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Posts by Iedha01
Name: Fasidah
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Oct 3, 2016
Threads: 21
Posts: 40  

From: Indonesia
School: UNM

Displayed posts: 61 / page 1 of 2
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Iedha01   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : Street Art With A message Of Hope And Peace by El Seed [4]

There is a grey minaret Jara Mosque in Tunisia which is built in 1994. It has become more attractive and has got more attention from the local, even international press all across the globe. The most interesting part was its Caligraffiti which is a mix between Calligraphy and Graffiti. It was painted by El Seed, a talented Arabic man who was born and raised in Paris, France. He has that golden hands to create several universal messages through his painting on the wall, furthermore he stated that writing message is the essence of his artwork. Then,it is proved by that minaret's caligraffiti quotes which picked from a verse in Quran which says " Oh humankind, we have created you from a male and female and made you people tribe, so you may know each other".It was an universal call for peace, tolerance, and acceptance. Moreover, he stated so clearly that his goal in painting graffiti is breaking the stereotypes with the beauty of Arabic script. He didn't want to break lyrics of the poetry in the calligraphy. As it is an art and can be appreciated without knowing the meaning. It is the same with enjoying music from other countries. Some people assumed that this kind of graffiti is a rejection or a closed door, however he believed that it is an invitation, to his language, his culture, and to his art. He is so proud of his religion, that is why he loves his job so much.
Iedha01   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: A Rich Life with Less Stuff: The Minimalists [4]

Hi Fitri,
Your summary is excellent. The topic is interesting and informative. However, I noticed some grammatical issues.
-Luckily, Joshua Fields Millburn, WHOM then becomes his partner in ...
( it suppose "WHO" in that sentence)
Thanks
Iedha01   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary : Scramble to rescue tourists on slopes of Lombok volcano (source : The Times) [6]

Halo there,
Let me give some suggestion regarding to your summary

I' ve notived that you contructed your sentences so unclearly. Sometimes I could not catch the meaning. Let me show you

-It made people who around in that area in panic situations.(you should say "It caused panic situations among the people)
Iedha01   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary - How Great Leader Inspire Action by Simon Sinek [4]

HI there,
Your summary is excellent. It has a good flow and understandable. However, thre are only some grammatical issues I've found.
-Golden circle CONSIST of three layer of circles.(it must be CONSISTS)
-"What" in the outer circle which means what to do, and then "How" in the middle circle which means how someone do something, and after that "Why" is in the center of the circle which MEANS why someone do something which PICTURE their purpose or believe.(MeanS, so at yhe next verb, it must be PICTURES)

Thanks.
Iedha01   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / ARTICLE SUMMARY: Playboy Features Muslim Woman in Hijab For First Time Ever [5]

The 22-year-old Arab-American revealed her goal is to become the first hijabi news presenter on commercial TV in America .In fact, this October, Noor Tagouri has become the first hijab-wearing woman to be featured in Playboy's 63- year history. She is totally broke the rules which shows the reality that this adult magazine no longer includes uncensored images or sexist establishment , but makes the revolutionary to reward women and enlighten many people outsides. However, her appearance in Playboy becomes controversial among Muslim community. She tell playboy readers " Live your life as your trust self and encourage others to do the same and continue to break barriers and glass ceilings, then , reclaim our power". Indeed, she made a choice to join forces with a sexiest establishment that has debase other women by reducing them to sexual objects for generations.
Iedha01   
Sep 29, 2016
Scholarship / It is 6 o'clock in the morning of 2026... [4]

Hallo there,

In my point of view, your essay is good enough,a good flow and interesting topic.However, you should pay attention much more in your diction.Let me show the example,

-... to believe that I should take a SMALL break right now.

-I think SMALL is not suitable with BREAK, It should be "SHORT BREAK"
Iedha01   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary --- How Exercise Helps You Age Better [4]

Hi there,
Let me to give you some suggestions,

-... helps them to avoid INJURIES and DISABILITY; Physical activity can also...

