Scholarship / Individuals with strong networking skill and influence to lead others [6]

Hi Choy, it's great to hear from you and thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, I know it's going to be a long road for you to take in pursuing your academic goal, but hey, you made a good start here so the goal should not be far behind.

What's good about your writing is the fact that you are very specific, you have the words, "I believe", "I know" and this are just examples of words that gives you an edge from applicants who are not sure of what they really want to do or their definite purpose in applying for the scholarship.

Overall, you are in a very definite track that will hopefully yield good results in the end. Furthermore, I still suggest that you keep writing, keep reading good English literatures, do a healthy comparison of your work, this way you will be able to critique your own work, thus, opening windows for you to get better at this craft. Keep writing Choy!

Writing Feedback / In this consumer driven economy, owning redundant possessions is a commonly practiced custom [7]

Hi Mehbub, we appreciate you words of acknowledging our work here on EF, we definitely aim at providing you the most accurate and valuable feedback, so you will be able to confidently submit your writing projects and also hone your writing skills as well as develop new writing techniques.

Now, as much as I want to rate your essay base on IELTS standards, I will not be able to, as the IELTS certified verifiers are the only ones who can rate your essay as per their respective standards. What I can assure you though, is that, as per the english language usage standards and how you approach this particular essay, I will give you an 8, 8 out of 10 because, there is still a room for improvement and I know you will be able to enhance your essay further.

Overall, I suggest that you keep on writing, it doesn't need to be a writing project, it can be just a regular writing that you have thought of or a small draft where you write your thoughts. Reading will also help you add and widen your vocabulary and this will give you an edge when it comes to sentence construction.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing Task1- letter] The cafeteria is planned for closure [4]

Hi Zhou, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, below are my thoughts on your letter.

First of all, I believe the purpose of the letter has not been met, simply because, the plot of the letter says, the reason for the closure is because the cafeteria is not used at all, therefore,you should cite a reason why the school should not close the cafeteria even if it's not in use, one reason can be that, the cafeteria can use as a gathering hall,a practice area or a stand by facility in cases that a room is required.

Next, the prompt is definitely asking for certain activities that can be done in order for the cafeteria to be kept open as well as for it to be maintained and properly kept. Moreover, yo have to think of productive reasons in keeping it open and not just because you like staying or lounging in the area.

Further to your letter, as much as I want you to showcase the expenditures needed to keep the place, this is not the right forum to state this issues, you have to re- write this letter and strengthen the reasons or initiative to keep the cafeteria open. I hope this insights helped and I wish to review the final letter very soon.

Writing Feedback / A wonderfull place of Inca's custom in Peru [3]

Hi Patta, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope you find this website to be helpful and even more valuable to your writing projects.

I have a few suggestions to strengthen your essay.

- I would like to tell you about the Inca's custom.
- Machu Piccu has drawed ofis the proof of
- prehistorical Incan civilization in the past .
- An Archeologist, Hiram Bingham,
- that has founded infound this artifacts in 1911.

- Overtime, Machu Picchu werebecame
- famous ofamongst travelers.
- It allThe buildings ofon site - which waswere built from hard stone precisely .
- In site Machu Pichu is nearby the
- TheA traveler would reached
- it by several forms of transportation mode .
- The Inca trails of ruins still stand in Machu Piccu mountand offers wonderful views;
- some of flowers and birds too .
- TheIn conclusion, the Inca's custom offered a luxury trip and a memorable one .

There you have it Patta, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / The government should use the money invested in arts to spent in public services [5]

Hi Bruna, WELCOME to the Essay Forum team, we aim to provide you with valuable feedbacks and modification that will definitely showcase a different approach to the prompt, this way you will be able to establish a well gathered and stronger essay.

Now, as I go through your essay, I immediately notice the lack of linking verbs, this verbs are very minor details that strengthens the sentences, though very minor, they are very important in creating the complete complete idea of your sentence. Having said that, please find a few suggested corrections below.

