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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 467)

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Toefl topic -- why should people attend the university?

4 - EF_Simone kma721 i will improve it! really appreciate your help....

Writing FeedbackJin - Sep 13, 2009 / Jin - Sep 13, 2009
WILL WOMEN LEADERS BE LESS VIOLENT THAN MEN, GIVE EXAMPLE AND OPINION

6 - Naturally society expects men to be leaders and for women to be kind and gentle. For a woman to...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 11, 2009 / danielh - Sep 13, 2009
When a baby comes to this world, the first man they meet are his/her parents...

3 - HI, Jim! I read your essay, and I did get a general understanding of what you are trying to...

Writing FeedbackJin - Sep 12, 2009 / Jeannie - Sep 13, 2009
toefl - Should enter the best university. agree or disagree

4 - yeah~ we should attend the university,as it offers us the opportunity to accumulate the konwledge we need to...

Writing Feedbacktalkysweet - Sep 9, 2009 / Jin - Sep 12, 2009
If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change?

4 - What do you mean by a standard school? There are many types of schools with many curricula and many...

Writing Feedbackessay0405 - Sep 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 11, 2009
a machine that many people,including myself,are dependent on is....

5 - Whether or not it is okay enough depends what the instructions were, what grade level you are writing for,...

Writing Feedbackkutie_9x - Sep 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 11, 2009
MANY PEOPLE LIKES TO LIVE ON THEIR OWN. DISCUSS SOCIAL EFFECTS

8 - You haven't proven this -- you just assert it. Even people who live on their own may have...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 11, 2009
CBEST: Bad memories should not be treated as a hindrance but as a learning opportunity.

5 - There are plenty of online sources for grammar worksheets and the like. Try The Owl at Purdue. Also, go...

Writing Feedbackxubis - Sep 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 11, 2009
A SOCIETY IS BASED ON LAWS AND RULES. DISCUSS THE PERSON WHO WANT TO LIVE FREELY

3 - Again, try revising this essay yourself, focusing purely on eliminating all grammatical errors. Working out for yourself what is...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 11, 2009
Many Animal are getting extinct from this world, describe the ways to protect .

3 - Simone is right -- your grammatical mistakes are severe enough and frequent enough that they make reading your essays...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 11, 2009
Essay on a carpe diem quote

3 - Yeah, that shouldn't be too difficult for you. We should seize today because we cannot change yesterday or predict...

Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Sep 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 10, 2009
Essay Recounting a "Moment In Time"

5 - New essay, same prompt. Let me know what you think of this one and whether or not it answers...

Writing Feedbackdmitchell1991 - Sep 5, 2009 / dmitchell1991 - Sep 10, 2009
'saving land for the endangered animals' - toefl IBT issue

7 - This is pretty nice essay for ibt Toefl. Your vocabulary is good. I like your conclusion part....

Writing Feedbackclaire echo - Sep 5, 2009 / linhexi - Sep 10, 2009
A Separate Peace: Essay for 9th Grade (honors) English

6 - Hmmmm . . . "I'm right?" I appreciate the sentiment, but all I did was ask a series of...

Writing FeedbackNotoman - Sep 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 9, 2009
MACHINES ARE BECOMING VERY SOPHISTICATED, WORKERS ARE BENEFIT FROM THAT,DISCUSS

4 - No, sorry. I can't rewrite your essay for you. Try to rewrite it yourself, using short, simple sentences. And...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 8, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 9, 2009
What are the good things and bad things about the place you live in? (Toefl)

2 - This essay lacks a conclusion. Even if it's only a couple of sentences, be sure to include a summarizing...

Writing Feedbacksaurabhjain162 - Sep 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 9, 2009
Toefl topic--how is your generation different from your parents' generation?

4 - Nice essay, well structured, with few more examples u can improve it further....

Writing Feedbackmrarching - Sep 7, 2009 / xubis - Sep 9, 2009
whether solving the problems needs understand the past?

9 - EF_Simone get it :)...

Writing Feedbackangelwds - Sep 5, 2009 / angelwds - Sep 8, 2009
Making A Difference (to save the environment)

9 - Perhaps you could condense the essay a bit too. The story itself is good, as it shows that you...

Writing Feedbackkmauer21 - Sep 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
Is Death Penalty FAIR? Opinion essay.

