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Posts by ifraanisa05
Name: Ifra Annisa
Joined: Oct 25, 2016
Last Post: Dec 2, 2016
Threads: 44
Posts: 67  
From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Sumatera Utara

Displayed posts: 111 / page 2 of 3
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ifraanisa05   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are several reasons why distance learning is more useful than conventional learning. IELTS 2 [7]

Hi, umma ;)
here are my comments through your essay

AlthoughtAlthough this issue has benefits...

... campus or at least in the same place.

Distance learning makemakes student can acquire ...

... by technology which havehas a skype that ...

... because they are not be able to run their experiment.

If they spend less time inon campus, they will ...

Keep Writing~
ifraanisa05   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Showing TV shows in all countries - writing IELTS academic task two [6]

Hi Bams,
i will give you suggestions
may it helps

... get anything information every time particularparticular time by television.
put an adjective before your noun phrase or you can say 'every time in particular'

however, not all of countries can learnbe learned by television
using passive form --> modal + be + V3

Recently, developed era is offering (...) information to connectingconnect people in the worldwideover the world

In this view, (put comma after introductory phrase) people can learn......

When they showsshow the USA
(subject verb agreement)

there are several countries which isare would not showsshow their details country.
(subject verb agreement)
modal + V1


This is because to keep their vital information to the public, ...
This regulation is made for keeping safe the vital information, preventing ...
because + S + V
because of + Noun
pay attention to compound sentence. ..... and ....... before and after word 'and' must be equal


Other reason is the state....
other + noun plural
another + noun singular

ifraanisa05   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing Task I about the number of fish caught and the number of fishing boats. [2]

Hi Dioba

Here are my thoughts :)

You can search the diagram in google actually, just type the question as a keyword because we cannot check your task achievement if you do not put the chart

There was a gradual rise ofin the number of tuna

the swordfish caught had an increaseincreasing trend.
you should change the form of 'increase' as an adjective in noun phrase of 'an increasing trend'

InOn the other hand, ...
'In the other hand; is not an idiom in the English language. the meaning can be that you are holding something in the "other" hand

'On the other hand' means from an opposing point of view.


it was increased slightly ...

In addition, there was a linierlinear relation between ...

KEEP WRITING!
ifraanisa05   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most people in all surveyed countries tend to spent their money on food, drinks, and tobacco [3]

The table above gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.

The table shows the cost percentage of consuming various items in five different countries in 2002. Overall, most people in all of the five countries tend to spent their money on food, drinks, and tobacco than clothing/footwear and leisure/ education. The highest percentage of is Turkey in spending money on food, drinks, and tobacco consumption.

According to data, Turkey was the highest consumption in meals, beverage, and tobacco about 32.14 percent. Ireland, Spain Italy were above Turkey in 28.91, 18.80, and 16.36. After that, Sweden had at least percentage in consumption food, drinks, and tobacco which was 15.77 percent.

The highest consumer spending in clothing/footwear happened in Italy about 9 percent. The other five different countries had above 5 percent in those consumptions. The lowest percentage in Sweden which was 5.40 percent. In contrast, leisure/education category had under 4 percent in every different country. But the percentage of the highest consumption was 4.35 percent in Turkey and the lowest percentage was 1.98 percent in Spain.



  • table
ifraanisa05   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Happiness itself differ from one to another and it cannot be explained by words [2]

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Happiness is a goal for living gained by people in many ways. Happiness itself differ from one to another and it cannot be explained by words because it comes from our feeling that we gained. It is the reason why it is too difficult to define and most of us are still trying to find out the happiness trough life.

A psychologist and author named Dr. Shefali Tsabary defined the happiness. He said that only when we fill our own need and feel satisfied from within can we truly be fulfilled and happy. In his definition, we can conclude that if someone has a desire, they make it happen successfully and gain the happiness. For instance, an artist who finished drawing a beautiful landscape feels happiness even his paint cannot sell to public. But his goal is different from others thinking of him. He wants to finish that and he will be happy. As a result, happiness which is hard to define has various goals from different people.

