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|I was going to be alone for most of the summer; Significant life experience
2 - Hi David, Nice work! First and foremost, I love how your sense of humor really feeds this piece...
Undergraduatethebabybull - Nov 4, 2009 / ivyeyesediting - Nov 4, 2009
|Life goals from a liberal arts education
2 - From Spiderman to FDR to Jesus, we have all... I think the paragraph about pro-athletes does not fit....
Undergraduatemichiganmaniac8 - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|'Project WORTHY'. I need to cut some of this UIUC essay down, can you help?
9 - The first paragraph is identical as is the last. The second paragraph is better served by the second version...
Undergraduateanuj1450 - Nov 1, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Nov 3, 2009
|Chinese Chess - Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay. Currently overlength )):
Undergraduatezhangyitao - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|"what to gain from diversity"-UM prompt 2
3 - I think a lot of people would agree that those first sentences are not necessary. But... I really like...
Undergraduatebmore1991 - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|I saw that dual potential in National Art Honor Society (NAHS) ; extracurricular
2 - A few general comments: You know those people who get excited when they can fulfill mundane tasks and...
Undergraduate10healyc - Nov 3, 2009 / theplaniverse - Nov 3, 2009
|Basketball has become an indispensable part of my life - Common app short essay
Undergraduatetrung2012 - Nov 1, 2009 / trung2012 - Nov 3, 2009
|My Cello - playing on it is my most challenging, but most rewarding personal activity.
3 - Playing the cello is my most challenging, but most rewarding personal activity. Sometimes, I practice anywhere from thirty minutes...
Undergraduatebyflash - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|World of knowledge, digital art
Undergraduatehdirt1 - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Bringing attributes of Determination and time management to UF
Undergraduatepenutsmurf - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Two Statements - life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments
2 - Write a sentence about what you were doing instead of focusing on school. If you were passionate about something...
Undergraduateohmygoodness - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Common Application Volleyball essay; My family is notoriously terrible at sports
4 - In the last paragraphs, reflect on experiencing moments of extreme focus, meditative, similar to your other passion, which is...
Undergraduatesmallfry320 - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|'Immigrant to the United States'; I did my best to avoid alienating from my American peers
5 - Don't end with that "good tings come in small packages," because it weakens your essay. Your essay is very...
Undergraduatemadmadiah - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Diversity Essay-Illustrating the value of diversity in my life.
3 - In the beginning, I think it is impressive that you talk about globalization as something that makes out fates...
Undergraduateperejdam - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Common App Essay: Choose your own topic: Poker as a conceit to life
Undergraduated3adma - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|BU three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use qualities
UndergraduateYolaynyMCiriaco - Nov 2, 2009 / palakpatel1992 - Nov 3, 2009
|Rutgers Music Essay- i'm not sure how to wrap up this ending
Undergraduateech07410 - Nov 3, 2009 / ech07410 - Nov 3, 2009
|Why did you chose this major?--Bucknell supp
3 - ...the relation between nature, science and humanity . I don't think the problem is that it is too...
Undergraduatedark horse - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|the hardships caused by wars - my supplemental essay!
4 - Nice job! I think you should add a sentence to the first paragraph. Make it a sentence that uses...
Undergraduatehbrad8002 - Oct 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|UM - Ann Arbor Undergraduate Admissions Essays
4 - ...two years, but it was not until this year that I finally gained insight that was truly meaningful --...
Undergraduategino250 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|obstacle and family history, culture - UCF personal statement essay
3 - I think you should revise the sentences: The loss of my cousin brought my whole family together as a...
Undergraduateluckyplayer777 - Oct 30, 2009 / masood_mj - Nov 3, 2009
|The locket. Last words my sister said to me at the airport
4 - thanks so much...may you please check my poem on Poetry Writing section. .... thank you again......
Undergraduatebilal ABUZENAH - Oct 31, 2009 / bilal ABUZENAH - Nov 3, 2009
|My dad has always had this personal history of how he escaped from communist Bulgaria
Undergraduatefendij3 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Rice "Why this college" motivation essay
3 - ...program and strong reputation for providing quality education. Another thing that attracted me to Rice was its relatively...
Undergraduateblubunny5 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Conduct Explaination- UF
4 - Yes, college is big business, and you stand a good chance despite these issues. I suggest rewriting this...
UndergraduateBrickwiggles - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Undergraduate Student Exchange Presonal Statement Essay, How to make it well?
6 - You have answered the prompt. I am not familiar with the Upper Intermediate Writing qualification. You prof is wrong...
Undergraduateanisa yosef - Oct 27, 2009 / linmark - Nov 3, 2009
|Montage--the Four Essences of Cooking
7 - Very original, engaging and refreshing!! (satiating??) Aside from inconsistent tenses and some typos, I have 2 new pointers: ...
Undergraduatezouztingt - Oct 22, 2009 / linmark - Nov 3, 2009
|yale supplement -- i am defined by who i actually am
4 - Are you still pursuing this thread or did you already submit your essay? If yes and no, aside...
Undergraduatebpsullivan92 - Oct 24, 2009 / linmark - Nov 3, 2009
|'To be influential' commonapp essay
5 - wow, it feels sooooo great to see your reply, THX!!! I was thinking about reiterating the question at the...
Undergraduatejwbx2yl - Oct 30, 2009 / jwbx2yl - Nov 3, 2009
|UC Application Personal Statement "Timidity"
3 - UCs look for people that can contribute to their schools. They are like communities. I don't exactly think this...
