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|'made $20,000 through various websites' - Common App Essay for top Universities
2 - Thank you for the suggestions on my essay! They were really helpful. I think this is a really...
Undergraduatetheicfire - Oct 6, 2009 / blacks - Oct 7, 2009
|'I thought about my Grandma' - My Big Setback- University of Michigan Essay
4 - Ok, I had another person revise it and they said basically the same thing, and that I need to...
Undergraduatedanderson2692 - Oct 4, 2009 / danderson2692 - Oct 7, 2009
|Admission Essay question, usage of "Vires, Artes, Mores"
UndergraduateVolleygirl - Aug 3, 2008 / starfish13 - Oct 7, 2009
|'Thousands miles from Tianjin, China' - UMich diversity
3 - Thx for ur advice. I tried to add some personal experience while i was performing the role of counselor...
Undergraduateshaokunkaren - Oct 7, 2009 / shaokunkaren - Oct 7, 2009
|Anime (My essay to u-m)
15 - I write a new one, entirely different.May be it will be better. I always been a person don't...
UndergraduateSephiroth - Sep 24, 2009 / Sephiroth - Oct 7, 2009
|'training was overwhelming' - Common App a significant experience and its impact
Undergraduateblacks - Oct 6, 2009 / theicfire - Oct 6, 2009
|'A minor electrical problem' - UCF Obstacle/Bump in the Road Essay
4 - i think it would be better if you Incorporated a little more struggle on a personal level like you...
UndergraduateCarrieC92 - Oct 6, 2009 / TheMig - Oct 6, 2009
|"My most profound interests; the universe" - UIUC Essay (#1 of 2)
Undergraduateagm - Aug 11, 2009 / agm - Oct 6, 2009
|'Youth pastor' - UF Essay - meaningful event/experience
Undergraduatempatt02 - Oct 5, 2009 / mpatt02 - Oct 6, 2009
|"find fulfillment in helping others" Looking for critiques on UC admission essay
7 - Kerfuffin is right...you must answer each prompt in a separate essay, each at least 250 words. Even if you...
UndergraduateKTT - Sep 30, 2009 / SeeHerFly - Oct 6, 2009
|'The Backyard Baseball League' - Common Application Personal Essay- Wiffleball
3 - Thanks for the grammar corrections. I'll be sure to fix them As for using more imagery in the...
Undergraduatecchstroy - Oct 5, 2009 / cchstroy - Oct 6, 2009
|"some people are meant to go to college" - Undergraduate Admissions essay
2 - Avoid contractions...they shouldn't be in formal writing. Also it would probably be good if you give more details about...
Undergraduatelilboo2 - Oct 6, 2009 / bam1992 - Oct 6, 2009
|"That is intellectual exhaustion." - Stanford Short Essay: Intellectual Vitality
UndergraduateTimMill - Sep 30, 2009 / TimMill - Oct 6, 2009
|Is it OK to point out that you are not a good student because of other pursuits?
UndergraduateMalibuSky - Oct 6, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 6, 2009
|There are two things that I love about life - UMD essays
4 - i revised the second essay. is this one better? thanks! Sometimes I can not believe how little I...
Undergraduaterbtla - Oct 5, 2009 / rbtla - Oct 6, 2009
|"How would you describe yourself?" - Penn State Admission Essay
10 - Thank you. Unfortunately, Penn State has a max of 1200 characters for your personal statement. I had to redo...
Undergraduatebritmin - Sep 22, 2009 / britmin - Oct 6, 2009
|I remember the day when my interest in computers began; PS Computer Science transfer
Undergraduateveronicak5678 - Oct 5, 2009 / veronicak5678 - Oct 6, 2009
|'visit to Victoria hospital' - ucas medical personal statement
2 - You already used a similar phrase in your first paragraph. Try not to repeat things like this too...
Undergraduatel3goals12 - Oct 5, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 6, 2009
|'A new electrical plug' - UIUC Essays (Academic Interests/Activity)
Undergraduateqyuiosilent - Oct 5, 2009 / qyuiosilent - Oct 6, 2009
|'the best of my life weeks' - Common App Essay (Evaluate a Significant Experience)
2 - hi... I think you need to be more careful about the punctuations , like 1-The greatest and most...
