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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 6)

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"Dreaming is easy but achieving them is not!" - Personal Statement For AMA+ Scholarship

3 - Hello! thanks for giving me feedbacks and helping me out. This opportunity is very Important to me and...

UndergraduateAerin - May 16, 2022 / Aerin - May 17, 2022
Specification of reasons I chose this field especially, technology, computer science (MEXT, Japan)

2 - These reasons are not developed enough to establish a solid professional goal upon graduation. The references provided are in...

Undergraduateintherighpath - May 10, 2022 / Holt - May 10, 2022
Personal statement for the scholarship program of Pusan National University (Urban Engineering)

3 - @Holt Thanks for your detailed feedback. I will try to revise it again....

Undergraduatethantsyn - Apr 30, 2022 / thantsyn - May 1, 2022
A plethora of opportunities - Why Mount Holyoke Transfer Essay

2 - The essay is really impressive once you get past the Lucille Ball reference. That aspect does not really connect...

Undergraduatetrrordome - Apr 29, 2022 / Holt - Apr 29, 2022
GKS scholarship Personal statement 2023 for Medicine

4 - Merged: The person inside us. GKS scholarship Personal statement 2023 for Medicine Undergrad 2 personal statement ...

Undergraduatenea12345 - Apr 14, 2022 / nea12345 - Apr 28, 2022
Self-introduction for Pusan National University Scholarship offered by Gyeongnam Support Center

3 - Thank you. I will try again....

UndergraduateAoi Kage - Apr 27, 2022 / Aoi Kage - Apr 27, 2022
Mechanical Engineering BS - educational and career goals and the reason for choosing your major

2 - As far as the reasons for the course choice are concerned, the reasons are vast but lacking in development....

UndergraduateMARCOVLD - Apr 12, 2022 / Holt - Apr 13, 2022
Kiribati' Health in the Future.

2 - I am not sure if the writer is working on a personal statement, letter of intent, or motivational letter....

UndergraduateJoeleen - Apr 1, 2022 / Holt - Apr 1, 2022
Study plan for Canada visa application (study permit) - Bachelor of Computer Science

2 - The letter itself is too long and requiring a better information presentation. The visa officer is not interestedin your...

Undergraduatephamquang - Mar 31, 2022 / Holt - Mar 31, 2022
Provide any other information about yourself that you feel will help this college

2 - The presentation is not heartfelt. The reasons are unclear and shallow at the most. What comes across is the...

UndergraduateMegymarj - Mar 30, 2022 / Holt - Mar 30, 2022
MY PLANET - A Common App Essay; what sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding

2 - Well, the choice of topic is good- how to help the environment and the birth of an environmentalist. However,...

Undergraduateeinklein - Mar 26, 2022 / Holt - Mar 26, 2022
Applying for a New Zealand scholarship in Computer Science; applying gained knowledge

4 - @Holt Thank you for your response. I am applying for an undergraduate course for the New Zealand Manaaki Scholarship....

Undergraduateannulusoq234 - Mar 18, 2022 / annulusoq234 - Mar 19, 2022
Different thinking examples and how it influenced other people

3 - Thank you, Sir! It means a lot to me....

Undergraduatebunikjun - Mar 5, 2022 / bunikjun - Mar 6, 2022
"I Need More Opportunities to Pursue My Passion" - MIT Transfer Essays

2 - The paper is very personal in approach. The applicant has truly done his homework regarding what he wants his...

Undergraduateaxllxx - Mar 4, 2022 / Holt - Mar 5, 2022
Why this essay with my plan and benefits, Application Essay - RU, GLA

2 - The essay does not perform well in terms of explaining what you can achieve by studying at the university....

Undergraduatelatte97 - Mar 4, 2022 / Holt - Mar 4, 2022
Columbia GS - Personal Essay - From off-the-grid to Computer Science

2 - Seeing as how most children, specially those who are underage, spend more time with their mothers, you may...

Undergraduatelilmilnil - Feb 22, 2022 / Holt - Feb 23, 2022
STIPENDIUM HUNGARICUM ESSAY - BA OF ECONOMICS

6 - I think the first paragraph is unnecessary? but you can just alter it into something simple, and make it...

Undergraduatecavanigma - Jan 13, 2022 / jklkoskal - Feb 19, 2022
Leadership and problem-solving skills - choosing your program and Waterloo

3 - Is the length of paper enough? I think you can add some more convincing info...

UndergraduateLogi - Feb 9, 2022 / LLIMITT - Feb 15, 2022
"Humility is the best teacher" - University of Washington Personal Statement

2 - While the description of your hubris at the start definitely made you a bit of a hateful person, you...

UndergraduateKalsiam - Feb 8, 2022 / Holt - Feb 9, 2022
I have written my language study plan for GKS, Go through it once

2 - Make sure to refer the reviewers to the attached TOPIK test certifications for all levels, even if expired....

