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Posts by andika08
Name: Andika Irianto
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Dec 1, 2016
Threads: 81
Posts: 73  
From: Indonesia
School: English Studio

Displayed posts: 154 / page 2 of 4
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andika08   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Arts classes are essential for students when they have an ability of painting and drawing [2]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

... essential for student This is due to the fact that it makes children more easyeasier to deal with ...
... current survey from education ministry of Indonesia Education Ministry of (...) and practical subjects canhave chance to produce good (...) since they have much experience after going to the field. As a result, student easy tocan solve the problem when they face with the a hardness of work.

The reason for this trend situation is this subject ...
A great example for this situation is United states education (...) product than student just focusing on practical subjects.
... more effective for student studying rather than only ...

Thanks
andika08   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'A family knows the best way for children' - Childcare Centers Vs Family [5]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

It happens because teachers try tohave to be professional (...) their work and also . They have a lotmany experiences to give ...

... their children have a good developmentimprovement such as linguistic ...

... the best approach to teachtake care of children.

... to childcare centers have a positive resultgood responsibility about the ...

I believed this viewsituation, the grandparentsis more acceptable ...

Thanks
andika08   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is known that cities can be free from pollution if the factories are relocated to regional area [3]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

... factories are relocated to regionalprovincial area.
... the water and the air being affectedsuffered the impact by rubbish and ...
... 55% of pollution in the cities(you can use another word) is comes ...
By this research then , discovered that cities ...
... the factories and business do no longer existcannot support again.

... companies should spend on their budget.
... expert for surveying their new location, and also employee that have many experience workers regarding to builddesign the factories.
All of these activities cannot takedo inshort times and cheap prices.
I My personally experienced of this issue. , When when my father (...), it took 2 - 3 years for to finish these projects.
... to spend more budgets to succeedcomplete their project and therefore the disadvantage of ...

Thanks
andika08   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Execution punishments for cruel murderers have become a hot issue for debate in recent years [3]

Hello Septia
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

As a result, crime news rates related to sex crime was suddenly decrease during the period.

... the government to punish themthe offenders with fixed punishments.

... who still respect with someone's human right, arewere disagre with the notion.

... should get more detailsfor information about ...

... punished for 20 years according tobased on the regulation.

... strong argument to get a justicekeep it due to her husband was a person who wanted to shoot her with a gun.

Thanks
andika08   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Should Businesses Only Concentrate to Make Much Money? [8]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

They have to make familiar own-label product to ... -->
They have to promote their own-label product as it would increase the number of consumers. Thus, it will improve the profit of them by this way.

Besides, owner also must notice the other side. Because focus ...-->
Besides, owner also must notice the other factors can be influenced as focus on only earning money will make the entrepreneurs negligence about the construction of business.

Improving the quality of employees is an example.-->
For example is improving the quality of employees for getting more income.

Since earning much money from ...
... treat their labors well and give the appropriate welfare .

Thanks
andika08   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The quality of customers service in the Parkway Hotel [3]

Question :

The charts below show the results of a questionnaire that asked visitors to the Parkway Hotel how they rated the hotel's customer service. The same questionnaire was given to 100 guests in the years 2005 and 2010


The pie charts compare the result of a questionnaire about the Parkway Hotel in different guests in 2005 and 2010. Overall, all figures showed a shift trend. In this case an increasing rate was shown in both at excellent and good answers while the other figures saw the opposite.

In 2005 a satisfactory answer far most dominated the result of questionnaire at 45% but they had dropped to 17% in 2010, making its position be in the second place. In contrast, good answer stayed at fourth place in 2005, but in the year 2010 it experienced a considerable growth to 39% leading it to occupy the highest position at the year.

Turning to the another comparison, the similar pattern was shown by both poor and very poor answers which decreased by 9% and 11% respectively, causing them stay at fourth and fifth position. While the excellent answer saw an increasing rate at 5% in 2005 to 28% in 2010, boosting its position in the second place in the year 2010.



  • pie_chart.png
andika08   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle - habits change is necessary. [2]

Hello Septia
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

... people who think about this conditions that having a healthy (...) to be done, itIt is because they have less time and less money to provide some thingsnecessities of life that they need.