UndergraduateSome1 - Oct 5, 2009 / mina_sedaghatir - Oct 5, 2009
|My house is a farm (UF college admission essay)
3 - That is just the definition I got offline so don't take it too personally. What i was meaning by...
UndergraduateKlaa5 - Oct 4, 2009 / Klaa5 - Oct 5, 2009
|'Real people' - UT at Austin topic essay A. Important person
8 - Why wouldn't you want to make this more personal? The whole point of these essays is to let the...
Undergraduatezbennett10 - Sep 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 5, 2009
|"the death of my beloved grandmother" - UCF Essay - Bump in the road
UndergraduateBrandonArnet - Sep 28, 2009 / alexabishop - Oct 5, 2009
|UCF Undergrad Essay on obstacle--how is my essay?
30 - Hey, I am also appyling to UCF and I think you definitely satisfied the prompt. And also, I play...
Undergraduatepianogirl246 - Sep 20, 2009 / alexabishop - Oct 5, 2009
|Common App - Influential Person (My teacher and the Humanities
UndergraduateJulietTheSpooky - Sep 17, 2009 / queela09 - Oct 5, 2009
|UCF personal obstacle; Life was good, money wasn't ever a problem
2 - For me, to improve this piece, it is important to develop the problems that your family had. It is...
Undergraduatescaremechelle - Oct 5, 2009 / rhutch - Oct 5, 2009
|I find math amazing - UCAS mathematics personal statement
2 - and apply my mathematical knowledge to solve problems pertaining to those fields just a suggestion to gain...
Undergraduateacelight - Oct 5, 2009 / l3goals12 - Oct 5, 2009
|My Florida State essay, my acheivements
Undergraduatepommell1 - Oct 5, 2009 / l3goals12 - Oct 5, 2009
|He played the violin; The sound of music
11 - okay thanks everyone. III get the point that i didn't show enough strength/weakness. if you dont have any other...
Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Oct 4, 2009 / pcvrz34g - Oct 5, 2009
|The pub, in which I bus tables at, named PJ Whelihans-Part Time Job/COMMON APP
2 - Ah. You have a very detailed and well-written narrative, which is good. My main concern would be that I'm...
UndergraduateWoolachee - Oct 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 5, 2009
|Essay for Penn - page 217 of your 300 page autobiography
UndergraduateMoog - Sep 28, 2009 / samcguff - Oct 4, 2009
|'Moving to Texas' - achievement, risk or ethical
Undergraduatejohnny2by4 - Oct 4, 2009 / johnny2by4 - Oct 4, 2009
|'Sharing something in common' - Lehigh University Essay : Equity and Community
4 - Thank you both for your insight. The first sentence is the last sentence I wrote and I realize...
Undergraduatebob92 - Oct 4, 2009 / bob92 - Oct 4, 2009
|"Brett, you're so fat." "Lose some weight!" - Experience; Common App
6 - Oh, wait, I take that back, I forgot about the difference between overweight and obese. :) But judging from...
Undergraduatebam1992 - Oct 4, 2009 / verily - Oct 4, 2009
|My world-- UC personal statement
Undergraduatealalaprincess - Oct 4, 2009 / alalaprincess - Oct 4, 2009
|A Mother's Influence (Common App Essay)
Undergraduatecsmith11 - Oct 4, 2009 / vlatski - Oct 4, 2009
|What I would pay for peace
6 - I think it's somewhat of a good opening, sort of. However, it is asking more extensively what you pay,...
Undergraduatevlatski - Oct 4, 2009 / csmith11 - Oct 4, 2009
|""You what? You lived in China!" - Common App Essay. is this good enough?
3 - jajajajajajja i just saw that you were the one tht commented on my essay :) well i already told...
Undergraduatecatherineb - Sep 20, 2009 / acat6332 - Oct 4, 2009
|'Acting like an adult' - Florida A meaningful experience..
4 - wow! great essay. it was definitely interesting, compared to some other UF essays i was reading a little while...
Undergraduatekma721 - Sep 13, 2009 / Lorena21 - Oct 4, 2009
|"self-confidence in the hospital" - University of Florida Essay
5 - I'm getting help for my UF essay too, and mine started originally with a quote like yours. However, my...
UndergraduateJayp91 - Sep 27, 2009 / Lorena21 - Oct 4, 2009
|"on our way to Africa" - rutgers admission
3 - This is a good start: You've got the rudiments of an interesting essay that answers the question. Your narrative...