Undergraduatetanya308 - Feb 6, 2022 / Holt - Feb 7, 2022
Fashion School in NYC Essay - AMC (Advertising, Marketing Communications Major)

3 - @Holt Hey, I think we got off on the wrong foot! I know my writings not good, that...

Undergraduateleohespanha - Jan 29, 2022 / leohespanha - Jan 30, 2022
The Computer Engineering program - reasons why you decide to apply to this department..

2 - This is a highly unprofessional sentence structure. Remember that you are addressing an academic professional through this essay....

Undergraduatepavuk - Jan 24, 2022 / Holt - Jan 25, 2022
Personal Statement - Business Administration undergraduate programme at NUS

3 - @Holt I'm trying my best to improve the PS, thank you so much for your advice!...

Undergraduatekate8524 - Jan 21, 2022 / kate8524 - Jan 22, 2022
The impact of data science on Oil and Gas Industry (a PTDF personal statement)

3 - @Holt Thank you for the review, working on a new draft with the corrections in mind...

UndergraduateTarhywoe - Jan 19, 2022 / Tarhywoe - Jan 21, 2022
The time I broke my promise

2 - The essay will succeed in confusing the reviewer because the writer has decided to tell the story from the...

UndergraduateYeva22 - Jan 16, 2022 / Holt - Jan 16, 2022
Real stories - College application essay

2 - The essay is trying very hard to be deep and philosphical but fails to do so due to the...

Undergraduateryn - Dec 31, 2021 / Holt - Jan 15, 2022
My creative and original thinking- Who you are-UBC essay

2 - You seem to have misread the topic focus of this statement. You are constantly referring to "I" when the...

UndergraduateRoot678 - Jan 15, 2022 / Holt - Jan 15, 2022
Purdue can assist me in exploring the field of computer science in far greater detail

2 - Simply mentioning the professors names does not mean that the classes will support your interests. The focus changes from...

UndergraduateTheEssayGuy - Jan 14, 2022 / Holt - Jan 14, 2022
UCAS Personal Statement for Biomedical Engineering at a UK university

2 - I believe that you are inefficiently looking at the importance of Math and Chemistry in this case. Biomedical Engineering...

UndergraduateDominoBrixx25 - Jan 13, 2022 / Holt - Jan 14, 2022
Understanding and introspection - UBC personal profile

4 - @elonmuskrat In order to improve ur personal profile, i think you can mention your personalities and achievement or sth...

Undergraduateelonmuskrat - Jan 9, 2022 / Hoonyaru - Jan 14, 2022
Developing through experiences- Meaningful activities-UBC essay

3 - @Daisy202 your essay is really good as i think you brought up your achievement in this activity and what...

UndergraduateDaisy202 - Jan 12, 2022 / Hoonyaru - Jan 14, 2022
UBC Essay, What is important to you? - Self-improvement is one of the most important aspects

3 - @Holt Thank you for your help!...

Undergraduatenayroug - Jan 12, 2022 / nayroug - Jan 13, 2022
UBC Sauder School of Business - I had changed my lifestyle - Respond to an unfamiliar situation

3 - @Holt Thank you for your help! I'll consider writing the essay in a different topic....

UndergraduateHoonyaru - Jan 13, 2022 / Hoonyaru - Jan 13, 2022
Diagnosed with ADHD - UBC Personal

2 - Replace the total response. The additional information is to be used for your additional academic information and how these...

Undergraduatesummerarcadia - Jan 12, 2022 / Holt - Jan 12, 2022
UBC Pers. Profile - An important value that has been ingrained in my mindset is community engagement

2 - Community engagement is definitely one of the considerations for this prompt requirement. It is important that the writer engage...

Undergraduatesummerarcadia - Jan 12, 2022 / Holt - Jan 12, 2022
Football and MVP - TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

2 - There are two things that the reviewer will be looking for when he reads the response to the questions...

Undergraduatetuf0406 - Jan 12, 2022 / Holt - Jan 12, 2022
My creative side- Tell us who you are-UBC essay

2 - There is a lack of reference to a multi-faceted personality on the part of the applicant. The reviewer is...

UndergraduateSwagat - Jan 11, 2022 / Holt - Jan 12, 2022
UBC TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF ESSAY- "Passion over Comfort"

3 - I think your overall tone is pretty negative. You mention about being laid back and words such as flunk...

Undergraduatedebs_141 - Jan 10, 2022 / summerarcadia - Jan 12, 2022
Wish to further develop my skills - Application essay for United World College

2 - Remove this paragraph as it is devoid of an actual response to the prompt. You need not provide...

Undergraduatevitachai - Jan 9, 2022 / Holt - Jan 10, 2022
Learning from people around me - UBC application

2 - While you are discussing an interesting story about how acne made you a better person, that is not the...

