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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 39)

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Being biracial is like fighting a war within yourself - COMMON APP ESSAY REVIEW

12 - Happy belated Thanksgiving to you to and yes, I do celebrate Thanksgiving. I really like the way your essay...

Undergraduatekangsix - Nov 20, 2016 / Holt - Nov 26, 2016
Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character

3 - Hi Roy, as I go through the prompt, I was hoping that I would be able to read a...

UndergraduateRedPillow - Nov 25, 2016 / justivy03 - Nov 25, 2016
WHY BOSTON UNIVERSITY? my passion for biology and experience living in a 3rd world nation

2 - Ademidun, I do not see any commonalities listed between your interests in Boston University and the way the university...

UndergraduateDemieymaj - Nov 25, 2016 / Holt - Nov 25, 2016
Common App Prompt 5: How family problems helped catalyze my transition to adulthood.

3 - Hassan, it can be said that this essay, in terms of story, focuses more on your brother and the...

Undergraduateashutosh123 - Nov 24, 2016 / Holt - Nov 25, 2016
Helping elderly using new technologies. Statement of objective, MIT graduate school

11 - @Holt Thank you so much! I really appreciate what you have done to help people improve essays and...

Undergraduatesddxwytxfh - Nov 22, 2016 / sddxwytxfh - Nov 24, 2016
Human resource management answer - your specific concentration areas of interest

4 - Nazia, if you will kindly remove the reference to being a deputy commissioner, the second half of your response...

Undergraduatenazzia30 - Nov 23, 2016 / Holt - Nov 24, 2016
My greatest talent or skill: Dance/Choreography. Why is this meaningful to you?

3 - Elaine, I find that your essay was misled in direction by the opening statement that you presented. That is...

Undergraduateey17173 - Nov 23, 2016 / Holt - Nov 24, 2016
'my outlet to express myself' - FIT Fashion Merchandising and Management Major Fall 2017

2 - Sophia, I have some points for your consideration regarding your presentation of information in the essay. First of all,...

Undergraduatesoph1998 - Nov 23, 2016 / Holt - Nov 24, 2016
We want to get to know you better. Description by a friend. Colgate University Supplemental Essay

4 - Cassie, based upon your description in the statement, your character trait should be described more as opinionated than honest....

Undergraduatecb8156 - Nov 23, 2016 / Holt - Nov 24, 2016
"I could either watch it happen or be part of it." SOP for technical internship.

3 - I would also recommend relating it back to the quote you started it with to truly conclude your essay....

UndergraduateKodesmart - Nov 23, 2016 / cb8156 - Nov 23, 2016
The exam day had arrived. Personal Essay for Common App

3 - Akankysha, I think that your essay is running a bit too long when it doesn't need to be. Your...

Undergraduateakankshya - Nov 23, 2016 / Holt - Nov 23, 2016
Illegal. Undocumented. Invisible. Vulnerable. I am a DREAMER - Common App essay

3 - Michelle, I can sense the emotions that you have placed into developing this essay. You have laid yourself out...

Undergraduatemichelle31 - Nov 22, 2016 / Holt - Nov 22, 2016
I ruffled my hair in frustration - Common app essay on background, identity, interest, or talent

3 - Cindy, here is a rule of thumb with reviewers reading college application essays. They do not believe, appreciate, nor...

Undergraduatecmizhquiri - Nov 21, 2016 / Holt - Nov 22, 2016
Why you are interested in applying to and attending Swarthmore? To be challenged academically.

4 - I would rather that you do not add them. You see, unless you have actually experienced the events or...

Undergraduateyjung17 - Nov 21, 2016 / Holt - Nov 21, 2016
Growing up with a single, military mother- PENN STATE ESSAY REVIEW

4 - Yes, you should definitely explain the situation about your mother's PTSD and your brother's Epilepsy because those situations further...