- A portion of our society believes that the government
- arts to spentspend ( mind your verb tenses too ) in public services.
- to the expression of aexpress ones culture,
- therefore, it should notcan't be forgotten
- by the governments .
- Firstly, thisThis essay will discuss
- and, secondly, it will discuss the necessity of art'sas an investment.

There you have Bruna, the above remarks are focused on the first paragraph and as you can see, there's quiet a lot of enhancements to be done, I hope you follow through with the modifications. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / In this consumer driven economy, owning redundant possessions is a commonly practiced custom [7]

Hi Mehbub, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be a great outlet for your writing and we strive to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback that will strengthen your writing project and get you ready for submission.

As I go through your essay, I must say you managed to construct a well rounded and strong essay, it depicted what you exactly want your readers to understand and this is the whole purpose of writing an essay, making sure that the one who reads the essay understands it and knows exactly what the message of the essay is.

Having said this, as much as I think the essay started strong, I believe the last paragraph can still be enhanced.

- As a concluding statement, I want to restatereiterate - that an adverse impact of
- opens thean avenue to
- and educatingeducate the society which
- can act as a catalyst to improve the situation and help the society for greater welfare .

There you ave it Mehbub, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and do let us know should you need further assistance.

Scholarship / Individuals with strong networking skill and influence to lead others [6]

Hi Choy, indeed, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope to be able to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback on your essays especially with this crucial Chevening Scholarship.

As scary as it sounds, Chevening scholarship is a much sought after scholarship there is in the Academic world, having said that, I must say that you have managed your writing very well, you absolutely started strong, you managed to showcase your strength, your goals and the process that you want to take in order to achieve this goals.

Now as much as I love the strength of the first 4 paragraphs of your essay, I believe the last paragraph can still be enhanced.Having said that, please find

the corrections below.

- I believe Chevening will make me a very good example thatis a living proof that good education is not only for wealthy and luckymost privileged people but for those who work hard and ambitiouswill driven too.

There you have it Choy, I hope the above remarks strengthen the conclusive part of your scholarship. Do let us know what comes out of this application, we'd love to hear from you. The best of luck Choy!

Undergraduate / Leadership, progress, and service I have portrayed in last three years. [3]

Hi Jaimin, I believe this is my first review of your essay and with this I say WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, may you find this website helpful as well as valuable to your writing needs, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback that will enhance your essay so you will be able to confidently submit it.

Now, as I go through your leadership progress, I must say it has highs and lows, highs is when you were talking about your achievements at school and this will have a good result to the community you belong, lows is when you are talking about the setbacks that you encounter, yes, it is good to note these setbacks, however, this is not applicable to approach this particular essay.

When you do your revision, focus on your leadership progress, how did you manage to impart your leadership skills to people and what sets you apart from the rest of the crowd as a leader. There you have it, I hope this insights helped and I wish to review your final work soon.

Writing Feedback / The diagrams present a wind turbine section model and the best position to get maximal electricity. [4]

Hi Sony, below are additional help for your analysis.

- and its preferred stance position.
- The main fact that stand out is that, ( don't forget your punctuations marks )
- it can be seen thatthe location
- in which it is constructed accounts for resultingthe results of the electricity output.

- is made up of the following components,
- by a wind sensor.
- AfterwardsThen , wind energy
- into electricity by a generator.
- Once the blade is rotated,a computer
- collects the direction and angle information.
- RegardingWith regards to the construction position,
- output of electricity by constructing
- with maximum strengths .

There you have it Sony, I hope the above remarks and corrections help you in your revision. Let us know should you need further assistance.

Writing Feedback / The foremost reason of unhealthy eating in today's world is the hectic life [3]

Hi Hector, indeed, this essay is a good read, well first of all it has a very interesting prompt. Advertising does help people choose the food they eat. Normally, when a food is advertised by somebody famous or people with power and role models, they sell big time. One of the end results of this effective advertising is the fact that people doesn't see the health benefits of what they're putting in their mouth and the long term effect is unhealthy eating habits.

We tend to go with the flow all the time and this is true to our eating habits too, once a habit is formed it becomes the norms and you can't live without it, so you don't avoid it anymore even if it will damage your health.