Undergraduatechengzheng - Jan 8, 2022 / Holt - Jan 9, 2022
Self respect and life lesson - WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

2 - This introduction is unnecessary. Since you are limited in character/word count, and the reviewer needs a prompt response,...

Undergraduateaaravchopra2004 - Jan 8, 2022 / Holt - Jan 8, 2022
UBC Personal Profile First Question Essay - Adventurous

3 - also write how your friends see you as a person to get a jist of your persnality...

Undergraduatelucydobs - Jan 7, 2022 / aaravchopra2004 - Jan 8, 2022
Conservative upbringing - TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

2 - The response format is incorrect. This personal statement does not respond to the questions provided. Did you actually read...

Undergraduateaaravchopra2004 - Jan 8, 2022 / Holt - Jan 8, 2022
UBC - tell us more about an activity - medical shadowing/internships

2 - Talk about your performance within the activity only. There is no need to discuss how you got into the...

Undergraduatepogthief - Jan 6, 2022 / Holt - Jan 7, 2022
Pluralistic, polyphonic, unclassifiable mass - Wellesley College Supplemental

2 - I'm not sure if this section will sit well with the reviewer as the Western world views this...

Undergraduateminhthao03 - Jan 6, 2022 / Holt - Jan 7, 2022
Privilege to collaborate with the United States - The Global UGRAD Program

2 - Why do you keep presuming? I think this is your favorite word. It is such a favorite that you...

Undergraduatesixthofjune - Jan 5, 2022 / Holt - Jan 6, 2022
Races - What do you do for fun (MIT)

2 - I believe that the essay will be even better if you can add to the fun that you have...

UndergraduateINeedHelp2836 - Jan 4, 2022 / Holt - Jan 4, 2022
MIT essay - community question - one way in which you contributed to your community

2 - This is a good start. It shows how you helped the community but, it is an impersonal method of...

UndergraduateHighSchoolKid456 - Jan 4, 2022 / Holt - Jan 4, 2022
MIT essay - How did you manage a situation that didnt go as planned

2 - You definitely do not want your team to glare at you. That would mean they are angry enough...

UndergraduateHighSchoolKid123 - Jan 4, 2022 / Holt - Jan 4, 2022
Why engineering? My application to the University of Waterloo (Admission Information Form)

5 - I suggest to trim the first part in the introduction of your grandfather. It is nice to mention about...

Undergraduatequinnnnnnnnnnnn - Dec 19, 2021 / hhspark - Jan 4, 2022
Application for UGRAD - What hobbies and interests do you enjoy / design and movies

2 - Focus on your current hobby of writing movie reviews. Mention that first before the childhood foundation. The less you...

Undergraduatehhspark - Jan 2, 2022 / Holt - Jan 3, 2022
What as a student at Boston University most excites you?

5 - It is great to mention a certain course or classes you would like to take. However, the reasons are...

UndergraduateRohan21 - Dec 29, 2021 / hhspark - Jan 2, 2022
About my family and friends - TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

4 - I think it is not necessary how your personality is "negatively" perceived to others. Also, instead of telling about...

Undergraduateheyhelpme - Jan 1, 2022 / hhspark - Jan 2, 2022
Extracurriculars and intense studies - Stanford Prompt (about something that is meaningful)

2 - The response provided by the mother to the 10 year old child is not believable. it is a response...

UndergraduateDaegu - Dec 31, 2021 / Holt - Jan 2, 2022
UGRAD - 'Who would be born must first destroy the world.' - LEADERSHIP APPROACH

2 - You were not a leader in this case. The movements you undertook were that of an individual who was...

Undergraduatehhspark - Dec 31, 2021 / Holt - Jan 2, 2022
Common App Essay on Bullying

4 - I agree, remember you don't want to make the essay overwhelmingly negative. Cut the bullying to one paragraph and...

UndergraduateNyx99 - Dec 30, 2021 / Daegu - Dec 31, 2021
My Kind of "Normal" - Essay for Common App

2 - You have not written a proper response to the essay question. The common app question requires you to reflect...

UndergraduateAlranita23 - Dec 31, 2021 / Holt - Dec 31, 2021
Friends and activities - WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY?

3 - I think overall you wrote a good essay but you can improve on second paragraph. You have sort of...

Undergraduatehellcat75 - Dec 26, 2021 / ANJ - Dec 29, 2021
Design cultures - The Global UGRAD Program is for young leaders

2 - Think about this for a second. Can you remember a time when you showed early leadership skills and...

Undergraduatehhspark - Dec 28, 2021 / Holt - Dec 28, 2021
Pre-pandemic days - My UBC Supplementary Essay

3 - Apart from Holt's suggestions, I would recommend using some connecting words between the sentences to add rhythm like: "In...

Undergraduatejerrytian - Dec 20, 2021 / animishg - Dec 26, 2021

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