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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 39)

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PHILIPPINES: THE LAND OF THE UNEMPLOYED, A SNAPSHOT OF THE PHILIPPINE CASE

2 - Sam, before we can accurately review the content of this paper, we need to have some additional information. Information...

Undergraduateflowerb2st - Nov 3, 2016 / Holt - Nov 4, 2016
Why I selected Computer Science as my major - Illinois -- Urbana-Champaign prompt

2 - Yamini, in answer to your first question, you should remove all references to your interest in programming starting from...

Undergraduatenyanpasu - Nov 3, 2016 / Holt - Nov 3, 2016
STANFORD extracurricular activities or work experiences, can I make supplement essay on photography?

4 - Hello, You certainly do not want to keep writing about Photography in all of your essays. However, the...

Undergraduatecbarnes17 - Nov 1, 2016 / admission2012 - Nov 2, 2016
REWRITE of Short (250 word) MIT Admissions Essay on the "world I come from"

5 - Hello, I do NOT agree with the other posters here. This essay is as trite as they come.Think...

Undergraduateabhavsar - Nov 1, 2016 / admission2012 - Nov 2, 2016
Volleyball and grandparents. REVIEWING MY COLLEGE ADMISSION ESSAY

4 - Okay. If I were to write this essay based upon the information that you gave me, I would probably...

Undergraduaterayst10 - Nov 2, 2016 / Holt - Nov 2, 2016
The most innovative and creative students - Help on Penn Essay

2 - Sekou, you are expected to discuss your pursuit of your academic and intellectual interests at Wharton / UPenn. You...

Undergraduatesekoufoley - Nov 1, 2016 / Holt - Nov 1, 2016
If you could only do one of the activities which one would you keep doing? Why? U of M essay

4 - Rose, you can definitely do that. Don't be afraid to play around with the content of the essay. Specially...

Undergraduaterone1 - Nov 1, 2016 / Holt - Nov 1, 2016
Life lessons tend to stick with you forever when they come from the realization of your mistakes

3 - Thanks for the valuable feedback @Holt, I'll make sure to add that....

UndergraduateAkash_R - Nov 1, 2016 / Akash_R - Nov 1, 2016
You are preparing to attend your 10-year reunion to express your accomplishments since graduation.

2 - Yunior, you have the right idea when it comes to the accomplishments that you dream of having within 1...

Undergraduateyuniorlh - Nov 1, 2016 / Holt - Nov 1, 2016
I cannot sing, but I am a singer. Singing and music - Yale Common App Personal Statement

5 - Amishi, would you consider using the closing paragraph as your opening paragraph instead? That particular paragraph has a memorable...

Undergraduateamishiii - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
Growing up, I explored all kinds of technologies. University of Illinois Champaign Application Essay

2 - Brian, you need to find a balance in the essay between the development of your interest in computer programming...

UndergraduateCheerfulButter - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
Teaching English and Computer classes (Chevening leadership essay)

2 - Rani, in the first paragraph, as the leader of the group, I am sure that you were informed regarding...

Undergraduatebeauty60 - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
Staying alone at home - I had finally grown up. Common App prompt #5

6 - Haha alright, you're making me feel bad for that line now! :3 I guess I'll just merge it with...

Undergraduatenyanpasu - Oct 28, 2016 / nyanpasu - Oct 31, 2016
Teacher Networks - Chevening essay

2 - Rani, post this essay as a new thread. The forum rules indicate that you need to present only one...

Undergraduatebeauty60 - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
Incapability is the worst kind of failure. Recognizing a failure in study.

4 - Hey Woodoo, don't feel defeated just yet. There is still a way that you can save the essay. You...

Undergraduatewoodoo - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
Why Rice? Intellectual atmosphere and traditions eg. celebrations revolving around Willy's statue.

9 - Don't forget to highlight the research that you might be interested in. It helps to mention specific programs and...

Undergraduateanageecantu - Oct 30, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
"I'm a good friend" without saying it. MIT Admissions Essay on my contribution to my community

3 - Hi Arnav, Here some suggestions for you. my friend was sitting beside me said that he did...

Undergraduateabhavsar - Oct 30, 2016 / dils - Oct 31, 2016
Tufts Supplemental Essay about how I was raised and how it influenced my life today

3 - Hi Cassie, As I read your writing, here some suggestions for you. My brother and I always...

Undergraduatecb8156 - Oct 30, 2016 / dils - Oct 31, 2016
Why Tufts? Essay-- The attitude; I take work seriously, always doing my best in everything

2 - Cassie, don't use the words of encouragement or the reasons why another person would opt to attend Tufts. As...

Undergraduatecb8156 - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
My parents are immigrants from India who grew up in relatively poor conditions - "world I come from"

2 - Arnav, you only 250 words to work with. So don't try to present too much information which cannot be...

