Graduate / Personal Statement for MSc Finance & Accounting in Westminster [3]

I apologize for having to say this but, this is a very weak, non qualifying personal statement. It lacks in specifics and notable accomplishments that would have indicated your strength as a student. It lacks specific qualifiers that would make you a notable candidate. You have presented a glossed over summary of your qualifications and experiences rather than specific mentions that would prove your claims. Not a single part of this personal statement proves your ability as a student in relation to the masters course you have chosen. Neither have you provided information to show that you have done proper research into the qualifications that the university is looking for in its applicants. This is only a draft, it cannot be used as the application essay. You have to build on this presentation using my previous observations and suggestions.

Writing Feedback / Large public places and parks are significant for cities' residents [2]

Do not begin the discussion of your opinion in relation to the topic in the prompt restatement + opinion presentation. This paragraph should only contain your version of the original prompt (1 sentence), your opinion (1 sentence), and your thesis statement (1 sentence) for a total of 3 sentences in the prompt introduction paragraph. The minute you present your opinion in this paragraph, the examiner will score this section based on prompt restatement inaccuracies as you are already altering the original presentation. It no longer contains the original elements of the discussion in the section that requires it. If you must present your opinion, do so in the last part, in the form of the thesis statement. Not a full discussion, just a topic reference.


Word usage error. You think of a lot of THINGS, not think. Perhaps this was a case of mistyping on your part since think and things are similarly spelled. Be careful when typing and always review your work for proper word referencing to avoid word usage deductions.


Punctuation error. There should be a full stop, a period between the words since Consequently indicates a different topic from the first one. One sentence, one topic is the rule. Seperate different topics per sentence.

Aside from these errors, you did an acceptable job of presenting your reasoning discussion paragraphs. Just remember to be more careful with your grammar and word usage. These are the sections where your errors were spotted in this essay. Make sure to avoid the same mistakes going forward.

Scholarship / Tell us about your expectations for the SECCLO programme, career aspirations, relevant experience [3]

What is missing from your statement is evidence of in-depth research into the applicant skills requirements of the program. While you do display great talent, training, and educational foundations in relation to your masters course of interest, you do not explain how these make you the ideal candidate for the program. You speak of the belief that SECCLO is the program that will serve your needs as a learner. However, you do not really back these up with a balanced discussion of expectations versus program offerings. These have to balance out in the sense that they support your learning needs in a manner that highlights the best of the program, along with the best of your abilities. I will grant that you provided a perfect run-down of the prompt requirements, but that was all you did. The essay is weak because it does not create a convincing foundation of your list in relation to the program. Revise the essay after you have better familiarized yourself with the program requirements. When you know what the candidate qualities are, you will be able to serve up a perfectly balanced response essay.

Writing Feedback / GENERATION GAP IN LIFESTYLES, VIEWPOINTS AND BEHAVIOURS [2]


The question was , "To what extent?" The extent is missing in this response. You should have stated the "firm belief" in the opinion sentence first, prior to restating it in the conclusion. It is important that you refer to the correct response format in the first paragraph because you are being scored in the accuracy of your response. Keeping it till the very end means that you will not receive full scoring considerations for your response in the first half of the essay, and will only receive a partial credit for referring to it in the concusion.


There is a reason the last paragraph is called the reverse paraphrase. You cannot just mention "the aforementioned reasons", these need to be repeated in short form within the concluding summary. That is because this paragraph is meant to summarize the body of reasons that you provided, in relation to the topic. I wish you had done that properly in this section so you could have recieved a full score credit for the section.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Adults and students are working and studying from home [2]


Wrong reasoning. This question tests your knowledge of current events. How you relate the pandemic, Covid - 19, and its aftermath in the workplace and school system would have been the more appropriate reasoning for this discussion. However, since this is just the opening paraphrase, you need not present your reasons in the restatement. You only need to restate the original topic, without your thesis reasons yet. The reason should have been a part of your opinion presentation. By presenting your opinion this early, you accidentally altered the topic presentation and discussion basis.


Incorrect transition phrase. You cannot say this because you have not changed your point of view. You are still prsenting supporting information in relation to your opinion. The correct transition word would have been "Additionally" to indicate supplementary information.

Please note that you indicated a cheaper price in your prompt restatement, yet you did not mention this again in the reasoning paragraph. This creates a disconnection between the opening statement and the rest of the discussion. These 3 sections must always relate and create cohesive discussion paragraphs. The reasons must always help build up the correctness of your opinion.

