Writing Feedback / Nowadays, there are many causes that make children have an unhealthy lifestyle. [5]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Nowadays, there are many causes that make children have an unhealthy lifestyle. Not only schools but also parents have a responsibility to solve those problems. Personally, i agree that both schools and parents are responsible for children's behaviour because they are the guardian of the children even in the schools or houses.

In the recent years, both schools and parents give their children facilities such as the computer for schools and handphone for home. They are responsible for managing the children's time when children use those technologies because most of the children get a lot of information from their gadgets and much time they spend for it. For instance, my brother who used the computer for three hours non-stop played games and watched many videos on youtube. Those activities actually can harm his brain and make him addicted to that technology. There is the reason why schools and parents have to control their time by using computer or gadget even in schools or houses.

Another problem for children who have unhealthy lifestyle is food supply which schools and parents give to them. This becomes a problem because food is the direct supply for brain and body. Children can be healthy and easy to accept information in class when they get the better quality of food. For example, schools give a permission to other people who sell the food around the school without know the quality of the food. Another example, parents give the children food which is bought from the outside but do not cook by themselves. Those are will be harm to children's brain and health. So, the schools have to make a canteen which is under control at schools and parents should control the quality of food that they give to children at home.

In conclusion, there are many problems which the children get in their life. both schools and parents are responsible for creating the good character of their children in daily life so that they will have a healthy lifestyle

Writing Feedback / Sort of problems people have when they move into the other countries, according to ages [4]

The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart gives information about sort of problems people have when they move into the other countries according to ages. Overall, the biggest problem is for finding the best health care in those countries in 35-54 years old people.

35 percent of people aged 35-54 are having problem on looking for finances while those in 18-34 age group finds it easier which is under 35 percent. Moreover, people in over 55 years old show that only under 30 percent of them find the finances as a problem

Sorting of medical care for people in the middle age is the most problematic which is above 36 percent. The older people find the health care is more difficult than the youngest people which is above 35 percent. The youngest people has the lowest percentage than others which is under 35 percent.

Looking school for the children become the most difficulties for the productive ages which is under 20 percent. People who have 18-34 years old sort the school as a problem in 6 percent. In contrast, almost all of the oldest people have difficulties to find the school for children which is above 2 percent.

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Writing Feedback / English teachers wasn't as much needed as the French ones in Ontario [2]

The graph below shows information about the recruitment of teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph gives the information about language teachers who graduated a year before recruited in Ontario between 2001 and 2007. Overall, teachers who taught French increased slightly from 2001 to 2007 but, there was a downward trend of English language teachers

From 2001 to 2002 there was a sharp fell of 20 percent. In 2003, the number of French teachers increased slightly to 68 percent. Between 2003 to 2006 the number of French language teachers remained steady from 68 percent to around 65 percent. In the last year, there was a sudden rose by 10 percent of French teachers graduated

Between 2001 and 2003, the percentage of first-year teacher who taught English went down dramatically by 35 percent. From 2003 to 2005 there was a slight rose to 45 percent. By the following years, the percentage of English teachers who graduated went down to above 30 percent. In 2007, it fell again to under 30 percent. (156w)

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Writing Feedback / The common people's live is very interesting. Media for Celebrities or Ordinary People? [3]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers, or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The media such as television and radio usually shows daily life and love life of celebrities such as actors, singers, or footballers. Actually, they should take a time to report the ordinary people's life too. I believe that ordinary people have the interesting life to publish because they have many inspirational stories like celebrities. But, the celebrities lives are more important than ordinary people because they have influenced other people through their job as public figure since many years before.

However, there are ordinary people who media should report because of their achievement or their interesting lives. They can give the positive impact to people who watched them. For example, the ordinary person named Fatia Izzaty. She has come from ordinary family but her family is always using English languange every day so that she can speak fluently. Because of her English, she can contribute to youthex in other countries. If her stories show in media, many people will inspire from her stories and can be a role model for many families to adapt her way become a great person even she is an ordinary person

On the other hand, public figures such as actors, singers, or footballers are more important to media because their job appears on television every day. Many people have watched them so that media pay too much attention to them because people who had seen them want to know about their lives. For instance, Maudy Ayunda who become a singer since high school usually has appeared in media not only because of their achievement as a public figure but also her inspiring life as a student of oxford university. As a result, she can inspire people because she has known as a public figure and has many achievements in life. People more concern about people they know than other people who hey did not know

In conclusion, media should pay attention to ordinary people who have the interesting lives so that people can take the lesson of them. But, the celebrities lives are more important because of their job as a public figure and most of people have influenced by their activities since they have been known.

