Writing Feedback / A good environment with humble people only in a small village - english studio [6]

Hi Alfin, I believe this is my first time to review your essay and with that, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and valuable feedback that you will be able to use to strengthen your essay.

Now, as I review your essay, I must say you have what it takes to write. You were able to use words that are very easy to comprehend, you made sure that your sentences are logical and the paragraphs are not too short and not too long, however, there is no title, no prompt and having tagged this essay as Writing test 2 in English Studio does not necessarily give us, reviewers, a clear view of what and how to review your essay. What I mean is that, we need to have a solid ground such as the prompt, the title or the goal of the essay in order for us to provide you a review that will be very beneficial to your revision.

Having said that, all you need to do now is to make sure that you write back to us with the title or the prompt of this essay that you are answering to, now, don't get me wrong, we can still review your essay base on the construction of the sentences and how you follow the English language rules, however, it will be very beneficial for both parties if we have the prompt in order to get an overall perspective of the essay. I wish to hear from you soon and keep writing!

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, as the world becomes more global, there is a new tendency to learn English [3]

Hi Dila, WELCOME to the Forum, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so valuable to your revision. We do aim to provide you with the most accurate and most comprehensive feedback that will surely strengthen your essay.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

- there is a new tendencytrend to producepracticea language
- whichthat can be accepted globally.
- ManiaA mania itself can be beneficial or
- In China, learningLearning English in China
- English ishas been instructed and managed by the state,

- Despite, it is actually havethe fact that it needs to be recognized and that our first language
- is our mother native language in which English is just the second oneis not English .

There you have it Dila, as you can see, there's still quiet a lot of work to be done in your essay, however, the good thing is, this can still be enhanced. Now, I left a few sentences in order for you to practice editing yourself and I hope you follow through with the suggested remarks.

Writing Feedback / Manias can be expressed by various ways. Have your ever heard about English mania? [4]

Hi Abul, I believe this is my first review for your essay and I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website to be helpful as well as useful to your writing projects. We aim to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback we can come up with and should you need further assistance after the review, go ahead and send us your message and we are here for you. Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

- ManiasA World Mania can be expressed byin various ways.
- In some cases, football maniacsfans , for example,
- the opponent group .
- It similarly appearsThis is similar when teenagers
- even they evencan cry after watching
- their favorite bands performance.
- right now. Have, have your ever heard of English maniasmania ?
- In China, many students are exertedstrive to be experts in English.
- Did you know, wW hy?
- The simple answer isSimple, it's because

There you have it Abul, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as you can see, the revision is focused on the construction of the sentences, you see, the way you constructed your sentences and the way the words are positioned is not in the way they should be that will make sure that your ideas and the message of your sentences is sent across to your readers properly. Anyhow, I wish to review your revised essay soon.

Writing Feedback / Suzanne Barakat: Islamophobia Killed My Brother. Let's End The Hate [4]

Hi Muhammad, I'd like to share a few insights for your essay;

-In this video, Suzanne Barakat in this TED video
- shared about her experiencedin life.
- ForIn the beginning of her speech,
- she was introduced by her brother to the audiences ,
- who passed away a couple of years ago
- becausehe was murdered by her neighbor.
- I thinkbelieve it was a very interesting speech
- because she tried to encourage the audiences for standing upto share their hatredwith her against hate onthe Muslims .
- She toldshared that in her environment,
- extremely hate with Muslimspeople .
- Furthermore, she said that in three years ago,
- her house got couple of bulletshas been gunned down
- but the condition was unchangeddid not change .
- She's always got bullying frombullied by her neighbor

There you have it Muhammad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / The choice for some people is to be happy from an early age [3]

Hi Andika, here's another one from my end;

- The choice for some people to be happy from early age
- until end of their age. For example,maturity has been studied from
- the teenagers activities all the way they do activities untilto their old age to
- see what and how can people can stay happy and healthy.

