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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 7)

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Real stories - College application essay

2 - The essay is trying very hard to be deep and philosphical but fails to do so due to the...

Undergraduateryn - Dec 31, 2021 / Holt - Jan 15, 2022
My creative and original thinking- Who you are-UBC essay

2 - You seem to have misread the topic focus of this statement. You are constantly referring to "I" when the...

UndergraduateRoot678 - Jan 15, 2022 / Holt - Jan 15, 2022
Purdue can assist me in exploring the field of computer science in far greater detail

2 - Simply mentioning the professors names does not mean that the classes will support your interests. The focus changes from...

UndergraduateTheEssayGuy - Jan 14, 2022 / Holt - Jan 14, 2022
UCAS Personal Statement for Biomedical Engineering at a UK university

2 - I believe that you are inefficiently looking at the importance of Math and Chemistry in this case. Biomedical Engineering...

UndergraduateDominoBrixx25 - Jan 13, 2022 / Holt - Jan 14, 2022
Understanding and introspection - UBC personal profile

4 - @elonmuskrat In order to improve ur personal profile, i think you can mention your personalities and achievement or sth...

Undergraduateelonmuskrat - Jan 9, 2022 / Hoonyaru - Jan 14, 2022
Developing through experiences- Meaningful activities-UBC essay

3 - @Daisy202 your essay is really good as i think you brought up your achievement in this activity and what...

UndergraduateDaisy202 - Jan 12, 2022 / Hoonyaru - Jan 14, 2022
UBC Essay, What is important to you? - Self-improvement is one of the most important aspects

3 - @Holt Thank you for your help!...

Undergraduatenayroug - Jan 12, 2022 / nayroug - Jan 13, 2022
UBC Sauder School of Business - I had changed my lifestyle - Respond to an unfamiliar situation

3 - @Holt Thank you for your help! I'll consider writing the essay in a different topic....

UndergraduateHoonyaru - Jan 13, 2022 / Hoonyaru - Jan 13, 2022
Diagnosed with ADHD - UBC Personal

2 - Replace the total response. The additional information is to be used for your additional academic information and how these...

Undergraduatesummerarcadia - Jan 12, 2022 / Holt - Jan 12, 2022
UBC Pers. Profile - An important value that has been ingrained in my mindset is community engagement

2 - Community engagement is definitely one of the considerations for this prompt requirement. It is important that the writer engage...

Undergraduatesummerarcadia - Jan 12, 2022 / Holt - Jan 12, 2022
Football and MVP - TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

2 - There are two things that the reviewer will be looking for when he reads the response to the questions...

Undergraduatetuf0406 - Jan 12, 2022 / Holt - Jan 12, 2022
My creative side- Tell us who you are-UBC essay

2 - There is a lack of reference to a multi-faceted personality on the part of the applicant. The reviewer is...

UndergraduateSwagat - Jan 11, 2022 / Holt - Jan 12, 2022
UBC TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF ESSAY- "Passion over Comfort"

3 - I think your overall tone is pretty negative. You mention about being laid back and words such as flunk...

Undergraduatedebs_141 - Jan 10, 2022 / summerarcadia - Jan 12, 2022
Wish to further develop my skills - Application essay for United World College

2 - Remove this paragraph as it is devoid of an actual response to the prompt. You need not provide...

Undergraduatevitachai - Jan 9, 2022 / Holt - Jan 10, 2022
Learning from people around me - UBC application

2 - While you are discussing an interesting story about how acne made you a better person, that is not the...

Undergraduatechengzheng - Jan 8, 2022 / Holt - Jan 9, 2022
Self respect and life lesson - WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

2 - This introduction is unnecessary. Since you are limited in character/word count, and the reviewer needs a prompt response,...

Undergraduateaaravchopra2004 - Jan 8, 2022 / Holt - Jan 8, 2022
UBC Personal Profile First Question Essay - Adventurous

3 - also write how your friends see you as a person to get a jist of your persnality...

Undergraduatelucydobs - Jan 7, 2022 / aaravchopra2004 - Jan 8, 2022
Conservative upbringing - TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

2 - The response format is incorrect. This personal statement does not respond to the questions provided. Did you actually read...