There are many ways to achieve happiness and everybody have different aspects in gaining happiness. Some of them will be happy if they do a little thing. In contrast, others will gain the happiness if they reach something hard as high as mount everest. For instance, i am happy when i successfully clean my entire room but, my father will be happy if he can reach the highest position in his office. So, happiness in every person can be define in different ways.

To conclude, happiness is everyone's goals and each person has many different things to get the happiness. If we satisfied in something that we reached, we can fulfil our happiness.
ifraanisa05   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are five steps and several types of equipment that can be used in the cement-making process [6]

Hi Eki, i will give you some suggestions

stages to make concentrateconcrete from cement which ... concentrate is different meaning. review on your essay, there are many mistakes with this word

Overall, it can be seen that,(unnecessary comma) there are 5 steps

When the heater isrotaterotates

... and clay will be demolishedgrinder and it will result cement.
ifraanisa05   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of materials transported based on four vary modes of transport in the UK [6]

Halo again, bada!

... transported based on four varyvarious modes of transport
vary is a verb. various is an adjective

Overall, there arewas an upward trend of ...
how about the others? you have to make your overview clear

... the highest of number of goods iswas road,

... and it peaked in 1998 and raised slightly up to 100.
be careful when reading the chart. peaked in 2002. there was a slight difference. but 2002 is higher than 1998

... have quantities which iswere almost same, but ...
please, use the past form

There was ana fluctuation of the number...
ifraanisa05   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / When a high school students graduate, most of them are encouraged to postpone their studies [2]

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.


When high school student graduated from school, most of them encouraged to postpone their studies and decided to work or travel. Taking this decision actually has many advantages and disadvantages not only for the students but also their parents. I believe that the disadvantages of postponing a year to study at university are outweigh its advantages.

Most people who graduated from high school are less of experience. They are too young to get to work or travel alone. In addition, knowledge which got in school is not enough for them to get a job. For instance, a movie which was titled 'LOL' played by Miley Cyrus. She was 18 years old when she graduated from high school, she worked and travelled a lot with her friends. To shorten the stories, she finally did not want to go to university because of the convenience whereas she just wanted to postpone a half year in the beginning. As a result, young adults in that ages are confusing and always changing minds. Parents are responsible for guiding their children and putting their children to university directly after graduated.

In contrast, deciding to work or travel before entering the university has advantages such as children can get the new experience and refresh they mind after studied almost 12 years. For instance, my friends who joined in social backpacker community learned about the geography of Indonesia almost a year before he entered university. Because of his parents' approval, he could travel around while teaching in poverty areas. When he finished travelling, he could decide the major based on his experience a year before. It can be seen that experience can teach us to cover the future.

To sum up, people have to consider the effect of deciding work or travel before continue studies in university. I suggest to ask parents before doing something because of at the age, children still need a guidance when planning something.
ifraanisa05   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Which way a cargo were delivered in UK in the 28 years timeframe? [5]

The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.

The line graph gives the information about how much goods distributed by various types of transportation in the UK between 1974 and 2002. Overall, it can be seen that most of all kinds of transportation fluctuated but pipeline was an upward trend. Road is the most popular mode of transport among others.

In 1974, about 70 million tonnes of goods distributed by road and over the 28 years still the highest amount of goods were delivered which reached a peak at under 100. In contrast, transportation with the pipeline is the lowest among others. Started from under 10 in the first year and ended at above 20 in 2002.

Rail and water had the same starting point in delivering goods at above 40 million tonnes. From 1982 to 1994, transportation by water stabled at around 60 while rail fluctuated and bottomed at above 20 in 1994. In 2002, distribution of water is higher than rail about 65 and 40



  • line graph
ifraanisa05   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of some equipment carried away all over UK [5]

hi, tika here are my thoughts

... over twenty-eight-years periodperiods there were fluctuation ...

