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|Curry; Significant person essay - It may seem cliché to say that it's my mother
3 - The comment above is pretty much on the spot. You're going to have to think of some really unique...
Undergraduatejustinnorman - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
|'Doing something meaningful in life' - Peace Corp Essay
2 - This is very good. Your transitions are smooth, and your flow is logical. I always think these things...
Undergraduatempassal - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
|"my strength in mind, body and soul" - FSU app, vires.
NEW - As I unravel the events and thoughts that I've had in past and present the philosophy "Vires, Artes, Mores"...
Undergraduatedanceislife_e - Oct 13, 2009 / — -
|FSU Essay. This one's so hard to write on. =[
6 - Thank you =]...
UndergraduateOhMissAllie - Oct 11, 2009 / OhMissAllie - Oct 13, 2009
|'Soccer fascinates me' - Common app short essay
12 - I am afraid that qouting in essay, especially such a cliche...might have been used by 1000 students......
Undergraduatemananj - Oct 3, 2009 / zealzou - Oct 13, 2009
|(Biology) Rice Transfer Short Essay- Why did you choose your major/degree plan
3 - Thank you I have already used the maxiumum word count but I will put more focus into that area...
Undergraduateapotter16 - Oct 13, 2009 / apotter16 - Oct 13, 2009
|Art Institute of San Diego application essay
2 - This doesn't really answer the question you have been asked. What are your career goals? That is, what do...
Undergraduateofbrightcolor - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 13, 2009
|"the opportunities to excel in the major of my choice." - FSU Admissions Essay
8 - Yes, you need to talk about how your modeling experience has prepared you to major in film production. That...
UndergraduateNailahMJ - Oct 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 13, 2009
|'China during tough times' - the environment in which you were raised influenced you?
2 - Hi I'm also a Chinese but I'm applying for colleges. Here is my suggestion. Your topic is 'How your...
Undergraduatealeggie - Oct 12, 2009 / harzel - Oct 13, 2009
|"The real man smiles in trouble..." college transfer essay (want to go to UMASS)
3 - I agree with harzel. This essay would be great for an SAT but there is not enough passion behind...
Undergraduaterafina - Oct 12, 2009 / apotter16 - Oct 13, 2009
|making my college essay sing as loudly and well as I can.
UndergraduateBeccalou - Oct 11, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
|"My Father" UCF ESSAY
2 - That story is too big for the writing you gave it. Lots of stuff there, good emotional stuff. I...
Undergraduatekaydubbb - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
|"to expand my experiences and knowledge" - University of Florida Essay
2 - Sinister courses? Tedious? Sounds like you're great at pushing yourself, not so good at enjoying the ride. If...
UndergraduateMaximos - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
|How my trip aborad helped me relized shelteredness - Common app short answer
2 - Interesting experience. Your last sentence represents quite a jump. I'm sure it wasn't that essay. It would be...
Undergraduateholaamigo - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
|My mother and my close friend Cedrica ; The Most Influential person in my life
5 - Sometimes there is more than one person, but it is better to write about just one. But delete the...
UndergraduateSuelee1321 - Oct 4, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 12, 2009
|Rice University Tranfer Essay; 'Wendy the axe murderer'
2 - The first sentence needs quotation marks. This is very well done. You've done a lot in your life....
Undergraduateapotter16 - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 12, 2009
|"I'm a nerd." - common app essay-topic of your choice-comments?
Undergraduateballerina7 - Oct 11, 2009 / ballerina7 - Oct 12, 2009
|Here is my essay for Purdue University. Can anyone look at it?
UndergraduateAkash1405 - Oct 11, 2009 / Akash1405 - Oct 12, 2009
|'Being the oldest of three offspring' - UF essay... critque
3 - thank you...
Undergraduateaustin13 - Oct 12, 2009 / austin13 - Oct 12, 2009
|"I care about my family and I work hard in school" - UMich setback essay..
3 - you should change they way of using can't and spell these words out can not.. stuff like this...
Undergraduatecalirocks2010 - Oct 12, 2009 / austin13 - Oct 12, 2009
|'Not settling for medicore any more' - UF ESSAY meaningful experience
7 - UF meaningful experience number 2 I decided my old one was not a good topic completely new essay...