Writing Feedback / Should we encourage the youth to engage in unpaid community work? [2]


There is a difference between ordinary community work and free community service. The difference is basesd on remuneration. Ordinary community work allows the youth to receive some sort of honorarium for their participation. Free community work does not. Your reference did not differentiate between the two. The original prompt was clear about this. It is free community work. Additionally, you did not rephrase the term community work in your presentation. You should have used synonyms in its place to show how well you understood the term and your ability to restate the same in your own words.


You did a good job of connecting yourself to your social media reason. However, there should have also been a reference as to how you became a better member of the community because you mentioned that as a reason in the first part. An example that shows how you contributed positively and learned something from it would have been a perfect example.

Save for these 2 observations, I would have to say that you understood and discussed the topic very well with several relevant examples. This will be a passing essay in an actual test format.

Writing Feedback / Essay about should the goverment funding for school fees [2]


This is a very elementary form of word usage and referencing. This is not the way a college graduate would write an academic paper. it is imperative that you learn to use more academic and western ways of delivering your ideas. That means, avoiding such elementary words. It would have been more academic to have referred to "has increased" or "continues to increase over time."


This is an empty thesis statement. It is empty because it fails to establish the discussion platforms for the 2 reasoning paragraphs. An effective thesis statement will state the topics that will be discussed in support of your opinion. The sentence should be phrased as "I disagree with this opinion because (reason 1) and (reason 2)." The task requirements will be more than met with such a statement presentation.


Incorrect. The government is the sponsor, hence, the payer. The payments are taken from the collected taxes from the people. These taxes are allocated to government sponsored universities and colleges. The government represents the people, whose taxes go to supporting the studies of their children for free. Therefore, it may be correct that the students payback the tuition fees when they graduate to help those who will also benefit from the subsidized education program. Do you see the error of your argument?

Writing Feedback / GENDER - Writing Task 2 - Several renowned organizations are headed by men [3]


Do not present your personal opinion in such a direct manner yet. It should be the last sentence in the statement. Fill the second sentence with your question response first, followed by your reasoning / thesis presentation. Then the task would have been appropriately formatted. The opinion topic reasons are always presented last.


Non-academic word usage. This reference was not really needed in this presentation. In fact, it is never used in any academic writing paper. Avoid such empty references as these do not add to the relevance and content of the statement.


The discussion in this paragraph does not circle back to the basis of your reason. That of women losing out on promotions even though they work harder and better than men. Compare the work ethic of both genders in this paragraph to prove that women should represent half of the powerful offices in a workplace.


How is this relevant to their promotion trouble in companies? Both your reasons are not cohesive in the sense that niether represent a defense of your thesis statement. There is no connection between the writer's reason and his defense explanation. These need to relate to promotions, which was the center of the writer's thesis statement.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games [2]


The techonology is not changing, which is the meaning of "alteration". Rather, the techonology is "developing" from the original state. Improvements are being made rather than changes (alterations). Word choice error. The sentences in this presentation are also a bit problematic in terms of time references. +S at the end of "lead" would have made the word usage more proper as it would inficate present tense or current time references.


What case? If this is in reference to your family, then say "Take the case of my family for instance." The missing subject made the verb confusing to understand. The example does not relate to the way people access computers and video games. It is not convincing because it has not connected itself with the discussion basis. Insert the technological reference in the example as best as you can.

Writing Feedback / Children's success depends on their parents [2]


To provide a stronger thesis statement. Indicate your agreement with a sense of reasoning. Rather than saying "for the following reasons", it is better to say "based on my beliefs that (reason 1) and (reason 2). These will be further explained below. " Such a representation accomplishes 2 things.

- It outlines the discussion topics for the 2 reasoning paragraphs
- It clearly accomplishes the task requirement through a thorough presentation of your opinion and opinion basis. The latter being an extra scoring cosnideration for the TA score whenever indicated by the writer in his opinion statement.


Since the instruction is for the writer to use personal knowledge or publicly known opinion, it is best not to indicated "reasearch by" as this means you are not sharing public information. Simply stating that, "the Ministy of Public Security has said" informs the examiner that this is publicly known opinion, even it is actually otherwise. The framing of a sentence also helps to add or lessen the score, based on the discussion evidence requirements. It is all a matter of sentence structuring, when wanting to indicate a piee of public information.


