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|150 word essay about playing DOUBLE BASS
6 - Start here: Whenever I become frustrated, I relieve... The part before that is not so useful. HEY,...
Undergraduateh4ppidais - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|Test Your Memory Survey (UNC Research essay)
Undergraduatepprajoth - Oct 29, 2009 / pprajoth - Oct 30, 2009
|How can I close this essay? (stanford university)
3 - Lights dazzle you dizzy... I think you should move that sentence to the beginning and start with it!! ...
Undergraduateh0mefry - Oct 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|150 word essay. Working as a sales lead at Victoria's Secret.
3 - The shopping environment in all stores during the holiday season can become a bit hectic during the holiday season....
Undergraduatejaimeealexis - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|My Life as A Quadratic Equation - University of Florida Essay
4 - This is great! I especially love the last sentence of the first paragraph. Now, you cannot avoid bragging...
Undergraduatejoshgesa - Oct 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|'headmistress in modern China / Power of Knowledge' - Smith College Supplement
6 - Great! Tell about what kind of psychology you want to specialize in! It will make you more distinguished and...
Undergraduatezouztingt - Oct 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|Making smiles cornelll hotel supplement essay.
3 - (changed last paragraph) The School of Hotel Administration will allow me to work with a diverse group of...
Undergraduatejustdoit - Oct 29, 2009 / justdoit - Oct 30, 2009
|Essay about how my interests and experiences influenced my major selection
2 - Bad first sentence. Scrap the whole first paragraph, but tell about your mother and sister in paragraph 2. ...
Undergraduategiants410 - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|How do I write this essay on education definition properly?
3 - Don't use sentence fragments in this kind of essay; we don't want them to think you don't know the...
Undergraduateessayman123 - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|Undergraduate Essay Topic of Your Choice "A Friday I Will Never Forget"
2 - One of the things they mentioned was that you can use this opportunity to demonstrate your ability to organize...
UndergraduateTsilas2 - Oct 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|University of Maryland Baltimore County
Undergraduatezfsallman - Oct 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|"Sorting out old stuff"' Activity essay for Early Action
2 - Cool narrative! Great descriptions... I have to suggest changes, but that doesn't mean this is not good writing....
Undergraduatevietham - Oct 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|'I taught them English and music' - essay about Volunteer work
Undergraduatecissylewel - Oct 29, 2009 / cissylewel - Oct 30, 2009
|'My goal is to ignore people's opinions about me' - admissions essay for NJIT
3 - I would suggest that you write about a specific event, take all this information and somehow plug them in...
Undergraduateamjad123d - Oct 29, 2009 / essayman123 - Oct 30, 2009
|Notre Dame's supp essay - minority
7 - The content, as I said before, is good. The language could use a bit of polishing. The phrases I...
Undergraduatenicolemo - Oct 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 30, 2009
|UCF Essay - Culture, Family, Eniv. Influence
Undergraduatejiggysmalls - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 30, 2009
|"Where a 4.0 Means Nothing" - UC essay prompt #1
UndergraduateDeb123 - Oct 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|My father's/family's impact on my life. UF ESSAY feedback
2 - Wow, that story about your father being the first from his village to go to America is fascinating! Good...
Undergraduatesthakor92 - Oct 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|"school for scholars" - Northwestern Universtity Supplemental Essay
2 - That second sentence needs no comma. Actually, the second sentence is unnecessary altogether, because it says the same thing...
Undergraduatekylekim90 - Oct 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|Supplement for LMU: "The Journey to be Oneself"
2 - Hey now, being a guitarist and performing in front of crowds is something you can definitely do -- it...
Undergraduateemmelinew - Oct 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|Finance and mathematics - academic interest essay
6 - thank you soooooooooooooooooooooo much! but i decided to discard that one... that one sucks... thank you! if it is...
Undergraduatecissylewel - Oct 29, 2009 / cissylewel - Oct 30, 2009
|University of Michigan - Nursing essay
2 - Nursing is associated with a philosophy of nurturing, but it is also very scientific. Nursing blends humanity with the...
