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Posts by sharfina
Name: sharfina21
Joined: Dec 1, 2015
Last Post: Feb 5, 2016
Threads: 35
Posts: 21  
Likes: 5
From: indonesia
School: brawijaya university

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sharfina   
Feb 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Earth Runs Out of Natural Resources - Space exploring might be a good solution. IELTS 2 [2]

As earth runs out of natural resources, we have started to look to space for solutions. However, some people argue that this is the wrong thing to do, and instead we should look for alternative solutions here on earth.

To what extent do you agree with them?

What alternatives might there be to exploiting space for natural resources


Earth's natural resources in the planet are running out. Some people argue that we should begin looking to space for solution, while others believe that this is inappropriate action and we have to look for alternative one in the earth. I do believe that the latter notion is a better way rather than the former one.

Needless to say, natural resources in the earth will soon be entirely depleted due to a population exceeding seven billion and continuously climbing. Some scientists argue that one of solutions is search resources outside the earth, such as space. space consists of Asteroids containing rich sources of fossil fuels. A study carried out by David Bugr in 2014 found that Asteroids contain the fairly similar physical and chemical characteristics to oil and coal, nevertheless exploiting such asteroids need space travel that is extremely expensive and government should spend a significant budget on this field. This action is forecast requiring 70% of country's budget.

Apart from the previous discussion, space exploration related to exploring and exploiting natural resources is improper. Seeking alternative solution in the earth is more effective since there still contains other natural resources. In the planet, humans can use renewable resources, such as wind and solar energy, instead of using non-renewable resources that is near exhausted. A study carried out by Jimmy keil in 2015 found that using wind and water as replacement fossil fuels is possible action. 40% of famous inventors have come up with the idea of car using solar cell.

In conclusion, looking to resources in space related to running out of natural resources in the earth might be a good solution. However, people should consider about the diverse effect on economical problem faced by government in country. It is imperative that in the earth contains the abudant of renewable energy.
sharfina   
Feb 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Astronauts travelling space will bring proud impression to their countries [2]

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort

Humans have dreamed about space flight. While some people believe that a person going outer space has had more to do with national pride since they can bring their country flags, I would argue that space exploration is closely related to international effort as it involves collaboration among countries to reach particular goals.

The general view has stated that people had explored space resulting in national admiration. By doing so, they can put their country flags in a particular planet in space and they can show that their country have ability to produce advanced technology. The BBC news reported in March 2010 that the first person walking on the Moon is Neil Elden Amstrong who is an American astronaut. He put American flag on the surface of the the Moon. This action has given rise to American well-known as the super power country since America had sophisticated technology facilitating him exploring space.

On the other hand, space exploration is associated with international effort as it needs cooperation to do researchs as well as developing either technology or concept related to space. The Times news reported in May 2011 that in the later half of the 20th century were developed rockets that were powerful enough to overcome the force of gravity . It involved scienticts from Russia to design rockets, while those from Germany were needed to measure gravitional force to reach orbital velocities that could open space to human exploration. Therefore, this project required a lot of money and eventually 41 countries participated funding the amount of money to support this project. This results in lots of countries travelling space easily.

In conclusion, Astronauts travelling space will bring proud impression to their countries. However, there is no doubt that successful space expolration involves international venture. It is imperative that space travel needs state-of-the-art technology which is devised by cooperation among countries.
sharfina   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: APPROPRIATE FORM OF PUNISHMENT FOR DRUG USERS [4]

I believe i stand in the latter idea is more effective since hospital is the best place to rehabilitate them

The general view has beenstated that drug addicts should be arrested

example, BNN, --->remember ,you should explain every acronym

there is an increase in the number of addicted people in Indonesia ---> perhaps you can mention how many the percentage related to the increase of the number of addicted people

some people argue that government should put addicted people into the hospital so as to gain rehabilitation intensively.to rehabilitate them intensively
sharfina   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many museums and history sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people [NEW]

Many museums and history sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people why is this? What can we done to encourage people to visit museums and historical sites?

Tourist attractions, such as museums and history sites are dominated by foreigners rather than local people. The main reason this is because they have different perspective and the most viable solution is attracting events appealing local one visting those places.

The main predominant reason foreigners more attracted to visit museums and history sites rather than local inhabitants is a different viewpoint. The main aim of tourists travelling to other countries is to experience something new either cultures or histories from different countries. However, local people tend to less interest learning about it further since they have known quite well about it from their school, so that they prefer spending on travelling in modern place, such as shopping centre. This results in such places not popular among local people. For example, a recent government survey found that 70% of local people choose going to shopping centre rather than museum since they said that they feel bored to review about their outdated history.

Despite this, to tackle this problem the government should hold spectacular festivals and show the unique of ancient aspect at these places. Such events will attract local inhabitans and make them aware about the essential to learn further about history and culture. For example, The BBC news reported in March 2015 that the exciting events held at Ironbridge Museum in the United Kingdom successfully increase local visitor by 55%.

In conclusion, tourists have different point of view to local people, which accounts for the reasons that they are more likely to visit museums and historical places. However, it can be addressed through holding interesting festivals.
sharfina   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many people struggle to reach a success at their work and have a happy family. [2]

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?

Many people struggle to reach a success at their work and have a happy family. The main problem this cause depression and the most viable solution is a valuable advertisement educating people about the adverse of overwork.