This opinion will not receive a score and the word count will be deducted from the overall number as this part contradicts your personal opinion as indicated in the thesis statement. Being a single opinion essay, your ability to defend your opinion based on 2 valid opinions will be the basis for your C+C score. Suddenly changing your opinion will result in score deductions instead.

Undergraduate / The unlimited possibilities of engineering. Accomplishment that sparked a period of personal growth. [3]

The prompt you have chosen is not properly.related to the writing you have completed. This essay represents your innermost thoughts regarding the method by which you chose your major. It is not really related to a period of growth but, it is related to the development of your personal insight. If I were your formal educational consultant, I would encourage you to consider changing your prompt to any of the following:

- Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it.
- Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time.
- Share an essay on any topic of your choice.

Personally, I would ask you the use the topic or idea prompt. It just fits as far as I am concerned. It would work very well for your purpose. It would require a few content adjustments though, but the essay will be better for it.

Scholarship / Hungaricum Stipendium Master Scholarships; this writing as a proof of my interest and motivation [3]

The weakest presentation here relates to the paragraph about why you chose to study in Hungary, Budapest, and the university you have chosen. These must be individually developed in relation to Psychology and your academic interests. A reference to Hungary being a vital historical center for Psychology would help. Refer to notable professionals from the past and present as inspirations for your decision and explain why. How does Budapest excite your need for learning? How? Why would studying in Hungary make you a unique interdisciplinary scientist? Do not skim over there sections. There need to be threshed out as a focal presentation point. Your background does not standout. It is ordinary to a fault. What other accomplishments can you refer to that would make you a competitive candidate? Base these on recent accomplishments of note.

Writing Feedback / The activity of cycling is admittedly no longer popular. How to change this trend? [2]

Good discussion with a few grammar and cohesive discussion problems for you to take note of. The errors stem mostly from your being an ESL writer. Better familiarity with the basic rules surrounding English written grammar rules should fix those problems.

It will do you well to learn about what words are non- academic. That way, you will not mistakenly use therein your presentation. Words like etc. should be avoided, specially at the end of a sentence since it cuts the understandability and discussion flow of the sentence. Always have a solid sentence close.


This more of a sentence structure error due to incorrect word usage. I understand what you want to say but have to score you down because of GRA requirements. A more appropriate wording would be:

... is slowly fading from commuters minds.

Writing Feedback / Essays about Causes of stress in modern society and ways to reduce this problem [2]

The essay presentation is actually good, if I were not to consider the scoring requirements of the task 2 essay. I will not discount the fact that the writer truly understood the writing requirements and provided acceptable discussion topics in support of it. That, is where the problem lies. Beyond the enumerated topic list, the writer did not properly develop and support the topics. These were only presented as reasons, without proper in-paragraph transitions, cohesive explanations and supporting reasons, all of which should have resulted in a coherent paragraph.These are the reasons the presentation does not work despite the good reasoning topics. next time, the writer should ensure the logic and connectivity of his discussion points.

Writing Feedback / NOWADAYS, SOME PARENTS PUT A LOT OF PRESSURE ON THEIR CHILDREN. [2]


This is not a part of the orginal topic presentation. The writer must keep his opinion to himself because there is no reason for a personal opinion to be presented. The truth or falsity of the statement is not in question. Avoid topic alterations as these are score deductions.


One idea per sentence. Only related topics or ideas should be in one sentence. Obviously, your direct question response should be found in a seperate sentence.


This is a topic question response deviation. The first half of the paragraph supports the write' rs opinion. This portion does not. This discussion will not be scored as it does not properly support the earlier thesis statement.All discussions must support and focus on the question being asked.

I believe that the writer just got confused with regards to better connecting his explanation opinions. The error was caused by a faulty cohesive presentation within the paragraph.

Writing Feedback / A prediction that drivers would be unnecessary in the future due to the development of technology [2]


Wrong word usage. The negative representation of merit is demerit. Contrasting features is not a normal representation for this essay as the phrase relates mostly tophysical features that can be compared or contrasted based on look or feel.

This is a 4 paragraph essay that debates the advantage and disadvantage within the same paragraph. A seperate disadvantage topic is not necessary. The job of the writer is to prove that the opposite is true for each discussion reason in cohesive paragraphs. This essay fails to prove that ability because of the improper writing format. The disadvantage paragraph breaks the paragraph connections and is a barely developed explanation.

