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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 434)

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Penn autobiography; Adults and children are nearly two entirely separate species

2 - Good afternoon. Mechanically, when you start something with quotation marks, make sure you finish it. For instance, what...

Undergraduatex3racha3l - Oct 30, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
Drawing inspiration from Depression - Common App Essay

2 - Good afternoon. Mechanically, avoid using contractions in formal academic writing; they are inappropriate and many instructors will count...

Undergraduatemattvroeg - Oct 30, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
to spend summer in New Zealand - Common App essay

2 - Good afternoon. Mechanically, a couple of things. First, avoid contractions in formal academic writing; they are inappropriate...

Undergraduatespinningjenny - Oct 30, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
In the hospitable bed, UF Essay: Meaningful Experience

2 - Good afternoon. The only thing I noticed about this piece was a contraction- "I'd." Make sure you avoid...

UndergraduateObie55 - Oct 30, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
I will always seek the goodness around me - UF Essay

2 - Good afternoon. While this is a very well crafted introspective piece, I'm not sure it answers the prompt....

Undergraduatebitofvanilla91 - Oct 30, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
My very first Youth and Government meeting - Common App Essay 250+

2 - Good afternoon. Just a few mechanical suggestions. First, when "referring" to something, make sure you are using...

Undergraduatecavemenrppl2 - Oct 30, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
a class taught by a historic figure-living or dead - Writing sample

2 - Good afternoon. First, remember punctuation at the end of every sentence. Second, do you mean "stooped," or...

Undergraduatemickeygirl - Oct 30, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
"Why Carnegie Mellon University"

2 - Good afternoon. A few things. First, make sure you are only capitalizing proper nouns and the first...

Undergraduatecloudone - Oct 30, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
To become a youth leader at my church - meaningful accomplishment in my life. UF Admission Essay

2 - Good afternoon. Just one correction: "In order to become a youth leader, I had to attend a...

UndergraduateSturz15 - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
fulfilling life because of Color - UF essay

2 - Good afternoon. A couple of suggestions. First "team mate" is one word: "teammate." Also, the conclusion is a...

Undergraduatelizcamp - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
My passion towards History - UMich Essays.

2 - Good afternoon. First, mechanics for the first piece: "But somehow, I found myself caught up in teaching...

UndergraduateJaney - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 30, 2008
My parents continually pushed me to be the very best - MIT Admissions Essay

NEW - Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community or town. How has the world...

UndergraduateAleksey - Oct 30, 2008 / — -
'International Human Rights Projects' - short answer for UPenn

NEW - Prompt: Penn offers its undergraduates an eminent faculty and a wealth of research opportunities. Use the space below to...

Undergraduateflickeringlight - Oct 30, 2008 / — -
I will accept any of the disadvantages - Personal statement

NEW - I'm applying to Seattle University and I need to write a min 250 words of essay. The question is...

Undergraduatejoy - Oct 30, 2008 / — -
Recommend change to our next president - Penn State #3 Essay

2 - Good evening. My first concern with this essay is that of missing citation. You have quite a few...

Undergraduatejusanglee91 - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
developing life threatening disease - Penn State #2 Essay

2 - Good evening. The main thing I am concerned about is that you have a lot of statistics in...

Undergraduatejusanglee91 - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
"Am I really going through with this?"; the experience which caused me to choose this field of study

5 - It is not necessary. Regards, Gloria Moderator, EssayForum.com...

Undergraduatelburgess88 - Oct 28, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
Hurricane Katrina, summer 2007 - New Orleans suffered great tolls.

3 - Good evening. "During the summer of 2007, my youth group went to New Orleans; since it was already...

Undergraduatejrheeeee - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
'slowest runners on the team' - Cross Country track admission essay

3 - Gloria, Wow! Thank you for the prompt reply. If I might indulge your services one more time...

Undergraduateraymille - Oct 29, 2008 / raymille - Oct 29, 2008
mistakes in foreign policy and planning - admission essay

NEW - Discuss a cultural, social, political, or intellectual topic that you have explored beyond school and explain how it has...

Undergraduatejasonwiesenthal - Oct 29, 2008 / — -
150 words short answers, my goal and perseverance

2 - I am assuming you are seeking technical assistance: The comma after "time" should be removed and "disagreeably" should...