Moving on to your essay, as mentioned it is a good read, it is very timely, it what is happening in todays society and definitely what is going to be one of todays huge problems.

Further to your essay, it has a well researched information, it is absolutely crucial to include, not only your own opinion about the prompt, but also the fact that you supported your essay with facts, current events and this will have huge positive effects in your writing. I hope this insight help and I hope to review more of your essays soon.

Writing Feedback / The way of people dressing is not the most important aspect [5]

Hi Eka, here's my take on the last two paragraphs of your essay.

- A good man should have a good behavior
- The preserve, a bad guy are supposed to be a person who speaks rudely, ... - this sentence is quiet confusing, what exactly do you mean?

- it is not a guarantyguarantee that they
- havepossess a good attitudes .
- Also, (don't forget your punctuation marks ) when
- a person wears unpleasanttacky clothes,
- it does not mean he is a bad individualperson .

- In conclusion, the way of people dressing is not the
- most important aspect to point out theira persons - someone area person is through their daily

There you have it Eka, I hope the above remarks are helpful.

Undergraduate / My profile is interesting - I write about introducing myself [4]

Hi Praew, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be valuable and a good resource for you to come up with an even stronger essay. We ai to provide you with the most accurate and necessary feedback to strengthen your essay.

Having said that, below are additional modifications for your essay, oh, before I do so, just a gentle reminder, when you do an introduction, be yourself, be confident, proud of who you are at the same time, keeping your essay formal.

- My profile is quiet interesting.
- First, My name is Praewpan Sangduan, you can call me Praew.
- and I studied about English-Japanese program.
- I am a junior studying in the Faculty of
- Why I choose to be an English major?
- In my opinion becauseI believe English
- subject is the subject that I love this subject
- since I was in primary student .
- English language that is a formal language.
- The mostMost people
- I graduated from university,
- In my future I want to be a fl ight attendant
- or work about in the airport such
- as air ground support .

There you have it Praew, this is just half of your essay, as I go through it, there's quiet a lot tension in your essay and as I suggested, be confident especially when you're introducing yourself.

I hope you follow through with the corrections and the given modifications and I wish to review your final essay soon.

Writing Feedback / People's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by..(GRE) [3]

Hi Stephanie, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful as well as valuable to your writing projects, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and objective feedback in order for you to come up with a well managed essay that answers the prompt.

Having said that, as I go through your essay, I must say what you did is a direct translation of your thoughts and ideas, you put them together and form a sentence, though this is how a sentence is constructed, somehow, the sentences are not complete, to explain this observation, please find the corrections below;

- demeanors are impacteda direct result of a more - by current milieu or society as a whole.
- however, it is the society as a whole
- that shapes the people on a long term .

There you have it Stephanie, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, this is a very short modification and I've left you with the rest of the essay in order for you to see the difference and practice editing yourself.

Writing Feedback / The pie graphs compare the proportion of average budget spent by household for 6 specific categories [13]

Hi Yung, no worries at all, I would love to review your final paper and I believe your revision will be a stronger essay that is ready for submission.

I also suggest that you follow the suggested remarks and modifications of your essay, this should be able to create a far better essay, well constructed sentences and an overall well managed essay.

Furthermore, most of the corrections made in your analysis is pretty minor, though however minor it is, it is still something that can be enhanced and with the help of contributors and your everyday practice, of course, I know you will be able to develop good writing skills that will equip you on your future writing projects.

I also suggest that you read a lot,reading English literature will definitely increase your vocabulary and this will help you come up or formulate a good sentence and ideas that will depict the thoughts you have in your head an d properly approach the prompt. This is one simple way you can develop your writing skills. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The pie graphs compare the proportion of average budget spent by household for 6 specific categories [13]

Hi Yung, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful as well as useful to your revision and future writing projects, we aim to provide you with the most accurate feedback that will hopefully strengthen you essay in order for you to submit your article with confidence.

Having said that, please find my suggestions below;

- The peipie graphs
- compareillustrate a comparison of the proportion
- becomebecame the number
- one of household spendingexpenditure in 2010.