Writing Feedback / How the electricity can be produced by wind turbine and where is the best location to put it [3]

The diagrams below show the design for a wind turbine and its location. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams illustrate how the electricity can be produced by wind turbine and where is the best location to put it. Overall, the most powerful electricity can be produced when it is located in the the sea. The stronger wind blows, the higher electricity can be produced.

A wind turbine consists of a steel tower, blades which is made by fibre glass or wood, a wind sensor, a generator, and a computer. First of all, wind comes from all direction through the turbine. After that, the blades rotate and wind sensor set up the speed while computer gets information from sensor to adjust the direction and angle of blades if it necessary. Lastly, the electricity which can be produced by the generator is around 1,5 megawatts.

Location of a wind turbine must be concerned because it can be affected the output of electricity. There are three choices to put a wind turbine such as on the hill, near houses, and in the sea. Even on the hill and in the sea have an enormous wind but, the optimum location is in the sea because of not only the wind but also the landscape which is not spoiled. If a wind turbine is located near houses, it will produce electricity fifteen times lower than the turbine which is located in the sea and on the hill.

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Writing Feedback / Becoming an entrepreneur has been chosen by many people instead of being an employee [3]

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Becoming an entrepreneur is a common job which has been chosen by many people instead of being an employee. Even starting a new business has many risks, i believe that the advantages for personal quality often outweigh than its disadvantages.

The disadvantages when starting a new business are the risk which will affect the start-up anytime. The main risk usually comes from the rival who has the similar company attack our business. They have the higher position than ours in the market. Another disadvantage is the fluctuation of market needs. Consumers' needs are always changing by the time. As an entrepreneur, making an innovation regularly will be a big challenge. If you cannot forecast the market and make an innovation, you will not survive in the business world.

On the other hand, there are several important reasons why you have to become an entrepreneur. The main reason is for improving your personal ability. When you start your business, you build your leadership skills. You have to follow your passion so that your ideas will improve your personal quality. Beside that, in entrepreneurship, you will have a flexible time. You can set up your schedule not only yours but also your employees. You will not tie up on the schedule and your personal skill will help you to arrange your time become efficient.

In conclusion, i think there are more advantages when we started to open our own business than the advantages. We can improve our personal quality by learning from the disadvantages which are shown before. We will earn much money with our hard skills and soft skills. People who are scare of many risks that will be caused by start-up business can choose the stable life being an employee of the company.

Writing Feedback / The offspring is a happiness factor for married couple. [2]

The charts below show the results of a survey on happiness rating for married and unmarried people in the US, and the effect of children on the overall ratings of married couples. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts give information about the percentage of happiness which come from married and unmarried people according to ages and the rate of happiness from married couple according to having children. Overall, married couples are twice the rate of happiness than unmarried couple. Although, between having and not having children in every age of married couples do not affect their happiness

According to ages, the average rate of married couples' happiness is around 44 percent. In contrast, people in 15-64 years old group are around 21 percent of happiness even they do not have marital status. Over 65 years old, unmarried people get happiness which is 34 percent. But, most people in the US feel the happiness under 50 percent.

Children is a happiness factor for married couple. But, having or not having children is a slight difference. Children under 18 years old make couples happy in 44 percent. Having no children which is 43 percent brings happiness to married couple and children in 18 ages is the lowest percentage which is 41 percent makes their parents happy

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  married and unmarrried people
  
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  married couples
  

Writing Feedback / Formal clothes in a workplace. Quality of work above appearance. [2]

Some organization believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give you own opinion.

In decades, most companies in the world have used the formal clothes when they go to workplace. But, many organisation believe that the quality of work is more important than the employees' appearance. Personally, i think it depends on the urgency of wearing the uniform to the working place.

When the employees have to interact with the customer directly, they must wear the dress smartly. The reason why it becomes important is the customer who can recognise the employees through their clothes. For the workers who use the danger equipment or working in the factory, they have to use the safety uniform to protect their body. So, i believe that uniform is made for many reasons such as to distinguish the person to their job so that they can focus on the customer.

Other companies decide not to use the official clothes because they think office look can affect employees' productivity. When people feel comfortable and confident in what they wear, actually they can improve their performance of work. For instance, Telkomsel allows their employees to use casual clothes to the office but they have to bring their badge name so they can be recognised easily. I believe that their human capital management has made the right decision to make the productivity become the most important thing in their company

All in all, there are many reasons that company have been made according to the look of their employee. I think, the working places decide how they have to dress.

