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Researching and writing effective scholarship essays (page 11)

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Energy field - my proposed course and institution in Australia

2 - The reason for you proposed course must be similar to a motivation or career goal. The presentation does not...

Scholarshipmariaindira - Apr 15, 2021 / Holt - Apr 16, 2021
Information Systems - supporting statement for AAS about choose proposed course and institution

4 - and I feel RMIT is the right campus for me, and I hope Halo Juna, In my opinion,...

Scholarshipjuna91 - Apr 8, 2021 / Ris - Apr 16, 2021
Supporting Statement for AAS: Why did you choose proposed course - Master of Education

3 - Great write up. Only comment I would give you is to remove the last paragraph. This will give you...

ScholarshipMachica - Apr 14, 2021 / brsn - Apr 15, 2021
Different cultures and lifestyles - PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR USEFP SEMESTER EXCHANGE PROGRAM

2 - The overall essay is extremely vague in reference. You need to be clearer in your presentation in terms of...

Scholarshipfaseeh - Apr 15, 2021 / Holt - Apr 15, 2021
Master of Economic Policy (MECPO) - MECPO AAS

2 - You need to have a focus beyond Covid - 19 to help make your desire to compelete this program...

Scholarshipkra013 - Apr 14, 2021 / Holt - Apr 15, 2021
Master in Local Government - How will the proposed course will contribute to your career?

4 - Hello @assad12. If you are not an Australian citizen, I would advise you to be cautious since there are...

Scholarshipassad12 - Mar 26, 2021 / Alif ID - Apr 14, 2021
Why I choose to study the bachelor of commerce majoring in economics? Australian Awards Scholarship

5 - Hi Nicky. My advice would be that you need to elaborate more about your proposed institution. You need to...

ScholarshipNickyross - Apr 12, 2021 / Alif ID - Apr 14, 2021
AAS scholarship question: why did I choose my course - Master of Engineering (Civil and Structure)

7 - @MM1695 Hi MM. For this essay question, I don't think you have to mention the rankings. Try to research...

ScholarshipMM1695 - Apr 5, 2021 / uray - Apr 14, 2021
Career in the academe - PERSONAL STATEMENT - GKSP MASTER'S DEGREE

2 - There are several aspects of the prompt that you fail to address. The most obvious missing theme is the...

Scholarshipriagntry - Apr 8, 2021 / Holt - Apr 14, 2021
International law - AAS Supporting Statement for LL.M. Study in Australia

2 - You need to focus less on your background and interest development because you are applying for a masters degree...

ScholarshipAlif ID - Apr 13, 2021 / Holt - Apr 14, 2021
Essay for Australia award scholarship (master of finance) Why proposed course prompt

4 - @OscarPangestu Hi oscar! Thanks a lot for your advice. it's really really help! I already revised my essay!...

Scholarshipuray - Apr 7, 2021 / uray - Apr 13, 2021
PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR USEFP SEMESTER EXCHANGE PROGRAM

2 - As a draft, this is an essay that has potential and nothing more due to under development of the...

Scholarshiplevi285 - Apr 11, 2021 / Holt - Apr 12, 2021
Social sciences - AAS Supporting Statement for LLM Study in Australia

5 - The first paragraph is not necessary as it does not focus on how the proposed course will help your...

ScholarshipAlif ID - Apr 7, 2021 / Holt - Apr 11, 2021
"Things are getting complicated..." - Personal Statement - Erasmus Mundus IMSISS Scholarship

2 - EM-IMSISS is a highly competitive scholarship to apply for. You have to understand that the applicants for this program...

ScholarshipHolse - Apr 9, 2021 / Holt - Apr 10, 2021
Essay about solving a challenge - AAS application for course in MBA

3 - Hi Holt, always thankful for your insights, will update accordingly. Best Regards...

ScholarshipOscarPangestu - Apr 8, 2021 / OscarPangestu - Apr 9, 2021
AAS Scholarship Master of Commerce; Data Analyst for business, Digital Transformation Specialization

5 - I would advise you to add at least one other university - which provides a similar programme - for...

Scholarshipalfazrinb - Mar 27, 2021 / Alif ID - Apr 9, 2021
Petroleum Geoscience - Supporting statement for AAS about choose proposed course and institution

2 - Try to avoid ranking the schools as your first and second choices. You must appear to be interested and...

Scholarshipsuryawibawa - Apr 8, 2021 / Holt - Apr 9, 2021
"Upon completing my postgraduate degree in the UK......" - Commonwealth Scholarship Impact Statement

2 - You are speaking of research you will have done as a student. The prompt actually requires a description of...

Scholarshipkhanfaiza - Apr 7, 2021 / Holt - Apr 8, 2021
AAS - Choosing MBA will be the most proper course for me to learn how to be a great leader

3 - really appreciate it @Holt. I will try to add something in first 2 praragraphs...

Scholarshipsuperbia - Apr 7, 2021 / superbia - Apr 8, 2021
Digital and technology transformation - AAS application for MBA

3 - Hi Holt, this really helps. Thanks a lot for your insight. Best Regards....