- compared to dropped toa decrease of 22.0% in 2010 .
- Also, there was can be seenis a small
- decline patterm which wason 'education'

- However, a completely different
- trends reveals other categories
- showed a small growth at just at 2.1%.

There you have it Yung, I hope the above additional modifications are useful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden statistics regarding banana and coffee. [3]

Hi Nurul, as I go through and review your analysis, I must say that one thing that is very noticeable is the uniformity of the unit of measurement which I haven't seen for a while in analysis writing. One thing to consider, that most of us forget, is that, the unit of measurement is very essential when it comes to analysis writing, this is where we draw uniformity in all areas of the analysis.

Further to your essay, it has a very smooth flow of ideas and it started strong as well as it followed exactly what is on the represented graph. Normally, what writers do is take an overall analysis, make it an introduction and start all over again in their second paragraph, however, in your analysis, you made sure that there is a good sequence, logical order in order to create a good following of information.

Overall, it is a well written analysis and a few enhancements can be done to strengthen it and I hope you follow through.

Writing Feedback / Corporation have to check if their products are harmful for the environment- not focus on money only [2]

Hi Onde, I believe this is the first time that I'm reviewing your essay and so far, I must say, your essay has kept me entertained. The argument you cited in this essay is very reasonable and it is very timely, what I mean is, it is current, it happens in real life and I believe it is as much justifiable as it can get.

Though there are still a few enhancements to be done, I see a contributor suggested a few modifications and I hope you follow through, it is always worth to consider feedbacks from people who know exactly how to enhance or modify the article.

Having said that, a few more enhancements can be done in your conclusion paragraph.

- In conclusion, companies should think about otherthe societies condition soin order for both,of the community and the company towill get the same positive impact forfrom what they do. The corporationsCorporation also have to check it if their products are harmful forto the environment or not.

There you have it Onde, I hope the above insights and remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / The evolution of infrastructure projects in the Meadowside area [3]

Hi Maulida, for future analysis, don't forget to post the map or the graph that came with the the analysis. Having said that, I would like to share a few insights to your analysis.

- The map illustrates the changes that occurred in
- thatthe given timeframe
- regarding thewhen it comes to development of infrastructure projects.

- To begin with , Meadowside
- village only had a small area
- three-times larger than Meadowside
- were buildbuilt passing through this village.

- and business parks constructed between both villages.

There you have it Maulida, I hope the above remarks are helpful, again, don't forget to post the graph or map that corresponds to the analysis as this will be our basis for an accurate feedback, anyhow, the above modifications are based on your usage of the language and the construction of the sentences. I hope it helps.

Writing Feedback / How it is made - The Cement and concrete for building purposes. [4]

Hi Nurul, below are my thoughts on your analysis.

- and clay that are crushed together
- After being mixed, itThe mixture then passes
- through the rotating heater which haswith a constant
- it is ground to obtainafter grinding, the final
- product can be obtained before the cement

- there wasare several building materials
- Firstly , the compound includes a half
- to the ad mixture.
- they are rotated in clockwise

There you have it Nurul, I hope the above remarks are helpful to enhance your analysis, overall, it is a well managed analysis and I hope you follow thru with the recommended modifications.

For future writing reference, mind the compositions of your essay, this is the essence of writing and this should be taken into focus and fill consideration, now, don't get me wrong, you have a well managed analysis and I know your essays are the same,however, it takes a lot to keep your writing on the right track, all the time.

Writing Feedback / In 1962, Meadowside Village and Fonton were just two separated, quiet and small places. [4]

Hi Tri, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope you find this website to be helpful to your articles as well as valuable to your revision. We aim to bring you a well written essay with just the right and accurate feedback that you can incorporate to your essay. Having said that, I went through your analysis and I must say, for your first analysis, it is written fairly well, however, a few more enhancements can add confidence and accuracy to the analysis, so please find a few suggestions below;

- There have been a significant
- developments from time to time.
- The most noticeable change that can bewas
- seen isin the dilation in both areas,
- which is now is becoming a crowd town.