The principal problem when people trying to keep successful career and happy family life gives rise to feeling depressed. Feeling depressed is when people are mentally forced to focus on two goals and give them the best simultaneously. This results in people not performing quite well to both family and works, which can cause disharmonious in household and lack of career prospect. For example, The BBC news reported in March 2015 that 70% of employees having lots of workloads and spending time over 70 hours a week in workplace decided getting divorce.

Apart from the previous discussion, to tackle this problem the governments should take a responsibility to this complicated issue. These parties should give exaggerating advertisement related to the dangers of working much time to reach bright career and not spending enough time with their family. An valuable advertisement could shed some light on this difficult situation and allow people to manage their time wisely arrange their activity properly. For example, a similar initiative in Korea resulted in a 71% decrease in people deciding suicide due to stress.

In conclusion, keep the right balance between kinship and career prospect is a major issue that can result in people not undertaking both roles fairly. However, it can be addressed through educating people about the dangers.
sharfina   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Drug addicts should be jailed - IELTS 2 [2]

Some people think that drug addicts should be jailed, while others claim that they should be rehabilitated. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

A huge number of narcotic users are the hottest issue in the world. Some would argue that addicted people to drugs should be sentenced in prison to make them consider doing inappropriate actions, while others say that they need a treatment in health care to cure their suffering. While both views affect them positively, I believe that the latter notion is the effective way to make them getting better.

The general view has stated that drug users should be arrested. By doing so, it will make addicted users becoming aware. The Jakarta Post news reported in March 2015 that the government in Indonesia has created the policy related to putting drug users into the jail. Nevertheless, 50% of addicted people completely stopped using narcotics, while the rest decided to reuse drugs again after being freed from prison in the following year. However this is not the best way since this policy does not make all of them wary.

Apart from the previous discussion, I believe that putting them in rehabilitation is a better way to make drug addicts conscious. Narcotic users should be rehabilitated to set their mindset psychologically. For example, In London, a survey carried out by Keil Rom in 2014 found that 85% of drug users perceiving rehabilitation program totally recover from narcotics. Such program not only get rid of narcotics from users, but also they are given a positive doctrine. This results in they not using drugs again and becoming more useful people in community.

In conclusion, although sentence addicts in house arrest can reduce the number of addicts, it does not mean that they will not do the same action in the following days. I think that taking care them in hospital should be taken into consideration.
sharfina   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media Should Adjust The Proportion of News Between Stars and Ordinary People [2]

In temporary age,IN THIS MODERN AGE

,media are more likely to widely spread the news regarding the affairs and lives of famous figures.Ww hile it is true some argue that ordinary regular people should be paid more attention. I mainly believe that both proportions should be adjusted.(please change to another sentence)

I give you the intoroduction section that will help you

The media play a pivotal role in providing information about everything and everybody in the world. Nowadays, lifestyle and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers have appeared exaggeratedly on television and other media. Whilst i think that journalist are too focused on celebrities' lives, i firmly believe that media should pay more attention to ordinary people's lives.
sharfina   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Technology promotes a revolution and an innovation in mobility of workers. [2]

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling,etc.) do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

Technology promotes a revolution and an innovation in mobility of workers. Information technology usage makes people's lives much more convenient, in particular workers. While it will fade the sense of social among people, it makes people complete their work easily. Personally, I would argue that the benefit people obtain from such technology will outweigh the disadvantage one.

Needless to say, People working in non-office space have given rise to an abrupt withdrawal of social relationship among co-workers. They are bound to making a conversation and a discussion with others by information technology and they do not have any intention to face-to-face communication. The Times news reported in May 2015 that 60% of people having their own business in their house, such as shopping online, just have a few friends in their real life, although they have above thousands of friends in their bussinees online. This results in they often overwhelming when they deal with crowd.

Apart from the previous discussion, I believe that information technology renders significant benefit in workers's cicrles. It simplify employees completing their job and their deadline even they are not in workplace. For example, In London, a survey carried out by Keil Rom in 2014 found that 89% of employess in some companies complete their deadline on time since they can check emails related to their tasks and finish them immediately anywhere such as in their house or while travelling on train or bus. There is no doubt that this has boosted worker's productivity.

In conclusion, although technology-based information comes to disrupt social life of human beings, it also help workers completing their works appositely. Where possible, people should use this technology wisely and keep communication to others as usual.
sharfina   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Online video games as a useful educational tool [2]

Some people regard online video games as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the young people who play them.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of computer and give your own opinion.


Some children enjoy playing computer games. While some people believe that these games have a positive effect for children, others argue these are not good for them. Whilst these programs are useful to develop children's linguistic skills, I would argue that they are more likely to have a harmful impact that should be a consideration.

Needless to say, the main advantage of playing video games is to educate young people. They can learn other languages and practice it in real life. Sometimes video games encourage players communicating one another to arrange strategy in that programs. The BBC news reported in March 2015 that 70% of Japanese children playing Clash of Clans regularly have ability to achieve high score in english subject in their school rather than those who do not play these games. These games quite often involve english as the main language. This results in children playing game online improving their second language.

Apart from the previous discussion, I believe that it brings a drawback for children playing games related to video technology frequently. They have a tendency lack of physical exercise. This leads a sedentary lifestyle among those, such as obesity. The Times news reported in February 2015 that the obesity rate of people aged below 17 years old in the United States increase to 50% after video games is introduced considerably.