In 1974, for each types type of transportationstransportation was started ...
each/every + singular noun

Water and rail almost have the same start (...) number of railrails was bigger a bit ...

... tonnes for each kindskind of transport.

... of line graph for each typestype of transport ...

there were a gradual increased increase in the ...
increased is a verb. noun form is increase
ifraanisa05   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The benefits of finding a vacancy or sightseeing popular places after graduating high school [4]

Hi asep!

...a job or visit other place.places
other + noun plural
another + noun singular


misspellings
As a result, they porobablyprobably more succesfulsuccessful than other students.

...to develop theurtheir social skills ...

they mighmight meet juniors ...

the benefit of findfinding a vacancy or ...
using gerund after preposition of
ifraanisa05   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Engaging in work and traveling for a year, are suggested for teens who want return to study [4]

Hi, tika. here are my suggestions for you

Walking and travelingtravelling for a year are suggested by ...
countries did not suggest teenagers to walking and travelling. i misunderstood the meaning of your sentence. maybe you mean like this:
Walking and travelling for a year are suggested for teenagers who want to continue their study in the university after graduated at high school.

For each young adult,(need comma) it has positive and negative effects foron their life.

... essential factor if they want to have a good position ...

if they spend aholiday at a pretty village and (...) young adults, they cannot continue their study because of thefinancial factor.
formula of if conditional if + s + v , s + v
because + s + v
because of + noun/noun phrase

... conscious that they are lucklucky person who can ...
ifraanisa05   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / The concrete is processed by mixing all of the ingredients into the concrete mixer. [3]

The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams illustrate the manufacturing process of cement and concreting cement as a source to composite other materials when building things. When processing cement, limestone and clays are used as inputs. After that, cement as an output in cement production become an input in concrete production with sand, water, and gravel.

Making cement consists of the crusher, mixer, rotating heater, and grinder as the equipment. Firstly, limestone and clay are put into crusher. Below the crusher, there is powder which is needed to make crusher whirl. Secondly, the mixture of limestone and clay through the mixer machine and get into a rotating heater. While it is rotated, fire heats the mixture. Following this, it will be demolished in grinder machine and put into the cement bags.

Concreting cement is processed by mixing all of the ingredients into the concrete mixer. 15 percent of cement is needed to create concrete cement. At the same time, sand about 25 percent and 50 percent gravel are put into concrete mixer. Afterwards, 10 percent of water is poured into all the materials. Finally, concrete mixer blend all of the materials and produce the concrete cement.



  • aa.PNG
ifraanisa05   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / A controversial issue about how to give the punishments to perpetrators. [3]

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime.

There is a controvercial issue about how to give the punishments to perpetrators. Some people think that every crime have to be punished in accordance to the regulations. In contrast, others believe that the consideration of the crime background is an important aspect when making a punishment. Personally, every crime that happened should be investigated before giving a judgement. Because every people deserve to get a justice

Regarding to human rights, we have to find out the motivation of criminals when commit a crime before giving a punishment. For instance, husband killed his sister-in-law when he came to her house. Due to the accident, he must get into the prison. But, when police look out the reason why he did it, they found that he has a mental illness. Automatically, He cannot get the fixed punishment based on the type of crime that he did

On the other hand, others who believe that every crime should be punished based on applicable law, did not care about themotivation of the crime. Every person who did the same crime, must be justice as a standard punishment. For instance, the penalty of the every killer who planned its murder is 20 years in prison. So, every teenagers or adults does not matter. They have to convicted in the same way

All in all, i personally think that each crime should be investigated specifically and should be punished according to the appropriate judgement. We have to consider the reason why they commit crimes because it is the human rights. However, the judgement should be held righteously.
ifraanisa05   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some literature state that the most factor of air pollution influenced by fuels. [5]

Hi bada, here are my thoughts

you have many misspelling, be careful of it

Some literatures literature state that...
literature is an uncountable noun. adding 's' is not necessary

... government has to make ana policy which (...) would be increase.
article 'an' is followed by noun which has vocal words

I personally agree that citizentcitizens must purchase ...