- were just two separated in quiet and small places.
- was inventedestablished .
- The Village also start becomingto become a holiday

- hotels that were established

There you have it Tri, I believe the above suggestions are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the minor details of your sentences such as your linking verbs as this will also affect the overall impact of the essay or the analysis in this case.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 Clothes Can Indicates What People Personality Or Not? [2]

Hi Farida, below are additional thoughts on your essay.
A few suggestions that will hopefully enhance your essay.

- BecomeTo become fashionable is
- by the clothes which they wear.
- others characteristics by looking
- need to get to know the other
- not judge each other only by their performanceappearance .

- When people work, they need to have a good
- attention offrom their clients
- look at them will think
- inhabitanta person who work as
- teach, their student will follow them.
- It is better to look neat in front of the students

There you have it Farida, as from the previous essays, your linking verbs are still missing, however, there is quiet a progress in your writing and this is a very good trait, meaning you following thru. Keep writing.

Undergraduate / "Me Do" moments - Common App. Essay [3]

Hi Mary, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website to be helpful as well as valuable suggestions and remarks to your essay revision. We aim to provide you with the most accurate feedback that will hopefully hone your skills in writing and develop further necessary writing skills.

Having said that, I believe your essay is written in a way that you have literally translated your ideas to English from your native tongue and most of the time, this is how or what makes the essay quiet odd, the essay you have here is clearly quiet twisted, I somehow find it confusing when you say "me do", I believe you mean, "I can do it", a mantra that will definitely bring you good luck and a lot of encouragement to do the things that you think you can't do.

Further to your essay, I'm not sure how you got suspended, however, I believe one ground is because, I don't see any connection or substance of the essay towards the prompt and this is where it all boils down, you cannot have an essay without understanding the prompt and how to properly approach it. Now, in your revision, I suggest that you think hard of that event or occasion that made you who you are today and what influenced to become the person you are now.

I believe you have the right answer to this prompt, however, the way to approach it can still be enhanced.

Graduate / Our life have some high or low point in life. Choose one point and its impact on you. [5]

Hi Sangeeta, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we hope you find this website helpful as much as valuable to your writing needs. We strive to provide you with the most accurate and confident feedback in order for you to submit a well structured and strong essay.

Having said that, please find the suggestions below to enhance your essay.

- This is the worst experience I had, however,but
-it taught me invaluable lessons inof life.
- It was couples of years beforeago when
- my mother got admitted into the hospital due
- ofbefore my sisters wedding.
- We are all including herShe was so engaged
- It taught me nothing isto stop because
- its a dearest one.
- We have to do our duties,wether we are ready or not.

- my grief yet, ( the word "yet" is not necessary in the sentence ) I learned
- move forward inwith life.
- My mother was not there but her dearthdeath taught me ;don't stopnot to stop of give up in any
- situation,and to keep moving.

There you have it Sangeeta, overall, the corrections are only minor ones, however minor though, it is still advisable to keep your sentences with all the right links to complete it.

Writing Feedback / The common silkworm's life cycle and how silk cloth is harvested from them [4]

Hi Farida, I have been an avid reviewer of your work, wether it is an analysis, an essay, argumentative or not and pretty much all other work that you have is definitely a good practice to hone your talents in writing. It is also a great way to try different writing techniques and different tactics to approach the essay.

Overall, this analysis has been an accurate one, I must say as I go along, I compare your analysis to the diagram and I must say that it is properly analyzed and the minor points in the diagram are elaborated in the analysis.

Moreover, the steps or the process of the silk cloth has been clearly depicted in this analysis, it showed a very smooth process that a normal reader will be able to follow through, However, as mentioned by other contributors, this analysis can still be enhanced with the help of a few change in the words and make it more formal, but I believe in simplicity of writing, especially when it comes to an analysis of a given diagram.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, most people rely on driving cars for their daily activities. [6]

Hi Maulida, forst of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I know you will find this website very helpful and a good reference to your writing projects. We strive to provide you the most accurate feedback for you to be able to create a well rounded and confident essay.

i notice this by the way, the word "relay" is not the right word for you in the sentence, the word should be "rely",rely on driving cars , this is how the sentence will be.

