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|(Answered prompt correctly?) - University of Michigan Diversity Essay
3 - Yes, that's right, individualism is a little different. It is too general, so how about instead you brainstorm 5...
Undergraduatelalalololala - Nov 3, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 5, 2009
|My positive attitude ; University of Wisconsin-Madison Statements
5 - Enduring this process, I believe, has made me a better person. ----> I bet you are right!! How difficult...
UndergraduateStPFisher - Oct 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 5, 2009
|"Surviving from Depression" UF prompt
Undergraduatekayyao - Oct 31, 2009 / kayyao - Nov 5, 2009
|Hard work and dedication for my future: PROFESSIONAL GOALS
6 - thank you Kevin, I got confidence from you. I think you have had given me some clues on writing...
Undergraduatephhusm2000 - Nov 3, 2009 / phhusm2000 - Nov 5, 2009
|Interest in Math and Science - California Institute of Technology
8 - well, now that I know Sam means Science and MAth, the whole essay makes sense. But if the admission...
UndergraduateMayada - Nov 2, 2009 / Haru0422KR - Nov 5, 2009
|Rape as a topic?
11 - I agree with all the previous comments. Even if you feel nervous about submitting such a personal challenge, I...
Undergraduaterollerderby - Nov 1, 2009 / angelica0716 - Nov 5, 2009
|"My fear of time" - Describe a Significant Moment In Your Life
UndergraduateSilentSoliloquy - Nov 3, 2009 / ivyeyesediting - Nov 5, 2009
|Page 271 of my autobiography "This bus ride is about remembering"
8 - Love this essay. One quick little grammatical correction (and this is just my opinion, feel free to leave it...
Undergraduatetofued - Oct 31, 2009 / abutler5 - Nov 5, 2009
|UF Admissions Essay- continuity and grammar questions..
4 - My first impression of your essay was defined by the second word that you chose: aberrant. It sounds a...
Undergraduatejwatson - Nov 1, 2009 / abutler5 - Nov 5, 2009
|"no sense of diversity" - My Rutgers Essay
5 - The essay is good in that the ideas conveyed are interesting, but the language needs to be checked. I...
Undergraduatepalakpatel1992 - Nov 2, 2009 / Moonshadow0302 - Nov 5, 2009
|MY DREAM TO BECOME A BALLERINA AND OVERCOME BEING SHY UCLA PROMPT 2
4 - (Response to introversion suggestion). Well actually I didn't prefer to be alone I was just to shy to interact,...
Undergraduateshadejade - Oct 31, 2009 / shadejade - Nov 5, 2009
|"the Kingdom of Bhutan" - COMMON APP ESSAY, CHECK
7 - I liked this essay immensely. Usually people write about what they have learnt about diversity by interacting with people...
Undergraduaterechungp - Nov 3, 2009 / Moonshadow0302 - Nov 5, 2009
|An essay that will touch the bottom of your heart. See if you agree...
Undergraduateasiangirl - Nov 3, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 5, 2009
|"stress and dermatitis" UC prompt 1
5 - I think its a fairly decent essay actually. Some work can be made on it to strengthen it even...
Undergraduatebbventura - Nov 4, 2009 / Liebe - Nov 5, 2009
|UT App Essay B obesity
6 - The reason I am writing about it is because I am planning on going there to become a registered...
Undergraduatezbennett10 - Nov 4, 2009 / zbennett10 - Nov 5, 2009
|I have always been jealous of those who had a definite goal in life; Carnegie Mellon
4 - Only 2 sentences in your entire essay answered the prompt (italicized below.) Please re-read the prompt especially what is...
Undergraduateswingstyle - Oct 27, 2009 / linmark - Nov 5, 2009
|leadership and team working skills, why they must choose me?
UndergraduateLightman - Oct 31, 2009 / Lightman - Nov 5, 2009
|UC Prompt #2 - my experience in raising a baby
Undergraduatetheasianlance - Nov 2, 2009 / simonma668 - Nov 5, 2009
|Love of Programming and UCs
4 - well..just like Kerfuffin said, i think u should focus on "what i have done for this major" instead of...
UndergraduateKerfuffin - Oct 17, 2009 / simonma668 - Nov 5, 2009
|UC Prompt 2 : Simply saying "No."
3 - It may sound stereotypical, but from my four years of my high school, I've known quite a lot of...
Undergraduatefendij3 - Nov 2, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|A second chance to so something differently - personal statement
7 - Ok, but I'm not going to nitpick grammar errors, instead I'll focus on the subject matter. - "I...
Undergraduatelitingjiao - Oct 26, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Nov 4, 2009
|Why Stanford? Hope to get some suggestions.
4 - Hey Jonathan Truly thanks for your comments. Yeah, I am just confused about how to stand out in my...
Undergraduatedanielnfls - Nov 4, 2009 / danielnfls - Nov 4, 2009
|Extracurricular activity elaboration--"Project Green"
Undergraduateebby2010 - Oct 24, 2009 / ebby2010 - Nov 4, 2009
|Aviation - Essay question for a job? I enjoy flying. I am a student pilot.
5 - I think I may have some facts you should know before you finalize that draft. I'm a high school...
UndergraduateCamodan - Nov 2, 2009 / zebrasapien - Nov 4, 2009
|Exposed to many different types of characters, with each, lived a different life. World, Aspirations
2 - good essay! it would be better though if you described the world you come from: your home, your school...
Undergraduateboogerface - Nov 2, 2009 / bbventura - Nov 4, 2009
|SOP for psychology program
Undergraduatesimplemoment - Nov 3, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|'Aunt's cancer..' - Concise Narrative: Entrance Essay for UF
Undergraduateamramey - Nov 3, 2009 / amramey - Nov 4, 2009
|proper paragraph formatting for application essays
3 - Good questions, it depends on the circumstances. If you are submitting via an online form, I think the above...