=you suppose to make it parallel, INJURIES AND DISABILITIES

-Half of them BEGAN training regimens such ...

=you should pay attention in your diction, it suppose to be "GOT" because BEGAN is not apprioprate there.
Iedha01   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Camille A. Brown talks about dance, and specializes in social dance [4]

TED SUMMARY: A Visual History Of Social Dance In 25 Moves by Camille A. Brown

Camille A. Brown talks about dance, and specializes in social dance. It is an universal language for all people across the globe. It is also an expression that emerges from a community. It is not choreographed by any one person. It can not be traced to any one moment . As result, it rose dramatically, changes, and spreads like wildfire. Camille stated that the present always contains the past. Then, she starts to share about the Juba dance which is from Ensloved Africans' experts in plantation. It was about keeping cultural traditions alive and retraining a sense of inner freedom creativity. Cake Walk dance is coming up then. It was performed by the high class community. After that, she tells about Charleston which was famous in 1920s. And right now it is called Funky harleston. This kind of dance is suitable with children as it is a fun dance. All of these dances continue to evolve, grow, and spread. All in all, she stated that at present, social dance is about community connection. If someone know the step, it meant he/ she belonged to a group. So let us move, express freely, and dance together.
Iedha01   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many social-related problems being rushed up if somebody's speaking is ignored by listeners [4]

Hello Ifan,
Your summary is good, however, let me give you some inputs based on what I have noticed.

Those SELF PROBLEM can be solved by transforming.....

- at the first sentence you wrote GOSIP, JUDJING,NEGATIVELY,COMPLAINING,...
and I think SELF PROBLEM is not the appropriate word there, you should use " negative attitude" or "bad Habit"
Iedha01   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Our natural sleep cycle is nothing like what we do now [3]

Hi Ibal,
Let me give you some inputs related to your summary.In my opinion,your essay is not cohesion. Let me show you,

-The CRAB can move to the higher place ...
This term could help THEM to do (...) the cycle in THEIR live.

At the first sentence, you mention CRAB, that' s why you shoul use IT there.
Pay attention more in using pronoun.
Iedha01   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Curly Fry Conundrum: Why Social Media "likes" Say More Than You Might Think [4]

Jennifer Golbeck is a computer scientist who shares her super exciting research regarding to the rise numbers of social media and social network users. Most people around the globe consider that Facebook is much more interactive place to interact with others. The data has shown that Facebook has 1,2 billion users per month so about half of this earth's internet population is using Facebook.it is a networking site which allows people to get along with others and sending huge amounts of personal data online, thus, the result the computer scientist like Jennifer has hundreds of millions people's behavioral preference and demographic data which are able to build models that can predict all sorts of hidden people's personality that they even don't realize. Then, she described her favorite research which is published this year. In the proceeding of the national academies, she can predict all these attributes by looking at people's Facebook "like". In her study, she listed the five "likes" that were most indicative of high intelligence and among those was liking a page for CURLY FRIES. It must be delicious, however, liking them doesn't mean just leading a feeling appetite, but also is able to show how intelligence they are. At the last of her performance, she stated that her goal is not to figure out information about users, it's to improve the way people interact online.
Iedha01   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Aviation Emissions Are Next Target in Fight Against Climate Change [3]

worland
A conference in Montreal will be held this week to invite all negotiators from around the world discussing and composing a framework to limit future aviation emissions. It also a hope of all citizen to lead a significant step toward the climate change. All of those negotiators has a same goal to cap emissions when the agreement would give strong impact in 2021, requiring airlines to find ways to grow without polluting. All of those plan can not stand alone, they must be supported by advanced technology and more efficient airplane. Many airlines companies also hope for a mandatory International carbon offset program to meet the remaining need. Although, this stemming emissions in aviation in particular presents a difficult task, however all officials from more than 50 countries, such as the United States and China do support and hope that an agreement will be reached by the conclusion of the International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO) conference in early October. Moreover, last year this goal was enshrined in the Paris Agreement. All in all, all of these agreement address to keep global temperatures from rising more than 2`C above pre-industrial levels by 2100. In the other word, all resident around the globe expect the authority commit to fight climate change by holding hand in hand.
Iedha01   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary --- Bill Gates: Teachers need real help, need a coach. [5]

Hi Kiroro,

Your essay is really inspiring. Thanks for that, as a teacher, I do agree with your statement as you say "the system that we have today is not fair for teachers and for students too". Your statement is really described a real fact about teachers at this entire globe, espesially in my country, Indonesia.