Andika, as I go through editing the essay, I started a little bit confused and honestly, it stayed this way for the entire length of the essay. You see,one thing that is very confusing in your essay is the fact that, the structure is not very logical and the strength of the ideas are so put together in a way that is quiet confusing and not necessarily in conjunction to the idea or the message that you are trying to send to your readers. Having said that, I made a few starting points of revision as you can see above and I hope you follow through, I wish to review the final draft soon.

Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the information about the proportion of captives in several nations [4]

Hi Andika, please find a few suggestions below to strengthen your essay.

- A breakdown of the information abouton the proportion of crime
- punishments in several nations over the 50 year period is shown in the graph below , it is measured byin thousands
- is illustrated in the bar chart .
- in others nations .
- Also, USA numbers was by far the highest rate in 1980.

- Great Britain was by farhas the most significant
- changed in the first 20-years.
- In contrastOn the contrary ( contrast - is for colors / contrary - is for ideas ) ,
- The fluctuatedfluctuating trend was
- seen inwith Canada offenders.
- ... and Australia stayed with the same of proportions by ...

There you have it Andika, as you can see there are only minor corrections that needs to be done in order to strengthen your analysis, however, it will be great if this corrections will be corrected properly before submission.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task TED Summary Holly Morris, nuclear accident in Chernobyl [4]

Hi Dioba, here's another one from my end.

- was happened and released nuclear radiation 400 times
- as much asmore radiation than
- The accident was occurred in Chernobyl.
- city because of the leak of the nuclear reactor ...
- air arewas categorized as the ...
- one in our hemisphere.
- Holly Morris, as a TED speaker, was tried to filming the accident
- of the Chernobyl.
- She found strange facts about the area thatwhere a vast of people
- Almost all of them are women and
- theythere lives in dangerous areaare in danger .
- For the victim of this tragedy, they suffered higher levels
- depression all their lives. But, however, for self-settlers, their spirit and existence of them keep their spirits alivefor their life .

There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
For future writing reference, mind the minor details on your sentences, remember, the sentences makes up the idea of the entire essay so you have to be very cautious.I wish to review your final essay soon.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Hundreds More Species than We Thought Might Be Endangered [3]

Hi Asmawati, below are my thoughts for your summary essay.

- is found in most parts of Colombia and Ecuador,
- and isit's almost extinct.
- According to the satellite data of elevation
- advise is to rethink in classifying the populations.
- then examined the changes in the forest covering in those areas.
- According to the email from the teams about
- there are contrastcontrary notions between the teams,
- whichwhere the classification was incorrect

There you have it Asmawati, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, for future writing reference, you have to strengthen your sentences and make sure that you have your ideas alined and as this is a summary essay, focus on the details of the essay, be careful in collaborating and summarizing ideas, make sure that you don't sacrifice the idea and the message of the essay, keep your sentences clear and your words simple as you can, in order to ensure clarity and understanding and should you need additional help, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / The Republic of China: A state-backed up a firm that is developing a gigantic space ship [4]

HI Dioba, here's another one from my end.

- Nowadays,the Republic of China
- A state-backed up a firm that is developing a gigantic space planeship .
- This space planeship can fly up to more than 20 passengers
- to the sky space -
- spaceflight firm hasever pledged to fly to date.
- Before its realizationrealized ,
- because almost all of the engineering tests havehas been finished
- The ChinaChinese Academy
- space planeship whose design can be scaled
- up to carry more people.
- offer six passengers trips to near- space, and XCOR,

There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance do let us know, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / A balance is required when covering news about celebrities and ordinary people [5]

Hi Miftah, it's great to hear from you and here at EF, you can be sure that we will be here whenever you need us and you don't even have to write a formal essay or answer a prompt, a draft will suffice an entry and practicing to write as often as you can is always a good way to develop your writing skills and with the help of contributors, students and writers here on EF are here to back you up.

For future writing reference however, mind the minor details of your sentences make sure that you include them in the essay and keep your sentences direct to the point while keeping it simple and easy to comprehend, it will also help if you use simple words, words that best describe your ideas, this way, you yourself understands the essay and you are able to convey your ideas to your readers, this is one of the most important aspect of writing.