Undergraduatesb1092 - Oct 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|Commonapp essay--topic of my own choice:my sense of value
UndergraduateRoxyJ - Oct 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|"Biomedical Science in Texas A&M University" - Need help revising the paper
2 - You start off with a long awkward sentence. Sometimes it is good to start with a shorter sentence so...
Undergraduatego1f4par - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
|snowboarding - Common App short - elaborate on an extracurricular.
6 - I stumbled reading your first sentence, maybe because it started with a negative (NONE.) Maybe try starting with a...
Undergraduatedyoano - Oct 28, 2009 / linmark - Oct 30, 2009
|'life is inestimable' - meaningful event or experience UF essay
2 - Hi k.shannon, Of your 2 essays, the second one is stronger but needs some work. The first is rather...
Undergraduatewildatheart15 - Oct 29, 2009 / linmark - Oct 30, 2009
|MIT essay about my biggest challenge
Undergraduateopeakapo - Oct 29, 2009 / opeakapo - Oct 30, 2009
|University of California Essay Prompt #1: Grandfather gives me dream
2 - This is a good response to the prompt as it adequately describes your background. A better transition between your...
Undergraduatealexkim1592 - Oct 28, 2009 / Fiddysin - Oct 29, 2009
|My mother's advice to me. Columbia University Essay.
8 - Actually, I think this might be a better way to say it: Having been despondent for so long, I...
Undergraduateknichols05 - Oct 26, 2009 / knichols05 - Oct 29, 2009
|UFl Admission Essay (Important Moment In My Life)
11 - My English teacher suggested that I take the essay and focus more on my contribution to UF, as opposed...
UndergraduateblackbladeX1X2 - Oct 27, 2009 / blackbladeX1X2 - Oct 29, 2009
|University of Florida Essay..can any one help me?
Undergraduatedeonanand - Oct 26, 2009 / justdoit - Oct 29, 2009
|"You are wearing a mask!"; meaningful event, experience or accomplishment
6 - thanks guys!...
Undergraduateamandahart - Oct 27, 2009 / amandahart - Oct 29, 2009
|MIT where you come from (suburbia) and what you do for fun (freediving)
3 - not bad, definitely tells the reader about the world you come from (although your topic of choice is overdone)...
Undergraduatearticsheep - Oct 29, 2009 / dyoano - Oct 29, 2009
|'Family that likes pets' - is this a good MSU admissions essay
2 - Your writing style is too wordy and informal. You need to be more concise and use more appropriate diction...
Undergraduateoreodiamond - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 29, 2009
|My Unusual Experience at the Hospital - Univesity of Florida Essay
3 - I'll agree with Simrath here ... tie it more closely to the University and what you would like to...
UndergraduatePatelJ - Oct 29, 2009 / Notoman - Oct 29, 2009
|"My Calling"-- concise narrative essay
5 - See if everyone likes this any better... I read through other essays and felt there were a couple things...
UndergraduateJenico106 - Oct 27, 2009 / Jenico106 - Oct 29, 2009
|Biology, "mock trial" - University of Michigan Essay
15 - Here is my updated version of the essay. It isn't that radically different, but I tried to have a...
Undergraduatesrandhawa - Oct 28, 2009 / srandhawa - Oct 29, 2009
|"Very good job you bloody goat!" - Georgetown Essay
3 - an elegant but simple roof sat on walls with wood facades. A ll my skills acquired from the 4...
Undergraduatecarlospena91 - Oct 27, 2009 / juinette - Oct 29, 2009
|"my summer vacation" - common app
Undergraduatexit9zangel - Oct 28, 2009 / xit9zangel - Oct 29, 2009
|"Winning 2nd Place made me a determined person" - UF Essay
10 - Thank you very much for your comments, they're not obnoxious at all :P I was told the very same...