In conclusion, although online video games can help children improve their language ability, they also give rise to reducing the time doing physical exercise. Where possible, all parties should consider this serious cosequence.
sharfina   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Students participating in international student exchange programs will gain valuable experience. [2]

Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?

a valuable experience



Students participating in international student exchange programs will gain valuable experience. Some teacher believe that supporting these programs for all young school pupils is the right approach. While international students will feel distress adapting other cultures in the beginning of period, I would argue that they will get a priceless advantage from these programs, such as acquiring international recognised qualification.

Needless to say, students taking part in these programs are often faced with difficult problem related to adjusting new culture. It seems completely diverse with their daily habit. For example, In London, a survey carried out by Keil Rom in 2014 found that in the first day and second day, 80% of International students will feel impressive about foreign culture. However, in the third day, they find many difficulties to accustom their behaviours with native. This results in they feeling stress and depressed. Nevertheless, collecting information related to their country destination is essential to prevent culture shock.

Apart from the previous discussion, teenage pupils studying abroad for a while will gain the beneficial aspect from these programs. They utterly acquire international recognise qualification as a reward that very useful in their career prospects. The BBC news reported in March 2015 that 70% of reputable companies in United States prefer choosing candidates having qualification recognised internationally. This results in students who have taken student exchange programs having great opportunities to be accepted in the prestigious company.

In conclusion, there is a benefit and drawback associated with sudents participating in international student exchange programs. While these programs give a chance for them to develop their careers, they will suffer in the early of period . Where possible, the valuable opportunity should be taken into consideration.
sharfina   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / International students are facing cultural adaptation problem when taking education in other country [2]

As such, the idea that HAS A huge benefit
before international students leavingLEAVE their original country.

i would argue that the advantage areIS more important than the disadvantages.

when they take AN education

in otheranother country such a culture adaptation.

England could not stand for A long time

This resulted in the decline in their score at university.THIS RESULTS IN THEIR SCORE DECLINING DRASTICALLY

attractingATTRACT companies attention to recruit these kind of people
sharfina   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The sophisticated information technology tends to enable virtually workers having job at home. [2]

workers do no need to be like this

workers donot need to be like this

take on a job in outside of the workplace.

A part from THE previous explanations,

a modern breakthrough opens uprenders

a pleasant-work atmosphere.pleasant atmosphere to work

Working outside given to workers and the eventually a chance to enhance their performance ???
sharfina   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Untalented Children in artistic learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school [2]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude.

To what extent do you agree or disagre
e?

Most schools involve an Art class as a compulsory subject. Some people believe that pupils learning Art and Music without having many skills or art talents is useless, while I argue that encouraging them to switch non-academic subjects ,art ad music, to subjects that they may have more aptitude, practical and logical subject, is the right approach to shun them feeling depression.

Most students lacking in artistic feel stressful when they are forced involved in Art classes. They should be given a chance to take out of art classes . Some obviously will render their best in another subject. For example, In Finland, a survey carried out by Rosci Kerl 2014 found that some in secondary school having a tendency gaining a high score in Mathematic subject are placed in one class concentrated on only that subject. This results in they becoming expert on Math subject and they acquire a specific skill.

Apart from the previous discussion, untalented pupils in artistic should be encouraged to do useful subjects, such as volunteer and Scout activity. They have more valuable benefit to improve their social skill rather than forcing them to do the subject, Art and Music, that they are not interested in. For example, In Japan, a survey carried out by Takashima 2014 found that non-art skilled students cannot survive in Art classes and it is directly impact on their sense of worth. Therefore, giving them the practical ones that easy to be learned is more beneficial for them.

To sum up, it is absolutely unappropriate involving untalented students in artistic joining Art classes since it gives rise to be worthless. It is believed that forcing them in Art classes will make them feeling stress. Therefore, concentrated on other subjects is a better way for them.
sharfina   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is generally thought that employees are choosing their jobs based on an offered income [2]

albeit they have high salary

Virtually supportersproponents

working environment ? environmental work

People are likely leaveleaving

they feel unconvertible ??uncomfortable

workers who work inworkers working in
stress free ??(N + N)

will successfully gainedgain their best performance.

while other groupanother group

was sendsent to different
they did not keen to workthey were not keen on working
sharfina   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years [3]

Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?

People do need money to survive. Some people believe that the the main motivator for workers standing for a long time in one company is earning a great amount of money, while I argue that pleasure atmosphere and passion are factors considerably influencing loyalty of employees.

Pleasure atmosphere is the most preferable for workers to enjoy staying in the same company for a long time rather than earning amount of money. Comfortable zone brings employees feeling well-being. Some do not want to move to another one since they are afraid if they cannot get the same good circumstances as the former one. For example, In London, a survey carried out by Richa Andrew in 2014 found that 70% of employees said that they do not have any intention moving out to another enterprise even though they are offered a great salary since in the company where they are work in present provides luxury facilities and friendly co-workers. Despite this, a big salary sometimes become a great consideration for those choosing another job.