I do wish to review more of your essays soon and should you have anything in mind at all, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / There are many troubles people can get when move to a new country [3]

Hi Huy, I believe this is the first review I'm going to share and as this is an analysis essay, it is important that you include the graph or the presentation of the information where the analysis is drawn from and this is exactly what you did here so this is very good.

Moving forward, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- The chart gives information abouton the difficulties
- that people have when ...
- There are differences about theof percentage
- when comparingcompared among age groups.

- The highest column in the chart is the problem
- in learning the local language offor old people over 55.
- to 54 suffering from the similar problem.
- It seemed that the number of people
- who havehas difficulties in learning
- the new language decreases according to the age.
- In fact, the bar corresponding to the youngest people is the lowest (at nearly 30 percent) .

There you have it Huy, I believe there are minor modifications needed to enhance your analysis, however, this minor details are important and they can affect the overall outcome of the analysis so it's better not to have this remarks and straighten them out immediately.

Writing Feedback / The level of customer satisfactory in the US when travelled with airplanes [3]

Hi Ifra, before I give you a few suggestions to modify and strengthen your essay, I must remind you of the importance of including the graph or the representation of the analysis, this will make sure that the review is accurate and also a proof of the analysis draft that you made so we can exhaust all there is to enhance your analysis.

- The bar chart shows the level of
- satisfactorysatisfied costumer in the US when
- travelled withtraveling on an airplanes and the
- table gives information abouton the percentage
- of satisfactorysatisfaction aspect in flying experience
- at surveys induring 1999, 2000, and 2007.
- Overall, most of costumerswasare fascinated when ...
- whichthat experiencedhad an upward trend
- by the following survey years.
- The reason why people are attracted in flying experience
- wasis the courtesy offrom flight attendants

there you have it Ifra, I hope the above remarks and helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / There are many kinds of foods that attract attention people especially children to buy it. [5]

Hi Faiz, for this specific essay, it is not enough for you to just write Cambridge Book number, it would help if you include the title or the prompt, this will ensure that the reviews you are getting are accurate and you will be able to strengthen your essay even further.

Having said that, I have a few insights to help.

1st paragraph
- ... of foods that attract the attention of people especially
- It wasThis has been proven in my previous school,
- in the canteen, this day sellsthey sell more meals
- that have more types than in the pastbefore .
- ... the food stalls containsell unhealthy meals
- that often disturb theirresults to distraction of the study process.
- SoTherefore , I think it is important
- even the school officials must be selective
- especially the ones that are sold inside the school.

There you have it Faiz, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / A balance is required when covering news about celebrities and ordinary people [5]

Hi Miftah, as I go through your essay, I must say you have created a well written essay, you made sure that the words you choose are very easy to understand and this is one thing that some writers tend to neglect, as they say, keeping it simple is the best way to go, comprehension is one thing to consider when writing, so your message will be sent across as clear as possible.

Further to your essay, I have a few suggestions that will strengthen it.

- Some people believe celebrities,
- often reports the lives of celebrities' lives( the word "celebrities" does not need an apostrophe in it, it's the plural form of the word "celebrities") , which is gaining profits,however,

- I would argue that the media should cover both sides .
- Thus, the principal of media can be upheld.- I'm not sure what you mean by this sentence when you say, "the principal of media", please elaborate or rephrase"

There you have it Miftah, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, so far, the above remarks are my suggestions and I hope they are able to help you out in your revision.

Writing Feedback / Were customers satisfied using services from nation's major airlines in 1999, 2000, and 2007? [3]

Hi Nur, below are my thoughts on your essay and I hope they are valuable to your revision.

