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|"I must form a balance between the world about me and the world inside me" - NU supplement
6 - The structure is weakened by your very long paragraphs. You definitely need to break that up into smaller chunks....
Undergraduateurbuddy542 - Oct 21, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 21, 2009
|One of the first paintings I ever fell in love with was Van Gogh's Starry Night
3 - First of all, I agree with reader about the word count requirement. Second, I can feel your passion...
Undergraduatejoellek - Oct 20, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 21, 2009
|Common Application Essay + Short Answer (Peru, Argentina)
Undergraduatedeadmouse - Oct 19, 2009 / tsunami - Oct 21, 2009
|The Joy of Small Things (Common App essay #1)
7 - ^Nope, the transitions are excellent. As soon as I read the first paragraph, I had a good sense of...
Undergraduatepprajoth - Oct 19, 2009 / hope123 - Oct 21, 2009
|"the best team in our district" - critique my short answer essay
7 - This is a perfect opportunity to make football something more. We all played for the glory. That's kind of...
Undergraduatelalit008 - Oct 21, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 21, 2009
|Essay for Vet Tech School
3 - Thank you! I was actually reading over it again and got halfway through the third paragraph before I...
Undergraduatekaykay27 - Oct 21, 2009 / kaykay27 - Oct 21, 2009
|"different aspects of my life" - FSU Essay: Paragraph 1 about Vires, Artes and Mores
4 - Yes, I understand that it's only an intro. In fact, my advice to people posting their essays here, especially...
UndergraduateCillaC - Oct 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 21, 2009
|'Not athletic' - Common App short answer extracurricular - football
2 - Playing football is a passion of mine, but it has not always been. In fact, many people, including myself,...
Undergraduatefink1318 - Oct 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 21, 2009
|Common App personal experience "Making the Jump"
3 - Overall, good essay. I like your use of similes and strong description throughout. A few minor things: ...
Undergraduatejoellek - Oct 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 21, 2009
|College essay for Wentworth; scraped palms, skinned knees
2 - You like skating (skateboarding?) and are good at it. Great. And this makes you a good applicant for university...
Undergraduatestoops - Oct 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 21, 2009
|Common app - Italy!! Legend words
8 - I tried to make it more concise. but it was proven hard to do without losing meaning. any tips?...
Undergraduatesammiepuddle - Oct 20, 2009 / sammiepuddle - Oct 21, 2009
|Common App essay, information systems specific. Custom prompt "IT"
2 - Here are some corrections regarding comma use: No comma necessary in this sentence: I found a Macintosh application...
Undergraduateitunesdj - Oct 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 21, 2009
|MIT Short Answer #3 - Time you used your Creativity
UndergraduatePikafu - Oct 18, 2009 / Pikafu - Oct 21, 2009
|The meaning of 'community' - what this UPenn prompt is asking?
5 - Check under student life: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_Of_Pennsylvania and Scroll down to community involvement: upenn.edu/campus/...
Undergraduateprompter - Sep 20, 2009 / deadmouse - Oct 21, 2009
|"Idiot." - Too naive or too dense? Ivy league Common App main essay
Undergraduatespicawind - Oct 16, 2009 / spicawind - Oct 21, 2009
|Stanford Roommate Essay ("I am a paradox.")
Undergraduateomarbot - Oct 18, 2009 / yoondary - Oct 21, 2009
|Such A Girl, Such A Dream -- common app essay
UndergraduateMaojia Wang - Oct 20, 2009 / Maojia Wang - Oct 21, 2009
|Common App significant experience:moving to America
Undergraduateebby2010 - Oct 19, 2009 / ebby2010 - Oct 20, 2009
|Want to get help on my Common Application Essay: an experience
UndergraduateBrezeck - Oct 20, 2009 / Brezeck - Oct 20, 2009
|'strong and critical mind' - Brown supplement-why does Brown appeal to me.
7 - Thank you, Stephen! I'll probably post my answer to the same prompt as well as another in the...
Undergraduatelmy125 - Oct 20, 2009 / dramacratic - Oct 20, 2009
|Common App Short Answer Green Team!