It caused by road trafficttraffic in the city.

RecetnlyRecently there areis an issue that (...) would be increase increased
you need a passive form

The UK govermentgovernment made policy which ...

This obligation aimaims to force the citizentcitizens to reduce of car fuels usage.

An affordable cost of petrol makemakes people like to ...

... increase the price of pertolpetrol,
ifraanisa05   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / What other measures do you think might be effective? [4]

Hi asep, here are my suggestions for you :)

You delivered the messages well, you can develop well through 287 words

it needs to be regulate regulated by increasing ...
you need passive form, right?

... the price is becoming not affrodableaffordable for some groups of people.
be careful --> misspelling

... are some merits towards the environment and society,(unnecessary comma in this conditional sentence) if the government also ...

... limited finance that will be think twice to ...
think is a verb. you do not need 'be'

I concluded that the problem of ...
write at least 3 sentence in your conclusion, add an suggestion if necessary
ifraanisa05   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Government or particularly organizations must improve the punishment for each kind of crime. [2]

Hi tika, here are my suggestions for you

First of all, you need to lessen your essay, because i think 384 words were too long and you difficult to maintain your coherence

be careful for misspelling

... we find in the centercentre city.

... people who thieve hand phone in the traditional market,
choice of words is important in essay, using 'smartphone' is better

...a telephone, it just damagedamages one person.

... punishment to a member of government who corrupt ...

If the criminal who have very dangerous for victims, such ...
There is no verb in your subclause
human is not a proper word. use people/inhabitants/member of society

ifraanisa05   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about the percentage of budget allocated by a school in UK for some aspects [3]

These three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001

The pie charts give the information about outcome aspects in the one of school in the UK according in 1981, 1991, and 2001. Overall, The highest spending money was paid for teachers' salaries in the three different years. Most of the aspects fluctuated even there were an increase and decrease trends in insurance and salaries of other employees.

In 1981, The school spending money to pay teachers' salaries and resources at 40 percent and 15 percent. By the next ten years there was an increased by 10 percent and 5 percent. In 2001, the percentage went down at 45 percent and 9 percent. Payment of furniture and equipment fluctuated In 1981 and 1991 slightly from 15 percent to 5 percent but increased by 18 percent in 2001.

In contrast, in 1981 and 1991, the percentage of other workers' salaries fell by 6 percent while insurance payment rose by 1 percent. In the next decade, there was a slight decrease from 22 percent to 15 percent in salaries of other employees while insurance went up at 8 percent
ifraanisa05   
Nov 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Big traffic of cars makes congestion and pollution, so high petrol price is the best way to solve it [2]

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollutions problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?


In the recent years, many people prefer to using car to travel around. It will cause the congestion and pollution so that increasing petrol price is the best way to solve those problems. I believe that way can decrease the number of cars but the are cons in our society

When the number of cars decline because of increment petrol price, inhabitants will protest to the government. Although people cannot buy the petrol, they do not have any comfortable choice to travel around the cities. For instance, increasing petrol which happened in 2015 made a confrontation from people because they cannot buy a petrol but government did not provide the feasible public transport. That is the reason why increasing petrol is not only the way to reduce the emission and congestion in many cities.

On the other hand, traffic jam and pollution can be reduced by building the public facilitation. It will be more effective than only increasing the fuels. For example, Japan has shinkansen trains which are comfortable and fast kind of vehicle. Japan's inhabitant are always using that public transport to travel them everywhere. The impact of fascinating facilities in Japan provides the people comfortable in using that facilitation. As a result, it proved that building a convenience public transportation can reduce the utilization of cars.