As far as noticed, I only found one sentence that seems awkward. Let me show you

-The teacher is the one who should GET ADVICE as they have a ...

I think you should change the words GET ADVICE become GAIN KNOWLEDGE

Thank, I do hope It's useful for you.
Iedha01   
Sep 28, 2016
Undergraduate / I have not had a good English teacher since my freshman year of high school [3]

Hi Allison,

You've done a good job I think. Your writing has a good flow and amazing stories. That's why I enjoy reading yours.
There is only few grammatical issues that I' ve found, For example,

... I was setting myself at a place where it was almost impossible TO NOT MEET my goal. (If you want to state negative sentence, you should put do/does +not, and I think you suppose to say IT WAS ALMOST DO NOT MEET MY GOAL)
Iedha01   
Sep 27, 2016
Undergraduate / An Indian living in China; University of Chicago--Help with First question [5]

Hi Mohito,

I'm Iedha, I am Indonesian, and now I am learning writing skill too. I would like to share my experiences regarding to this writing as one of the language skills. The most important is to strengthen your basic skills, such as you should memorized a lot of vocabularies and also you must good in grammar. To gain more vocabularies, I suggest you not to memorized them directly, but you can keep them longer in your memory if you read more and more article, news, or TED Talks, and the last you should write more and practice it twice or three times a day. it's a good job for you because you posted your writing in Essay Forum. it helps you a lot.
Iedha01   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Speak Up for Syrian People [6]

Hi there,
Let me share share some ideas regarding to your summary,

I think you should vary your vocabularies in composing sentences. It can boost your mark. Let me show you some examples,

-Hamoud, the humanitiarian activist, said, [...] from Europe. They are Syrian people.

These sentences are not united so I give you this sentence as the example:

-Homoud, the humanitarian, revealed he were there where everyone is reserved to live, then, He convinced that a convenient and safe places are not only for Denmark, Europe, or Asia. It also belongs to Syirian resident.
Iedha01   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Women's Running Magazine Featured A Woman In A Hijab On The Cover [3]

At the first time in the history of fitness and health magazines in the U.S, the cover star of the Women's Running Magazine is wearing hijab. It becomes a hot issue in this week. The people wonder who this outstanding woman is, and the cover star is Rahaf Khatib. She is a mother of three kids who has competed in two triathlons and countless half marathons. She have several uniques experiences as athlete who wears hijab. Even, at the first race, she was asked lots of questions about her performance. Don't you get hot? This is the most favorite questions that she had. If it is hot outside, you are going to be warm regardless! She answered it calmly. Although it is not common view in United States, However, she stated that her running community has been welcoming her nicely. In addition, she revealed her feeling to Women's Running that she are proud to be the cover of that magazine. Moreover, she want to show to the world, especially to her parents and children and she convinced it is meant that her sweat, tears, and training are worth it.
Iedha01   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The New Power Of Collaboration -TED [3]

Hi there,
As far I concern, there are some grammatical issues in your summary. I suggest you to vary your vicabularies. Let me give examples,

-Communication has RELATED WITH media and collective action. ( it must be RELATED TO)
-Media comes from several SHAPES that had been supported by (...) commerce, education and ANOTHER ONE. ( I think the word SHAPE in the sentence above is not suitable and ANOTHER ONE, you can change it into OTHERS or MANY MORE ) Your sentence should be = there are several sources of media which support by internet....
Iedha01   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : Teach every child about food [7]

Hi there,
Let me give you some inputs regarding to your summary,

-Causes of death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual(it sounds awkward. You suppose to say = The increasing number of death is a precursor of revolution regarding to health)