Undergraduatevlatski - Oct 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Oct 4, 2009
|Stanford Intellectual Vital; "world free from the barriers of social prejudices"
9 - China is poised to overtake the US on the world stage. Chinese outnumber Americans 4-5:1. They are smarter than...
Undergraduatebethkhe - Oct 4, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Oct 4, 2009
|"172 pounds." - Need help with the main essay.
7 - alalaprincess thanks for the advice, i actually thought about breaking the conversation into separate paragraphs, but i wondered if...
Undergraduatemiss_accepted - Oct 3, 2009 / miss_accepted - Oct 4, 2009
|"the city of Las Vegas" - Describe the world you come from
21 - I'd suggest you post a second draft based on the feedback you have already received. Most of what you...
Undergraduatekayliecares - Oct 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 4, 2009
|I'm like a lot of things - UCF What qualities or unique characteristics
3 - I enjoy the analogy, but this entry lacks enough interesting description. I disagree with Liebe on th elast...
Undergraduatecatherineb - Oct 3, 2009 / verily - Oct 4, 2009
|"trying to get into UC Davis" - My lovely personal statement!
11 - comment on verily's opinion. I can see how verily is thinking that. to address that problem, i think you...
Undergraduateasianbaybay - Sep 8, 2009 / pcvrz34g - Oct 4, 2009
|My SCARS and my MISTAKES; Common App
34 - Wow, kritipg. Thank you SO much for fixing that. I almost missed that... I don't think I'll be...
Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Sep 19, 2009 / pcvrz34g - Oct 4, 2009
|"The Luger" - Stanford Common Application essay!
Undergraduatethegerman - Sep 23, 2009 / verily - Oct 3, 2009
|UCF ESSAY - COMING TO AMERICA; family history, culture and environment
10 - I love your ideas. The way you express your opinion is quite nice. The beginning paragraph is attractive!!...
Undergraduateacat6332 - Sep 26, 2009 / Rosejoker - Oct 3, 2009
|'my native Puerto Rico' - UCF -environment in which you were raised
3 - i think you should add more differences there were between each of the places you lived. and how you...
Undergraduatecatherineb - Oct 3, 2009 / jennyz - Oct 3, 2009
|"one week to compensate for 7 years of absence" - UF Topic
11 - I like how you incorporated your view on opportunities, and how they can be taken for granted. It can...
UndergraduateAlexP1992 - Sep 2, 2009 / Grad2010 - Oct 3, 2009
|My first name Omowumi, given to me by my mother means: "I love my child" in Yoruba
Undergraduatewumkem - Sep 26, 2009 / catherineb - Oct 3, 2009
|UCF "Bump in the Road" (Experimental Drugs)
5 - ^I think everyone here has helped establish the fact taht this is a bump in the road for your...
Undergraduatehelpwithessay - Oct 3, 2009 / Liebe - Oct 3, 2009
|History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay.
Undergraduatejemma2011 - Sep 17, 2009 / vlatski - Oct 3, 2009
|A Personal Statement- father's birthday
8 - okay, I will polish it as an article and try to eliminate those simple mistakes which turn AO down....
Undergraduatezealzou - Sep 29, 2009 / zealzou - Oct 3, 2009
|Stanford intellectual vitality essay - Bridge game
2 - Okay, I've actually played around with regular bridge a bit, and even I found your essay difficult to follow....
Undergraduatezw123 - Oct 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 3, 2009
|Common Application. Personal Statement. ''Dragon boat race"'
Undergraduatelinhexi - Aug 18, 2009 / zw123 - Oct 3, 2009
|"I opened up little by little" - Describe the world you come from
18 - Thanks, that was really inspiring! And yes, I am thinking too hard, i am so stressed about getting into...
Undergraduatekristinbrianne - Oct 2, 2009 / kristinbrianne - Oct 3, 2009
|Why I want to get into psychology - admission essay
4 - You've already outlined your outline: I. Introduction II. What Freud would say about you or your life III....
UndergraduateMariaC - Mar 14, 2008 / EF_Simone - Oct 2, 2009
|uofi professional goals essay
3 - I think you should add to your ending. Its not as powerful as your beginning. But other than that,...
Undergraduateisabelle2010 - Oct 2, 2009 / alalaprincess - Oct 2, 2009
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