To sum up, increasing the fuels prices is not only way to reduce the pollution and gas emissions. Building convenience public transportation can reduce the use of cars. Inhabitants can automatically leaving their cars at home and changing their model of transportation. Hopefully, the other countries can solve their own problems with Japan as an inspiration.
ifraanisa05   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The air craft passenger satisfaction rate toward the main services of air travel in the US [4]

Hai inda, here are my suggestions for your essay

The chart and the table show the information of air craftaircraft(no space) passenger satisfaction (...) in the US between in 1999, 2000 and 2007.

... of the passenger has shownwas an upward trends or ...
you may choose between upward trend or increase steadily despite you mention it all because it has the same meaning

and the dissatisfied has dropped together with increasesincreasing(gerund form) of the passenger satisfied

... of customer air agency has increased gradually ...
be careful on tenses, you have to use past simple because it happened in the past

... schemes of data almost hadwas shown a similar (...) trends in each yearsyear .

... chart data, we can seeingsee
do not forget modal + V1

... towards air agency also has inclined percentage during the years,

where there are upward trends ofin satisfaction towards ...
ifraanisa05   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The table shows the detail aspects from using airplane in percent from 1999, 2000, to 2007 in the US [3]

Hi Mardian, here are my suggestions for yours

be careful on paraphrasing the question

... the rate of customer satisficationsatisfaction in airlines and the table ...

there waswere not people who waswere given answer to ...

..., courtesy of flight attendatsattendants was the highest (...) comfort seats waswere the lowest ...

... courtesy of flight attendatsattendants always increased ...

you have minor errors, you must pay attention to it so that you can boost your score

break a leg
ifraanisa05   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children have to get good food nutrition for supporting their body to grow up and learn effectively. [3]

Hi aini, here are my comments

That is the reason why some people argue ...

they have to eat a healthy meals at school.

... who takes responsibility offor this problem.

... most of children's time is spendspent with them.
(passive form)

... way to prevent their students to eatfrom eating(using gerund) unhealthy food (...) that comecomes to school for sell their food

... which have bad impact toon the students.

the better way to prevent children from unhealthy food is give them a box (...) they do not need tobuy something ...
ifraanisa05   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Healthy food is needed by school children to provide their ability to study effectively. [2]

To learn effectively, children need to eat healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

Healthy food is needed by school children to provide their ability to study effectively. Because food consumption is important for children growth. The quality of food will affect children's brain. Both of parents and schools are responsible to maintain children's food every day.

School children use their brain to study at school. They spent at least six hours at school. They must eat to improve their ability to get knowledge. The ingredients of food are matters. For instance, school children need seafood and eggs to provide protein or milk to give calsium to their body or vegetables to make them more healthy. In addition, the way food is cooked become the aspect to make healthy meals. Meals which is cooked cleanly will produce a healthy food. That is the reason why healthy food can help the children learn effectively.

On the other hand, not only their parents but also schools have responsibility to serve healthy food for children. For example, in my experience, my mother always cooked the breakfast for me. But, my mother is a teacher so that she cannot make a lunch for me. That it the reason why i have to eat lunch at school. Unfortunately, my school has a canteen which usually sell the healthy food. The school headmaster always concern about the quality of children's food. That is why my mother can trust school while she cannot give me the healthy food for my consumption. So, when both parents and school concern about children food consumption, children actually will get the healthy food and because of the food, they can study effectively and accept the subject easily. As a result, the continuity of consuming healthy food will affect the long-term effectiveness in learning.

All in all, when both parents and school serve the healthy food for children, they can provide the best quality of the food and ther brain can work as the way what they want.
ifraanisa05   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The level of customer satisfactory in the US when travelled with airplanes [3]

The chart and table below show customer satisfaction levels in the US with airlines and aspects of air travel in 1999, 2000, and 2007.