Writing Feedback / Two diverse opinions about the best place to teach children about being a good member of a community [2]

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are two opinions about where is the best place to teach the children about being good members of organisation. Some people think that parents at home are responsible to teach the child but others think that school is the proper place to learn. In my perspective, parents are responsible to build the fondation of the children's character and school is a place to facilitate and support the children when they want to become members in society

Firts of all, before children get into the school, parents have taught the children to socialise in the small group such as with their family members. Because of bonding that parents and children have since children were born, building their character become easy. Parents have to teach the children how to communicate to each other, speak clearly in front of others, behave, and being confident when they meet many infants. After children are learned by their parents, they will be ready come to school to join in the bigger society

When the children get into school, they will meet many people in different behaviour, many organisation and study club at school. School is a place for many kinds of society. Children can choose more than one organisation that they like to join. School become a facilitator and connector to children's ability in social lives. School teach the students about leadership and the bigger scale of the society attitude. For instance, when i was twelve years old, my father tod me about his experience when he became a leader in a big organisation in his campus. I learned about how to communicate and persuade people with just one sentence. After that i became a leader in my junior high school's organisation in fourteen years old. I learned from my father and i was supported by teacher in school. That is the reason why both parents and schools are important

To sum up, i believe that family is a place for children to build their character and become a good person. In school children will be facilitated and supported so that they can join in the bigger society

Writing Feedback / In 1990s Europe became the widest area affected by land degradation. Why? Over-grazing. [2]

The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s

The pie chart gives information about the percentage of many factors causes the degradation of worldwide agricultural land and the table shows three regions that affected by many causes of land degradation during the 1990s. Overall, over-grazing is the biggest percentage of land degradation. Europe become the widest area which is affected by degradation

Over-grazing is the highest percentage that causes land become less productive which is 35 percent of hemisphere. Illegal logging is a slight difference percentage with over-cultivation about 30 percent and 28 percent. Almost 7 percent is causes by other factor for the degradation of land.

On the other hand, there was three region which the factors of degradation land happened there. Total land degraded is 23 percent in Europe and over deforestation is the biggest factor there. Oceana is lower than Europe in total land which become less productive but the over-grazing become the most problematic there because of the percentage is 11,3 percent. The smallest percentage is North America. 5 percent of total land degraded but all of factor that cause the land become less productive happened in North America.

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  Causes Worldwide Land Degradation
  

Writing Feedback / There are opponent statements about how to get a healthy lifestyle in this modern world. [2]

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There are opponent statements about how to get a healthy lifestyle in this modern world. Some people say that it is very difficult, but the others say that it is easy it those people desire to live healthily. In my opinion, that is true, when people really want to get a healthy life, they will find easy ways and get used many sources to cover their desire

In the recent years, we are getting hard to choose our food consumption because there are many kinds of food that we unsure about the quality. That is the reason why healthy lifestyle become hard to get. Otherwise, people have many activities and those activities is blamed as thing that become a high wall to get through a healthy lifestyle.

On the other hand, because of food and activities, we can deny the difficulties become healthy. But, if we want to be someone who has a healthy body and mind, we can start from the little things in part of our life such as, get the routine exercises at home before work, change model of transportation to go to workplace, bring your personal mineral water and fruits to work, and get healthy food from healthy catering. Those activities can be done for people who wanted to have a healthy lifestyle but get many activities in daily life. For instance, i have an uncle who work in a big company live healthily since college. Every morning, he always push-up at leats 30 times and make his own berakfast. He make a schedule board so that his food will be controlled. He never buy strange food from outside and keep his meal time on schedule. So, he has been getting a healthy lifestyle with the routine that he maintain every day

All in all, everyone will have a healthy lifestyle if they have an encourage to provide it. The diciplinary of ourselves is the key success to become someone who has a healthy mind and body. People who think about the difficulties of healthy lifestyle should change their mind and start to live healthy with many easy ways. (353w)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: Bulgarians who wanted to live in another country [3]

The chart below gives information about the level of education of Bulgarian people who wanted to go and live in another country in 2002, 2006, and 2008.

The bar chart gives information about how many people wanted to go and make a brand new life at other countries in 2002, 2006, and 2008 according to their level of education. Overall, people who got junior high school degree is the highest percentage from other levels planning to leave Bulgaria

In 2002, 65 percent of secondary educational bulgarians wanted to move out from Bulgaria. In the next four years, there was a slight difference from those inhabitants which was 61 percent. In 2008, there was 59 percent of bulgarians had planning to live outside that county.