- The bar chart provides information abouton how
- satisfysatisfied the customers are in usingused the service
- from the nation's major airlines in 1999, 2000, and 2007.
- The table shows several factors that affectedaffects the customers' satisfaction of ...
- Overall, passengers'( the word "passengers", does not need an apostrophe, it is the plural form of the word "passenger" ) satisfaction
- Courtesy offrom the flight attendant
- wasis the most important aspect that affected customers' conveniencesatisfaction .
- There wasis an upward trend too infor each aspect each year.

- To start with, there wasis ( you are analyzing a graph so you have to choose the present tense and not the past tense )
- It wasis followed by a declining of unhappiness to 24 percent in 2007.

There you have it Nur, as you can see, the focus of this modification is your sentence construction and there is definitely some enhancements that needs to be done.

Writing Feedback / Children Have to Eat Healthy Food at School [8]

Hi Nur, please find my thoughts and suggested modifications below;

- In school, thereThere are many kinds of food provided at school , which student can...
-However, to maximize of learning,
- healthy food is the recommended meal ...
- Then, I thinkHaving said that, both parents
- and school official have the responsibility to control and supervise the children's food.

- ... parents, especially mothers to
- make food supply food for their children to bring tobringing at school.
- some snacks at a canteen may be harmful
- may have allergic symptomsreactions to certain food .

There you have it Nur, I believe the above remarks will not only strengthen your essay but will also make sure that you have a better idea on how to approach a prompt such as this one above.

Writing Feedback / Healthy food is needed by school children to provide their ability to study effectively. [2]

Hi Ifra, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- School children need to eat Healthy food
- is needed by school childrenin order to
- provideexhaust their ability to study effectively.,
- Because food consumption is important for childrens growth.
- The quality of food will affect the children's brain.
- Both of parents and schoolsofficials are responsible to maintain and make sure that children's eat healthy food every day.

- They spentspend at least six hours at school.
- They must eat to improve their ability to getacquire knowledge.
- The ingredients of food are matters.
- provide their body with protein or milk to giveget
- calsiumcalciumto their body oras well as vegetables to make them even more healthy.
- become theis as an aspect to consider to make healthy meals.

There you have it Ifra, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision. Overall, the corrections are focused on the the choice of words you use in your sentences, they play a crucial part of your essay as this is how your idea come to be realized and understood by your readers.

Writing Feedback / Courtesy of flight attendants became a greater factor of air travel than courtesy of check- in/ gate [6]

HI Wily, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- The chart gives information abouton the percentage
- of customer's satisfaction rates about the result of work byfor the nation's major ...
- The table illustrates about the number of several factors
- of the flying experience causedthat results to satisfaction. - All of data are covered inThe data covers 1990, 2000 and 2007.
- ... increased slightly over the three-years period and
- the Courtesy offrom the flight attendants became a bigger factor
- of air travel than the courtesy extended by theof check-in/ gate agents over the three-years period, but the differentdifference between both
- aspects didis not that significant.

There you have it Wily, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last two paragraphs for you to practice editing yourself, following the modifications above.

Writing Feedback / Flying in the United States. How content were customers from the aircraft service there? [4]

Hi Faiz, below are my thoughts for your analysis.

- These two figuresBelow are representations of theprovide information
- abouton how much customer was satisfied
- are customers with aircraft service in ...
- In general,While the bar chart gives ina general perspective ,
- the table displays more specific information using some indicators.
- Overall, during the eight years period,
- In contrastOn the contrary , their
- Besides that, flight attendants' aspectsperformance became the highest ...

There you have it Faiz, as you can see there's still a lot more modification needed to be done in order to make your analysis stronger. For future writing reference, please make sure that you choose the right words to associate in your sentences as this affects the accuracy of your analysis.

Writing Feedback / People should require from their kids to have at least a basic experience in particular working area [3]

Hi Ivan, I believe this is the first time I'm going to review your essay and I hope they are valuable to your revision and you follow through with the suggested modifications.

As I read through the essay, I must say you have written a well managed essay, you have directed the prompt accordingly and you made sure that the words you choose are easy to comprehend, this also helps in making sure that your reader will understand the essay and the message that you are trying to send across to your readers.