Apart from the previous discussion, passion is another reason for employees to keep loyal in one company. Compatibility with their aptitudes is the main reason to be standing for many years. They enjoy struggling with a quite difficult workload when it corresponds to their desire. The Times newspaper reported in February 2015 that 70% of Accountants prefer choosing a job as an accounting in a certain company even they will deal with some workpapers as well as gaining a low-average sallary. This results in workers not wanting to look for another job.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that money is not the best motivator. The please zone and passion are the main factors making people feeling satisfied in the same company instead of earning money. It is imperative that there is no doubt that money has small influence of workers' loyalty in company.
sharfina   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most employers interview candidates before hiring them [2]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

In most enterprises the Job interview is a compulsory activity passed by applicant before gaining a certain position in a workplace. While some believe that there is complicated to select the best ones with this method, i will come up with the idea of better alternatives to find the qualified candidates, such as combining interview section with other measurements.

Actually, an interview section is used to express candidates' personality, character, and capabilities, yet sometimes it cannot describe about them truly. There is many courses offering about preparation before taking an interview chance, so it does not come naturally. A 2015 recent study by Stanford University revealed that 70% of applicants with the low capabilities are success in their interview since they are well-prepared as well as having known about all strategies, while 60% of well-knowledge ones fail in this section due to having no preparation. Therefore, it is not always true to judge them fully by this stage.

In my point of view, the best way to select the qualified applicants is not only by interview, but also employers can combine this section with other aspects, such as written examinations and certain language proficiency to acquire qualified ones. The Times News reported in February 2015 that involving those in group discussion and interview can describe all personality, intelligence, and leadership skills of those accurately.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that while interview is difficult method to find the best candidates, it turns to be effective way if interviewer fuse them into one to meet their needs. It is imperative that interview stage should not to be abandoned since it can be used to asses those instantly.
sharfina   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Harshness on Television Delivers Some detrimental Impacts for Children [2]

There is an inclining level of harshness that has been seen on television. There is a view that it obtainsemerges some dire effects on children's actions.

... delivers some detrimental impacts forON children, especially on their actions .

... I extremely believe that this is impact toon children negatively. In fact, children doare not able yet to ...
As a result, they spent their childhood time with sorrowin misery . Therefore, it is really not acceptable impact foron children.

... harshness on television as a suitable or agreeablean acceptable act.
... including in their cartoon lineshows . Children's paradigms of violence are biasprejudgement and they do not recognize ...

... harshness on television programs obtainsgives rise to some demerit effects on children's behaviourbehavior .
... if there are no sensorcensor regulation of television programs and guidance from their parents.
sharfina   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Manufacturers and retail companies use colour as an effective way to attract the number of customers [2]

Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour.

How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?

Manufacturers and retail companies use colour as an effective way to attract the number of customers when they sell their products. While people agree that colour affects strongly great deal of customers on decision of purchasing their products, i would argue that great sales are considerably influenced by interesting packaging and price of them.

Colour is essential for manufacturers and retail companies. It is a tool to boost their sales. It is inevitable that customers tend to feeling comfortable and hungry in particular colour zone . For example, a 2015 recent study by Jones Rim as the economist expert found that people spend most their time and order much food when they are in the restaurant with the red shade. These cases emerge in the light of a certain impulse in people's brain of a willingness gaining product in attractive colour.

Apart from the previous discussion, however, there are other factors that are equally important. These might include catchy packaging and price. The first sight directly attract people's attention to buy products. The BBC news reported in March 2015 that unique packaging of ready-made-meal in Korea increase the sales up to 30%, while pricey food give rise to decrease of profit up to 40% as many people in that country are smart buyer and tend to think twice to buy them. Therefore, all parties related in manufacturers and retails companies should produce cheap and unique packaging of products to make a profit.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that while there is a link between colour and decision to buy a product, exciting packaging and reasonable price influence greatly people's willingness to shop it. It is imperative that companies should come up with the idea of profitable product for customers and manufacturers.
sharfina   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Psychologists have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel [3]

Psychologists have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to colour schemes when decorating places such as offices and hospitals

How true is this statement? How far does colour influence people's health and capacity for work?


Colours have an enormous impact on human beings' lives. Today's issue, psychologists have found that colours in the room influence the feeling of workers and patients actively. While others believe that colours have a pivotal role to people's mindset,I would argue that other aspects should be taken into consideration.

Colour in workplace is less important. It does not completely influencing performance of worker. The way of people thinking seems coming from theirselves . For example, In London, a survey carried out by Daniel Orcle in 2014 found that people working in blue room and those in white room result in the same good productivity sincehe believes that it depends on their own intelligence. Despite this, the atmosphere of bright colour in workplace sometimes brings people coming up with idea of new innovation, whilst dark colour will emerge scary atmosphere.

Medical parties or patients believe that colours are less essential since their recovery does not depends on colour patterns of hospital. The Singapore newspaper related to medical topic reported in January 2015 that the improvement of patients' recovery relies on state-of-the-art amenities rather than its decorations. Besides, colours just become supporting aspect to make patients feeling more comfortable. Therefore, advanced treatment and qualified parties are more needed for patients.

To sum up, there is not direct link between colour and mood states of people. As far as I am concerned, Intelligence affects productivity of workers, while sophisticated technology and well-knowledge parties in hospital are the main factors influencing people's recovery. It is imperative that the pattern of colours should be set properly to create pleasant zone.
sharfina   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of population in a particular area, totaling a 16 year-period [2]

A breakdown of the proportion about population in a particular area from 2000 to the present,totaling a 16 year-period, is presented in the pie chart and bar chart. Overall, habitat destruction has have an enormous impact on wildlife population changes. Meanwhile, in spite of increase population for some species, there has been a downward trend for others.