... some groups of society saysaid that it is easy to ...

SoThus , it is actually easy for people ...

For instance, they can use stairs instead of lift ... -->
For instance, every morning people can use stairs instead, lift or escalator to go upstairs or downstairs their office.

You can added your opinions in the last body 1 and 2 or make the new paragraph before the conclusion.
andika08   
Nov 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some say that teaching untalented children art in class does not have any benefits for their sake [3]

Question:

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Some people said teaching untalented children how to paint and draw in the class does not have any benefits for children's sake. Learning practical subject, more suitable to their interest is more acceptable instead. This essay would totally agree with this idea as learning how to paint or draw needs more time and children would be ready to face a real life when having been eposed to several practical subjects during the school program.

It is generally believed that how to paint and draw by children is take longer time to study. The reason is in this subject contain a different material that not many children can do it. For example, survey from University of Houston stated that 65% of children who learn about art spending much time than in the

others subject. It is true that by learning this subject children cannot focus on others subject.

In addition, another activity such as doing some project in the school would make them find their talent. This is because in this subject provide an practical experiment that make them would learn many new knowledge. For instance, research from University of London stated that 70% of children doing some project and find new discovery was getting the achievement and new experience. It is acceptable that by this practical subject the children would increase their ability to face the next life.

All in all, the art subject considered not really give effect for student that they should focus on studying another subjects doing projects. It would be better to concentrate on practical subjects as it provides more valuable material than art.
andika08   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Overeating in wealthy countries - a problem that is greater than hunger to other. [6]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

Eating habit has been always the main concern ... -->
The main concern of people today society is eating habit from the poor to the rich people.

This problem results from several reasons and ... -->
This reason comes from the result of several reasons and should be tackled by some immediate solutions.

Another underlying reason that possible was people being inundated with various advertisements about food on TV, which appeal them to purchase and try new taste of snacks or sweet or any kind of foods.

Firstone is that the high - living standard ...

thanks
andika08   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The media should limit how much bad news they report because it discourages people from doing activi [2]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

Most of activities have their risks and some people believe that media ...-->
Some people believed that the most of activities have their risks and media should restrict about the distributing of the unpleasant news.

... spectators should know about the most important (negative or positive) occurrence that have been happened around the world.

For instance, they heard the news of motorcycle ...

As result, it is true that bad news ...

... kind of censor and the most of people condemn it.

AlsoIn addition , it is a natural right ...

For example when they know about the affects of bad (...) more carefully and safety .

... undeniable that news willwould transfer in any ...

Thanks
andika08   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The top ten countries in the London 2012 Olympic games [3]

The table gives the information about top ten countries in the london 2012 Olympic games winning the number of medals. Overall, the rank of country was based on the number of gold medals obtained; the United States was by far the most successful country in this event.

United States was by far dominated country in this event with total medal of 104. Besides, China got the second position with medals total of 88. Rusia medals total was better than Great Britain, but they had lower gold medals with the difference of 5. It makes them stayed at fourth position.

On the other hand, South Korea was not succesfully at winning silver's medals than Germany, with a total of 8 compared to Germans's 19 but they position was stand above the Germany as they won two more gold medals. France gold's medals total was more winning than both of Italy and Hungary. Even though the Italy and Hungary had same number of gold's medals total but Hungary was lose from the number of silver's and bronze's medals. Australia not gave the best performance as the result they stayed at 10 position.



  • tabel.jpg
andika08   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some organisations have a standard requirement for their workers to wear formal uniforms [6]

Hello Septia
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

..., some organisations hashave a standard requirement ...

... wear formal uniform to go to work as the company obligate for the employee to use it.

I believe that this situation is because their job are ...

SoThus , it is essential for someone ...

because how the way they look have no big ...
because how the appearance not determine about the result of their job .

... clothes to go to the field. because it isIt is because they feel more comfortable to ...

... dress formally, they can do the job optimally in the workplace.

... views depend on whatthe kind of job that ...

If they have to offer goods or services with consumers... -->
they would wear formal uniform for offering goods or services to consumers
andika08   
Oct 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Parents are more competent than school to show children how to be a decent citizen [5]

Hello Septia
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

1. To teach children become a good members ... -->
The parents have responsibility to teach their children to be a good members of society

2. However, in my opinion, parents are more important ...-->
However, in my opinion, the parents have more important role to give education such as communication with other people that they cannot get in the school.