However, I have a few suggestions for the last part of your essay.

- In conclusion, i think people should require from theirI believe kids should acquire theto have at least basic experience in particularof a working area,

before their graduation. This will make them not onlyencourage them to be more responsible and confident,
butand be even more independent ...

There you have Ivan, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Summary: The Homeschool Option - it is chosen by the most of families in United States [2]

Hi there, I have a few suggestions for your essay and I hope it is helpful.

- Homeschooling is chosen by the most of families in the - United States at approximately one million children.
- It can be found atis practiced in Japan, Taiwan,
- not a novelnoble idea:
- in contraston the contrary ( contrast - is for colors / contrary - is for ideas ) ,
- it is a relatively new practice of enrolling the
- homeschoolinghomeschoolfor their child's education way:especially if they live in rural area,
- arts,are often disgruntled to school available school .
- home-grownnational schools cannot
- whilst homeschooler are perhaps required only to follow common guidelines
- or even nonesome who doesn't have any guidelines at all.
- As a matter of fact, most of families keep their preferences
- it hasis more prevalent among parents.

There you have it, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the words that you use to associate in your sentences as this will have an impact in the overall outcome of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Some people argue that businesses have to focus on making money and profit on what they produce. [4]

Hi Nuraini, I decided to continue with the modification of your essay so you will be able to see the difference of the edited one to the original draft that you have written.

- However, I thinkbelieve there are many
- roles that businesses havehas to do aside
- from producemaking profits.
- It is related to the society.
- They have to make contribution to the local community.
- For instance, open requirement in where are businesses located for jobproviding jobs to the local people as priority. - ByThrough this,requirement more
- people will have a job,
- and will surely affected toimprove the local community living standard.
- This is one of the businesses role to increase the living standard of a local community's name .

- All inOver all, I believe that the presence
- of businesses should not onlystrive for the money or profit. It has an important role forto the society. Businesses also have to make contribution oncontribute to the local community.

There you have it Nuraini, I hope the above remarks are helpful to the overall revision of your essay.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays with advances in technology and translation software people no longer need to learn new lan [4]

Hi Tanjin, below are a few suggestions to enhance your essay and I would like to start from the title of your essay;

- Nowadays withThe advances in technology and translation software peopleare no longer needed to learn a new language

1st paragraph
- The advancement of technology has given us enormous benefits towards world .
- Even in the translation of languages can, this can be frequently observed.
- SoTherefore, some people think
- that the learning ofa new languages cannot be supported,should not be supported anymore,
- but I strongly disagree with thethis statement.
- This will be discussed by analyzing
- and the machines'as hindrance
- without the consideration of context.

There you have it Tanjin, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and this is just the first paragraph,you can follow through and consider editing the rest of the essay yourself in order to build your editing and proof reading skills, following the examples above.

Writing Feedback / Some people argue that businesses have to focus on making money and profit on what they produce. [4]

Hi Nuraini, as I go through the essay, I believe it can still be enhanced and below are my suggestions.

- At presentNowadays , businesses are one of those sectors that
- have abrings big opportunity and profit.
- Some people argue that businesses
- view sinceas I believe that the presence of the businesses
- play an important role in the society
- and making contribution to the local community.

- They have to make a profit to make t...
- Businesses also have to makecreate an income
- ... the production processes do not stopcontinues .

There you have it Nuraini, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last two paragraphs so you can practice editing the essay yourself as this will also help you develop your editing skills and proof reading.

Writing Feedback / People's opinion toward several communication skills that were important to use in working [5]

Hi Nur, here's another one from my end and it starts with the title;

- The ImportantImportance of Communication Skills in Workingat Work

- ... information abouton the percentage
- ... 1997 and 2006 towards several
- wereare important to use inwhile working.
- ... the most important external communication externally
- ... internal communication wasis

- To begin with , four external communications
- wereare essential forwhen working in ...
- as the most important form of communication skill .
-Knowledge of a particular product or service washas a slight increase from 35 to 41 percent.
- It was the second largemostr essential part in dealing with people .
- wasis essential to
- apply inat work with an increasing of number between 36 and 39.