As seen, changes of wildlife population are caused by many factors. Habitat destruction is the main cause of changes in wildlife population. This aspect have accounted almost half. The second most significant of giving adverse impact on these cases is pollution, with almost a quarter. Nevertheless, the small percentage related to alteration of population has been witnessed for overpopulation through hunting and fishing.Others have seen just under 13%.

On the other hand, the figures for insects are by far the most noticeable ,decrease dramatically of over 40% for both butterflies and bees, while mammals have risen significantly, particularly for bats (23%) which have reached over twice times the percentage of population as foxes, Therefore, freshwater fish, consist of trout and salmon, have fallen to nearly -30% and others have experinced above -10%.




sharfina   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of species extinctions in tropical forests shows an upward trend [3]

The graph and chart below give information about species extinctions and the threats to plant life. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

A breakdown of the proportion about extinctions of species and threats to plant life between 2000 and 2100 is illustrated in the line graph and bar chart. Overall, the number of species extinctions in tropical forests shows an upward trend. Meanwhile, the most substantial menace to plant survival is human impact.

Initially, the level of species extinctions is forecast to increase dramatically from just under 5 thousand to below 30 thousand from 2000 to 2100, a rise of about 25 thousand in 100 years. By 2060, those of species extinctions will peak at 50 thousand. This trend is followed by a dramatic fall of 20 thousand between 2060 and 2100.

As seen, plant life threats are affected by two different activities, human impact and natural events. Clearly, the former has over seven times as much as the latter, with 81.3% and 18.7% respectively. By far the most significant threat is agriculture,accounting for 18.7%. Development has a half times the proportion of threats as agriculture,amounting to 10.4%, while harvesting experience the third most noticeable threat, with 14.4%.Others witness less than 10 %. On the other hand, natural disaster is not quite as great as other natural events, with a gap by 3.7%.




sharfina   
Jan 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Exercise and absenteeism in two departments of a major company [4]

The chart and table below give information about exercise and absenteeism in two departments of a major company (Based on 2012 survey)

A breakdown of the proportion of employees related to exercise and absenteeism in two departments of a large company in 2012 is illustrated in the bar chart and table. Overall, there are similarities and differences between the two departments engaged in the amount of hours spent exercising each week, while majority employees did it between five and ten hours. We can also see that those missing due to illness were varied in both places.

The figure for employees exercised between five and ten hours fairly similar in Birmingham and London department, accounting for below 50%. However, those in Brimingham doing workout for less than five hours a week was considerably lower than London,more employees in Brimingham exercised between ten and fifteen hours. These had a gap around 15%. Others saw less marked difference.

Based on the absenteeism due to ill health, Birmingham had over twice as much as no absence than London, with 380 and 158 employees.Interestingly,London department was recorded 216 employees missing lower than Brimingham one. Meanwhile, the absenteeism for more than 5 days a year in both of company bore fairly similar to each other, with around 242 employees.




sharfina   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. [2]

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK.

A breakdown of the proportion of cinema attendance in the UK in four different age cohorts from 1990 to 2010 is illustrated in the line graph. Overall, more peope aged 14 to 54 went to cinema,while people in age group 14 to 24 did not enjoy going to cinema. All figures witnessed upward trends.

Initially, in 1990, cinema was by far the favorite for 44 to 54 age group and people aged 34 to 44, with nearly 40 % . Meanwhile, fewer people aged 14 to 24 enjoyed to go to cinema, accounting for 15 %. Another figure saw just over 20 %. By 2010, all figures had witnessed a rise. A gap between people in age group 44 to 54 and 34 to 44 had widened out. The former accounted for above 50% and the latter amounted to just over 40 %. Others had seen stable from 2005 to 2010 and they had reached 32% and 20% for 24-34 and 14-24 brackets.

Between 1995 and 2000, all figures saw a drop. The proportion of people in age groups 44 to 54 and 34 to 44 was a hit lof of around below 50% and this was followed a continous and steady increase. Those of people aged 24 to 34 was 22 %, while 12 % of people aged 14 to 24 attended the cinema.




sharfina   
Jan 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: IS IT DIFFICULT TO BE HEALTH? [2]

Hello, I just correct your grammar..

However some othersarguebelieve that basically obtaining ...
In my opinion,it is argued that every single person has ...

In this day and age, a great deal of time due ...
In my opinion, this problem is the common obstacle ...
... big city such as in Jakarta, have to work in office (...) much leisure time to do healthy lifephysical exercises such as sportjogging and swimming. In addition, another factor that is possible to promote an unhealthya sedentary lifestyle is the high frequency in consuming junk foodready-made-meal which is regarded resistant ...

... actually possible to gain a healthy manner oflifestyle.
Take a sample fortaking a busy worker for the example, they can use bicycle to go to work. BesideS , it is a simple way to keep ...

... counteracting people to have a healthy life mannerlifestyle , I extremely believe a ...
sharfina   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The population change between 1940 and 2000 in three different counties in the U.S. State of Oregon [2]

The graph below shows the population change between 1940 and 2000 in three different counties in the U.S. state of Oregon.

A breakdown of the population growth engaged in three different countries of Oregon from 1940 to 2000 is illustrated in the line graph. Overall, While Washington was the favorite place for majority dwellers in Oregon, Yamhill and Columbia had fairly similar population rate. All figures shows an upward trend.