3. ... but they still do not know when they could apply this way.

4. SoThus , school is only a place ...

5. too many 'good', maybe it can be changed into new words

... many good behavioural throughfor daily activity. SoTherefore , parents can give positive impact for the chidren by teaching a good ...

... that can influence childreenchildren indirectly, parents can provide ...
andika08   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / British people prefer hamburgers more than other fast food - research for 1970-1990 [4]

The bar and line chart illustrates about money spending on fast foods by people in britain in 1990. Overall, hamburger was by far the favorite one for british people to spend their money for, except in low income level. In this case, while pizza experienced a decreasing trend, an opposite was seen in the remaining figures.

Hamburger consumption far dominated the proportion of people spend in high and average income level at 42% and 32% respectively, but it was lower than fish and chips in low income. At the same time, with 17%, fish and chips consumption predominated in low income, while it was the lowest percentage in high income. Meanwhile, pizza consumption was higher than fish and chips in the high income at 18%, but it was the lowest level in average and low incomes level.

Turning to the line chart showing that between 1970 to 1980, the trend in consumption of hamburger and fish also chips rose slightly to around 150 and 90 whereas in the next 10 years, the figure increased dramatically, making their figures more popular than pizza. This was in marked contrast to the trend of pizza decreasing slightly to 200 over the 20 years.



  • mix_chart.jpg
andika08   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The press tend to report about the lives and relationships of public figures [4]

Hello Septia
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

Introduction :

... to report about the lives and relationshipspersonal life of public figures.

Body 1 :
He iswas born with disability and does nothe has no arms. However, it cannotwould not break his desire ...

InAs result, if a local media reports can expose his life, it can help... -->
[i]it would inspire a positive sphere to the many people around him.[ /i]

SoThus , reporting the lives ...

Body 2:
... more talented than other people as they have special figures.

... more about her daily activity, such aswhich are the preparation for ...
So,Thus , these reasons cause the most reporters take ...
andika08   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of spendings on five different basic needs in several developed countries in 2009. [3]

The bar chart gives the information about the proportion of spend on five different basic needs in several developed countries in 2009. Overall, housing was by far the most significant sector of all country's expenditures.

United stated far dominated the proportion of spend on both housing and healthcare at 27% and 7% respectively, but it was the lowest rate in food and clothing. At the same time, with more than a fifth, Japan predominated on food, while its the lowest percentage was seen in transportation. Meanwhile, Canada at 20 percent was the highest rate among all in transportation whereas it showed a very less proportion on housing.

On the other hand, there was a similar pattern was shown in the figure for USA and Canada in which the proportion of health care was higher than clothing. However, this was marked contrast to the trend of United Kingdom and Japan spending more budget on clothing than healthcare.



  • bar_chart.jpg
andika08   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie charts compares household expenses in 7 different categories in a 60-year period [6]

WRITING TASK 1 :The average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010

The pie charts compares the expenditure of household in 7 different categories in a 60-year period. Overall, all figures showed a shift trend. In this case, decreasing rate was shown in both housing and education while the others figures witnessed the opposite.

A household expenditure was dominated by housing in 1950 at 72,1%, but by 2010, this had fallen to more than a fifth. Meanwhile, with 11,2 percent, food came as the second initially. However, this category increased significantly by around 23%, far outnumbering all figures at the end of the year.

Turning to another comparison, there were several basic necessities. At the beginning, there was a similar pattern shown in both health care and transportation in which they increased by 2% and 14% respectively after a 60-year period. This was in marked contrast to the figure for education experiencing a decline by 6,3 % at the end of the year.



  • pie_chart.jpg
andika08   
Oct 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The popularity of reading books by citizens of Burnaby between 2011 and 2014 [2]

The line chart illustrates the total of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library between 2011 and 2014. Overall, all figures showed an upward trend despite different increasing rate was witnessed by them.

In 2011, the difference number of books read by men and women is 2,000 and therefore the gap between them is narrowed. In reverse, the end of period witnessed a significant increase by 11,000 in male figure while a less marked growth to 8000 occurred in females, making the gap between them widened.