Undergraduatekangsix - Nov 21, 2016 / Holt - Nov 21, 2016
NYU Abu Dhabi. The idea of going to an university, let alone leaving the school, had been disturbing

5 - Hello, let me give my correction for you while specialisingspecializing in one field of pursuingan or the...

UndergraduateWaheguru225 - Nov 20, 2016 / yurikeyuri - Nov 21, 2016
Tell us something you do for your own pleasure. (sketching and reading)

5 - you are right ill just do that drawing one. thank you so much....

Undergraduateidontknow - Nov 20, 2016 / idontknow - Nov 20, 2016
Admission essay: If I had to choose... I'd go to Thailand.

2 - Tasnim, you have really responded well to the prompt with the topic you have chosen and the presentation you...

Undergraduatetasnimf - Nov 19, 2016 / Holt - Nov 20, 2016
Barnard is all that I have envisioned

7 - Yoosol, you need to make adjustments to the first paragraph where you speak of the values that Anne Nathan...

Undergraduateyjung17 - Nov 17, 2016 / Holt - Nov 18, 2016
Boston University is the Perfect Utopia

6 - Hello I will give you my correction, feel free to corection me too. Ever since I remember when...

Undergraduateyjung17 - Nov 15, 2016 / alfinkurnia - Nov 17, 2016
Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be an Artist. SCAD statement of purpose.

3 - Luisa, what you have written is a personal statement for your application. This is not a statement of purpose....

Undergraduateluisaj - Nov 16, 2016 / Holt - Nov 17, 2016
A story about yourself that you have not already shared in your application

7 - @yurikeyuri Thank you, thank you!...

Undergraduatelibbysims - Nov 16, 2016 / libbysims - Nov 16, 2016
If I had the ticket in my hands right now I would be on my way to visit Paris. College essay

3 - Hello, Mariel. In the second paragraph, I found that you tried to contradict your motive about the destination. It's...

Undergraduatedianamariel - Nov 16, 2016 / khanifati - Nov 16, 2016
My personal long term goal is to become a civil engineer and be an inspiration to others

3 - @Lucas1997 You have just 100 word maximum, so there is no neccesity to repeat 'My personal long term goal...

UndergraduateLucas1997 - Nov 9, 2016 / Nyurkens - Nov 15, 2016
I had always been infatuated with animated cartoon shows - USC Cinematic Arts Personal Statement

10 - Hello, let me give you my correction ...,one thing I will never budge on,...I think this is opposite,...

UndergraduateMiaZhang - Nov 5, 2016 / yurikeyuri - Nov 15, 2016
UC Prompt- OBSTACLES...Taking care of grandma

2 - Annika, indeed, this essay is quite personal. It is well written and portrays your difficulties in life. I know...

Undergraduateannikaacuna - Nov 15, 2016 / Holt - Nov 15, 2016
I have lost in a competition, but I have won many things - IMP: Astronomy - Common App Essay

18 - @Holt Great, I will do my best editing it and I will send it here right away. Thank you...

UndergraduateEhabugrad - Nov 14, 2016 / Ehabugrad - Nov 14, 2016
College Essay: What inspired you to apply to Union? (Limit: 150 words)

4 - There are a number of discussion points that you can consider for this statement. The first is the liberal...

UndergraduateEhabugrad - Nov 14, 2016 / Holt - Nov 14, 2016
Additional Information section in Common App CHECK

2 - Ehab. don't use bullet points when writing in this section of your application. It must still be presented in...

UndergraduateEhabugrad - Nov 14, 2016 / Holt - Nov 14, 2016
PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR USEFP SEMESTER EXCHANGE PROGRAM

2 - Afreen, the reality of your essay is that it is severely under developed in terms of responding to the...

UndergraduateAynna - Nov 14, 2016 / Holt - Nov 14, 2016
College Essay, Topic A, help edit, is due by Nov., Edit anything: Vocab, Grammar, Puncuation

3 - Hi Victoria Plata, Your writing is good, but in order to make it better, here some suggestions for...