Undergraduatehyungjiny - Oct 6, 2009 / HJK9292 - Oct 12, 2009
|help make my FSU admission essay more professional and itellectual
6 - I wrote another essay that is differant for FSU, but contains some of what i said up there in...
Undergraduaterachc67 - Oct 11, 2009 / rachc67 - Oct 12, 2009
|My first memorable experience into the realm of science - general medicine essay
10 - Im planning on submitting this essay for the nov 1st deadline so i would like to quickly wrap things...
Undergraduatevip747 - Sep 27, 2009 / vip747 - Oct 12, 2009
|UCF Essay-Why I would like to attend.
UndergraduateCarrieC92 - Oct 8, 2009 / CarrieC92 - Oct 12, 2009
|"I am an introvert." - Stanford essay : Letter to roommate
Undergraduateacelight - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Team - Oct 12, 2009
|'The Law of Attraction' - Bard Supplement Essay
2 - The last paragraph is unnecessary. I do not think the admissions officers will appreciate being told what to do....
Undergraduateharzel - Oct 12, 2009 / l3goals12 - Oct 12, 2009
|FSU-"Vires, Artes, Mores"-my experiences in life (first draft)
7 - "Another area where I have grown is in media art, especially in painting and scratchboard." Possibly reword this...
UndergraduateWildcat8803 - Oct 4, 2009 / Woolachee - Oct 12, 2009
|'As I stood in the murky spotlight...' college application essay - over the word count limit
7 - Okay thank you for your help. This was actually the edited version, containing 497 words, just enough to get...
Undergraduateamyewald - Sep 1, 2009 / amyewald - Oct 12, 2009
|'music and character' Lafayette short essay: intellectual interest (like Stanford's?)
6 - Well... I said some rock banders commit suicide, not some rock listeners...that makes some difference, I think......
Undergraduateharzel - Oct 10, 2009 / harzel - Oct 12, 2009
|Working with me - Common App - Someone who had a significant influence on you
7 - "The high standards that he has always held me to have become my own expectations for myself. " Is...
Undergraduatemothaeffa - Oct 11, 2009 / trung2012 - Oct 12, 2009
|"How did I get caught?" - My Essay for college admission..
Undergraduatemiffy2002 - Oct 7, 2009 / miffy2002 - Oct 12, 2009
|'psychology measured up to my expectations' - Academic Interests- U of I essay
Undergraduateparimp - Oct 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 12, 2009
|Short Activity essay on commonapp...about debate!~
Undergraduateharzel - Oct 11, 2009 / harzel - Oct 12, 2009
|"to develop a strong character" - Florida State Application Essa
3 - Stop making general statements or statements that define words already explained in the prompt: "Vires, Artes, Mores" the...
Undergraduatebaseball4202 - Oct 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 11, 2009
|How will college allow you to achieve your goals?
2 - "And I think in addition to Purdue's diversity on campus, up to date experimental equipment and foreign internship opportunities"...
UndergraduateZoe - Oct 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 11, 2009
|Fsu vires essay
Undergraduaterdeez - Oct 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 11, 2009
|Stanford Supplement - Intellectually Engaging Experience [Edit!]
Undergraduatesmoores - Oct 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 11, 2009
|Common application essay(Indicate a person who has had a significant influence .
2 - "My grand uncle who is a retired red-cross nurse likes to talk international events and politics while I am...
Undergraduatel3goals12 - Oct 11, 2009 / Vulpix - Oct 11, 2009
|My Name is Damon and I Can Roll my R's
UndergraduateDamon1570 - Aug 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 11, 2009
|Common App Essay - My Academic Passions
2 - I'm also a 14er so my comments may not be that...thorough... You are mentioning you love both Physics and...
Undergraduateaussie7us - Oct 11, 2009 / harzel - Oct 11, 2009
|Extracurricular Acitvity Essay-York High School
Undergraduatelovinglife - Oct 10, 2009 / lovinglife - Oct 11, 2009
|"my love of learning and compassion for others" - fsu vires artes mores essay
6 - defining vires, arts, or mores is unnecessary. Also, you should input more detail into your essay, it seems kind...