A more detailed look at the graph shows that from 2011 to 2013, the number of books read by women rose slightly to around 10,000, whereas in the same time, the figure for man increased significantly, making their rate level in the year 2013. However, at the end of period, a sharp decrease by 7,000 showed in the former, while a significantly increasing trend to 14,000 was seen in the latter and therefore it successfully surpassed the women readers and reached its peak at the year.



  • line_chart.jpg
andika08   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / When students are in large classes, it is very hard for the teacher to give every student attention [6]

Question :

When students are in large classes, it is very hard for the teacher to give every student individual attention. What can educational authorities do about this?


Teacher feel hard to give the consideration to student in the large class. A step that headmaster suggest to the teacher is using method which have a popular teaching combination and also arrange the seats with effectively mode.

The one of solution is teacher should use variation of methods. It means by having a several group it can make the teacher is easier to deliver the subject. The teacher can see the student closely by one another. For instance, based on survey from University of Texas in 2007 stated that 65% of teachers in the classes is showing pictures or videos on a huge screen can get more attention for the students. The teacher also can explain with the movements of objects that can be seen in front of the class. It is true that the teacher's new method are make any differences.

Another way to deliver the lesson effectively is make the position of students in the class systematically. It means the seat in the class should be set up for form of square and the teacher would stand in the middle of new position so the teacher can control the activity of student. For examples, research from University of Chicago state about 65% of students that study in the designed of seats such as a circle is more productive than others. It is acceptable that the teacher can guide the student good way by using this form.

All in all, school authorities should apply some methods to solve this problem as using many type of teaching and changing the position of seats for better result. Thus, the teacher can deliver the subject to every students in the class.
andika08   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The world of work is changing - job conditions today are not the same as before [3]

Question :
The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Discuss the possible causes for these changes and give your suggestion which can be taken in the future?


People do more than two jobs in this day as a result of working conditions changing quickly. The increase of basic necessities is one of the triggers of such issue and the ability to manage the income well is a measure which can be taken.

The main concern related to the changes of work is the rise of necessities. This occurs as the necessities such as clothing, food and residence are growing up. This will impact for the families by difficulty of finding the low price the kind of necessities. A latest survey from International Economic Organization state that 40% of people, about the cost of clean food in the market is become more expensive as the increase regularly of necessities. It is acceptable that the higher cost for living become the reason for people to take more than one job.

One of the possible solutions which can be admitted with this issue is manage the income effectively. This noticeable would make people limit the outcome from the unimportant necessites. In addition, it also can be saved the money to the future needs. For instance, based on survey by University of Houston state that 50% of people decide to make the food in the home as the cost is lower than buy food outside the home. It is true that using money in the right way is one of solution that people should do.

In conclusion, the current changes of working conditions has been caused by the cost of necessities is growing up and the solution for the worker that can be implement is using their money wisely and arrange their salary effectively .
andika08   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sea levels are continuing to rise which is triggered by the global warming process [4]

Question:

Global warming is one of the biggest threats human face in the 21 st century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rate. What problems are associated with this and what some possible solutions?


In the 21st century humans confront the increase of sea levels caused by global warming. This will lead to the inundation of some area around the sea. However, people can make dam to restrain the rate of water.

The principal problem related to the increase of sea level is the flood in coastal area. This occurs as the land is lower than sea level, causing a great amount of water come into the ground. This will lead to catastrophic disaster suffered by people living there like hunger and the outbreak of disease. A current report from the ministry of indonesia revealed that 75% of people inhabiting an area near by the sea are at risk of losing their home owing to the rise of sealevels.

One of viable solutions which can be taken to deal with this issue is the construction of sea barrier along the seashore. This obviously would prevent sea water from coming into the land. Besides, it also can be utilized to generate electricity to support economic activities. Taking the Netherlands as an example, government built the dam to save the water and supply the water to downstream and canal. It is useful to balance the amount of water in this

areas.
.
In conclusion, global warming make a impact such as rise of sea level. There is an effect in an area such as coastal areas to the innundation. Furthermore, the manufacture of sea barrier along the seashore can be helpful to decrease the effect from flood and it should be become the long-term solution.
andika08   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2 : Industries and businesses to move to areas outside the big cities [2]

Question:

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?