There you have it Nur, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your analysis essay and for future writing reference, do work on your sentence construction as seen above and I hope you follow through.

Writing Feedback / Governments should invest more in public services, but arts cannot be neglected [4]

HI Miftah, below are my thoughts on your essay with the focus on correcting your sentence construction.

- be paid on investmentinvesting in public services
- In my opinion,- this phrase is not necessary
- be entirely neglected by the government entirely .
- This is because the arts can entertain most people in many ways.

- .. arts cannot be separated into human lives.
- People need the arts in order to get entertained while
- with the expectation that these activities
- But, at the same timeHowever , people are not
- prepared when they have to pay high faresexpensive tickets to attend some shows.
- ThatThis is the primary reason
- why some of government investments should continue investing in the arts,

There you have it Miftah, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know so we can help you further.

Writing Feedback / IELTS SUMMARY MONTH IS COMPARING BETWEEN TABLE AND PIE CHART [5]

Hi Syukron, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so valuable to your writing projects. We aim and strive to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback in order to strengthen your essay.

Now, on this particular essay, as it is an analysis essay,it is advisable that you include the chart as this is the basis of the analysis, this is also the only way we can check if we provided you with the correct and credible feedback to enhance your analysis.

Furthermore, as I read through the essay, it seems like you are having a hard time in coming up with sensible sentences that,in this case, we don't have the chart to compare with. For your next post, I suggest you do a second draft, make sure to include the pie chart and create a more solid analysis.I hope to read the revision soon so we can polish it.

Writing Feedback / The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. [6]

Hi Tanjin, I believe this is the first time that I'm giving you a review and I hope it will be valuable and even more so, useful to your revision. We aim to provide you the most accurate and credible feedback in order to modify and strengthen your essay.

Having said that, as I go through the essay, I believe, the first thing that you have to do is to to make sure that the presentation of the paragraphs will not look like you are trying to make them longer by creating short paragraphs, you can merge the 1st two paragraphs and the 3rd and the 4th as well as the 5th and the 6th, this way you will create 3 paragraphs that are better presented than the one you have with shorter paragraphs.

Overall, you have a well written essay, you managed to create a full standard writing, following the presentation of the introduction, the body and the conclusion. I do agree with you that the use of technology is accompanied with great responsibility.

Writing Feedback / Electronic media have a good effect for activities of people between another people. [3]

Hi Reski, here's another one from my end;

- In the past, electronic media is one of the things
- which do not muchthat is hard to find.
- People just communicate with send aby sending letter
- by posthrough post .
- But nowNowadays , electronic media becomes an
- important thing for theirpart of our life.
- In this time, electronic mediaIt consist of many
- and others .
- This situation make peoplemakes it easy to
- communicate whichwith other people.
- ButHowever, others have a view that,
- relationship in their life .

There you have it Reski, as you can see, there's still a lot of modifications to be done in your essay and I hope you follow through with the corrections and for future writing reference, mind the format or the sentence construction that you compose in your essay as this will affect the overall outcome.

Scholarship / SYNOPSIS ON GENERAL MEDICINE AND HOW THE COURSE WILL ENHANCE MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE NATION. [3]

Hi Branchie, I belive this is your first time here on EF, WELCOME to the Team and I hope you find this website to be helpful and valuable to your writing projects. We strive to provide you with the most effective and relevant feedback that will hopefully enhance your essay.

Having said that, please find some suggestions below;

- General Medicine is a biological science that deals
- on thepeoples health of human beings .
- General Medical Practitioners are particularly trained
- to particularly treat acute and chronic illnesses

- Given the study opportunity to startstudy Medicine,
- and enhancebecome an integral asset to the
-Furthermore, I will further partner with International
- Likewise, byIn doing so, supporting my education; will enable me to spread mya new found insights and knowledge
- to further educate the people around me.