The bar chart show the level of satisfactory costumer in the US when travelled with airplanes and the table gives information about the percentage of satisfactory aspect in flying experience at surveys in 1999, 2000, and 2007. Overall, most of costumer was fascinated when flying with airplanes which had an upward trend by the following survey years. The reason why people attracted in flying experience was the courtesy of flight attendants

In 1999, 65 percent of correspondent was satisfied in the nation's major airlines was doing. By the next survey, the percentage increased slightly from 69 percent to 72 percent. In contrast, costumer who dissatisfied was a downward trend. Begins at 32 percent in 1999, the percentage went down gradually by 3 percent in the next survey. The last year of survey, the satisfaction levels dipped to 24 percent

The specific aspects of the experiences using airplane was a slight increase among three different years. The ability of flight attendant was the most important aspects for costumer about 92 percent. Flight schedule and courtesy of gate agents became the next important matters for costumer about 88 percent and 79 percent. Prices of tickets was a slight difference from the percentage of schedule's airplane. However, under 47 percent of costumer thought that the seat comfort made them satisfied.
ifraanisa05   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Courtesy of flight attendants became a greater factor of air travel than courtesy of check- in/ gate [6]

Hi tika! here are my thoughts

Courtesy of flight attendants became bigger factor of air travel than courtesy of check-in/ gate ...
wrong data. Courtesy of flight attendants is the highest percentage. be careful when you

... with airlines which waswere at 65 percent.

After that, in 2000 and 2007 level of satisfaction people rose gradually at 69 ...

Besides that,However, over three-years period ...

... attendants became a greaterthe greatest factor of air travel ...
ifraanisa05   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children Have to Eat Healthy Food at School [3]

Hai anna, here are my thoughts

In school, there are many kinds ...
considering to add one more sentence in your introductory paragraph. at least 3 sentences

... symptoms to egg and areis not aware to eatof eating(gerund) food containing egg, (...) is running due to hefeelfeeling itchy and take ...

InOn the other hand

For a simple idea

... remove a factor that disturbdisturbs student learn less effective
ifraanisa05   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'our bodies cannot be functional if we do not have full nutrition in our bodies' - children's meal [2]

Here are my notes for you

... nutrition in our bodies' it becomebecomes one reason why all (...) day include of children.

Not only do children but also all of people also need to eat a healthy meal ...

If they have two a different choosechoice that junk food ...
choose is a verb. you should add noun in noun phrase

Personally, I believe that the average food is which is not as well-being as food was the past.
be careful, please add your suggestion in conclusion, not your addition opinion
ifraanisa05   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people think that clothes are the most important aspects to indicate a personality of someone [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear

Some people think that clothes are the most important aspects to indicate the personality of what they like. But others think that we should not judge people from what they like to wear. Actually, people is using the kinds of clothes for many reasons in their daily lives. They always change the way they dress depend on the destination. So, i think we cannot judge people by the clothes that they wear

People's clothes depend on where they want to go. For instance, a lawyer always uses the formal suit every day because the purpose of what they wear is to attract their clients so that they can use their service or in different occasion they use formal suit to convince judges from client's problem. So, they wear kind of suit to get the impression of people around them

In contrast, when we meet the lawyer outside their workplace such as in the supermarket, wearing a t-shirt and bracelet in their hand, we cannot judge him as a punk because they wear it outside the work. They actually can wear everything what they like but the personality is more important than the clothes that we wear. Another example, a rock singer using black pants and tight shirt when in the stage. We cannot blame her directly as a bad person because they use it for work and we do not know her personality

All in all, there is a quote 'do not judge a book by its cover' it is the reflection of many statements above. I believe that people using clothes based on what they like and what occasion they wanted to come and it cannot be equal from people's personality
ifraanisa05   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Atmosphere in a workplace - connection between a worker and his boss. [2]

The charts below show the result of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationships with their supervisors and their co-workers.

The pie charts show the connection between the employees' supervisors and co-workers from survey which is held in two different years. Overall, most of employees have a very good relationship between their senior and junior in their workplace. Relationship was getting higher in 2005 and 2009.