ScholarshipOscarPangestu - Apr 6, 2021 / OscarPangestu - Apr 7, 2021
English teacher - TESOL and the prospect for my future career (AAS)

4 - thank you, Oscar. I just delete the phrase because it is little bit confusing....

ScholarshipDA786 - Mar 29, 2021 / DA786 - Apr 7, 2021
Learning Success - Personal Statement - GKS Graduate University Track

3 - @Holt Thank you so much for the review. You are right about what is missing and I will definitely...

Scholarshipsmics - Apr 5, 2021 / smics - Apr 6, 2021
HOW YOUR PROPOSED STUDY RELATES TO: A) DEVELOPMENT ISSUES AT THE GLOBAL.. -Commonwealth Scholarship

NEW - Hi. I am writing my development statement for Commonwealth Scholarship. Please leave useful comments for revisions in the essay...

Scholarshipfassehmemun10 - Apr 6, 2021 / — -
Question about AAS Support Statement for Master of Business Administration

4 - You need to revise your essay in way that is aligned with former paragraphs in a logical fashion....

ScholarshipOscarPangestu - Apr 3, 2021 / fassehmemun10 - Apr 6, 2021
AAS Scholarship for public policy

3 - Hi Dlsm, I think you need to be more careful also about active-passive form in your sentences. Your opening...

ScholarshipDIsm - Apr 1, 2021 / OscarPangestu - Apr 6, 2021
Supporting Statement AAS Scholarship for Master Degree in Public Health

4 - Hi Hanna, I think the sentences in your essay are too long and complex. You might want to break...

Scholarshiphanaadilaa - Apr 1, 2021 / OscarPangestu - Apr 6, 2021
Treasury operations / Accounting - How will the proposed study contribute to your career*?

3 - The first problem this presentation has is formatting. Divide the short, medium, and long term plans into paragraphs. The...

Scholarshipgonzforever - Apr 2, 2021 / Holt - Apr 3, 2021
"Raising in a middle-class family was indeed demanding" Commonwealth Scholarship Personal Statement

2 - The essay is on point until you get to the last paragraph. Since it appears that you are going...

Scholarshipfassehmemun10 - Apr 1, 2021 / Holt - Apr 2, 2021
Personal Statement for MSc Data Science scholarship in Sweden

3 - Thank you for your advice. Do you mean that I need to combine Machine Learning, Business, and Big Data...

Scholarshipkenna007 - Apr 1, 2021 / kenna007 - Apr 1, 2021
Motivation Statement for AAS - applying for a master degree in Public Health

8 - @albertedwn keep fighting! you will pass the scholarship at the right time. so, actually what I mean is...

Scholarshipalbertedwn - Mar 24, 2021 / MsC - Mar 30, 2021
Development Impact Plan - Theme: Science and Technology - Commonwealth

2 - Your response is widespread but common. It does not present a proper representation of each development issue as it...

Scholarshipzaineb0131 - Mar 29, 2021 / Holt - Mar 30, 2021
The proposed study will have a vast impact on my professional career - Australian awards scholarship

3 - @Abl steven Hi, let's me to add some feedback. first of all, as there is a limited word in...

ScholarshipAbl steven - Mar 28, 2021 / MsC - Mar 29, 2021
Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*? AAS; Crawford School of Public Policy

4 - use the more specific reason for university choice rather than the reputation reason. what course you interested and why...

Scholarshipyanbro - Mar 24, 2021 / DA786 - Mar 29, 2021
Not one without water - Personal Statement for Commonwealth Shared Scholarship

2 - There should be an expanded discussion in relation to the second paragraph. Consider how you contributed to solving the...

Scholarshipchhena96 - Mar 28, 2021 / Holt - Mar 29, 2021
Autobiography to apply scholarship study abroad

5 - @giangkc1811 Ok. I will try to write again. Thank you so much 😊...

Scholarshiptuongvy1992003 - Mar 27, 2021 / tuongvy1992003 - Mar 28, 2021
Why I decided to take up science? Bachelor of Engineering or Bachelor of Aviation

3 - @Jesus1 I get this input and I think you will find it helpful as well. The question...

ScholarshipJesus1 - Mar 24, 2021 / jackkenshi - Mar 25, 2021
What aspect of your leadership you consider to be effective, how you solve problems in organisation?

2 - The only useful paragraph in this presentation is the second paragraph. So retain that for your revised response. For...

Scholarshipenkay30 - Mar 24, 2021 / Holt - Mar 25, 2021
Telecommunications and Network re: Review my anwers to AA question

NEW - Why do you choose the course and Institution? AA scholarship question? Refer to my feedback below and review and...

Scholarshipgario - Mar 23, 2021 / — -
Immigrants in America. Questbridge Long Essay

NEW - Original prompt: We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up,...

Scholarshipktran04 - Mar 22, 2021 / — -
STUNED ESSAY. MSc of International Land and Water Management at WUR

3 - Dear Holt. Thank you very much for your great feedback! I will revise my essay accordingly....