Undergraduatepepperist - Nov 3, 2009 / chrisraiden - Nov 3, 2009
|Infinities of Chess, 150 word common application short answer.
10 - EF_Kevin thank you very much. As a thinker, I've always enjoyed games with the potential to exercise the...
Undergraduateqomoco - Oct 30, 2009 / qomoco - Nov 3, 2009
|UF essay- "New perspective from a close experience"
Undergraduateapa6177 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|unfamiliar teenagers - BROWN SUPP. Best Advice
Undergraduatesammiepuddle - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|Rutgers Essay about benefiting from and contributing to its community
3 - I think you should write seventeen instead of 17. In academics, I've always been talented with subjects that...
Undergraduatebyflash - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|UF Admissions Essay - Meaningful Event - Left by Dad
Undergraduatejlooser09 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|"Making a change for the better, a photo at a time."-UF adm. essay
6 - "My experience in my photo class has been a brilliant experience so far, and has already made a change...
UndergraduateBrickwiggles - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|How my life has shaped me towards a career in robotics- UC application essay.
5 - Some people think "over" is not quite right: Being one of more than 1.5 billion Indians in the world,...
Undergraduatecaffino54 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|UF Admissions Essay -- Boarding School
5 - ...was not only challenging but also turned out to be rewarding. It was a little awkward. You can...
Undergraduatechewyy123 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|The Aurora Borealis
UndergraduateGoldSwimmer - Oct 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|Strange admission essay questions (University of Victoria - social work program)
3 - The first one says they want to make sure the applicants really do have aspirations that are consistent with...
Undergraduatejbonnell - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|"My real estate bubble" - Stanford essay #1 & "Why I want to go to Stanford"
Undergraduate10jinw - Oct 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|Common App essay - bicycling the country
Undergraduatesickziphere - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|"my mom" - Personal Essay About A Significant Person in My Life
UndergraduateScoochie - Nov 2, 2009 / ivyeyesediting - Nov 2, 2009
|Northwestern- my kind of soup
2 - Great use of colons and semi-colons in that first paragraph. Take out the word "underlying" if you want, because...
Undergraduateangie127 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|"Teaching Kids, Who Ended Up, Teaching Me"
4 - A few misspellings but that's about it. You have a strong introduction but I don't see how the kids...
Undergraduatethickieg - Oct 31, 2009 / fendij3 - Nov 2, 2009
|NYU APPLICATION multiple prompts
3 - Here are some revisions. Let me know if the remedy is worse than the disease. ... Please tell...
Undergraduatepatorooni - Nov 2, 2009 / patorooni - Nov 2, 2009
|My World and Background + My Favorite Personal Quality --- UC Essay!
10 - I know that since I have the right personality I will be for achieving success in this field....
Undergraduateaa6877 - Oct 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|I am an open minded individual ; UMD College Park/ Diversity
6 - Hyun Young, you should give a little more time to offering ideas here if you want this person to...
Undergraduatejohnd23 - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|CommonApp - Personal Essay - Topic of Your Choice - "Believing is Achieving"
3 - That's a little harsh. Parallelism can sometimes be subtly sidestepped, as contrast and rhythm also have importance. The...
Undergraduateago1130 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|GLBT issue involvement stems from minor assault - UF essay
UndergraduateLP2010 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|Duke Supplement: Why Duke?
3 - Hi there! I actually love this essay! Paragraph 1 feels honest and authentic (esp. the 'I play golf!'...
Undergraduatecdrappi - Nov 1, 2009 / ivyeyesediting - Nov 2, 2009
|Essay on my own novel, creativity, and physics
5 - I'm very sorry I didn't get to help before the deadline had passed. Luckily, though, this is some kind...
UndergraduateAwreccan - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|COLAGE and Advocacy, and Why Brown?--Common App and Supplement
4 - Oh, I see. In order to show them your brilliant skill in composition, it might be good to mention...
Undergraduatedramacratic - Oct 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|"English Corner" Extracurricular Activity UIUC-prompt
4 - What made everyone feel uneasy? Was it that they did not know each other and spoke different languages? ...
Undergraduatekayyao - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
|'experience in Venice' - An experience that has changed your life
7 - Nicely written; however, I personally would like to read more about how this experience affected you. You wrote: "It...
UndergraduateWyn - Oct 29, 2009 / jolapham - Nov 2, 2009
|"Anthem of My Independence" - Georgetown Essay
Undergraduatecngo15 - Nov 1, 2009 / linmark - Nov 2, 2009
|u of i essay on engineering....academic interests/professional goals
3 - I think you might want to take out the "The College of Engineering at the University of Illinois is...
Undergraduaterbwmn1 - Oct 30, 2009 / anuj1450 - Nov 1, 2009
|Describe a meaningful event...UF application essay...Missions trip to Honduras.
5 - Oh, my mistake, it is 2 sentences. My point was that you should probably tell them how it affected...
Undergraduateamandahart - Oct 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2009
|Common App Essay - A Fatal Mistake
3 - I remember first meeting Turjoh in my brother's sixth grade class. I was fourteen years old, and... I...
Undergraduaterafeeki92 - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2009
|COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER ~ Hospital volunteer
4 - Hey, I think this is really good especially for a short answer. From what I have read colleges like...
Undergraduatesbdaiquiri - Oct 30, 2009 / lexmonti - Nov 1, 2009
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