Regional areas like suburbs is recommended by governments for being industries and business center. I agree that the advantages is more than disadvantages. Even though such policy would be time-consuming to reach the relocation point, the gradual decrease of traffic congestion far outweigh any drawbacks.

The workers should predict the time to arrive in the new relocated places. This is because the distance spent to these places is quite far, making them spend more time in the road. For instance, survey in 2009 by international labor organization state about 80% of workers are on the road between 4am until 9am to go to the new relocated places that make them unsatisfied. It means they have to plan for arriving in the place as fast as they can. However, it is not be a problem for them because in the fact many countries now have been planning to built the public transportation that can connect each location quickly.

On the other hand, the relocated business center will bring the opportunity for improving the road. This obviously will result in the significant decrease of traffic jam, easing the business activities conducted by humans. For instance, survey in 2010 by international labor organization about a number of vehicle experienced decrease at 25% in the city. This policy brings significant benefit for the economic growth in the areas.

In conclusion, the effect from the movements of industrial and business area is the worker spent more time to arrive there. However, the number of vehicles in the city and traffic jam will be reduced.
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Childcare centers became the option for some parents to serve their child. [2]

Question :

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.


Childcare centers become the option for some parents to serve their child. However, others tend to choose their parents to watch their children. It has a advantage and disadvantage for the parents. The parents must to earn much money in the childcare centers to take care the children and they do not be bothered their parents like grandmother in their old age.

Some parents have spent their money to prepare their children in the child care centers. It means that they believe childcare centers to keep their children for getting better service. It is because they have work for receiving money and cannot handle their children at home. For instance, based on survey in 2009 by Australia Childcare Commission about the provision of childcare state 65% of working parents deciding to pay more money in the childcare centers for giving the education before their get to school. I believed this situation will make the parents not worry about the children.

On the other hand, their grandparents can use their old age with relaxed. It means the parent have responsibility for their children and not hassle their grandparents. The reason is the parents should get more time to take a rest. For instance, survey by University of Kent state the 75% grandparents is feel comfortable for spent their time with activity that make them enjoyable. It is acceptable that parents better earn much money to childcare centers rather than disturbing their grandparents.

All in all, the most effective way from the parents is give the childeren in childcare centers. Besides, the condition can be useful for their grandparents to using their old age time effectively.
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / More electricity are produced using alternative energy resources. [3]

Question:

More renewable energy sources are harnessed to generate electricity these days. What are disadvantages and advantages of this trend?


More electricity produced that using for now it comes from alternative energy resources. It has advantage and disadvantage. While the cost from using new energy source will be higher since it is the newest. Beside that it would be many choice for people in the future to use it will lessen the dependance on fossil.

New energy bring the positive way for using but the cost will be more expensive. It is because the equipment and location is uncommon. For instance, geothermal energy in near the mountain is need much money to drill in the location and expertise to do the job because too many risk for finishing. In addition maintain the energy source yet need special equipment that the usage to distribute the energy around the area. It need investation for long term period. It is true that people should earn much money to use the energy.

In the future, people can use new energy and not depend on the fossil energy. It means they would reduce the number of effect from fossil energy such as gas emmitions. For example, survey from Ministry of Mineral and Energy Resources state that 50% of using the Geothermal energy would be decreased the number of pollutions in air. People are more likely to choose the renewable energy since it has many benefit for them.

To conclude, the renewable energy give the positive impact but the cost for using it is more expensive than before. However people have many option for energy using in the future.
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is an online computer game useful for children? [2]

Question :

Some people think that online computer game is useful for children, while others claim is bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?


Online games become the most attractive game for children. Some say that the effect can be worst while others argue against such an idea. While online games is capable of making children more self-centered, this also can help them to refresh their mind after having full activities.

Children who always play online games tend to break away from their society. They just focus for playing the games and not caring about the environment. It means they get negative effect of this such as being addicted for the games. For instance, the child of protection board recently stated that 75% of children spending their time on playing game, are more likely to dissociate their self from community. It is acceptable that playing games make the children prefer to do this activity.