Undergraduatelikeyapper - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
very short essay- family opbligations

2 - I'm assuming you are seeking technical assistance: First, make sure that if you use a period the first...

Undergraduatelecokr - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
Short answer - should it be merely descriptive?

2 - Good afternoon. The content of pieces like these are pretty much up to you. Choose something that will...

UndergraduateNaj127 - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
A new program to promote peace in our school -memorable experience...

NEW - A. Evaluate a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning to you. I was sitting at the...

Undergraduateroger chavez - Oct 29, 2008 / — -
My grandmother - Uf admission essay; 'I have always idolized my grandmother'

2 - Good afternoon. "citizen" should be capitalized, as it is a proper noun in this case. Avoid using...

Undergraduatesuraju91 - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
My parents receiving Citizenship of the USA - Admissions Essay

2 - ... of America was particularly moving and inspirational to me. Please see my comments as to mechanical errors in...

UndergraduateMIKERAND - Oct 29, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
the horror of my dreaded alarm clock - Common App Essay

2 - Good afternoon. First, a few mechanical comments. 1. Avoid using contractions in your academic writing as they...

Undergraduateazianpinoy - Oct 28, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
PSU Schreyers Honors Essay. NEED HELP

2 - Good afternoon. Mechanically, watch your use of excessive and inappropriate use of commas. Perhaps a quick refresher on...

Undergraduatejusanglee91 - Oct 28, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
Duquesne University essay; You never know what event in your life is going to change your life.

4 - You could think about a way to tie the pharmacy career with your desire to be a minister. Do...

UndergraduateSturz15 - Oct 25, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
Doodles - Undergrad Admission Essay for Cornell....not finished yet!

2 - Good afternoon. Just a couple of thoughts. First, avoid contractions in your formal academic writing, as they...

Undergraduatespazzed_azn - Oct 28, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
Going to a public school - uf essay

2 - "Removed; this is too much background that really doesn't have anything to do with the rest of your piece....

Undergraduateccw_20 - Oct 28, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
U of Miami Getting Started on inspiration

2 - Good afternoon. A couple of mechanical suggestions. First, avoid contractions in formal academic writing, as they are inappropriate....

Undergraduateroger chavez - Oct 28, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 29, 2008
Rutger undergraduate essay - learning throughout life

NEW - please can someone help me with my essay this is what i have so far but i dont think...

Undergraduaterock07081 - Oct 29, 2008 / — -
I'm from Hong-Kong - common app essay!

4 - Indeed, the essay was a good one, one that is rare among the Chinese at my place. I am...

Undergraduateflickeringlight - Oct 28, 2008 / Devotion - Oct 29, 2008
School of Visual Arta - statement of intent

NEW - hello!! here is my statement of intent for the School of Visual Arts. I was wondering if you could...

UndergraduateGuinny - Oct 29, 2008 / — -
Learning from failure - CommonApp essay

7 - Oh, thanks! I didn't catch that! And I was wondering about the naive thing, too. I wasn't sure...

Undergraduatedocument1 - Oct 26, 2008 / document1 - Oct 28, 2008
University of Pennsylvania: most interest you / favorite Penn professor

2 - Good afternoon. First, a few mechanical concerns. Make sure you are only capitalizing proper nouns and the...

UndergraduateAleksey - Oct 28, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 28, 2008
'the gruesome scene in summer' - Life Experience Common App. Essay

2 - Excellent essay. Very organized, good flow, very descriptive. You stay on topic and answer the prompt very well. You...

UndergraduateAleksey - Oct 28, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 28, 2008
My research project Common APP 150 words extra-curricular commitment

2 - Good afternoon. It is probably this browser, but I can't tell what is at the beginning of the...

Undergraduatecloudone - Oct 28, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 28, 2008
Why I applied to Molloy - I need some help with my admission essay

2 - Good afternoon. I would discuss the specific aspects of Molloy that drew you to it. What is it...

Undergraduatennelson07 - Oct 27, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 28, 2008
Our volleyball team - Short Answer on Common App

2 - I think this is a good response to the short answer prompt. It is difficult to make an impact...