To begin, in 1940, majority people prefer to live in Washington. The population was by far the highest over the following period. 75,000 people was recorded in Washington. Yamhill and Columbia's population stood at a fairly similar level, with 30,000. By 2000, growth in number of population had seen a significant changes. Interestingly, Thus the gap between the population of three countries had widened out.While the proportion of Columbia's population had fallen back to the 1940 figure of washington, amounting for 75,000, population in Yamhill witnessed a slight increase, with 90,000.

Over the following period, all figures experienced an increase. The number of population in Washington was the highest rate, rising from over 120,000 in 1970 and reaching a high of above 240,000 in 2000. Meanwhile, the proportion of population in Columbia and Yamhill had a less marked gap, accounting for 15,000.




sharfina   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Change in the number of international graduates engaged in eight different Canadian provinces [3]

The graph below shows the percentage change in the number of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.

A breakdown of the proportion change in the number of international graduates engaged in eight different provinces in Canadian between 2001 and 2006 is illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, by far the favorite province chosen by students to acquire knowledge in universities was recorded in New Brunswick. While those of International graduates in Alberta declined considerably, the converse would appear to be true for other figures over the following period.

To begin, between 2001 and 2006, The highest number of international students completed their studies in universities in New Brunswick, the following year remained the same. In 2006, the percentage of international students in these provinces experienced a significant increase. Interestingly, just Alberta witnessed a fall of 1.5 %.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that, by 2001, majority of international students had graduated from universities in New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, hovering at about 6.5%. While Quebec and Alberta had more than 5.5 % of those, other figures experienced less than 5 %. After five years, in 2006, New brunswick had the highest proportion of international students, amounting for approximately 12 %, followed by Nova Scotia and British Columbia, accounting for 10.5%. Afterwards those from Quebec hovered at 8.5%, while other figures saw less than 7 % in 2006.




sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - What is the proper dress code at work? [2]

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


First impression is essential in workplace. For this reason, It is believed that perfect dress should be worn by employees since it gives rise to boost company's public image. Others, however, believe that work quality is a crucial factor for corporations to reach good progression.

Companies encourage their employees to wear appropriate dress as appearance reflects performance of ventures. Firstly, appearance creates an excellent impression among other workers since it can differentiate well-educated people from other people. As an obvious example, people wearing wrinkled or ill fitting clothing could send the message that they just threw something without much thought as well as less ambitious and this eventually leads to associating them less dedicated as an employee. Secondly, dress style can be characteristic for profesional company. To illustrate, 80 % multinational corporations in the world command their employees to look good and wear ironed clothing to get reputable image from public.

Although appearance is important factor for virtually companies, work quality should not be abandoned to reach a success for organisations. A 2015 recent Ohio university conducted 70% of reputable companies in America comprised of employees who wear a very simple uniform have many achievements since all of their staff are well-educated and smart. Besides, employers provide regularly training and courses every year. This action give rise to increase their employees's skill as well as quality. This show that quality of work is one of the essential factors to require career progression.

The aforementioned evidence reveals although some people believe that the best way to enhance public image about companies is dress appropriately. I would argue that, more attention should be paid on work quality in workplace to achieve good progression. It is imperative that smart in dressed and work aptitude is the best combination for company.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Inventors are not so essential to society as doctors who save people's lives [2]

It has been believed that the role of inventors for societies' welfare is not essential ascompared with the role of doctors. While other people reckon that doctors have more importantplay a pivotal role for citizens' interest like inhale the citizen having a hardserious disease, I tend to argue this notion since many human case is still needed to be developed by inventors these days.i would argue that inventors are stil needed for human beings.

Needless to say, the vital roleexistence of doctor for societies cannot be noticed since humans tend to vulnerable getsgetting a severe disease, affected by a bad lifestyle showed by citizens. For example, a cancer, leukemia, and hurt disease are the considerable caseare serious diseases faced by human nowadays. Without doctors, the humanS'S expectation to live longer is impossible. Regarding to this notion, there is no doubt that the role of doctors is more critical absolutely essential for inhabitant's better lifea better life.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Mass media focus too much on gossips, disseminating celebrities' issues even though it is not worthy [2]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. Do you agree or disagree?

The media play a pivotal role in providing valuable accessible information lifestyles and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers have been exaggerated on television and other media. Whilst I think that media too focused on celebrities' lives, I also believe that media should pay more attention to ordinary people's lives

Needless to say, media broadcast all about scandals and gossip of celebrities' lives. A 2015 recent Imperial College university shows 45% of programmes on television expose lives of celebrities. Although media report inspirable issues of celebrities, such as their achievements and appearance, it is sometimes just dwelling time.

In addition, media often report infuriating news about lives of those since they provide unjustified issues. For instance, mass media reported Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had divorced. It became main issue in all magazines and on television channels in 2015. This is cited from Times News, December 2015. As a result, the news perpetuate their fans became disappointed.