-Food revolution need for better future, [...] made them cannot go anywhere ( Obesity is one of the unhealthy life style, especially for teenagers. It causes they are not able to be active. Therefore, it needs food revolution)
Iedha01   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Anthony Goldbloom's new perspective on what machines can and can't do [4]

TED SUMMARY: The Jobs We'll Lose to Machines And The Ones WE Won't

Anthony Goldbloom works in Kaggle, a company which operates on the cutting edge of machine learning and it brings together hundreds of thousands of experts to solve important problems for industry and academia. This gives them, especially for him a new perspective on what machines can and can't do, then finds out what jobs they might automate or threaten. He started to reveal that machine learning isn't just for simple tasks like assessing credit risk and sorting mail anymore, as like in early 90s. Today, it's capable of far more complex applications, like grading high-school essays, and the most challenging task is to diagnose diseases, such as diabetic retinopathy.

The data has clearly shown that machines are going to give better work performance at all the tasks like these. A teacher might read 10.000 essays over a 40 years career, an Ophthalmologist see 50.000 eyes for a whole life, while a machine can read million of essays and see million of eyes only within minutes. Anthony convinced the audiences that we have no change to competing against machines, however there are things that a machine can't do. One of them is tackling a novel situations. It doesn't capable to handle thing they haven't seen many times before. Finally, he stated that whatever we decide to do, let everyday bring a plenty of challenges, if they do, then we will stay ahead of the machines.
Iedha01   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED How does cancer spread through the body ? (Ivan Seah Yu Jun ) [4]

Hi Ifan21,
You've done a good job, however, there are some mistakes I noticed, let me show you

-The predominant QIESTION comes cancer distribution ...

In my opinion, you should simplify your sentence in order the reader will catch your notion clearly, while you don't miss your powerful words. Your sentence should be

-Metasis is a predominant questions coming from cancer distribution through our body.
-Ivan S.Y.J stated that the three major mechanism-spreading cancers proliferate and infect normal tissues such as, Transcoelomic,lymphatic and hematogenous.

I do hope it helps
Iedha01   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / There is no doubt that everybody wants to be a famous person. Not everything is so great though. [5]

Hi there,
Let me share some ideas to you,

In my opinion, in your first paragraph, thre are some mistakes that you've made. First of all, it'sthe second and third sentences. You mention twice of your ideas about POSITIVE+NEGATIVE and PROS+CONS. You should write only one of them.

The second is about " BEING POPULAR PERSONALITY". Your notion is unclear. What do you mean popular personaliy? If you don't mention the supporting sentrnces, just write BEING POPULAR PERSON.

Thanks, I do hope it helps
Iedha01   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY: The Courage To Tell A Hidden Story by Erman Mohammed [2]

Erman Mohammed is one of the most fearless woman who became the first photojournalist in Gaza Strip Palestine at a very young age, has just returned 19 years old. She shared her amazing stories to the world. She described her challenging carer by stating that her presence as the only one woman journalist was unacceptable. Due to the male-dominated field which stated clearly that the woman must not do the man's job. She also has considered a serious insult to local tradition. Moreover, a perception of women in Gaza is totally passive. Until a recent time, a lot of women are not allowed to work and pursue education. At that time, women were faced a double-war-drawbacks including social women restrictions and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. It inspired her deeply. Started that moment, she paying closer attention to women's life in Gaza. She told the audiences that beyond on the clear evidence and struggle, there were a safe and sound, smiles and also a proud achievement. Then, She closed her presentation by saying this meaningful and motivated sentence "my work is not meant to hide the scars of war, but to show the full-frame of unseen stories of Gazzans.
Iedha01   
Sep 26, 2016
Scholarship / Curiosity leads to the future. My Chevening study in UK essay [2]

Hi there, I am not good in writing but I will try to give you some comments related to your essay

-Choosing the three courses was not a hard job as I ALREADY KNOW what ...