The writer should not write more than 4 paragraphs because the writing instruction does not call for a 3 reasoning paragraph response.

Writing Feedback / Allowing to visibly carry a gun in public places [2]


Why? The discussion response is complete, but the thesis outline is messing. Clue in the reader as to your reasons, which will be expanded over 2 paragraphs. The outlined response will add to the task accuracy considerations.

Use connecting words to create sentence clarity. Several sentence miss-out on the use of "is " and "a", which affect the idea presentation in the sentence. This led to confusing statements being made in the paragraphs. connecting word usage is of the utmost importance in essay writing. Always use these reference work or risk sizeable GRA score reductions.

The writer presents a series of valid discussion points that are easy to understand. However, sentence structure and spelling errors will negatively affect the final score.

Writing Feedback / All youngsters should do volunteer work in their leisure time to support the community? [2]


This is an incorrect response. The provided discussion instruction pertains to the extent of your (dis) agreement with the given topic. It is obvious that you are in agreement with the discussion points, but how strongly you support the stand is not represented.


This should have been stated twice. Once in the restatement + opinion, then again, in a different phrasing in the concluding paraphrase. That is how this essay is formatted.

Good job staying on track in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. You were properly focused on defending your opinion. something that will boost your score. The paragraph sentences are well connected with cohesive thoughts and coherent discussions. The transitions are unique and not reliant on textbook liamsition words. Another plus for this essay.

Letters / Write a letter of complaint to a store where you purchased a faulty new phone [3]

This letter would be totally ignored and trashed by any consumer help department that recieves it. It does not contain any helpful information that can assist the client assistant with developing a resolution to the problem.several key elements for consideration are missing.

When requesting for a replacement, the purchase date an OR reference number must be indicated along with the store branch.Then the item deception composed of the gadget type, manufacturer, model, and serial number should be included. Then, a description of the usage circumstances will complete the required information. An explanation of actions previously taken that resulted in the written replacement request will allow for the consideration of your request.

The most essential requirements are missing from this letter. It is not a properly formatted and informative email. It might not recieve a passing score.

Scholarship / Statement of Purpose of Masters in Miage By Course IKSEM Information Knowledge Systems Engineering [2]

In all honesty, I do not believe that the purpose for studies would be valid in the eyes of a reviewer. The goals you have presented at the end sound very flimsy and unconvincing. You have to consider that a masters course relates to a better future for the student with regards to your current profession and future advancement in the field. Your purpose soundo more like you are throwing ideas out there, not knowing which might stick. What you need is a solid career plan discussion in relation to valid work training , caren experiences, and undergraduate foundation.

The purpose should come piust. The justifications regarding undergraduate and other learning backgrounds that relate to the masters comes second. The third consideration will be your other skills that will enhance everyone's learning experience . The fourth and final purpose should explain why you believe the program is unique enough to assist with your plans. There needs to be an explanation of how the masters course syllabus and university choice merge with your learning needs.

The current essay is very weak in these aspects. These are the reasons why I believe the paper cannot be a helpful statement of purpose.

Letters / MOTIVATION LETTER (LOM) - REVIEW - M. Engg. in TECHNOLOGY & INNOVATION MANAGEMENT [3]

The discussion about India's ranking was a good start, but it failed to connect to a career motivation. Speaking of how you see yourself as a leader in the field, but without a specific path towards leadership and motivation killed this motivation letter. The background discussion is indepth but without a relevant justification for its relevance to your masters course specifics.

The last paragraph better accomplishes the motivational discussion. Why not try revising the essay by expanding on the last paragraph instead? You can take specific topic sentences from there and actually expand those to become more reflective of your motivations. Right now, it just sounds like a litany of the masters course curriculum. It must be better developed than that.

Writing Feedback / Should the government put a tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to eat more healthily? [3]

The prompt restatement is nowhere near the actual topic of the original prompt. I understand that the author was trying to be creative in his rephrasing but, he failed to do so. Rather than delivering a prompt topic accurate restatement, the thoughts presented highlight the writers reasoning opinion instead. Something that would have added to the score if it had been presented in the 2nd or 3rd paragraph instead. Kudos on your creative way of agreeing with the increased tax stance though. It was a unique and will receive a positive scoring consideration.