On the other hand, online games can reduce the number of stress suffered by children after studying. In online games provided many interesting features inside it. The reason for this is that when playing games children's brain works work less hard. For instance, survey from University of Houston state the 60% children playing online games are more productive than the others. Therefore, it is true that playing games can help children release their stress as there are many information such as new languages and new information about other countries.

All in all, online games is one of consequence which can be suffered for children is antisocial as they often play the game. However, playing online games make the children feel better after have a full daily activity in school.
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / By taking a side job, children would learn something that they cannot get from school [2]

Question:

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion


In some countries many children not only studying at school, but also work at the workplace. Some people say that it has a positive and negative impact for them in the future. Even though, children can get valuable lesson from their paid work, I prefer that children should stayed at school for studying and increasing their knowledge because their metal age is not ready to face the true life of working.

By taking a side job, children would learn something that they cannot get from school. In their office work, there are many adult people who have many experiences and can share one another. For instance, children working at the cafe, would learn about socialisation with the old people and gain new experience that they cannot get in the school. As result, the children can adapt with adult people easily.

On other hand, children have to study at school and find more about the knowledge. This is because their psychology is not suitable to working place. Their age is still young and it means that they should use their leasure time with their similar age for playing. In the future they can feel the impact from their hard study and they could be at the highest level of education. For instance, survey about under age worker in central institution of statistic state that just 10% children can use the equipments in the office like computer and cannot work full day activity. It makes the company not satisfied about their work.

I believed that children should study at the school rather than taking a job because they responsibility is find more knowledge. If they taking a job it would be interfere their focus in school and children activity can be oversee in the school by parents.

In conclusion, children can achieve many experience in the workplace not only in the school. However, their psychology is not suitable for doing the job as their age is need improvement for the future. I suggested parents should give more attention on their children for getting a better future.
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / People at the workplace should inhale only the fresh air, not polluted by the smoke [3]

Question :

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?


People should leave the building for smoking. I agree with this statement because many people in the building can get the fresh air and they would be avoided from being suffered of serious diseases.

Workers in the workplace feel good as the weather in the room is clean and clear from the cigarette smoke. This mean the air conditioner in the room can work properly and effective as the smokers is go outside from the room to the place which provided by government. The smokers can use the room and not bother others people. For instance, the effectiveness of employees is rise since they can focus for complete their task. It is true that the workers are feel comfortable with this condition.

On other hand, people can keep their body healthy. This means when a smoker not in the building, a possibility to get chronic illness is less. A research from University of Boston in 2006 an example show that 80% of employees in the room without smoke have a higher rate of healthy rather than other. and the presence of workers getting better since the employee body always fit every day It accepted that healthy is important for the workers to stay focus.

All in all, a smoking in the outside building is the most effective way for people in the workplace to get a nature air and the employees can keep their body to stay fit. Thus, people inside the building is get the positive impact from the condition.
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people working in the same place within years just for getting a money. [2]

Question :
Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years ?

People work in the same corporation for many years just for getting a money. I do not agree with this statement because feeling of comfort about the job environment and the probability to be the expertise in the company are the most reasons for this trend.

It is often said that people keep working in the same corporation because of comfortable feeling to working atmosphere. This means environment in the workplace would support them in dealing with their job. For example, I personally experience of having friend working in the same company for ages. A proper guidance from the boss and caring friends in workplace makes him did so. Therefore, it is true that being convenient is the reason why people are loyal in the same workplace.

In addition, workers getting higher position is another factor which should be taken into account. This means when a worker stay longer in one company, a probability to be an expert is huge. A study conducted in University of York in 2008 as an example revealed that 75% of employees staying for ages in the same organization have a willing to be an expert. It is true that chance to be the expertise in the company is getting higher as they have been many experience.

In conclusion, the comfortable feeling of working atmosphere become the other reason for employee to keep in the same corporation for many years. Moreover, a huge opportunity to be expertise also the reason from the worker. It is makes people not only think about the salary.
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Admission policy of museums - charging entry fees does not create more benefits [3]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

We wanted to find a balancedifferent between the cost during travel spending and the variety of attractions we plan to gobefore we going

... factor for us to determine whether we should visit ...
It indicates museums rely more on donations and the ...