Undergraduatedtkgray - Oct 3, 2009 / NailahMJ - Oct 11, 2009
|Strength, Art, and Tradition. Writing this essay has helped me fathom who I really am.
5 - Nice points, mpatt. Much better, Melanie. There is a much better flow and the vocab doesn't jolt the...
UndergraduatePatelJ - Oct 10, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 11, 2009
|My relationship with my grandparents had always been rough. Common app essay
10 - I agree with keds and EFSean. If you're going to use thiss as an admission essay, the past and...
Undergraduatejennyz - Oct 3, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 11, 2009
|"my venture in French" - University of Florida Essay
4 - Two things here: you've already used the expression 'hand-in-hand' once above. Twice in a short essay is too...
Undergraduatedancingpenguin - Oct 11, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 11, 2009
|"John's influence" - comment on my essay. Is the topic too generic?
4 - Thanks a lot for the help. I will be sure to take your thoughts into consideration while revising. :)...
Undergraduatekb2010 - Oct 10, 2009 / kb2010 - Oct 11, 2009
|RU is a vibrant community - Be critical of the essay
6 - I agree with the other comments. You should expand upon how you will fit in at Rutgers, and why...
Undergraduatevlatski - Oct 4, 2009 / ballerina7 - Oct 11, 2009
|'Passionate professors, rigorous education' - my reasons for applying to Penn
Undergraduatejennyz - Oct 6, 2009 / jennyz - Oct 11, 2009
|"playing tennis" - UIUC essay!
3 - In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from...
Undergraduatelonelysnakr - Oct 11, 2009 / lonelysnakr - Oct 11, 2009
|"multi-cultural dinner" - UMich Diversity Short Answer
4 - Re-edited again! Feedback would be great: When I arrived at the Diversity Club's multi-cultural dinner, the gym was...
Undergraduateflipflap88 - Oct 10, 2009 / flipflap88 - Oct 11, 2009
|page 217 of your 300-page autobiography. (holland memories)
3 - it's not holland memory anymore but a game of volleyball i rewrote the essay all over again is this...
Undergraduatejennyz - Oct 3, 2009 / jennyz - Oct 11, 2009
|"knowledge of my own culture" - U OF M UNDERGRAD
Undergraduatelrayan6 - Oct 10, 2009 / lrayan6 - Oct 11, 2009
|As a native Floridian... FSU Application Essay ("Vires, Artes, Mores")
Undergraduatebridog - Oct 4, 2009 / bridog - Oct 11, 2009
|professional goals essay for Illinois
4 - Your introduction is kind of bland, you might want to change it to something that would draw a reader...
Undergraduatectazter - Oct 6, 2009 / flipflap88 - Oct 10, 2009
|"Going to FSU will only make me stronger"
3 - All of this isn't necessary. It is a bit awkward, too. Your intelligence will endure regardless of whether...
Undergraduateajp - Oct 10, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 10, 2009
|Are titles for admissions essays completely necessary?
2 - Vires, Artes, Mores One small thing--you didn't really discuss all three. Maybe you should. Another thing--'juxtapose' is...
Undergraduatejwatson - Oct 10, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 10, 2009
|"Parents will be parents" - MSU essay! - To me success is a relative term
UndergraduateRatman2050 - Oct 10, 2009 / Ratman2050 - Oct 10, 2009
|"you can suprise yourself with your own determination" - fsu
Undergraduatepatchell5107 - Oct 9, 2009 / patchell5107 - Oct 10, 2009
|I found out firsthand just how dangerous snowboarding could be. UCF: "bump in the road"
4 - thanks for the help. i still need to get rid of a couple of sentences though. any more suggestions?...
Undergraduatequiksilverq - Oct 9, 2009 / quiksilverq - Oct 10, 2009
|Edit my undergraduate essay for Wofford College; opinions for improvements
4 - Nope. You couldn't have been doing either of the last two while you were doing the first one....
Undergraduatebc325 - Oct 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 10, 2009
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