There you have it Branchie, you have a very noble aspiration and I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor and for future writing reference, mind the position of the words that you associate in your essay as this affects the overall outcome of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Over the years, an issue dealing with air pollution has been emerging. [4]

Hi Sman, I believe this is the first time I will review your essay and just like everyone here in the Essay Forum Team, I hope my suggestions are valuable to your revision.

First paragraph
- Over the years, an issue dealing with air pollution
- has been emerginga pressing issue .
- that sky tripair transportation should be decreased

- in a reduction of the number of trips,
- and thus solve the problem of air pollution.
- It is because a large number of aircraft
- in the sky can produce ...
- ... believes that reducing the proportion
- shouldwill not only subtract ...
- in the land but they also
- need to make a policy to totally diminish the total of airplaneaeronautical trade.

There you have it Sman, for future writing reference, I suggest that you stick to simple words that you associate in your sentences as this will have an impact to the person reading your essay. I hope this insights and suggestions help.

Writing Feedback / A new study reveals that happy people have a great sense to cheer their spouse up [3]

Hi Dila, here's another one from my end;

- Happiness is related to the physical
- happier are usually also
- healthier and with less physical problem.
- At the moment individuals fell good, they tend to beWhen they are more active they definitely feel good. .
- Related withIn relation to this,
- a new study reveals that the happy people have a great
- to havebe in better in shape.
- DataA data confirm that people

- it is because a happy partner has a number ofpossesses a positive energy
- to take care of the significant others .
- individualsto stay away

There you have it Dila, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as always, be careful in choosing the words that you incorporate in your sentences as this will have an impact in the overall outcome in the essay.

Writing Feedback / How to stop the deadly disease that is spread by mosquitoes? Mosquito, malaria, and education [4]

Hi Dila, I believe this is my first review of your essay and I hope it is helpful to your revision.

- experiencesexperienced a decrease.
- get lowerdown is related withto the increase inof income,
- Answering this questionTo tackle this issue ,
- such as get thusing e bed nets,
- useusing spray with DDT ( what is DDT, you have to make sure that when you abbreviate, you have to put the meaning of the abbreviated word ) ,

- This kind of thingsolution can cut
- in order to get rid of this problem
- is we need the cooperation from scientists and drug companiesis to be more cooperative with the health department and take part to clean up and keep ourselves organized and be sanitary at all times. .

There you have it Dila, as you can see there's still quiet a lot of work to be done in your summary essay, this is focused on the association of your words in the sentences and I hope you follow through with the corrections.

Writing Feedback / The increasing damage of pollution caused by aero transport emerges an opinion to reduce air travel [3]

Hi Rizaldo, as I read along, I must say that you have written a well managed essay. First of all, there is just the right number of paragraph, not too long and not too short, enough to answer the prompt and make your idea known to your readers. Next, you have a logical order, from the introduction, the body of the essay and the conclusion, you have followed the standard flow of essay writing and the simplicity of your words will also help in the comprehension of your readers.

However, I have a few suggestions towards the last paragraph of the essay;

- In conclusion, although to restricting air travel
- is one of the predominant techniques in order to reducethat air pollution can be reduced , thea more advantageous methods should be (...) to acquire virtuala more effective merits .

There you have it Rizaldo, I hope the above remarks help in the revision of the last paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. [2]

Hi Muhammad, below are my thoughts on your essay with the focus on the right words to incorporate in your sentences.

- Publics more fascinating ifThe public is fascinated when they are watching a risky Sport .
- partly public gave opinion to bandHowever, the public made a petition to ban extreme sports
- because as the name of the sports imply, extreme sports have a high risk .
- I disagree to belt risky sport.

- Several community thingpeople think that sky diving
- challenge of the sports and they
- likeare willing to take the risk sport .