6 - Much better....
Undergraduatecvh2010 - Oct 20, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 20, 2009
|Common App. - extracurricular activity - football - I love this game
9 - Much better, and I think that all the comments from everybody helped. You're on the right track now....
Undergraduatelmacdaddy88 - Oct 19, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 20, 2009
|Michigan Setback Essay - Irritable Bowel Syndrome
5 - The vocabulary issue was identified. That was what I noticed first. Always use words you normally use while you're...
Undergraduateqyuiosilent - Oct 18, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 20, 2009
|'Jay Gatsby's poverty' - Common App Personal essay: character from fiction
2 - Outstanding! You've answered the prompt very well, applying it eloquently to your self. There are a few errors....
Undergraduatevronpolin - Oct 20, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 20, 2009
|University of Florida: Undergraduate essay on life experience
13 - Okay, I'm hesitant, but I think I'm almost done. Thanks guys, and thanks in advance for any insight on...
Undergraduatedaniamxg - Oct 17, 2009 / daniamxg - Oct 20, 2009
|UW MADISON- how will your presence enrich our community?
Undergraduatemabdul - Oct 17, 2009 / mabdul - Oct 20, 2009
|common app essay- topic of your choice- "Rock Around the Clock"
2 - quick fyi: there is no proof that Galileo actually dropped things from the leaning tower. he actually rolled spheres...
Undergraduateikiz - Oct 19, 2009 / klk - Oct 20, 2009
|Why do i want to join" Teach for India?
3 - Thaks!...
Undergraduateruchika kumari - Oct 20, 2009 / ruchika kumari - Oct 20, 2009
|UF essay: there are only few organisations that strive to better this world
2 - Your essay drifts from past to present and back too often. Pick a tense and stick with it. The...
Undergraduateellab1363 - Oct 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 20, 2009
|Language has always intrigued me; UCF Why UCF? and Unique characteristics
Undergraduatecollegen00b - Oct 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 20, 2009
|It was hard to believe and admit the loss - robotics Common app prompt #1
2 - I have a question before I start reading it. From you first paragraph I can say that you most...
Undergraduatejinu9104 - Oct 20, 2009 / prompter - Oct 20, 2009
|"educational interests and goals" - U of Minnesota essay
3 - Thank you! I tried to connect those points together. How my backgroud endowed me important traits and then...
Undergraduatecatherineding - Oct 19, 2009 / catherineding - Oct 20, 2009
|'Building a Robot' - common app essay - significant achievement
Undergraduatejinu9104 - Oct 19, 2009 / vothiha - Oct 20, 2009
|Common Application Short Response: How SGA is my favorite activity!
4 - anyone......
Undergraduateomarxcore - Oct 19, 2009 / omarxcore - Oct 20, 2009
|"Speak Up" - college essay. NEEDS REVISIONS
6 - hey! I enjoyed ur essay cuz i had similar experiences and standing up for ur own cause is really...
Undergraduatestopdropandroll - Oct 6, 2009 / lefx - Oct 20, 2009
|uc essay #1 describing world i came from
3 - Here's what I think you should change in your last paragraph. My introvert personality shaped my world of...
Undergraduateshy1 - Oct 18, 2009 / herb107 - Oct 20, 2009
|Kinds of family do you want- a large family or a small one
Undergraduatevothiha - Oct 1, 2009 / vothiha - Oct 20, 2009
|Common App Essay: What I learned playing piano at a nursing home.
5 - Thank you all for this advice! I've added information about research that Dr. Oliver Sacks has done, fixed my...
Undergraduatenadabatu - Jul 19, 2009 / nadabatu - Oct 19, 2009
|MIT Aspirations Essay?
2 - "ven early on it had always seemed predetermined that the duration of my life would be spent in mathematics....
Undergraduatevcolts18 - Oct 19, 2009 / ebby2010 - Oct 19, 2009
|Fortification - Rice Supplement Essay
Undergraduatesv6554 - Oct 18, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 19, 2009
|Brown Supplement:what don't you know.DREAM SCHOOL!