Scholarshipns_nafsi - Mar 21, 2021 / ns_nafsi - Mar 21, 2021
Gender Gaps in the Workplace (AAS Supporting Statement)

3 - @Holt Holt, thank you very much for the valuable input!...

Scholarshiprosanna89 - Mar 19, 2021 / rosanna89 - Mar 20, 2021
Short essay about Heuristics (Questbridge College Prep Scholars Program) 1st prompt

2 - If you are really confident that you wish to be a Cognitive Science student, then you should not be...

Scholarshipradioq - Mar 17, 2021 / Holt - Mar 18, 2021
Workforce Competency Development through TESOL (Australia Award Scholarship)

2 - The information you provide as an introduction is specific to only your country. You make it appear as if...

ScholarshipDA786 - Mar 17, 2021 / Holt - Mar 18, 2021
Motivation Letter for Scholarship from a final-year chemical engineering student

3 - @Holt Thank you for your feedback. Is there any feedback for the fifth paragraph and the rest of the...

Scholarshiphabibalaziz123 - Mar 17, 2021 / habibalaziz123 - Mar 17, 2021
AAS - Atmospheric Sciences - your proposed course and institution

3 - too much information for the introduction. try to focus on what course will help you and relevant to the...

ScholarshipSilvana - Mar 12, 2021 / DA786 - Mar 17, 2021
2022 Australia Awards Scholarship Essay - Applied economics

4 - Try to use simple words to save the limited characters and you can use them for another idea. Btw,...

Scholarshipjivrymuh - Feb 28, 2021 / DA786 - Mar 17, 2021
eCommerce - Goal of study and detailed study plan - you in advance wish you all the best

3 - I didn't see any content that describe your study plan. Maybe you have missed it so here's my soft...

ScholarshipPoKhuYu - Mar 15, 2021 / wyh99 - Mar 17, 2021
Japan - An event has that influenced you - STUDENT EXCHANGE PROGRAM

3 - @xin18 In my opinion, I personally think that I would not have the interest to read it to the...

Scholarshipxin18 - Mar 16, 2021 / wyh99 - Mar 16, 2021
Personal Statement For KGSP Graduate Program 2021 - Master's Degree in Psychology

3 - @Holt Thank you very much for your constructive comments. I will try to modify those information to makes my...

Scholarshipwyh99 - Mar 15, 2021 / wyh99 - Mar 16, 2021
Essay 1 - examples of the benefits that the GOI-IES would provide me

2 - The professional aspect does not have a convincing motivation for your application. The reason for your desire to receive...

Scholarshipnatfernandesss - Mar 16, 2021 / Holt - Mar 16, 2021
Sports science - Personal statement for KGSP-G (2021)

2 - The motivational questions you are using in this essay are very shallow and basic. These do not represent a...

ScholarshipBhardwaj7714 - Mar 15, 2021 / Holt - Mar 16, 2021
2021 GKS Graduate Personal Statement: International Business Major

2 - - Talk more about your family background. Introduce your parents to the reviewer. Let him / her get...

ScholarshipJun0101 - Mar 12, 2021 / Holt - Mar 15, 2021
English Learning during Covid-19 and ESP for Young Adults - TESOL Master Degree Essay (AAS)

2 - The paragraph about the pandemic should be worked into the motivation for your desire to complete the masters program....

ScholarshipDA786 - Mar 15, 2021 / Holt - Mar 15, 2021
Doctoral Degree for AAS 2021

5 - Well thank you so much for the feedback @umbu richi. Is this Umbu that also followed Mr. Mau's class?...

Scholarshipkartini79 - Mar 6, 2021 / kartini79 - Mar 15, 2021
Examples how you will gain from your scholarship. Indonesian policy, collaboration with Australia

3 - I'll think about it again and try to be more systematic as you previously explained. Thank You Sir for...

ScholarshipUmbu Richy - Mar 9, 2021 / Umbu Richy - Mar 15, 2021
How have you implemented a change or reform? Controversial court judgments

3 - Actually, I have experience as a volunteer to teach students about the Laws of Electronic Information and Transactions because...

ScholarshipUmbu Richy - Mar 9, 2021 / Umbu Richy - Mar 15, 2021
Study impact on my career as a Policy Analyst and Planning Expert in government

3 - Oh, I see. I just realized that I didn't really discuss my career goal and just put it as...

ScholarshipUmbu Richy - Mar 9, 2021 / Umbu Richy - Mar 15, 2021
GKS Scholarship- Statement of purpose (Language Study Plan) - English and Korean

3 - Thank you so much for your help, I made the study plan as an essay form just as you...

Scholarshipjh13 - Mar 13, 2021 / jh13 - Mar 14, 2021
The Global UGRAD Program is.... Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?

2 - Your reference to PASTO App is not really along the lines of community leadership. It will not help you...

Scholarshipomarkamal - Mar 12, 2021 / Holt - Mar 13, 2021
My educational program of enhancing Korean and English language proficiency before coming to Korea

2 - Remove the reference to Hong Sun Soo in the essay. To make this stronger. indicate instead that you are...

Scholarshipboodoo - Mar 9, 2021 / Holt - Mar 10, 2021

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