Undergraduateabhavsar - Oct 31, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
What peculiarity or unique distinctives do you possess that will allow you to contribute to UF

4 - Hi Joseph. Thanks for understanding what I was trying to tell you. I know that there are times when...

UndergraduateJosephLopez99 - Oct 30, 2016 / Holt - Oct 31, 2016
The most important reason, that I want to become a Hokie, is to feel like I belong somewhere

2 - ... campus seem like the perfect place to be in You don't need the extra preposition "in" at the...

UndergraduateDOTAchilles - Oct 30, 2016 / abhavsar - Oct 30, 2016
Being involved in a car accident. Common Application, Personal Statement Essay

2 - Grace, the essay definitely shows a perfect example of a transition to adulthood. Your dad's reaction is classic! However,...

Undergraduategrrace1004 - Oct 30, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
YALE UNIVERSITY - Should I apply?

2 - Rafael, you might just be one of the lucky few to gain admission to Yale from your country. Considering...

Undergraduatermarquez - Oct 30, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
'An engineer like my father' - UIUC Electrical Engineering Major Choice Essay

5 - @Holt Thank you so much for all your detailed feedback! I will definitely take it all into account as...

UndergraduateNeehar27 - Oct 29, 2016 / Neehar27 - Oct 30, 2016
How to add more about myself in Cornell CAS application essay?

10 - I suggest mentioning Cornell very early on in the essay. Your response looks like it could be used for...

Undergraduateliane - Oct 23, 2016 / rmarquez - Oct 30, 2016
"Why NYU?" Essay written based on New York's Charm

3 - Hey Kenan, I think it's good that you started out with a bit of an anecdote, but you didn't...

Undergraduatekenant - Oct 29, 2016 / rmarquez - Oct 30, 2016
Penn allows me to focus on my academic interest in a profound manner.

4 - Again, the first paragraph is really unnecessary. Why do you insist on presenting that historical fact that does not...

Undergraduateprajain - Oct 27, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
Three Ways People Close to You Describe You - DeMatha

2 - Hey David, it is really important that you revise the content of your essay because it does not deliver...

UndergraduateKingKO92 - Oct 29, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
I disappointed myself and my coach; MIT Admissions Essay on Overcoming a Challenge

2 - Hey Arnav, you really did very good work on this essay. You showed more than just how you overcame...

Undergraduateabhavsar - Oct 29, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
Losing a parent - a tragic impulse to transition from childhood to adulthood - common app prompt

3 - HI NIlufar, your approach the prompt is unique in a certain way. You have managed to turn an overview...

Undergraduatenilufars - Oct 29, 2016 / Holt - Oct 30, 2016
"Glorious to View". Cornell Writing Supplement - College of Arts and Sciences

2 - Rafael, most reviewers do not take kindly to applicants who name-drop their professor's names in their college application essays....

Undergraduatermarquez - Oct 29, 2016 / Holt - Oct 29, 2016
My "WHY NYU?" Essay (for Class of 2021)- (NYU Steinhardt)

4 - Then, since the essay is all about why you wish to attend NYU, you should use that statement to...

Undergraduatezahra998 - Oct 27, 2016 / Holt - Oct 29, 2016
Paragraph from common app prompt #5. Coffee as an obstacle in life, will revise back

2 - Hey Anthony, I know that you would like us to comment on your current paragraph for the common app...

Undergraduateeuphorain - Oct 28, 2016 / Holt - Oct 29, 2016
About the failure in the American Dream

5 - Thanks for your help Holt! And have a good night....

Undergraduatemelokour - Oct 28, 2016 / melokour - Oct 28, 2016
My achievements - extracurricular or volunteer activities in which you participate.

4 - It isn't hard to fix. Since you are responding to a prompt provided by the university, the correct format...

Undergraduatechikomm16 - Oct 28, 2016 / Holt - Oct 28, 2016
Columbia Supplement - 1. Why Columbia? 2. Why these majors?

2 - hello, I have read your essay and here is my opinion (1) Please research about the qualities in...

Undergraduateangeli6778 - Oct 28, 2016 / chikomm16 - Oct 28, 2016
Penn offers the next stage of an intellectual journey - Application Essay for Wharton (Penn)

3 - Thanks for your advice! I'll do that!...

UndergraduateJASONSUN99 - Oct 27, 2016 / JASONSUN99 - Oct 27, 2016
Child of a thousand hills from Rwanda

5 - Hey mary, i tried to alter the essay and this is what i have managed to get at. ...

UndergraduateAshleigh - Oct 22, 2016 / Ashleigh - Oct 27, 2016
My village and its customs that changed my life!

25 - 1. Since this is not an activity that you did only once, then the choice is "visits". The plural...

Undergraduateinav321 - Oct 21, 2016 / Holt - Oct 27, 2016
Application Essay What got me into architecture, how does it manifest itself in my everyday life?