The health issue concern in the first reasoning paragraph is only considering the medical consideration. There needs to be a connecting mention of tares and its relevance to the health discussion. Afterall, tax is the foundation of the discussion. All reasons need to circle back to taxes.

I was reviewing the prompt and there was no inference as to how the tax was to be spent upon collection. That is a severe prompt misdirection that will carry a heavy score deduction. Avoid such errors by reviewing the original discussion instruction, and make sure you stick to it.

Writing Feedback / The average amount of carbon dioxide emitted per each individual person in four European countries [2]

Be mindful of the writing time deadline. Practice writing with a timer in an actual exam set-up. By doing so, you will begin to understand why the 20 minute time allowance will never result in 248 words written. The idea is to write a simple analytical report. A summary of the image information. It need not be over analyzed or presented. 150-200 words will be more than sufficient for this task.

Do not mistake more written words for a higher score. This is a misconception presented by some who believe that meeting the word count or more will result in a passing score. Wordcount is only a fraction of the scoring element. It is not the only scoring basis.On the contrary, it lowers the score because of avoidable errors that were not corrected because editing time gave way to writing time. This happened several times in this essay.

Quite frankly, the way this essay is presented, it is not possible to accomplish in an actual scenario. You have to learn to write in short but understandable sentences, resulting in coherent and cohesive paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / The bar chart compares the number of 15-year old students chose to study French and Japanese [2]


Selecting to study what? The summary must be clear about its reference to the age group in relation to their interest in studying languages. The current presentation does not make that clear.

Good work on the trending paragraph.That overview was well developed and presented. It clearly showed what the discussion flow will be about.

One thing I noticed is that you tend to use value equivalents throughout the analysis paragraph. That proves to be a problem for the reader who does not have access to the image. A situation that occurred here. Without the image to refer to, I was lost while reading your presentation. Avoid using equivalents and refer directly to the numerical values instead That delivers a clearer analysis to the reader regardless of the image presence in the report.

Scholarship / NTU SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY - "Accept it and move on!" [3]

The discussion about your belief in the value of acceptance is a good one. The problem.is that it requires a more appropriate progression or development of this belief in your development as a person. The whys and hows of your embodiment of the J.K. Rowling quote needs to be better addressed. Right now, the presentation is jumping around without a cohesive line of thinking.

Opportunity is definitely not a core value so you need to delete that reference and use an actual core value. A quick search will deliver a list with explanations and examples that can help you choose the core value that best suits your personality and /or upbunging. You will need to rebalance your word count when you write the new paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 - A look into students poor behavior; parents support importance [2]

The prompt restatement is over presented to the point where the author already shares personal insights on the topic. That is a no-no. A definite score deduction. Directly restate the prompt and outline the discussion in response to the question. That will only take 3 brief sentence representations. Save the insight for the body of discussion paragraphs. What you did was bigin a discussion (deduction) and fail to respond directly to the question by just restating the discussion guide (deduction). The task requirement was not addressed properly.


The question was not addressed by the topic response. The question was:


, in relation to the students attitude at school. Focus on the responsibility of the school.This is a score down prompt alteration. While the parents may spoil the child, the school has disciplinary offices, guidance counselors, and a code of conduct that students are expected to follow on-site, regardless of how they are at home and how spoiled they are. The prior school related refences are whatusually fail. Those are the topics for cause and solutions.

Writing Feedback / The developments along Olive Drive before and after the construction of new facilities 1980-2010 [2]

The writer opted to identify the changes based on the year representations of the urban plan and design presentations. Yet, he does not use any differentiation tools when discussing the image content per paragraph.This is the greatest inaccuracy in this report presentation. As there are 2 images, the first image must identify itself as being from 1980. The second paragraph image should hold a 2010 topic sentence as well.

The second paragraph should enumerate or describe the ouginal set-up, with particular attention paid to the areas that will have upcoming changes. That way, a comparative second paragraph basedon notable changes can be undertaken.

The current presentation offers a correct comparison but, is rendered useless by the lack of proper identifying markers.

Writing Feedback / The number of women aged 16-25 in particular country playing sport or watching sport [4]



The subject is presented in plural form ( + S ). Therefore, the activities represented need to be in plural form as well ( + S ). Do not mix singular and plural forums to avoid grammar usage errors and deductions.