However, it is possible to offset thisabout lost income by ...

..., providing free entry to people can would bring more ...

You have made a good writing structure for body 1 and 2 also in conclusion

too many repetitive words (income,increase,charging), maybe it can be changed into new words,
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / An Article Summary: A Scottish Noblewoman and Her Palace [3]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

Then this path then led her to acquire such as expertise to maintain ...
... by hiring most of the men around 30 and 50 workers, mostly men, arranged hierarchically, ...
Since she had a great taste (what the taste that you mean), the furniture was ...
ArtworkArt workas well asand furniture wascan use for appropriately inventoried.
... around 1701 but Anne continued landscapingcontinue the grounds landscapeits grounds until her death inat the age of 84.

... had been sold afterwhen mining subsidence was discovered before itsit is demolition, ...

Too many repetitive words, maybe it can be changed into new words,
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The urban areas should have good traits of rural areas. Issues of living in a large community [2]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

... gradually replaced by the crowded large urban areas crowded , and modern . ButThus the gigantic development ...

Firstly, the materialnecessities of life of the people were living in urban areas are better than in rural.There are a several aspect such as the infrastructure of culture, education and health care are better ...

Thirdly, better job opportunities. More and more urban development is growing up means create more jobs, it created jobs forcan useful for many people. While promoting economic development.

... disadvantages such as: people can focus on developing ...
In particular, the area have negative aspect from decrease a number of trees isreserved for no more treesto create great pressure to (...) places to relax and they have do not know about their neighbors less.

In my opinion, we need a combination of ...
Such moderate economic development, ...

You have explain more about your body 1 and 2 and conclusion clearly and totally.
For better structure in body paragraph you can firstly paraphrasing the idea, reason, example and brief conclusion.
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Effects of modern forms of communication such as email and messaging [2]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

... social website, we easily contact with our friends even on in around the world after few secondsas fast as people can and instantaneous messaging ...
That leads to the closer relationship between peopleThe relationship of people is getting closer.
... I usually freehave a time at nearly midnight after studying time and I do not have to ask permission for my parentsmy parents' permission to hang out with my ...

..., share my opinions and know what they are doing.
... were not many changes for me to communicate (...) several months no talkingthat do not have a contact.

I think we should not blame to ...

... around the world stay together.

For better structure in body paragraph you can firstly paraphrasing the idea, reason, example and brief conclusion.

It is better not using 'we, you' in writting essay or summary.
andika08   
Oct 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS. 'the money should be better spent' - Wasteful Space Program - Agree or disagree [4]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

... country which is concerned to space is richabout the wider of space, the government maycan help many people as many as possible if they having much money.

... difference between rich and poor is extendingtoo far, so it is hard for poor people to live in daily lifesurvive and the power of nation is declining(You have explain more about this).

... obligation that the difference shrinks and every people can enjoy their life economic of people still can enjoy their life. The United States and the USSR face deficitexperienced decrease because of spending moneyexpenditure for their space programs too much.

In fact, mobile phone all over the worldis availableall over the world is available because ...

... useful for many people to be spent on dealing with ...

I think you can start the first sentence with the main idea.
You should write at least 250 words.
I think better you choose to agree or disagree totally.
For better structure in body paragraph you can firstly paraphrasing the idea, reason, example and brief conclusion.
Too many repetitive words like welfare, spent, maybe it can be changed into new words
andika08   
Oct 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Do you support that the nuclear technology should be used for constructive purposes? [4]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you

... main concern regarding the useutilitize of nuclear technology. Despite ofthe high level of (...) that the technology havetechnology has a high level of sophistication of the system, human and environmental aspects always get the impact ...

... waste which takes many years to eliminateremoveits that radioactive and risk.

In contrary.... (You have explain the body 2 clearly and totally.)

... to implement it without putting role of human and ...
... technology which is much safer you can added the comparison with the previous energy like than before.It should be discovered and implemented for the future.
andika08   
Oct 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Talk "How Fear of Nuclear Power is Hurting The Environment" [3]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections

Nowadays, a lot of many people in California use clean energy such asrenewable sources which are solar energy for daily life.
... increased since 2009 and still going growing up (...) electricity from clean energy renewable sources started to experienced decrease from 36%...
... sharply than the demand of clean energy renewable sources. Moreover,Four nuclear plants almost ...
... the demand of energy nowadays in current situations. The option for this problem is people canuse nuclear energy.