4 - When I was very young, I was always artistic, but I never thought I was good enough to make...

UndergraduateValltax - Oct 26, 2016 / Valltax - Oct 27, 2016
Opportunity is my main concern with choosing a school. FIT TRANSFER ADMISSIONS ESSAY - why FIT?

2 - Joanna, your essay is currently in need of revision in terms of content and chronology. You seem to also...

Undergraduatejoannam789 - Oct 26, 2016 / Holt - Oct 27, 2016
A kid from Mongolia - Northwestern Supplement

2 - Bat, it is difficult to gauge the relevance of your essay to the supplemental essay prompt you are trying...

Undergraduatebmb_orgil - Oct 26, 2016 / Holt - Oct 26, 2016
Essay: people I might live with

4 - @Holt, many thanks for your comprehensive feedback. I will take everything you wrote into account and will try to...

UndergraduateAlter - Oct 25, 2016 / Alter - Oct 26, 2016
Discovering art in kindergarten. Entrance essay to art school!

2 - 1st Paragraph - ...dad always often... (two time adjectives are contradicting, pick one.) 3rd Paragraph - ...leaving me,...

UndergraduateLuludrea - Oct 26, 2016 / ichephe - Oct 26, 2016
Describe your interest and experience in your chosen major (300-400 words)

3 - Thank you for your advice, but I think you've misunderstood some key things. To begin with, I'm not...

Undergraduatetaariya - Oct 26, 2016 / taariya - Oct 26, 2016
"The trouble is, you think you have time"; essay about myself. G-PA

3 - I like your writing, little touched. But i think we need some correction I found the proverb to...

Undergraduatejohnta123 - Oct 23, 2016 / prettyinside - Oct 26, 2016
I'm from Long An, a province in the south of Vietnam. Help me with my hometown. Very grateful.

2 - Hi Ngocuyen, Let me just reworked what you have written. Please take a look. I come from...

Undergraduatenguyenhuyen - Oct 17, 2016 / ichanpants89 - Oct 25, 2016
Why History is Worth Studying

8 - Well, after your review i discovered that all your attention focused in the past events. I would recommend...

Undergraduateyjung17 - Oct 21, 2016 / chikomm16 - Oct 25, 2016
Edit my Upenn essay (explore your interest)

9 - Hi, i think you should focus more on realistic goals that attending Upenn would empower you to achieve. ...

Undergraduateprajain - Oct 10, 2016 / chikomm16 - Oct 25, 2016
A personal and National Triumph

8 - If this is the format that you are comfortable using, then this is what we shall use Juanita. I...

UndergraduateAE02022504 - Oct 25, 2016 / Holt - Oct 25, 2016
My homosexuality - Overcoming adversity and embracing individualism - common app essay

4 - Kush, go ahead and write the essay even if it goes over the limit. I can always help you...

Undergraduatekdesai710 - Oct 25, 2016 / Holt - Oct 25, 2016
Every year I buy 2 presents for my sister on her birthdays. Common App

NEW - Hi everyone. This is my common app and I would really appreciate it if anyone took a look at...

Undergraduateozdemir - Oct 25, 2016 / — -
The motto Ut Prosim will always be in my mind... College Essay for Virginia Tech

5 - Awesome, thank you very much!...

Undergraduategabbyo - Oct 23, 2016 / gabbyo - Oct 25, 2016
My Transition into a Stronger Reader

2 - Hello, I think your basic thought process here is great. However, I think you should approach this topic...

Undergraduateyjung17 - Oct 24, 2016 / admission2012 - Oct 24, 2016
My path to love and understanding

2 - I really like how you're going about this situation. But if there is one advice I can give you,...

Undergraduateprofxav - Oct 24, 2016 / yjung17 - Oct 24, 2016
Having a conversation is not easy and effortless for me. My struggle with social anxiety.

2 - Dear Teresa, here are some advices for your writing, feel free to correct my responses, Growing up I...

Undergraduatezyx678 - Oct 24, 2016 / fadhilmd25 - Oct 24, 2016
How the loss of my mother marked my transition from childhood to adulthood

2 - Well Joe, this story of self realization is a nice touch to your transition story. However, it lacks one...

UndergraduateJoeCuccs12 - Oct 24, 2016 / Holt - Oct 24, 2016
My recommendations (ACCOUNTING AND BUSINESS)

2 - Both your letters are too long and does not present your strengths in the best possible manner. Review the...

Undergraduateinav321 - Oct 24, 2016 / Holt - Oct 24, 2016
"What does not destroy me makes me stronger" - Princeton Supplement prompt 5

13 - I think you're right ! Thanks Holt!!...

Undergraduateinav321 - Oct 21, 2016 / inav321 - Oct 24, 2016

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