Undergraduateadllop - Oct 25, 2009 / adllop - Oct 29, 2009
|Umich school of music supplement
2 - Wow, brilliant. Your music seems to be able to reach people through your writing, too. Here is an...
Undergraduatehpc1992 - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 29, 2009
|Stanford/Common App Short Answer; 'I started playing soccer at the age of six'
3 - thank you. I plan on getting more into political science in my essay on what I find intellectually engaging....
Undergraduatebmachado - Oct 28, 2009 / bmachado - Oct 29, 2009
|Commonapp SHORT ANSWER (orchestra performances)
Undergraduateayida365 - Oct 18, 2009 / ayida365 - Oct 29, 2009
|the Student Representative election - commonapp essay. significant experience
2 - The introduction is unnecessarily dramatized. The writing style in the opening paragraph is quite bland and is not as...
Undergraduatealexjyk - Oct 29, 2009 / Liebe - Oct 29, 2009
|About experience, country, education - How should I write this essay?
Undergraduateivan9210 - Oct 25, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 28, 2009
|"Raised in a privileged community" - University of Michigan - Diversity essay
4 - looks like we're applying to the same school, you can check out what i wrote for this prompt with...
Undergraduatesb1092 - Oct 28, 2009 / srandhawa - Oct 28, 2009
|Weightlifting - need help with awkward sentences (common app short answer)
2 - You might just reword it a little, like this:I was encouraged thinking that others better than I had...
UndergraduateKlaw30 - Oct 28, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 28, 2009
|track! ("I am able to do more")
3 - Your essay is definitely not horrible. My main suggestion would be that you elaborate more on the positive effects...
Undergraduatetal105 - Oct 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 28, 2009
|Diabetes in my family - Common Application Essay
11 - two things first off, just because there is a 250 word minimum, doens't mean your essay should go well...
UndergraduateGabrielle - Aug 15, 2009 / srandhawa - Oct 28, 2009
|"Looking Back" - Common App Essay---Evaluate a significant experience
Undergraduatesoxfan - Oct 28, 2009 / soxfan - Oct 28, 2009
|A Conversation with Myself: Our Life. Common Application Main Essay.
Undergraduateqomoco - Oct 22, 2009 / amandahart - Oct 28, 2009
|"Why are you still doing community Service? You know you don't have to, right?"
4 - This is a good choice for an extracurricular to elaborate on. It shows that you enjoy volunteering and you...
Undergraduategoodtimes - Oct 28, 2009 / soxfan - Oct 28, 2009
|Common App Short A. - Metaphorical significance or tangible significance?
Undergraduateicysakura - Oct 27, 2009 / icysakura - Oct 28, 2009
|"How diverse can our world possibly be?" - common app: last prompt on Diversity
Undergraduatejungcollege - Oct 24, 2009 / iram - Oct 28, 2009
|Common App Activity- Lack of team spirit in college Science Team
4 - i agree with the above opinion, you have to make this relate to you, why you are passionate, why...
Undergraduateowlcity24 - Oct 26, 2009 / srandhawa - Oct 28, 2009
|Illinois State admissions personal statement - 'I am unique among most people'
Undergraduatekanep123 - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 28, 2009
|USC (Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence)
2 - This is well-written! Great job. Like all writing, it can be improved if you revise for conciseness. You can...
UndergraduateFiddysin - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 28, 2009
|Common app/UNC-CH essay
3 - Thanks a lot for your comments (and I apologize for the title). I was worried I didn't focus enough...
UndergraduateAnekantavada - Oct 26, 2009 / Anekantavada - Oct 28, 2009
|Brown supplement: What don't you know? "Mom's Secret"
8 - I definitgely think you should emphasize it more. That, and how not knowing is sometimes a fact of life,...
Undergraduateyoungkim9193 - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 28, 2009
|'fond of origami' - MIT short answer, something you like to do
Undergraduatepapaya - Oct 26, 2009 / papaya - Oct 27, 2009
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