Undergraduatelinzroz18 - Oct 27, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 28, 2008
Penn Admissions Essay - having a hard time finishing ..

2 - Good afternoon. I suggest focusing a bit on why you would fit into this school so well. You...

Undergraduatex3racha3l - Oct 27, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 28, 2008
How will college ed. help you achieve personal+professional goals? [Purdue]

8 - You're very welcome. Sure. "House Captain," "Annual Day, Sports Day," Computer Engineering." It's really up to you...

Undergraduatemrhohoha - Oct 22, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 28, 2008
holding my flute tightly - Common App: elaborate your activity

4 - Thanks for advices, I really appreciated them. I wrote my essay again but I'm still not sure whether I'm...

Undergraduateahpahf723 - Oct 27, 2008 / ahpahf723 - Oct 28, 2008
Drawing Guinness - 150 words or less work experience (common app)

6 - Good evening. It's really up to the admissions board. Some times they won't even consider something that exceeds...

Undergraduatelburgess88 - Oct 26, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 27, 2008
I owe everything to my family - it has greatly influenced who I am today. UCF essay

2 - Good evening. So from a young age I always would strive to get good grades and to be...

Undergraduatefawnbolak591 - Oct 27, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 27, 2008
Two children / Orlando Knight - Two UCF essays

2 - Good evening. You've got two good pieces here, so I'm going to give you some suggestions to help...

Undergraduatesaragreen - Oct 27, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 27, 2008
My Exchange Year--elaborate on one of your activities

2 - I like the conclusion of this piece, but I'm not sure the beginning and middle match it. For instance,...

Undergraduategracetm - Oct 27, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 27, 2008
My beloved island of Puerto Rico - UF Admission Essay

4 - Yes, I was originally leaning more towards the first one too. Thank you so much for your time!...

Undergraduatejessyalm - Oct 26, 2008 / jessyalm - Oct 27, 2008
Ramapo Essay - React to a crisis or critical moment in your life...

5 - You're very welcome. I don't think writing a new piece is necessary, just add a little bit more to...

Undergraduatexf0olishf0ry0u - Oct 26, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 27, 2008
Passion for the sport of basketball - UF - Admissions Essay

NEW - TOPIC: Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college...

UndergraduateMIKERAND - Oct 27, 2008 / — -
Parkour, Short Answer- 150 Words>

13 - haha oops i guess i just misread. my bad. well thanks for all the help guys. I got a...

UndergraduateJSFlash - Oct 26, 2008 / JSFlash - Oct 27, 2008
"I love to deal with numbers" ..Another GTown essay..

4 - Good afternoon. Much more organized. I have a few corrections in the last paragraph though: "The third...

UndergraduateEcho - Oct 26, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 27, 2008
I love music and sports; A High-Tech Forte - U of I essay

9 - Again, with some fine tuning in regards to the specifics of this prompt, this piece would be a good...

UndergraduateBeast53 - Oct 20, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 27, 2008
"Do you play basketball?" - Trying to get into UF.

5 - Once again, you are amazing. : P Once implementing your revisions, I will submit my essay and my application...

UndergraduateAutogazim - Oct 21, 2008 / Autogazim - Oct 27, 2008
Music, a new way to communicate and relate - Commonapp essay

NEW - Hope that members and moderators could critique my essay. Thanks in advance. "Beautiful..." an evocative word whispered, soft...

Undergraduatecloudone - Oct 27, 2008 / — -
'no longer felt like a foreigner' - a setback you have faced - UMich and Purdue

NEW - Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If...

UndergraduateBeast53 - Oct 26, 2008 / — -
The problem of balancing family priorities and education -Admissions Essay

NEW - Hey just want to see what you think. Thank you very much! I am running down an endless...

UndergraduateZatt - Oct 26, 2008 / — -
our sixth loss in a row - Common App. 150 word short answer.

NEW - 150 words exactly. Our football team had just suffered our sixth loss in a row. A winning season...

Undergraduatederricktv - Oct 26, 2008 / — -
I have faced many obstacles to overcome - Personal Statement

NEW - Below is my personal statement for admission to UCF. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks! Personal Statement: ...

Undergraduatexlogan7 - Oct 26, 2008 / — -

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