On the other hand, more attention should be paid on lives of ordinary people by media since it can inspire other people. Time Berners-Lee, the best known as the inventor of the World Wide Web, had inspired some people after mass media had broadcasted his invention widely cited from BBC News November 2014. This action gives rise to75 scientists did investigation of these networks. It is clear that mass media reporting ordinary people cause others think up new ideas and figure out further problems.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the mass media such as television, magazine and virtual news pay too much attention to disseminate issues of celebrities even though it is not worthy . However, ordinary people probably can be inspiring others should be emerged in the media. It is imperative that they should have the same right as the famous people. Ordinary people who represent unprecedented achievement should be televised in reality show program.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Suggestion for adolescents to take a job for a gap year between school and third-level education [3]

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

Every person needs a job to be well-rounded. Whilst some people render a suggestion for adolescents to take a job for a gap year between school and third-level education since this makes them to gain easy access to be accepted in reputable prestigious universities, others believe it is unacceptable since this may interupt their social lives.

Apparently, joining with company after people aged 13-18 in their a gap year between school and university gives them greatly benefit related to ample opportunities to be accepted in high-standard university. BBC News reported in January 2015 that 70% of young people who easily earned LOA ( Letter of Acceptance) from Oxford University have had a working experience. The university is very selective in student recruitment and it prefers students having working experience since they are more likely to be well-informed in comparison with those who do not work. As a result,experienced young people are bound to have an immense chance to be accepted in top-ranked university.

However, working in that period comes to an abrupt withdrawal of social life relationship. There seems a busy day with heavy workload. A 2013 recent Harvard University study conducts that 90 % of people working after graduated from their school in Beijing, China had felt a sense of alienation among their peers since they have to spend their time working in a 40-hour timetable per week. This resulted in poor social relationships.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the idea of pople in their leisure time after graduating from their school is the most valued. However, a dire consequence should be taken into account because this affects emotional development. It is imperative that they should manage a balance life.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: The Importance of Inventors and Doctors in The Country [3]

It is evidentevidence that doctors have a greatplay a pivotal role and are imperativeessential for thea country. It is due to the reason thatsincedoctors' main job are doctors have a responsibility toprovidein providing essential medical treatment for all citizens. An illustration for this,A brief illustration of this is a surgeon need to perform ...

Also, doctors also supply several vaccineS to resist the diseaseS .

However, it does not mean that the inventors should be completely neglected. First and foremost, the inventors are required in thefor a countryto improverelated to betterment ofthe technology and preparingpreparationa betterof breakthroughs which will help inhabitants' daily activities.

As a result, inventors are also very usefulabsolutely essential for the a country to formulate a better vaccine or medicine toregardingprevent diseaseprevention of diseases .
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Today's issue is child health. As seen, more children live under poor condition. Who's responsible? [2]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Today's issue is child health. As seen, more children live under poor condition. For some people, they argue that schools and parents should take this issue into account, but nevertheless, it is not always true. In my opinion, it is claimed media and health authorities have a responsibility to endure children health.

Apparently, preventing of an unhealthy lifestyle in children's lives can be tackled by cooperation between parents and school. Parents should be supporting school's policy in creating a healthy lifestyle among children. A 2015 recent state University of Finland found 80% of schools in that country provides gymnastic program before classes start, at 7 A.M, which is compulsory subject for students, while at home parents spend their free time on weekend to accompany their children doing exercise. These actions aim to encourage them to do more exercise. As a result, children in this country keep fit. It is clear that parents and schools play a pivotal role in maintaining a healthy lifestyle among children.

Apart from the previous discussion, media and health authorities are responsible to encourage healthy lifestyles of children. Health authorities can make colaboration with mass media to restrict advertisement related to harmful food, such as ready- made meals. By doing so, children have limited access to gain information about such food. Afterwards, these parties have a right to make interactive advertisement about long-term effects on children's health, such as by broadcast interesting counseling on TV and magazine. This way successfully increases awareness of 50 % children in China as they are afraid about diseases which will attack them in the future, cited from The Emerald News, December 20015. There is no doubt that these parties can create a healthy lifestyle among children.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that as children live in sedentary lifestyles, it is suggested that schools and parents consider tackling this problem. In fact, other parties play a prominent role in excogitating child health. It is imperative that more attention should be paid on child health.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Clothes as a significant sign of the tendency what people are like [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Clothes help to protect body. Not only this, it is believed that garments put on by people could differentiate people's personality from other people. However, it is argued that judging people by their outfit is unjustified.

Apparently clothes are often used as a significant sign of the tendency what people are like. A 2015 recent study by Renata Rim as psychologist from Ohio University conducted that the accuracy of identification people's personality by the clothes style which is worn by people is 85%. Afterwards, she found that 31 of 35 people from different age cohorts who have different favorite clothes and fashion style have different personality. To illustrate, people who wear short pants and T-shirts, they are more likely to be easy-going, while people who dressed elegant are more friendly but tend to be selfish. Evidence of this can be seen that apparel can express their own individuality.

However, clothes may not result in an impression about people's behaviour. Journal of Fashion Marketing and Management published in 2013 shows researchers carried out the research with over 300 adults (men and women) in Manchester City related to assesment of people's appearance. This study shows people are bound to judge strange people in a-50 second of seeing another,yet 55 % of their judgment was not matched with the real personality of those. It is clear that making judgment about people from the clothes they wear is not always right.

The aforementioned evidence shows that clothes could indicate people's behaviour. However it is believed that it is not superficial to judge someone by the way they dress. It is imperative that choice of dress style should be carefully because people will make all sorts of assumptions and decisions about us without proper evidence.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The only field of activity for businesses is just to make money? [2]

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only this. Do you agree or disagree?