You can added introduction in the first paragraph.
You can change the word with the another similar word.
andika08   
Oct 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summarize article : Extremely Dangerous' Hurricane Nicole to Pummel Bermuda [2]

Hurricane nicole make the effect for the british teritory of bermuda over the night and potential to damage small island in the northern atlantic ocean.

Bermuda and authorities on Wednesday affected from the hurricane in the next day. Rain all day in school and government offices are warn for people to stay inside. The solid infrastructure that accustomed about the storms make many people be safety since the rain and wind come over quickly.

In other place among historical buildings in mangrove bay called a popular spot for water sport that many tourist come to booked at Wednesday night. They using a largely boarded as their transport. Hotels, meanwhile, reported bookings are full of people that effect makes them no choice to stay.

In the next day, The hurricane was attacked the surfers in south island of Bermuda including Puerto Rico, where government said they were find the body of a surfer who pass away on Tuesday. He was identified as 37-year-old Gabriel Pantoja.
andika08   
Oct 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / The government must make choices about how to spend money from taxes [3]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections

... from sub-healthy diseases, such as which are diabetes ...
... do more exercise, then their health the health problem issues can be effectively solved solved effectively . However, sometimes, there are not enough less of number ...

If the government can put subsized more funds into sports...
... in the nearby gyms after thework. And the gym was supported by (...) number of people have benefit from it.

... to do sports because such activity can releasetheir pressure.
... suffering from tremendous working pressure.
He always has to burn the night oil night after night (...) and he can release his pressure after working out.

You can change the word with the similar meaning.
andika08   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / People have to be more careful for choosing their clothes because it may cause some problems [5]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they area like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.


Nowadays, people who wear clothes become more attention for surrounding environment. The clothes that they wear is represent theirself. Beside that there is person comment about their appearance.

People wear clothes would reflect themselves with positive comments. For example, people who wear formal clothes when they go to the office from their house. There are several feature concern by looking at the style of dress which area wise, kind, polite and tidy also the effect is get interest with others. The physical appearance often creates the perception of the characteristics of a person, which are a picture of the personality or competency that they have. Employee wearing formal clothes as figure respected by the surroundings. Others, students who wear unformal to go to campus.

On the other hand people wear unformal clothes does not mean their attitudes not good. They choose unformal clothes for a reason. For example, successful people always wear the same shirt every day because of the habit of wearing it every day. Then, they looks like just have one collection for the clothes. In addition, the main reason people always wear same clothes because they do not understand about latest fashion. The function for wearing it they can easily remembered by many people. Beside that there are people who do not know about the habit of people just directly judged them used the same clothes, moreover, in the fact the people had many collections about dresses in their house.

In conclusion, I think today people have to be more careful for using dress because it will be cause a problem. If people use the clothes that do not precise with the existing situation, it will provoke of people around them. On the other hand, people should not be comment about other people clothes because they do not know about others character.
andika08   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Wiriting Task 2: Problems associated with the internet and what solutions ? [3]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections

Using the Internet is the means used to share information ...
For instance, sales mode online that sellsnot accordance with goods .

Some users complained of feel pain in thecertain ofbody parts, just as which are pain...
... The first, The need for law enforcement with the ...
... while using the Internet for health more than anything.

You have explain the Computers are a lot of benefit in many ways clearly and totally.
You can added introduction in the first paragraph. there is repetition like first, second and the last you can use another words.
andika08   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / TEDx Summary How the Panama Papers journalists broke the biggest leak in history by Gerard Ryle [3]

Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections

Economic controls the world. That first sentence (...) not only a sentence but also it is happened. In this April, the world was surprised by a company of media around (...) myriad firm.which It is create tax pathology ...

It was being thebiggest document investigation in (...) with Wikileaks is more a houndred hundred times.It is dreadful.

You have explain the first sentence and last sentence in the first paragraph clearly and totally.
You can added introduction in the first paragraph.

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