Undergraduatepeanutgirl - Oct 16, 2016 / dils - Nov 14, 2016
My mom is always there for me. The Person Who Changed My Life.

2 - Hannah, hats off to you for choosing your mom for the center of this essay. She sounds like a...

Undergraduatejc4 - Nov 14, 2016 / Holt - Nov 14, 2016
UC Prompt #8-What sets you apart? Rough draft-notepad and italy

3 - Annika, it is my opinion that you should rethink the content of your essay. It is currently more of...

Undergraduateannikaacuna - Nov 14, 2016 / Holt - Nov 14, 2016
Senatorial Nomination for Service Academy

2 - Hi Tarah, Here's my analysis towards your essay. Hope this helps :) - I want to be apart...

UndergraduateTMoore2021 - Nov 14, 2016 / ichanpants89 - Nov 14, 2016
The club ignited the fire in me to embrace my individuality - COMMON APP ESSAY REVIEW

9 - @Holt Sure. I'll keep in mind everything you've mentioned and make changes. Once again, thank you very much....

Undergraduatefall2017 - Nov 13, 2016 / fall2017 - Nov 14, 2016
What can you bring on board - Calvin College

3 - Bless, you have a pretty good overview of the activities that you plan to participate in while at Calvin....

UndergraduateBlessBampoe - Nov 13, 2016 / Holt - Nov 14, 2016
Discipline your emotions, or they will use you - Common app Prompt 2

6 - @Holt Thank you for your help, and I will change my essay topic and will concentrate on detail picturing....

Undergraduatebarry - Nov 12, 2016 / barry - Nov 13, 2016
So naive and young, I had belief that high school was going to be simple. Experiencing an failure.

4 - @lexilexi123 Hello, Your essay seems to relate to the topic well. However, I have some suggestions for you. I...

Undergraduatelexilexi123 - Oct 31, 2016 / fall2017 - Nov 13, 2016
REVIEW ESSAY FOR PEACE CORPS VOLUNTEER APPLICATION

2 - Rebecca, for starters, you are 9 words over the 500 word maximum limit. You may want to look into...

Undergraduaterebeccahailee - Nov 13, 2016 / Holt - Nov 13, 2016
I'm imagining what will happen if I got a ticket to go anywhere I want. I'll go to the year of 2020.

3 - Chanh, the ticket story should be based on your current reality. The ticket does not give you access to...

Undergraduatechanh1239x - Nov 13, 2016 / Holt - Nov 13, 2016
"I do not dream success, I work for it." - My principal. Essay apply Texas To UT Austin

2 - Chanh, this draft essay definitely works very well as a response to the background story. However, there was a...

Undergraduatechanh1239x - Nov 13, 2016 / Holt - Nov 13, 2016
The Light Inside the Dark. Why would you be a good participant in UGRAD Program?

3 - Madina, I am not sure that this essay will work for the benefit of your application. The UGrad program...

UndergraduateMadina S - Nov 12, 2016 / Holt - Nov 13, 2016
Personal essay to introduce myselve to my classmates

2 - Hi, Florian. Here some advice for your writing ... biology in Göttingen, BUT PRIOR TO THATBefore, she...

Undergraduateflozer - Nov 13, 2016 / NinaJoesuf25 - Nov 13, 2016
If I had a ticket to anywhere, anywhere I'd like, I'd travel overseas to Syria. Essay topic C 2017

3 - @Holt Okay thanks so much!...

Undergraduateabbykae - Nov 10, 2016 / abbykae - Nov 13, 2016
"Dream Big, and The Result Will be Big." Why would you be a great participant of Ugrad?

2 - Ryan, your essay is interesting and informative. However, the middle part deviated from being a personal statement, to bordering...