Overall, I believe the essay is well managed, you made sure that, other than the word above, the words you use in your essay are very conversational, they are not hard to understand and a normal reader will definitely appreciate the fact that they can comprehend the idea and the answer to the prompt.

Keep writing and be careful with your choice of words as you go along.

Writing Feedback / We pay too much attention to actors and other celebrities, and the media sometimes sensationalize it [2]

Hi Hailun, I believe this is my first review on your essay and right off the bat, I must say, you managed to approach the prompt in a manner where you justified the reasons you cited and you made sure that the words you use are very simple, straight forward and compelling words that definitely made a difference from other essays thatI have reviewed. Sometimes, when a writer is fully immersed on the writing, that they tend to throw in a lot of words that makes the essay a little bit complicated.

Having said that, I just want to add that, though, we pay too much attention to actors and yes, the media, sometimes sensationalize it, it is still the persons own prerogative to follow through the lives of the actors or if they fancy their work, their art and their life as a whole, then it's a choice they made and the choice that they have to be responsible with.

Overall, the essay is well managed, the delivery of ideas has been streamlined to it's purpose and I hope my insights are helpful and keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Individuals vs. environment - PRACTICE IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : ESSAY TYPE AGREE OR DISAGREE [2]

Hi Riandi, as I go through the essay, I must say you made quiet an argument here, you made sure that both side will be justified and the reasons you backed them up with are very realistic, it happens in real life and they are currently happening in todays world.

However, I believe this argumentative essay can still be enhanced.
What I noticed is that, it seemed that you are fond of using too many words in the sentences and they tend to clash, for future writing reference, it pays to be simple but direct in our essays, the more conversational and straight forward the essay is, the more readers and understanding you're going t get.

Having said that, please find the corrections below;

- Nowadays, only huge enterprises
- and venturecompanies can
- make a difference thein this circumstance
- although persons have been as much as possible to fix thatI believe that this is everybody's responsibility .
- There benefits to looking at both sides of this issue.
- but I do not believe that this has been good statement for the following reasons.- this phrase will not be necessary
- I will promotebelieve that the vicinity
- are more protected
- by humankindindividuals than
- the corporate people .

There Riandi, I hope the above remarks help in your revision.

Writing Feedback / The Percentage of The New Teachers in The Usual Teaching Jobs [4]

Hi Hikuma, below are my thoughts on your essay, I hope it helps.
By the way, don't forget the chart next time.

- according to teacher graduation year. - what do you mean by "teacher graduation year"?

- almost started inat the same percentage,
- but it ended in the extremely different points.

- In 2001,the percentage of someone who teaches
-while English teacher was more than that percentage. - when we say "more than that" you have to make sure that you input the corresponding figure

- In the nextThe following year,
- both of criteria experienced a largehuge ( I believe this is a more appropriate word ) downward progress.
- in contrast with the following time.
- slightly nevertheless another, however, the other criteria
- was steady fell steadily .

There you have it Hikuma, I left the rest of the essay for you, I hope you follow thru with the remarks.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : ABOUT ABROAD STUDY [3]

Hi Riandi, below are thoughts on your essay.

The students just study in their nation and are rarely [...] building up their carier, it has also several advantages.
The above paragraph is quiet confusing, therefore, I have a suggestion for you.

University and college students often study in their own country and rarely overseas. However, this trend is not happening now, there are more chances to study abroad now more than ever. I believe that this trend is more likely to build a future leader and just like any other endeavor, there advances and drawbacks that this trend brings us.

- Thirdly, we can foundfindsome environmentalan environment
- not good for moeslimMuslim religion.
- refreshments and food allowed by godGod .
- when they arrivedthey feel strange
- people but as time goes on it will be common.

There you have it Riandi, I left the last paragraph for you to practice and learn how to follow thru with the above suggested remarks.

Graduate / Draft PS for Msc AI, asking for advice. [6]

Hi Qiwei, no worries at all, we are here for you and we aim to provide you the most accurate feedback that will hopefully get you a confident and well structured essay. Moreover, this forum is also aimed at honing your skills in writing and having said that, I strongly suggest that you practice writing more often, read a lot and enhance your vocabulary, the more you learn ew words, the better your writing will be.