In contrast, people who graduated from elementary and senior high school remained the same percentage in 2002 and 2006. But, there was a sharp difference between primary and higher education people in 2008. People who came from primary and lower education was higher percentage than graduated inhabitants from higher education which was 32 percent and 9 percent. (154w)

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  Bar Chart
  

Writing Feedback / These days, electronic media are commonly used by people in the world [2]

The use of electronic media has negative effects on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the recent years, electronic media commonly used by people in the hemisphere. One of negative effects has shown which is personal relationship become interrupted. In my view, i extent to agree because direct communication is more important than communication which is used electronic media

Handphone is a common technology which is used by people to communicate without seeing each other.This type of indirect communication has an advantage such as we can communicate with colleagues have a distance with us. We can keep in touch with them using social media. For example, people who work far away from their family hang them life to their phone because that is the only way so that people can communicate with family or colleagues from distance.

On the other hand, using handphone usually make people less aware of people around them. Feeling happy with their own world through their handphone. Because of handing the gadget, they can forget people around them. For instance, people who come to the mall for little reunion with friends, ending to talk with their handphone and do not talk to each other. That is the reason why electronic media can ruin our relationship with others. As a result, Because of high technology attraction, people become uncared with their surroundings.

In conclusion, it is true that electronic media can take care of relationship among colleagues in distance. However, the negative effect of using electronic media is more problematic. I suggest to using the electronic media wisely so that we can divide time for people around us.

Writing Feedback / Dealing with client as an external communication skill and listening carefully to colleagues ... [2]

The table gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.

The table gives information about the essential communication skills in people's job through internal and external communication surveys in 1997 and 2006. Overall, the most important skill needed by people was dealing with client as an external communication skill and listening carefully with colleagues as an internal communication skill.

In 1997, the percentage of external aspect which was dealing with people at 60 percent. In the next nine years, it rose at 65 percent. Communication in knowledge of product or service and giving advice for clients was a slight increase by 6 percent and 3 percent. Only ability to sell product or service went down from 24 percent to 21 percent

In contrast, all of aspects in internal communication survey within 1997 and 2006 rose respectively. Listening to colleagues was the highest skill among other which is 47 percent in 2006. Ability to training people and persuading each other in the office went up by 5 percent among 1997 and 2006. Making speech in front of employees become the most problematic from people because only 11 percent fell the essential from others.

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  table
  

Writing Feedback / The picture illustrates the flow of air leaks and heat loss in houses [5]

The diagram below shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.

The picture illustrates the flow of air leaks and heat loss in houses. overall, the amount of air getting into houses is more than the amount of air out of houses. air leaking into the house from many pathways of house but air leaking out of the house only from the top of houses.

The air gets into the first floor in houses through many ways such from outdoor faucet, electrical faucet and window which is built in houses. Second floor houses have many sides from the air leaking into houses. The other places come from second floor which is window and kitchen fan vent.

After that, Air is processed around the houses and loss heated throughout the attic hatch which is located in the middle of the second floor. Bathroom releases heat from its fan vent . In addition, recessed light in bathroom and kitchen cause the heat loss in houses.

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Writing Feedback / The businessmen avoids to concentrate only on making money. [2]

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

Business is made by some people to make money for themselves and their focus only to make a profit. Personally, i totally disagree with that statement because business is the place for other people who looking for salary and the businessmen avoid to concentrate only on making money. Because business has bigger opportunity become huge companies if their focus not only on getting them rich

Businessmen have to think about the productivity of their business. Throughout the employee, business will get the optimum productivity and highest profit. For instance, businessmen provide the safety tools, average temperature of the workplace and maintain break schedule to make their employee comfortable when they are working so that they can improve their work and prove the high performance. The comfortable zone that businessmen create, will provide much cost so that they have to prepare the unplanned cost for their employee. As a result, they will get profit from employees' performance indirectly

In addition, a business which only thinks about profit did not think about the environment. They only concentrate on making the process low budget but high profit. However, they can get profit from their waste. For example, the factory has a lot of waste in their every department, the great businessmen will get the benefit from those waste and build the facility to reduce their waste. Maybe it will not make a huge profit but productivity will increase and the business can stand for along time.

To sum up, businessmen should focus not only for money but also for employee and environment. Because the productivity of business is more important than its profit. When the productivity increases, the profit will follow.