Undergraduatewhitewalker - Nov 12, 2016 / Holt - Nov 12, 2016
Looking back on how I handled that situation I should have acted differently - ethical dilemma essay

3 - In the first paragraph, you are running a bit short. I suggest you move up the second paragraph and...

Undergraduatecjtwhidbey - Nov 12, 2016 / Holt - Nov 12, 2016
This my Literacy essay, my professor asked me to revise it to get a better grade..

2 - Ahhamad, it would be easier for us to review your essay if you had attached your professors comments. Then...

Undergraduateahammadchy - Nov 11, 2016 / Holt - Nov 11, 2016
Colorado College - Supplemental Essay: Why do you want to attend?

3 - Chantal, could you revise the beginning of your essay a bit so that it doesn't sound so much like...

Undergraduatechantalkelly - Nov 11, 2016 / Holt - Nov 11, 2016
An essay pertaining to why I would like to be a hokie (Virginia tech)

2 - Andrea, are your father and aunt legacy students from Virginia Tech? The only reason that you should be mentioning...

Undergraduatealovemarvel - Nov 10, 2016 / Holt - Nov 10, 2016
A good fit for University Scholars program

2 - Peter, what is the maximum word or character count for your response statement? I am asking because I would...

UndergraduateAvornyo Bless - Nov 8, 2016 / Holt - Nov 9, 2016
'to learn, and to be a better one' Personal Essay of an Art Student Applying to RISD, SAIC and MICA

4 - Shanran, in my opinion, you need not refer to the fact that your name is connected to your motto...

UndergraduateRaven Mo - Nov 2, 2016 / Holt - Nov 8, 2016
A personal statement (within 300 words) explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC school

4 - Yeasir, you mentioned that you first heard about the UWC from your father. It would be beneficial to your...

Undergraduateyeasir - Nov 2, 2016 / Holt - Nov 8, 2016
Asking organizations for funds - UC Essay Intended major, Need help on editing

3 - Rohan, we need to work on the presentation of your essay. Since you are discussing your intended major, you...

Undergraduaterohan_sohail - Nov 8, 2016 / Holt - Nov 8, 2016
Career oriented experience. The influence of my father drove me to create an online store on Taobao

6 - The narrative is fine as far as I can tell. the parallelism in the story is something that should...

Undergraduateatlantapie - Nov 6, 2016 / Holt - Nov 6, 2016
Common App essay about how I dealt with my Mother's Breast Cancer

2 - Sam, what prompt are you trying to respond to? I am not clear as to what theme the essay...

UndergraduateSbender - Nov 5, 2016 / Holt - Nov 5, 2016
The most important section in a student's live (personal statement for CUHK)

4 - What i mean is that you cannot base your major solely on the choice of the university that you...

UndergraduatekarenL - Oct 26, 2016 / Holt - Nov 4, 2016
PHILIPPINES: THE LAND OF THE UNEMPLOYED, A SNAPSHOT OF THE PHILIPPINE CASE

2 - Sam, before we can accurately review the content of this paper, we need to have some additional information. Information...

Undergraduateflowerb2st - Nov 3, 2016 / Holt - Nov 4, 2016
Why I selected Computer Science as my major - Illinois -- Urbana-Champaign prompt

2 - Yamini, in answer to your first question, you should remove all references to your interest in programming starting from...

Undergraduatenyanpasu - Nov 3, 2016 / Holt - Nov 3, 2016
STANFORD extracurricular activities or work experiences, can I make supplement essay on photography?

4 - Hello, You certainly do not want to keep writing about Photography in all of your essays. However, the...

Undergraduatecbarnes17 - Nov 1, 2016 / admission2012 - Nov 2, 2016
REWRITE of Short (250 word) MIT Admissions Essay on the "world I come from"

5 - Hello, I do NOT agree with the other posters here. This essay is as trite as they come.Think...

Undergraduateabhavsar - Nov 1, 2016 / admission2012 - Nov 2, 2016

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