In 2005, there was 61 percent of employees had a very good relationship with their supervisors. In the next four years survey, that relationship was stronger about 65 percent. In contrast, good and fair connection decreased by 4 percent and 2 percent. Unfortunately, from twice surveys, there was 2 percent of employees had poor relationships with their supervisors

From two different years surveys, very good relationships between employees and co-workers increased from 63 percent to 70 percent. However, there was a slight decrease in good and fair connection by 3 percent and 4 percent. In 2009, none of the employees had a poor relationship with their co-workers even they still had a fair relationship about 3 percent with their co-workers.



  • Pie Charts
ifraanisa05   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many companies exist not only for financial purposes, but also to do useful activities for people [3]

Hi bada! here are my suggestions

Some corporation became more concentrationconcentrated and innovative in ...
comparative words: more + adj. construction is a noun. you have to change it into adjective so that it can be equal with innovative which is an adjective

... business activity only aimaims to earn money.

... not only for financial purpose, but also to do ...
comma is unnecessary in this compound sentence

Business activity has highly profitablea high profit and it has .....
better if you change it into nounphrase

so business must be concentratedconcentrateproperly.
maybe you still confused about the 'concentrate form' i suggest you, open cambridge dictionary to look out that full explanation

A company that supply many goods thatwhich have high ...

If they do not improve the managerial ...

GOODLUCK
ifraanisa05   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The quality of customers service in the Parkway Hotel [3]

hi, let me give you some suggestions
Overall, all figures showed a shift shifting trend.
shift is a verb. you need an adjective to make a noun phrase. adjective form for 'shift' is shifting

In 2005,(need comma) a satisfactory answer (...) at 45% but theyithad dropped to 17% ...

but in the year 2010, it experienced a ...
ifraanisa05   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Should Businesses Only Concentrate to Make Much Money? [8]

hai anna, here are my suggestions for your essay

... business is about competecompeting to sell something ...

Therefore, the owner must improve ...
you have to make the owner spesific, right?

... own-label product so thatto makeconsumers easy to remember.

So, it will improve thetheir profit of them.

... promoting, and selling (distributing).
actually, selling is quite different from distributing you have to divide it.
ifraanisa05   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The businessmen avoids to concentrate only on making money. [2]

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

Business is made by some people to make money for themselves and their focus only to make a profit. Personally, i totally disagree with that statement because business is the place for other people who looking for salary and the businessmen avoid to concentrate only on making money. Because business has bigger opportunity become huge companies if their focus not only on getting them rich

Businessmen have to think about the productivity of their business. Throughout the employee, business will get the optimum productivity and highest profit. For instance, businessmen provide the safety tools, average temperature of the workplace and maintain break schedule to make their employee comfortable when they are working so that they can improve their work and prove the high performance. The comfortable zone that businessmen create, will provide much cost so that they have to prepare the unplanned cost for their employee. As a result, they will get profit from employees' performance indirectly

In addition, a business which only thinks about profit did not think about the environment. They only concentrate on making the process low budget but high profit. However, they can get profit from their waste. For example, the factory has a lot of waste in their every department, the great businessmen will get the benefit from those waste and build the facility to reduce their waste. Maybe it will not make a huge profit but productivity will increase and the business can stand for along time.

To sum up, businessmen should focus not only for money but also for employee and environment. Because the productivity of business is more important than its profit. When the productivity increases, the profit will follow.
ifraanisa05   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The picture illustrates the flow of air leaks and heat loss in houses [5]

The diagram below shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.

The picture illustrates the flow of air leaks and heat loss in houses. overall, the amount of air getting into houses is more than the amount of air out of houses. air leaking into the house from many pathways of house but air leaking out of the house only from the top of houses.

The air gets into the first floor in houses through many ways such from outdoor faucet, electrical faucet and window which is built in houses. Second floor houses have many sides from the air leaking into houses. The other places come from second floor which is window and kitchen fan vent.

After that, Air is processed around the houses and loss heated throughout the attic hatch which is located in the middle of the second floor. Bathroom releases heat from its fan vent . In addition, recessed light in bathroom and kitchen cause the heat loss in houses.