Globalisation has changed world commerce. The intention of starting businesses is to earn money, then claim that they should focus to gain it. However, this is not always true, it is argued that innovation is another aspect that should be consideration for the betterment of businesses .

Apparently all businesses in the world have high ambition to earn money since they cannot start up and develop a business without make a profit. A brief illustration of this is Elon Musk, an American, CEO Space Exploration Technologies, said that the main aim he developing his enterprise is to be rich and gain a lot of money. His target regarding the high annual income, $7,000,000/month, is the biggest motivation that gives rise to him and his collaborations finding several ways to meet their target. As a result, in 2015, his business become prestigious in the world. It is clear that money should be consideration for employers to operate businesses.

Apart from the previous discussion, innovation is the significant aspect to make successful enterprises. Taking Google as an example, it has a large capital as well as modern infrastructures, yet Google+, its social networking product, is not bound to attract more attention from general audiences over two following periods, from 2103 to 2015. Andrew Lindstorm, as American Telematic Expert, said that this is because Google lack of innovation. It tends to imitate other social networking sites that already existed out there. This condition goes hand to hand with decrease of profit in the company.There is no doubt that this facet play a pivotal role for developing successful business.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although money is crucial aspect for businesses, it is deemed that innovation is another important factor that should be paid more attention for advancement of businesses. It is imperative that companies will venture throughout international borders, if they combine such factors.
sharfina   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Human Cannot Live Without Internet - cyber addiction and cyber-crime danger [2]

It is true that THE internet has been the ...
... the net has led to substantialPROFOUND change in people's lives in many ways. While I strongly believe that human livesHUMANS' LIVES would be different without the net, THE drawbacks, (comma) such as cyber addictive and ...

There is no doubt that humans' lives become easier thanks toIN THE LIGHT OF the internet. The expanding of the online networkNETWORKING SITE is a positive development ...

A good example of this is like in IndonesiaTAKING INDONESIA AS THE EXAMPLE , almost all entrepreneurs, (PUT COMMA) such as from batik fabric enterprise,(PUT COMMA) utilize cyber site to promote ...

All in all, Internet has becomesHAS BECOME an unavoidable technology that ...

A recent study reveals that virtually allMOST netizen users become more and (...) by surfing on the web. As a result, most of netizenTHEY become unhealthy as THEY /font] haVE BEEN affected by radiation of FROM the computer or smartphone that they utilize.
sharfina   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: ATTRACTIVE BUILDINGS OR PUBLIC SERVICES [3]

Taking Eiffel Tower in Paris as an example, (comma) It is very famous tower, so most of inhabitants around the world cannot circumvent the luxurious of Paris. A city will famous when it has an elegant landmark.

In contrast, there are many serious problems that government have to tackle. Quality of schools and hospitals is more essential to improveTO BE IMPROVED since it involves human rights and influences the capability of human resources. Schools as mediums of educationEDUCATION MEDIA and hospitals where people consult their health PROBLEMS ought to obtain maximum funding from government.

All in all, whilst spectacular architecture is significant as an identity of a country, quality of public services such as hospitals and schools are more importantABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL for government, so it is acceptable to expand the money allocationGOVERNMENT'S INCOME for upgrading the standardization.
sharfina   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF TOURISM ON THE DESTINATION COUNTRIES - statement verification [3]

However, this is not mean that there is no solution toward this problems. The travellers can avoid or minimize the detrimental by preserve the local cultures and environments. For example, by manage the local resources consuming and use the infrastructure wiselyby managing the local resources to consume and use the infrastructure wisely . In addition, the tourists can make a good write about local traditions to promote them. Thus, the foreigners can help the development of regional tourism and maintain the natural surroundings. To conclude, the holidaymakerS can reduce the harmful effects of travelling activities.

In conclusion, even excursion brings drawbacks such as natural damages and strain on the local buildings, there are some preserving actsACTIONS which will scale it down and can be done by the holidaymakers.
sharfina   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2- The Use of Electronic Media on Personal Relationships Between People [NEW]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is common these days to find people make a conversation using electronic media. While this notion brings a negative effect since this may emerge misuderstanding in their individual relationships between people, I would argue that people's relationships becoming much more convenient is one of positive effect.

Needless to say, people using electronic media to communicate give rise to disturbing their mutual relationship among people. There seems tend to ignore people surround them when they make a conversation by electronic media. A 2014 Stanford University study found that 45 % married couple in London decided getting divorce since they lack of face to face communication in their households in the light of high frequency playing with their own gadget. On the other hand, 30 % young people often fight with their close friend when they just make a conversation by computer or handphone since they often get misunderstanding. Therefore, there is no doubt that electronic media have demerits for individual relationships among people.

Apart from the previous discussion, electronic media increase quality in relationships as they can keep in touch with others when and where they like. A 2015 recent ASAP Science reported virtual interaction and communication by media electronic leads to more successful relationships. 60% people from all of age cohorts in the world argued that they have good relationship in the light of electronic media such as, phone, computer, e-mail, and telegram. By doing so, they claimed that they know their family condition who lives overseas just through their gadget or computer connected to the internet without spending a lot of money to directly go there. The outcome of this study shows that electronic media have benefit to keep personal relationships still warm.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the negative cosequences of using electronic media comes to an abrupt withdrawal of personal relationship. However it is believed that they play a pivotal role to improve the quality of individual relationships among people. It is imperative that people should use electronic media wisely by maintaining their relationships with others.