This is literally a cut and paste of the original image description. It was not restated or paraphrased in a correct way. The writer will automatically recieve a failing task accuracy score. Try to put more effort into using synonyms or trust in using your own words to explain what the image is all about.

The last paragraph does not offer a balanced analysis of the image. An academic paragraph, specially an analysis based one, should be comprised of at least 3, no more than 5 analytical sentences.

Writing Feedback / Discuss both view about learning with teacher and learn by internet [2]

This is a failing essay had this been an actual test. The prompt restatement + personal opinion is tremendously confusing. Where is the restatement for each public opinion? These should be provided in 2 individual sentences. Why is your opinion leased on an extent response when you are not writing an extent essay? It is also more difficult to understand your discussion as you have not used the paragraph writing format to divide your discussion topics. The discussion requires 3 reasoning paragraphs or, 2 reasoning paragraphs that provide your opinion for each public discussion. From what I have read, none of the writing format requirements were met by your presentation.

Writing Feedback / Writing task2 - Team/group activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities [2]


This is a personal reflection of the author. It is not an accurate prompt restatement. Kindly remember that the willis opinion can only be presented in the opinion sentence of the same paragraph.


You cannot just hold the same opinion due to the extent nature of the response format. This is an inaccurate representation of the required answer as you do not an emotional reference to your opinion (strongly, wholly, partially, to the point that). You have provided a low scoring response.


These are score deductible presentations as neither is a completely developed thought presentation.


Avoid presenting sources for your data measurements. Learn to format your information in a general manner. For example:

It is commonly known that...
Public knowledge indicates...
Due to my exposure in... I know that ...

Book Reports / Book review: Chapter 1 of Predictably Irrational [2]

The first chapter needs to offer a solid representation of the book and its author. The first paragraph should discuss the author. Aside from his name, a summary of his authoritative background, based on the book coverletle (for hard copies) or About the Author (for e-copies). You know this information. The reader does not. The book report should offer a summary of the writer's background to helpestablish the validity of the book.

When discussing the illogical nature of man, do not forget to define what an illogical person is, along with character traits that accompany the person. A comparison with a logical person is permissible for a book report. The example presented shows a logical person's actions. These are not representative of an illogical action. Change it. The lessons learned from the chapter needs to have a more serious approach. Aa a college students the current tone lacks an academic point of view. It is too elementary due to its excitability.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1 - BAR CHART ABOUT DIVORCE RATES IN FINLAND AND SWEDEN FROM 2011 TO 2015 [3]


Beware of using redundancies such as these in your essays. You will get a lower LR score because of it. A redundancy is when 2 words with the same meaning are used in a sentence. Both, already indicates a pair or 2. Two, is the numerical reference to "both". Perhaps review synonym usage lists to avoid a repeat of this error in the future.


The correct term to use is "outpaced". When measurements outpace one another, the verb outpaced refers to the action of having surpassed or exceeded, as in speed, development, or performance. Outracing refers to racing or running faster than another. The writer is showing a degree of unfamiliarity with English word usage. He often uses the wrong term in reference to actions within the image.

Writing Feedback / Writing - How to write an effective formal email [4]

You cannot use the company name as your personal name in the letter. If the company is named after you, then there was no need to acquire the company. You owned it all along. You cannot buy your own company. Change the employee name to something other than the acquired company name. I noticed that the name of the writer is different at the end of the email. So the incorrect name at the start was just an oversight?

In addition to that, you will need to provide an employee background summary in relation to the proposal you are about to present. You have to present your background to allow the reader specific reasons to listen to your suggestions. Being a mere member of the sales team, you cannot make suggestions that will have a direct effect on the company relationship with the employees. Only members of the Human Resources department can do that. You will need to change your company position to make your plan of action more believable. You may refer to a sales team situation in the email that requires your suggested actions to be enacted via employee team building and training schedules.

Writing Feedback / There is an argument about whether we should protect all the fauna or not [2]

When you are asked to give both views and provide your opinion, the writing method of the task totally changes from singular opinion to comparative + personal opinion. That means, you have to provide a personal opinion based on the public reasoning consideration for each opinion. You cannot base the discussion of both opinions solely on what you think about it. This is a writing instruction that is clearly provided by the keywords "Some people" and "Other people" providing their views, also known as an opinion. So the discussion centers on what you believe to be accurate or inaccurate reasons behind the basis of their opinion. While you did a good job of providing your personal discussion for both opinions, that is not the sole discussion format needed for the presentation. You will not get a passing score when only the personal opinion is presented rather than the comparative discussion.

