

Overall, you can continue doing this kind of essay and believe me, there are still a lot to learn but you are in the right track in developing your writing skills and you can also learn a few writing techniques along the way. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Several countries permit under-age children to work [4]

Hi risky, as I review your essay it is very easy to understand that every person has their own opinion,I say this because it has been 6 essays that I have reviewed and most of them are of different opinions, some would be on the positive and some are on the negative side. Now, of course in every writing that you have, all you have to do is be very objective towards the answer to the prompt, this way you will have a neutral side of the essay.

Now, as I go through the essay, I must say, I don't see major enhancement needed in the essay, however, in proofreading, there a few corrections that can be done to strengthen the essay, this are minor ones such as your comma, linking verbs, verb tenses and a few word forms that are very easy to change and correct.

Overall, it was a well versed essay, the presentation however can also be enhanced, you can merge the first and second paragraph and leave the rest of the essay as it is, this will give you 3 solid paragraphs to work with and this will also enhance the appearance of the essay and the ease of reading.

Writing Feedback / Moving manufaturers to suburban areas bears demerits [3]

Hi Husnul, I believe in this particular essay, you started very strong, you managed to create a well written essay, you have incorporated simple words that is very essential when it comes to writing, this will not only ensure that your readers understand your essay but more importantly, this will let you know that what you wrote is worth a read and very easy to the eyes as well, not too long and not so short.

Now, as much as I notice the strength of the first two paragraphs, I must say, the last one did not stand as much, having said that, below are my thoughts to enhance your essay;

- In briefOverall , it is undeniable that throughthough the policy to (...) way to solve the population density in the rural areas , but this idea bring demerits for outskirtin the urban areas as the movement target.

There you have Husnul, I hope the above revision and insights help in your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we will be here for you.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, the more modern the life become, the more people tend to prefer living in large cities. [3]

Hi Nguyen, I believe this is my first review for your essay and so far, your essays are looking good. You see, when you're writing, you have to understand what you are writing about, the prompt should be internalized and you should create a mental presentation of how your essay will sound like when you read it out loud. This is very important, simply because, you will not be able to create a well written essay if you don't have the right idea and the right approach and if you yourself does not understand what you wrote.

Furthermore, as much as you can, review the rules of the language, make sure that you are abreast of the latest updates of the language rules, this will be very essential when you write and hopefully, when you get accustomed to writing you will be able to get the habit of writing a good one.

Moreover, as mentioned, you have a good start in writing, however, this should not stop here, you should be able to develop your writing skills and be sure to practice writing more often and read a lot too

Writing Feedback / Some parents believe that the best treatment for children is bringing them to the childcare centre [3]

Hi Riandi, question, once you're done with your essay, do you also take time to read it?, see, I ask because, in this particular essay, I find the sentences hard to understand, it's quiet confusing, most of the sentences has a lot of things going on in them and this is not good when it comes to answering the prompt.

To show and elaborate this observation, please find the suggestions below;

- In briefOverll , even though childcare
- has ais good track record to takein taking care of children, the carer should have thewith expert ability from their employeeto be effective in taking care of children , this essay tend to be convinced tois a guide theirfor children by themselves becauseand the family hasto have a close relationship.

... and supervise every detail in a monthon a regular basis so that childcare will getas to build and earn parent's trustful .

There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and practice writing more as well as proofread your essay in order for you to see and understand what you wrote, it's always a good thing to be your own personal critique.

Undergraduate / Extracurricular activities, work - need guidance on improvement in language and grammar! [5]

Hi Shivani, below are my thoughts on your essay and I hope it helps in your revision;

- For the last two and a half years ,
- I amhave been working at Hoste Hainse .
-and thus tutoring the orphans and the abandoned ones
- and instructingteaching them provides me
- Organiz ing a debate competition
- and story writing competition once in a week has

There you have it Shivani, I hope that in my own little way, I am able to show you the difference from the original draft to the modified one. Overall, there are very minor enhancements that are very easy to correct and before I go, I would like to say, KUDOS to you for doing such a noble job in helping the ones who are in less fortunate.

Do let us know when you need additional help from us.

Writing Feedback / More electricity are produced using alternative energy resources. [3]

Hi Andika, at a glance, I immediately notice the lack of linking verbs that should and is a valuable component of a sentence. Lacking such link in your sentence would only mean that your sentence will miss an essential factor in showcasing such idea and in ensuring that your readers are able to perfectly comprehend with your article or writing project.

Having said that, below are my thoughts to enhance your essay;

- More electricity are produced that using
- for now it comes from alternative energy re sources.
- It has an advantage and disadvantages .
- While the cost fromof using new energy
- source will beis higher,since it is the newest. Beside that it would be manythe choice for
- people to use in the future to useas it
- will lessen theour dependance on fossil.

- New energy bring thea positive way forof using but the cost will be more expensivenatural resources but the cost will be more expensive .

There you have it Andika, I hope the above remarks and insights are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, make sure not to forget the minor verbs and word format in your sentences.