There you have it Muhammad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, make sure to choose the right words that you include in your sentences as they affect the overall outcome, not only in the sentences but the overall outcome of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Although air travel becomes the easiest way for massive people to transport, it should be reduced [4]

HI Gigih, as I go on and review your essay, I believe you managed to write a well written one, the ideas are in the right logical order, this is very important in order for the essay to remain true to its purpose and not to be jammed everywhere in the essay. The order of the ideas will also help you pick up the pace of the essay and bring you to the contents and the ideas that you might have left, this way you will also be able to make sure that you are leaning towards the right path where the essay goes.

However, as much as I love the order of the essay, I must say you have some difficulty in your sentence construction and this affected the overall outcome of the essay, to elaborate this observation, please find samples below;

- becomebecame the main problem
- that, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) the only way
- thatthis statement

- Although air travel becomesis the easiest way
- for massive people to transport more people ,
- it should be reducedregulated by the government
- to reduce pollution especially in the air pollution .
- the emission of carbon dioxide that can makecreate air pollution.
- For example, if each day there are severalwe lessen air travels from place to place on a daily basis ,

There you have it Gigih, I hope the above remarks help in your revision.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays it is very difficult to stay healthy in this modern world [3]

Hi Nur, below are my thoughts on your essay, first of all, the tittle, it's missing a word or two; below is my suggestion;

- People find it Difficult to be Healthy in the Modern World

First paragraph

- In this globalization period,
- that it is hard to have a
- healthy lifestyle because everything is almostof instant life .
- However, it should not be difficult if people strugglestrive to be healthy.
- I think both of these situations can be chosenan option for todays generationby people in recent life .

There you have it Nur, as you can see, there's quiet a lot of work to be done in your essay and I hope you will be able to follow through with the corrections provided, with the focus on your sentence construction.

Writing Feedback / The offspring is a happiness factor for married couple. [3]

Hi Ifra, below are my suggestions to enhance your analysis essay;

- whichthat camecome from married
- married couple according to havingwith children and those without .
- Overall, married couples experienceare twice
- married couples, this does not affect their happiness

- In contrastOn the contrary ,
- even if they do not have marital statusare single .
- Over 65 years old, unmarried people get happiness which isare happy at 34 percent.
- ButHowever , most people in the US
- feel thethat happiness is under 50 percent.

There you have it Ifra, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, I made the first 2 paragraphs and I left the last one so you can try to edit it yourself, following the above modifications.

Writing Feedback / Time's Summary: Pro-Government Demonstrators Clash With Opposition in Caracas [5]

Hi Alfa, below are my thoughts on your summary essay;

- There isIt has been a long week in politics .
- Today, protest waved in Venezuela and this is happening dramatically.
- On account of in theThe fact that they contra
- position. After, after a congress debate
- in the parliament,
- Some opposition lawmakers claim they get violenceviolent
- claim that the incumbent
- they saytalk about inflation of economic index,
- for medicine and good stuffthings are rarely in thatthe country.
- They, furthermoreFurthermore , they said Maduro
- was brought thatto the country
- This congressional debate is important, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) taking into the consideration,on the fact that in this parliament, the new brand of Venezuela will kick off. Either, wether the parliament want to ...

There you have it Alfa, as you can see, there's quiet a lot of modifications to be done to revise your essay, this is why you need to write more and read a lot, I hope this helps.

Writing Feedback / David Christian ask every audience with one question: How does the Universe make complexity? [3]

Hi Yonathan, below are my thoughts to help you out with your revision.

- and suddenly the core of the universe
- which is as small as atom
- after big bang, a simple hydrogen atom appeared. Withand with a high
- to a star and a large number of a rocky planet.

- The next stage, firstthe living organisms created
- InAbout 4 billion years ago,
- years ago, (don't forget your punctuation marks ) multiple cells organism
- And thenThen , the first homo sapiens

- The basic difference between humans and other
- animals is that,
- humans conduct a complex
- and precise language system, as the resulting
- human have anto the ability to transfer
- And nowNow , 7 billion of human ...

There you have it Yonathan, overall, it was a pretty well managed essay, a few minor modifications needed and you should be good to go.