Undergraduatecasman - Nov 2, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|"It's a Sign" + " Artistic Interpretation"
UndergraduateNinja - Oct 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|'They loved it and recommended it' Why are you considering the ohio state university?
3 - College is a huge step in life with challenges to overcome and a new atmosphere. Which college I choose...
Undergraduateosu2010 - Nov 3, 2009 / osu2010 - Nov 4, 2009
|International trip alone?
2 - Awesome! I like how you connected it to college at the end, great ideas. I wonder if your intended...
Undergraduatecolorfuloving - Nov 2, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|U of M-My biggest setback essay
Undergraduatedaisy1991 - Oct 29, 2009 / prompter - Nov 4, 2009
|What I Did When I Ran Away From Home
7 - Excellent! Thanks. I recently had the idea that people can be contributors, and then a collection of the help...
UndergraduateAwreccan - Oct 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|UC #1 Family influence: Bioengineering
Undergraduateowlcity24 - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|Common App Short Answer - Working at A&F - criticism welcome!
2 - Excellent, it is great that work feels like a party. Remember in the future, when you have jobs that...
Undergraduatemattsaysfierce - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|Stanford Supplement Essay: Personal Narrative on career decision
2 - You know, what my first thought was? I thought, I would not want my surgery to be performed by...
Undergraduatekart00cj - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|Obsession with time - Stanford Roomate short essay response
5 - This can sometimes become problematic, as I find just relaxing extremely difficult. Lots of people find relaxing difficult....
Undergraduatekart00cj - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|"My Mission Trip" - UF prompt
Undergraduatelilminkzmayb - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
|essay on Scuba Diving(rough): Common App Essay
5 - I wrote about a similar experience under topic of my choice. When I had an admissions coach read my...
Undergraduatepeekachoo - Oct 24, 2009 / redsox34 - Nov 4, 2009
|"More than meets the eye" - essay for Chicago U.
4 - ^Because...that is a unique ability, as most people fail to make eye contact during a conversation? Overall,...
Undergraduatelisandrag - Nov 1, 2009 / Liebe - Nov 4, 2009
|I was going to be alone for most of the summer; Significant life experience
2 - Hi David, Nice work! First and foremost, I love how your sense of humor really feeds this piece...
Undergraduatethebabybull - Nov 4, 2009 / ivyeyesediting - Nov 4, 2009
|Life goals from a liberal arts education
2 - From Spiderman to FDR to Jesus, we have all... I think the paragraph about pro-athletes does not fit....
Undergraduatemichiganmaniac8 - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|'Project WORTHY'. I need to cut some of this UIUC essay down, can you help?
9 - The first paragraph is identical as is the last. The second paragraph is better served by the second version...
Undergraduateanuj1450 - Nov 1, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Nov 3, 2009
|Chinese Chess - Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay. Currently overlength )):
Undergraduatezhangyitao - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|"what to gain from diversity"-UM prompt 2
3 - I think a lot of people would agree that those first sentences are not necessary. But... I really like...
Undergraduatebmore1991 - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|I saw that dual potential in National Art Honor Society (NAHS) ; extracurricular
2 - A few general comments: You know those people who get excited when they can fulfill mundane tasks and...
Undergraduate10healyc - Nov 3, 2009 / theplaniverse - Nov 3, 2009
|Basketball has become an indispensable part of my life - Common app short essay
Undergraduatetrung2012 - Nov 1, 2009 / trung2012 - Nov 3, 2009
|My Cello - playing on it is my most challenging, but most rewarding personal activity.
3 - Playing the cello is my most challenging, but most rewarding personal activity. Sometimes, I practice anywhere from thirty minutes...
Undergraduatebyflash - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|World of knowledge, digital art
Undergraduatehdirt1 - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Bringing attributes of Determination and time management to UF
Undergraduatepenutsmurf - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Two Statements - life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments
2 - Write a sentence about what you were doing instead of focusing on school. If you were passionate about something...
Undergraduateohmygoodness - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Common Application Volleyball essay; My family is notoriously terrible at sports
4 - In the last paragraphs, reflect on experiencing moments of extreme focus, meditative, similar to your other passion, which is...
Undergraduatesmallfry320 - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|'Immigrant to the United States'; I did my best to avoid alienating from my American peers
5 - Don't end with that "good tings come in small packages," because it weakens your essay. Your essay is very...
Undergraduatemadmadiah - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Diversity Essay-Illustrating the value of diversity in my life.
3 - In the beginning, I think it is impressive that you talk about globalization as something that makes out fates...
Undergraduateperejdam - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|Common App Essay: Choose your own topic: Poker as a conceit to life
Undergraduated3adma - Nov 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|BU three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use qualities
UndergraduateYolaynyMCiriaco - Nov 2, 2009 / palakpatel1992 - Nov 3, 2009
|Rutgers Music Essay- i'm not sure how to wrap up this ending
Undergraduateech07410 - Nov 3, 2009 / ech07410 - Nov 3, 2009
|Why did you chose this major?--Bucknell supp
3 - ...the relation between nature, science and humanity . I don't think the problem is that it is too...
Undergraduatedark horse - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|the hardships caused by wars - my supplemental essay!
4 - Nice job! I think you should add a sentence to the first paragraph. Make it a sentence that uses...
Undergraduatehbrad8002 - Oct 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
|UM - Ann Arbor Undergraduate Admissions Essays
4 - ...two years, but it was not until this year that I finally gained insight that was truly meaningful --...
Undergraduategino250 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 3, 2009
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