8 - The essay is a good one, and the comments are very helpful. Try reading it aloud. You'll hear...
Undergraduatelmy125 - Oct 19, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 19, 2009
|'Papua New Guinean-born Filipino-Nigerian' - U of M Short Answer - Diversity
10 - xlcyx you have to click on new thread then copy and paste your document into the text box then...
Undergraduateemjay1264jr - Oct 18, 2009 / emjay1264jr - Oct 19, 2009
|I am a devout Muslim, but it was not always that way... University of Chicago Extended Essay
7 - It seems pretty solid overall. Some things to look out for are verb tense agreement and contractions. For example,...
Undergraduateebby2010 - Oct 18, 2009 / stopdropandroll - Oct 19, 2009
|"Diversity makes us a better university for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
5 - Here's my second try. I'm having a hard time answering both parts of the prompt sufficiently in so little...
UndergraduateDylanH - Oct 5, 2009 / DylanH - Oct 19, 2009
|quantum mechanics - Why does Brown interest me?
14 - the essay is well written, but it doesn't really answer the prompt. The purpose of these kind of prompts...
Undergraduateyoungjoony - Sep 3, 2009 / ebby2010 - Oct 19, 2009
|Essay :Choose one of your community, employment, or extracurricular, experiences
Undergraduatebulgakov - Oct 18, 2009 / bulgakov - Oct 19, 2009
|University of Florida Essay: meaningful event (TV Production)
Undergraduatewwejohncena - Oct 17, 2009 / wwejohncena - Oct 19, 2009
|Stanford short answer. My favorite books, Spending my summers riding and JFK
UndergraduateCollegehopefull - Oct 18, 2009 / tsunami - Oct 19, 2009
|"I have traveled to many places" - UC Application Essay Prompt 2
Undergraduatetsunami - Oct 18, 2009 / tsunami - Oct 19, 2009
|I brought Kiara into my family: UF ESSAY
3 - The beginning of your essay is not strong enough (just as Imy125 had said). I think if you developed...
UndergraduateJpaz330 - Oct 18, 2009 / ellab1363 - Oct 19, 2009
|"My IB career" - UF Admissions Essay
Undergraduatedahpongliu - Oct 19, 2009 / joshgesa - Oct 19, 2009
|MIT Essay - Fun Activity
Undergraduate2010szhou - Sep 20, 2009 / thatkidjosh - Oct 19, 2009
|Italian Studies - Why Brown short answer! (1000 char)
Undergraduatesammiepuddle - Oct 18, 2009 / daniamxg - Oct 19, 2009
|'Live music' - Common app short answer - piano
Undergraduatesammiepuddle - Oct 18, 2009 / sammiepuddle - Oct 19, 2009
|Common App Essay - Topic of Choice - "Gateway to knowledge, highway to hell"
Undergraduatesupermodella - Oct 17, 2009 / supermodella - Oct 19, 2009
|" volunteered in a kindergarten" - Common Application short essay
10 - EF_Stephen You're right! Reading it out loud sounds awkward! Sometimes just feel not fluent enough.I am gonna to...
Undergraduatecatherineding - Oct 18, 2009 / catherineding - Oct 19, 2009
|'High Heels award' - Personal essay for UCLA(Transfer to film major)
Undergraduatelxhtin - Oct 17, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 19, 2009
|Adult returning to school... review/critique this very ROUGH draft?
8 - Hey Eric, Thanks so much for this!! It was exactly what I was looking for in regards to criticism...
Undergraduateboosted_347 - Oct 15, 2009 / boosted_347 - Oct 19, 2009
|richmond supplement: out of the comfort zone- comments appreciated
2 - This is basically a good essay and and an interesting one, too. But it needs more paragraphs (break...
Undergraduateariel0812 - Oct 19, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 19, 2009
|"The Reason We Trust", "Cured" - my two personal essays for common app
2 - These are both very good essays. The first one is the stronger of the two. The dialogue I'm guessing...
Undergraduatemiffy2002 - Oct 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 19, 2009
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