Furthermore, wider vocabulary leads to better ideas in writing and how to approach your prompts.
In writing a Personal Statement, however, you have to understand that, first, it is an extension of yourself, who you are, your goals and aspirations and your achievements. This kind of writing should also be focused on the positive attributes of your life, not that the negative ones will have no impact on this writing project but it will be best if we focus on the positive ones.

I do hope the above remarks and insights as well as the corrections made in your PS writing will help your revision and in coming up with a stronger Personal Statement. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / TED (What we can do to die well) [5]

Hi Naoki, below are further suggestions to your summary.

- but the health care system
- is locatedat 37th
- rank higher than this country as far
- as it's quality and value is concerned .
- He suggests improving a patient's experience,
- the population health of the population
- andis decreasing per capita

There you have it Naoki, I hope the above remarks are helpful.
Overall, your essay is very brief, as it is a summary, of course. However, for future writing reference, mind the overall construction of the sentence, keep it strong all through out the essay and create a streamline of ideas as well as focus towards the goal of the writing project.

Graduate / Draft PS for Msc AI, asking for advice. [6]

Hi Qiwei, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website valuable and even more so, helpful to your revision and future writing reference. Moreover, we aim to provide you the most accurate and credible feedback in order to make sure that you will be able to submit a confident and well managed essay.

Having said that, I know that you are quiet worried, following your posts from the previous remarks, now, as I read through your PS, I believe you managed to create a well structured content, the flow of the essay is very smooth, it is definitely an extension of your biography and what transpired in your quest for further acquisition of knowledge and this is what makes a PS worth reading.

Further to your essay, on the 2nd paragraph when you say, "During my stay", I suggest, "During my days..." , I believe this is a more appropriate word or phrase. For the conclusion, "My future plan is to become a", I suggest " I plan on becoming a..." .

There you have it Qiwei, I hope my thoughts are useful as well as insightful in helping you formulate an even stronger essay.

Writing Feedback / LEARNING VACATION as a new concept of holiday in 20th century - SUMMARY TASK 3 [5]

Hi Rosa, below are thoughts on your essay.

- holiday in the 20th century,
- that offers the trippertraveler to spend
- but also stimulating their creativity. .
- The communitydemographics that are interested
- young untiland the adults too .
- are joinfocused on an ongoing archeological,
- cap able to hone their skills of photography
- Another upside ofFurther to this category of
- trips is the price will bethat is suitable
- for economical budget conscious travelers than

There you have it Rosa, I hope the corrections are helpful.
Overall, it is a well managed essay, for future writing reference, however, mind the words that you incorporate in your essay and I believe reading will help you widen your vocabulary and in the long run, it will help in creating a well written and well structured essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Writing Task 1 Satisfaction Level of Customers Airlines [2]

Hi Nurul, below are a few suggestions for your analysis.

- satisfied the customers are on traveling
- the figure for dissatisfied customers saw the reverse.

- customers are satisfied
- percent after one year later
- in suchfor years,
- at 8-percent

- was experienced byfrom the courtesy
- percent in 8 years later .

There you have it Nurul, I hope the above corrections are helpful.
Overall, the analysis is very accurate, there's just a few very minor details and will not necessarily hugely affect the analysis. I hope you keep writing and practicing and should you need further assistance, do let us know and we are here for you.

For future writing reference, however, mind the inputs of your sentences make sure that you have the right form of the words such as the tenses and the right placement of the words too. All of this will affect the overall impact of the essay, moreover, I believe your writing skills are well managed and as it is an analysis, accuracy is the key to a good essay.

Writing Feedback / Healthy way of life promotion. Most of children are accustomed with unhealthy lifestyle. [3]

Hi Eka, on promoting a healthy lifestyle, I personally think that as much as a parent can suggest what the kids or their children eat, they can only do so much because it's the children who will do the eating and all they can do is to watch them and make sure that they eat healthy and they grow safe in the neighborhood.