In my point of view, this sentences are too long and a little bit unclear. You're better use some proper CONJUNCTION.
The word ALREADY in the first sentence used the wrong tense. You must use the PAST TENSE OR PRESENT PERFECT there. ALREADY means you've faced and known it before, so your sentence should be

- Choosing the three courses was not a hard job as I HAVE already KNOWN.......
Iedha01   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cellphone tracking and security cameras - modern technology spy on people [3]

Hi there,
Your esaay is good enough, only few mistakes I' ve noticed. Let me show you,

-The GPS HELPS police to prevent terrorism ... This is because GPS HAVE high accuracy to ... (The first sentence you put 's', so that in the second sentence must be HAS)

-From 2008 to 2013, FBI CONDUCT research about how much GPS effectiveness to prevent ...(I think it's the past event so you must put THE PAST VERB, it must be CONDUCTED)
Iedha01   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Prosanta Chakrabarty told, that his passion in life is looking at some hidden wonders of life [3]

TED SUMMARY: Clues to Prehistoric Times, Found In Blind Cave fish by Prosanta ChakraBarty

An Icthyologist, Prosanta Chakrabarty, told the audiences that his passion in life is looking at some hidden wonders of life. In recent years, he focused on caves where the habitat of cave fishes. They are being stuck in that little hole and has eyeless. It is caused by adapting that dark and cold cave environment, hence, over many generations they lose their eyesight. These cave fishes has evolved in a slightly different ways. The most interesting is regarding to their unique geological and biological which be able to tell us. It is a new species from Southern Indiana, as called Amblyopsis Hoosieri, its relative of cave fish in Kentucky. A few Millions ago, it has Rhodopsin, a super critical of sight. One more species comes, as called Typhloeotris Mararybe. That means big sickness in Malagasy. Thus, he tried to collect this species by swimming around sinkholes. These cavefishes are in Madagaskar, it's about 600 km away from Australia. He said that there is no way of a three-inch-long freshwater cave fish can swim across the Indian Ocean. Therefore, He has found the fact that they have been separated for more than 100 Million years by comparing DNA. He revealed that these species didn't move at all, but the continent moved them. He stated that cave fishes' habitat in underground water is also our main source of drinking water. They might be in edge of extinction. There are certain types of blindness that we must discover before it goes extinct too. Hence, he dedicated his life to save and discover these humble little blind cave fishes. As they can tell us about the Biology and Geology of the planet.
Iedha01   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: Why education, not punishment, is the solution to reducing crime | John Lonergan [3]

Hi there,
Your writing is good and its topic is interesting,however, i found some mistakes. Let me share them with you,

-This is because people have realized that prisoners are not ...(this sentence is alittle bit awkward, try to pharaphrase it and make it clearly revealling your idea)

-ONE OF THE REASON IS PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY REALIZED THAT PRISONERS ARE NOT A DIFFERENT SPECIES OF HUMAN BEING: WE ARE JUST THE SAME.

... trust of criminals is A difficult and time consuming undertaking but WITHOUT TRUST there will be little progress.( you don't need to put A there, because you meant there an adjective, not a noun, After word WITHOUT, it must be VERB-ING)

-IT IS DIFFICULT TO GAIN THE CRIMINALS' TRUST BUT WITHOUT TRUSTING, THERE WILL BE ONLY A LITTLE PROGRESS
Iedha01   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learn to understand of ourselves [4]

Hi there,
I've read your writing and I want to give you some suggestions.
In my opinion, there are some unclear sentences, I mean it didn't reveal your idea and a little bit confusing. As a reader I didn't catch the point, so you must compose your sentence well, let me show you example,

-Benjamin Franklin was right when he wrote: "There are three ...