  • picture
ifraanisa05   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The perspective of the people about a healthy lifestyle [4]

Hi ms bada, here are my suggestions for you

Your introductory paragraph:
For instance, a lack ...
In the first paragraph, you have to write your general view about those statements instead of giving an example. you can change for example --> such as

add your paragraph one into 3 sentences so that it will be appropriate


a lack to do some exercises
instead of using to+inf, using gerund would be better --> a lack of doing some exercises

So, it is good for their healthyhealth
healthy is an adjective. you need a noun after pronoun 'their'
ifraanisa05   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / People are assisted by sophisticated technology tools, such as body scanner and CCTV [3]

... that they are assisted with shopisticatedsophisticated technologies.

It is consisted body scanner and CCTV ...
'consist' is an intransitive verb. cannot change into passive
... will make them safetiersafety from threat ...

ThereforTherefore, I do personally believe that body scanner ...

... I ever read intothe newspaper that there wasabout CCTV which was placed at (...) uncomfortable even losslost privacy.
1 paragraph consist of 3 sentence.

The aferomentioned evidence ...
in the last paragraph you may paraphrase you introductory paragraph and add your personal suggestions
ifraanisa05   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The silkworm cycle life starts with the production of eggs, then the larvae come out [2]

The pictures belowdescribedescribesthe information about the ...
in your answer sheet, you do not copy the picture
Overall, the first diagram isshowsa four stagestagesof natural cyclical process ...

Meanwhile, the otheranother picture illustratesis a man-made linear process of silk cloth prosuction beginning with selection ...

The first step of cycle life of silkworm life cycle begins with the production ...

The first step isselects select a good quality (...) and puttingputs the thread silk ...
conjunction 'and' must be equal
if you are using first step, it must be the second,third,fourth step..

good luck
ifraanisa05   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dealing with client as an external communication skill and listening carefully to colleagues ... [2]

The table gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.

The table gives information about the essential communication skills in people's job through internal and external communication surveys in 1997 and 2006. Overall, the most important skill needed by people was dealing with client as an external communication skill and listening carefully with colleagues as an internal communication skill.

In 1997, the percentage of external aspect which was dealing with people at 60 percent. In the next nine years, it rose at 65 percent. Communication in knowledge of product or service and giving advice for clients was a slight increase by 6 percent and 3 percent. Only ability to sell product or service went down from 24 percent to 21 percent

In contrast, all of aspects in internal communication survey within 1997 and 2006 rose respectively. Listening to colleagues was the highest skill among other which is 47 percent in 2006. Ability to training people and persuading each other in the office went up by 5 percent among 1997 and 2006. Making speech in front of employees become the most problematic from people because only 11 percent fell the essential from others.



  • table
ifraanisa05   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / These days, electronic media are commonly used by people in the world [2]

The use of electronic media has negative effects on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In the recent years, electronic media commonly used by people in the hemisphere. One of negative effects has shown which is personal relationship become interrupted. In my view, i extent to agree because direct communication is more important than communication which is used electronic media

Handphone is a common technology which is used by people to communicate without seeing each other.This type of indirect communication has an advantage such as we can communicate with colleagues have a distance with us. We can keep in touch with them using social media. For example, people who work far away from their family hang them life to their phone because that is the only way so that people can communicate with family or colleagues from distance.

On the other hand, using handphone usually make people less aware of people around them. Feeling happy with their own world through their handphone. Because of handing the gadget, they can forget people around them. For instance, people who come to the mall for little reunion with friends, ending to talk with their handphone and do not talk to each other. That is the reason why electronic media can ruin our relationship with others. As a result, Because of high technology attraction, people become uncared with their surroundings.

In conclusion, it is true that electronic media can take care of relationship among colleagues in distance. However, the negative effect of using electronic media is more problematic. I suggest to using the electronic media wisely so that we can divide time for people around us.

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