3 - Oh dear. I agree that the death penalty should be carried out much faster than it currently is (if...

Writing Feedbacksecret_blossom - Sep 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT STUDENTS STUDY EFFECIENTLY IN GROUPS.DISCUSS

5 - All-caps is generally taken as shouting, whether in titles or in posts. Headlines are meant to shout, to attract...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
To what extent is your society effectively dealing with crime?

4 - First, you have to decide which country you are dealing with ("this country" is a bit vague when you...

Writing Feedbacklook416 - Sep 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
Toefl topic:"When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has...."

5 - You have many issues in this essay. I will hit the big ones. Your second paragraph ends abruptly....

Writing Feedbackzkglr - Sep 7, 2009 / Catlady - Sep 8, 2009
Children should start attending school at a very young age even b4 they can read

4 - you write a very small esssay, try to eleborate more. you can add play school that children should go...

Writing Feedbackliiintz - Sep 7, 2009 / niraj - Sep 8, 2009
Everything began during the hot and breezy Summer ; Reality check essay

3 - Thanks for the heads up Simone...

Writing FeedbackThumperSD - Sep 7, 2009 / ThumperSD - Sep 7, 2009
CBEST: If you could be any age that you wanted to be, what age would you choose?

2 - Hmm... This is fine, but simplistic. I wonder if you might want to say something about valuing what you...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Sep 7, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 7, 2009
Your favorite movie (in IMAX Theater)

8 - hello Sean! Thank you a lot for your message. I understand right now that i need to change the...

Writing FeedbackYulka - Sep 6, 2009 / Yulka - Sep 7, 2009
CHILDREN SHOULD LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS AND TEACHER, GIVE YOUR OPINION

4 - Really? Are you sure of that? How do you know? Here we have another example of a constructed...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 6, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 7, 2009
"Like father, like son" - children benefits if they are brought up with care, love from their father

4 - Overall, it is necessary for a child to have two parents to develop perfectly. I think you should write...

Writing Feedbacksung_tung - Sep 4, 2009 / essay0405 - Sep 7, 2009
"A bizarre charm" - An essay on my most promising bad fortune.

4 - Thanks for your time and consideration for my essay. Now, regarding the essay, it is not an assignment....

Writing Feedbackmikemorpheus - Sep 6, 2009 / mikemorpheus - Sep 7, 2009
"That government is best which governs least" - CLEP essay feedback

4 - Thank you both for your responses. I did question some of the very points you touched on but decided...

Writing FeedbackCatlady - Sep 6, 2009 / Catlady - Sep 7, 2009
iBTTOEFL essay - should university students take part-time jobs?

3 - Thanks catalyst0435! This really helps a lot. I guess I have to work on my grammar more often. When...

Writing Feedbacklitingjiao - Sep 5, 2009 / litingjiao - Sep 6, 2009
MANYCOUNTRIES ARE ORGANISING INTERNATIONAL SPORTING EVENTS.DESCIBE PROS AND CONS

4 - Is it amusing or frustrating that you still capslocked your gratitude but not your essay? You capitalize strangely...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 5, 2009 / catalyst0435 - Sep 6, 2009
The restraint of power - "Of all the manifestations* of power essay

2 - "Overpowered" means overwhelmed by somebody or something with more power. I think what you mean is the exact opposite...

Writing Feedbackantest07 - Sep 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
Do you think the educational benefits of test & exam outweigh any disadvantages?

4 - Sorry, no, we can't score the essay. But we can continue to offer suggestions and corrections for any other...

Writing Feedbackchaskie143 - Sep 2, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
As a young man I'd choose to purchase a business instead of a house; TOEFL

4 - Your prose is clearly that of a non-native speaker, but is not "strange" in the way that you worry...

Writing Feedbackmrarching - Sep 4, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
IN MOST COUNNTRIES PLANT AND ANIMALS ARE DECLINING ,TELL REASON AND SOLUTIONS

3 - And in most countries where birth control is freely available, birth rates tend to be below the level needed...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Should government withhold information?--A GRE Issue topic

12 - Yes, I just had the same frustrating experience with another user....

Writing Feedbackmathsam - Aug 11, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
Essay about the happiest day of my life so far?

9 - That is a broad subject. Some rules are to be questioned, specially the ones that are there to...