-BENJAMIN FRANKLIN STATED THAT WE ARE BELONGING OF THREE EXTREMELY HARD THINGS, THEY ARE STEEL, A DIAMOND, AND KNOWING YOURSELF. THAT WAS RIGHT.
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Weekend Rehab:Trying To Fight Off Pollution by Dawn Davis [2]

Dawn Davis shared his terrible experience which is related to the air pollution. He said that jogging is the only his exercise since he felt that treadmills an gyms are not suitable with him." I just always feel like I'm going to fall off a treadmill, and I can't bring my dog to the gym", as he said the reason of running about five miles in the three or four mornings a week with his dog and his friend, Vivian in Downtown Manhattan along the Hudson River. Unfortunately, he didn't enjoy it and he felt overly suspicious of the pollution. He expected more clean and fresh air from the plants along the river, on the other hand he just inhaled car fumes from a traffic-packed highway in the city. This healthy habit gave him positive effect but on the other hand it just damage his skin, until he has already found a cool jelly texture of antioxidant that can be put under the sunscreen. It prevented from dark spots and lines on the skin. Finally he had a happy face while running with his lovely one.
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Traveling is the best way to relax and enjoy the beautiful scenery after the hectic pace of life [2]

Hi giansy11,
I think your essay is good enough, however, there are only some minor mistakes that I have found. Let me show you.

-People who HAS journey to new places, will ... ( it must be HAVE there)
-... East Nusa Tenggara Province has WELCOME CEREMONY ( A WELCOME CEREMONY) to new visitors, (...) with the King as A (AN)evidence that visitors ...
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Each one of us has a unique voice print that reflects our age, size, even lifestyle and personality [3]

Hi there,

I think you must study more about composing sentences by using the appropriate words and structure, let me give some suggestions.
Each one of us ( Everyone) has a unique voice print that reflects our age, size, and even lifestyle and personality (that is reflected to age,size, lifestyle, even our life style).

This essay doesn't reveal your notion clearly and make me confuse, so you may read more article to enrich your vocabularies and learn more about grammar.

Thanks, may it helps you in your next essay.
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Taboo Secret To Better Health by Molly Winter [5]

Molly Winter reveals her idea in making innovation in sanitation. She said that about seven millions people got sick and 900 people died annually in US. It is caused of drinking sewage water. Every morning you go to the toilet and take a shower, then, have you ever think where are those things go? She asked her audiences. She mention one taboo issue about excrement and feces( in the scientific words) or "poo" and "pee"( childish word) which can be used to fertilize the food. Thus, if we can get those into our soil bank, it is going to absorb carbon dioxide that we put into the air. It helps to slow the global warming. Therefore, she introduces her organisation as Recode. It is about integrate water management approach. She gave the example one of the high-rise residential building in downtown of Portland. They are not flushing to the sewer system, but their wash water is reused by using cool mechanical system. It is useful for watering the landscape and giving nutrients to the plants. It is the updating the surrounding sewer infrastructure. Finally, some brave and open-minded people sit down and feel comfortable saying " that makes sense", and we can save energy and save money.
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Reasons for Urbanization & Negatives of City Life [2]

Hi mem77,
Your writing is good, but I found some grammatical issues there, let me show you

-The first is, many people move to cities IN SEARCH of job opportunities.( it must be VERB ING after the preposition.

-... most of people WHO MOVING to big cities, THEY NEVER thinking about a higher standards ... (It must be ARE between the two words) or you can just say PEOPLE WHO MOVE and THEY NEVER THINK ABOUT)
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Talent and Hard Work as an Important Key to be Success [2]

Hi there,
I think your essay is good enough, however I still found some mistakes there, let me share it,

-However, it is not only about "The Gift from God" but also you have to be hard worker TO REACH YOUR DREAMS.
-Many people who have TALENTED and natural ability are easier TO REACH YOUR DREAMS, such as International footballer, Lionel Messi.