Writing Feedback / The importance of learning English [3]


Are you writing a short speech or something similar? It feels like this part is important and should be written based on proper capital word usage guidelines. It would have helped to properly format this part for vocal emphasis when being read to the audience. Speeches have emphasis markers, which this presentation severely lacks.


This is irrelevant to the discussion since you are discussing the importance of the English language in general. comparisons with other languages used internationally is not a consideration as that alters the discussion topic.

The written format can use some work. I read at least 3 paragraph divisions here. The seperations will help deliver proper pause points for listening comprehension , if delivered as an oral speech.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task1] The proportion of women's and men's driving test pass rates in one Asian country [2]

Go for a more complex sentence structure in relation to the time measurements. Itis more impressive to say" ... covering a full decade from... " than simply . the coverage years. A little sentence structure complexity will always help your LR and GRA scores.


This is a redundancy or repeated phrase. You do not have to mention the location twice. Once is enough to help you avoid being judged as using memorized phrases. If you want to mention it again, then change the word presentation through proper synonym usage.


That adjective does not need to be used in the sentence. at created an unfamiliar sentence presentation due to the incorrect word formation / structure.

The writeh just need to address some written grammar issues going forward. Otherwise, the written presentation is acceptable and may recieve a lease passing score overall.

Writing Feedback / Discuss the merits and dismerits of online learning among students in the context of COVID 19. [2]


As this is an advantage versus disadvantage discussion, you are not obliged to give a personal opinion. In fact, you are well advised to avoid such a perspective reference as this is not a task requirementin this essay as it would have been in an agree or disagree or personal opinion essay. This will bea task deduction from the applicable sectional score. A general discussion reference is what is needed here.


This reference should not have been included in this paragraph anymore. The writer failed to properly develop the topic focus,which affected the cohesiveness of the paragraph negatively. What should have been used instead is a transition paragraph that effectively introduces the next paragraph topic.


Actually, there are some who will dispute this claim. Such personal opinion references must be avoided in the A V. D essays because of its non-requirement in the discussion. A neutral tone mustbe used throughout.


I assume you already understand why your opinion does not matter in this essay right?

Writing Feedback / A survey about how people in five Australian cities bought their coffee and tea (IELTS 1) [2]


Never indicate an image position to help you avoid any referencing errors. Always assume that the reader does not see the image. Use vivid imagery to describe the measurement instead. What kind is it? How is it divided? Are color codes involved?These can all help create an enhanced imagined image descriptor.

A task 2 essay utilizes summarized comparison and data points within 3-5 paragraphs. This essay is a confusing 5 paragraph presentation. The increased paragraph number did not help deliver a clearer explanation of the image data. The confusing writing skill that made the paragraphs difficult to decypher became more evident instead. Focus on understandability of information based on clearer writing styles next time. The biggest failing point of the writer is in the C + C section.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: How much waste was collected by a recycling centre over a period of 5 consecutive years [2]

The presentation is mostly acceptable except, the writer did not proofread the report. There is a missing period at the end of one paragraph. This created an open ended and confusing summary to the reader, who is expecting more information since the end signal for the sentence/ paragraph is not there.

There should not be a space between the last word and punctuation mack in the sentences either. This is a simple formatting problem that you should have learned about when writing school reports and essays.

Being a newbie, you show the potential to pass this task with a high scare. You need proper guidance to achieve that. More practice essays with proper corrections can help you achieve that.

Writing Feedback / #ielts Some people think that changing jobs periodically is good. What is your opinion? [2]

The first few errors that caught my eye in the first paragraph are the LR and GRA mistakes. she writer obviously did not review his presentation otherwise, he would have seen and corrected the errors:

goes= jobs


The semi-colon is not needed. Use only one punctuation mack at a time. You cannot use emojis in formal academic wiring.


Since you agree with the latter claim, you should be explaining why you are convinced why your point of view is correct. By using a comparison discussion that proves both sides to be correct, your solo opinion is now incorrect and without merit. Present the other point of view only to explain how it supports your opinion. That creates 2 supporting ideas that fully develops your point of view. There will be no scores applied to opposing point of view supporting arguements.