Further to your essay, I believe you have written a well managed essay, you made sure that the information are not only your own opinion but a good research that was done in order to create a well informed argument. Moreover, the essay also depicted the right intent or purpose of the essay.

For future reference, however, mind the construction of your sentences, make sure that you tick all the boxes in every sentence, such as the idea of the essay, the purpose and more importantly, the answer to the essay should flow properly and smoothly whilst streamlining the idea of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Parents have been through a lot of things, that's why I believe that they are outstanding teachers [4]

Hi Dipa19, please find the suggested modifications below;

Introduction

- In the worldA lot of people believe
- that parents are the most outstanding teacher.
- In my standpoint I agree
- with thatthis opinion,
- They could tell t his valuable experience valuable
- does not to repeat
- the same mistake and
- that people could to follow a good track of them .

Conclusion

- To sum up, although the teachers in school
- are the best in the world.
- respect for their parents who gave birth.

There you have it Dipa, the above corrections are mainly on your sentence construction and for future reference, mind the minor details of your sentences such as your linking verbs and forms of the words you incorporate in your sentences.

Writing Feedback / The Roles of Parents and Teachers in Controlling Diet for Children [5]

Hi Hikuma, below are my thoughts on your essay but before I do so, I would like to impart that controlling diet for children is not a normal scenario, however, I believe this can be a way for parents to secure that their children are eating healthy and not necessarily putting them on diet.

Having said that, below are my suggestions to enhance your essay.

- InOn the other hand,
- Start fromFrom childhood
- period to teenager periodyears ,
- muchmore time
- inat breakfast
- and lunch in the school.
- The teacherTeachers can give
- students at a more complete and systematic manner
- by using the science language, r
- controlling the foodstuff in the canteen.

- In conclusion, both of parents and teachers have
- involved the childrens lifestyle,
- be thea good example
- for them avoiding consumeto avoid consuming unhealthy food.

There you have it Hikuma, I hope the above remarks help you out in your revision.

Writing Feedback / Most people believe educational stakeholders are the best teacher. Agree or disagree? [3]

Hi Swr10, below are my thoughts on your argumentative essay.

Introduction

- Most people believe that educational stakeholders are the best teacher. - what do you mean by "educational stakeholders"?, do you mean the teachers that work in educational institutions?

- teacher for their children.
- They give more influence for the children's

****
Conclusion

- To sum up, it of use that parents
- giveprovide a major
- teachers in school are the best people who influence the children .
- best teachersforever .
- and affect toobey their parents.

There you have it Swr10, I hope the above remarks are helpful, for future writing reference, mind the construction of your sentences as this will affect the overall impact of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Scientists discover a planet similar to Earth. Summary Article from National Geographic [5]

Hi Heru, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- Lately, Mediasthe media reports
- has sanethe same characteristic
- as the earth.
- The planet is circling the star closes t to the - find that the planet is
- as big as our
- For themthis team ,
- it is not surprisea surprising innovation
- because they have been findfound out some
- planet in the same orbit like Proxima.
- by using some comprehensive search.
- The observations were taken between 2000 and 2014.

There you have it Heru, the above remarks will hopefully help you out in your revision and for future writing reference, when you are writing a summary such as this one for the National geographic, you have to be very specific, the words such as "some", may not be the right words to incorporate in this particular summary of an article, you have to be definite with our information and make sure that they are accurate enough in order to create a solid summary of the given story.

Writing Feedback / Ecotourism is the concept of sustainable tourism management. (Summarizing) [5]

Hi Swr10, below are my thoughts for your summary.

- Ecotourism is thea concept of
- places they visited ,
- such as participating in the ecosystem
- prefer tothe eco-friendly

There you have it Swr10, overall, the summary is written in a way that the reader is able to picture the story. The words you use are very conversational, you made sure that it is comprehensive and you managed to go straight on to the purpose of the prompt.

For future reference, however, mind the minor details such us the linking verbs, the right forms of the words and the overall impact of the essay boils down to the outcome of the essay. Keep writing and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we are here for you.