(In the two sentences above, you repeated the same phrases. Why don't you use the other words, such as TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL) try to use the synonym)

TALENTED is a past verb, thus you should put a noun there, just put TALENT there.
Avoid the repetition word by using the synonym or pharaprasing it)).
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Miscarriage Is The Last Thing People Want To Talk About by Jamie Otis [3]

Married at First Sight Reality Show's star, Jamie Otis, tried to move on from her grieving moments as she has miscarried a few days ago. It was terrible moment but she tried to share it in order this conversation become more common in society, it is not taboo anymore. She started from her relationship with Doug, her special man in that booming reality show, then, they decided to stay married in a real life. Doug and Jamie made a decision of being parents after completing their "pre-Baby bucket list", as like aerial yoga, skydiving, and swimming with shark. It took a short time to know they were going to be a Mom and Dad. They were so excited, but she got some trouble within her pregnacy, she bled intermittently, she felt satisfy then, when she got an ultrasound picture of her unborn son moving and he was fine. " The prognosis is poor and we recommend you to terminate your pregnancy. " said the high-risk doctor,. They were in shock. Hence, everyone else had said everything's fine. They didn't believe it too, so they faced three different expert doctors and all of them said the same thing. Then, they made the hardest decision to go trough with the termination. She tried to be tough and wanted to save all of the memories, such as her baby's ultrasound photos, his footprints on card-stock. Jamie and Doug convinced that their 17 weeks baby can't just be gone in history because he's never born. They do hope that he is in heaven, bouncing on clouds and happy and that he was wanted and loved
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary article: The questions remain after a bomb explosion in new york [3]

Hi eve01,
Let me try to give you some suggestions

-In this accident Twenty-nine people ...
I confuse with this sentence, must use the proper word there
=IN THIS ACCIDENT, TWENTY NINE PEOPLE BECAME VICTIMS AND ONLY ONE GOT A SERIOUS INJURED

Thanks and I hope it will help you to improve your next essay
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / From long time ago the ancient society strived to find out something to communicate with one another [4]

Hi there,
I appriciate your effort in making your essay, however, I think you must concern more in some parts of your sentences. They're unclear. So, you must use the appropriate words in composing your writing.

For example:
Three ancient culture civilizations on writing and speaking are ...

The cultural ancient civilizations on writing and speaking are there, they are Ancient Summarians, Ancient Chinese, and Ancient Maya
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Killing People are always wrong by Richard Bourke [3]

Richard Bourke is one of the Australian lawyer who works to save prisoners from death penalty. "We are all going to die, we don't have a choice about that, but we do choose whether to kill" as he stated clearly in his TED Talks. In 2002, Bourke gave up his career from Melbourne to Lousiana and works full-time on some death-penalty cases. He didn't work alone, he was assisted by the Australian volunteers who worked hard to save some poor people who were been stated to kill by the authority. There were some case which is handled by them, some of them were unsuccessful and they were sentenced to death, on the other hand, there were also some happiness moment there. Several years ago, he worked on a drug case involving a triple homicide. He described his client, Chuck, as a kind and spiritual man. Therefore he told the lawyers who working in the US justice system that the key to seek any penalty less than death is securing the agreement of the families of the victims. In this case, there were a mother of the youngest victim, a 17-years-old girl whose last words were "please don't shoot me I'm pregnant."in court, the mother spoke about her loss and also her desire that Chuck be spared the death penalty. It touched his heart so deeply and didn't realized tears coming down on his cheek. Finally, he closed his talk by revealing that killing someone is always wrong.
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary From TED "Tiny Satellites Show Us The Earth as It Changes in near-real-time " (W.Marsal) [4]

Hi Ifan21
I think your essay us good but there are some mistakes you have done in your writing, I want to share it with you
-Based on the report (...) he and his team whoare from the Space company who had designed magnificent small satellite designed which is called "Dove" which ...

You should concern more about grammar in composing your sentence as you missed a verb in your sentence.
Thanks, I wish it helps
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of article Stories Hide in the Design of DC's Newest Museum (Samuel Lube) [2]

Hi Ifan21,
I am pleased to read your essay, it' s interesting, however, I found some mistakes and I would like to share them with you.
-... architects and designers of DC's Museum,...... (you shouldn't put 's' on the words ARCHITECT AND DESIGNER) they are not plural
-... which were conscripted 33 consultant to make its concept( the sentence should be Which were conscripted OF 33 CONSULTANTS...) you need to concern more in collocation.
Thank you.