Writing Feedbackdccb - Sep 2, 2009 / dccb - Sep 4, 2009
GRE argument--Prescribe medication on men and women

3 - Ah. I see that the author's account has been suspend, and so will withhold comment....

Writing Feedbackyx200986 - Sep 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Qualities to be a good and complete student

11 - The thing is, what you should do depends very heavily on the level of proficiency you are striving for....

Writing FeedbackBlack_Code - Aug 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Toefl Question: Movies and books in a modern life

10 - So, this experience will maybe motivate you to read more often? The main general principle that you...

Writing Feedbackessay0405 - Sep 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
Taking standardized tests to prove learning progress - Toefl IBT writing essay

6 - Well, this shows that is not a good prompt for the TOEFL, as it requires some cultural knowledge...

Writing Feedbacktuanlnc - Aug 25, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
earth hour or how to save the world -essay

5 - it is still earlier for us to make judgment....

Writing Feedbackquia - Aug 30, 2009 / quia - Sep 4, 2009
Mistakes make success--GRE Issue

5 - Where are you from? I am from China....

Writing FeedbackHellgreeting - Aug 25, 2009 / yx200986 - Sep 4, 2009
GRE issue---Government support or restrict scientific research

4 - Thanks, EF_Sean! I have learned a lot from your comment. I will be cautious to the problems appeared in...

Writing Feedbackyx200986 - Sep 1, 2009 / yx200986 - Sep 4, 2009
esssay -global warming&natural disasters

8 - In the long term, burning off fuels in trying to grow up the industry for the better economy are...

Writing FeedbackHarryK - Aug 25, 2009 / jgv115 - Sep 4, 2009
Purpose for earning more money should not become the main goal for us - toefl essay

6 - The grammar remains so rough that it is very difficult to follow what you are writing. "Some people...

Writing Feedbacksirius51 - Aug 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Her. A short and random idea.

11 - I was thinking about using this piece as a springboard for my Stanford essay also. Something along the lines...

Writing FeedbackLlamapoop123 - Aug 29, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Sep 3, 2009
Toefl essay -- planning and organization

5 - to start with, people now are faced with a more sophisticate society that before, emerging along with the development...

Writing Feedbackclaire echo - Aug 19, 2009 / sirius51 - Sep 3, 2009
The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one.

2 - "The technology's development brings about many changes in our society, today. One of these changes is the way people...

Writing Feedbackstranger1130 - Sep 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 2, 2009
TOEFL: Movies or television now play an important role in our life

14 - Thanks very much,I'll correct my essay...

Writing Feedbackdhanh90 - Aug 15, 2009 / sung_tung - Sep 2, 2009
Cbest Essay - Proble in Community

5 - Try "Our community, Muirland Community, experienced a rash of break-ins last year" instead. You have various minor...

Writing Feedbackelainedlcruz - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 2, 2009
time spent for studying and playing

6 - I think children need to concentrate on their study for a little time, and then they can play. concentrate...

Writing Feedbacksung_tung - Sep 1, 2009 / stranger1130 - Sep 2, 2009
Narrative Essay Writing on Indian American Culture - Feedback

2 - There's so much drama in your parents' story. I'm wondering why, then, this essay reads so slowly. Part of...

Writing Feedbackkrnraj1310 - Sep 1, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 1, 2009
Access to information about the defendant criminal record - Ielts writing task

8 - Pretty much the way I phrased it. It is in fact the argument that is made whenever a judge...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Aug 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 1, 2009
"We found no sign of my mother" - I thought what happened at the night was my allusion

10 - Not bad overall. A few comments: This doesn't quite work. Rephrase. Identify you? Or respond...

Writing FeedbackELL - Aug 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 1, 2009
the multimineral Zorba pill (GRE argumentative essay)

3 - Simone and I have a long-running disagreement on whether it is a good idea to attack the methodology of...

Writing Feedbackchitra - Sep 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 1, 2009
Similarity and comparison - GRE essay writing

2 - You're on the right track, but you need to tighten up your logic quite a bit for this to...

Writing Feedbackprabudhak - Aug 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 31, 2009
Students should be in control of their own education (IBT)

4 - Again, the word you want is "aims," not "targets."...

Writing Feedbacktuanlnc - Aug 28, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 31, 2009

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