Undergraduateaaravchopra2004 - Jan 8, 2022 / Holt - Jan 8, 2022
UBC - tell us more about an activity - medical shadowing/internships

2 - Talk about your performance within the activity only. There is no need to discuss how you got into the...

Undergraduatepogthief - Jan 6, 2022 / Holt - Jan 7, 2022
Pluralistic, polyphonic, unclassifiable mass - Wellesley College Supplemental

2 - I'm not sure if this section will sit well with the reviewer as the Western world views this...

Undergraduateminhthao03 - Jan 6, 2022 / Holt - Jan 7, 2022
Privilege to collaborate with the United States - The Global UGRAD Program

2 - Why do you keep presuming? I think this is your favorite word. It is such a favorite that you...

Undergraduatesixthofjune - Jan 5, 2022 / Holt - Jan 6, 2022
Races - What do you do for fun (MIT)

2 - I believe that the essay will be even better if you can add to the fun that you have...

UndergraduateINeedHelp2836 - Jan 4, 2022 / Holt - Jan 4, 2022
MIT essay - community question - one way in which you contributed to your community

2 - This is a good start. It shows how you helped the community but, it is an impersonal method of...

UndergraduateHighSchoolKid456 - Jan 4, 2022 / Holt - Jan 4, 2022
MIT essay - How did you manage a situation that didnt go as planned

2 - You definitely do not want your team to glare at you. That would mean they are angry enough...

UndergraduateHighSchoolKid123 - Jan 4, 2022 / Holt - Jan 4, 2022
Why engineering? My application to the University of Waterloo (Admission Information Form)

5 - I suggest to trim the first part in the introduction of your grandfather. It is nice to mention about...

Undergraduatequinnnnnnnnnnnn - Dec 19, 2021 / hhspark - Jan 4, 2022
Application for UGRAD - What hobbies and interests do you enjoy / design and movies

2 - Focus on your current hobby of writing movie reviews. Mention that first before the childhood foundation. The less you...

Undergraduatehhspark - Jan 2, 2022 / Holt - Jan 3, 2022
What as a student at Boston University most excites you?

5 - It is great to mention a certain course or classes you would like to take. However, the reasons are...

UndergraduateRohan21 - Dec 29, 2021 / hhspark - Jan 2, 2022
About my family and friends - TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

4 - I think it is not necessary how your personality is "negatively" perceived to others. Also, instead of telling about...

Undergraduateheyhelpme - Jan 1, 2022 / hhspark - Jan 2, 2022
Extracurriculars and intense studies - Stanford Prompt (about something that is meaningful)

2 - The response provided by the mother to the 10 year old child is not believable. it is a response...

UndergraduateDaegu - Dec 31, 2021 / Holt - Jan 2, 2022
UGRAD - 'Who would be born must first destroy the world.' - LEADERSHIP APPROACH

2 - You were not a leader in this case. The movements you undertook were that of an individual who was...

Undergraduatehhspark - Dec 31, 2021 / Holt - Jan 2, 2022
Common App Essay on Bullying

4 - I agree, remember you don't want to make the essay overwhelmingly negative. Cut the bullying to one paragraph and...

UndergraduateNyx99 - Dec 30, 2021 / Daegu - Dec 31, 2021
My Kind of "Normal" - Essay for Common App

2 - You have not written a proper response to the essay question. The common app question requires you to reflect...

UndergraduateAlranita23 - Dec 31, 2021 / Holt - Dec 31, 2021
Friends and activities - WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY?

3 - I think overall you wrote a good essay but you can improve on second paragraph. You have sort of...

Undergraduatehellcat75 - Dec 26, 2021 / ANJ - Dec 29, 2021
Design cultures - The Global UGRAD Program is for young leaders

2 - Think about this for a second. Can you remember a time when you showed early leadership skills and...

Undergraduatehhspark - Dec 28, 2021 / Holt - Dec 28, 2021
Pre-pandemic days - My UBC Supplementary Essay

3 - Apart from Holt's suggestions, I would recommend using some connecting words between the sentences to add rhythm like: "In...

Undergraduatejerrytian - Dec 20, 2021 / animishg - Dec 26, 2021
Introduction my family and myself

3 - Work on the improvements Holt suggested. However, I also suggest you rewrite this paragraph in a more concise manner...

UndergraduateAfshin - Dec 25, 2021 / animishg - Dec 26, 2021
Family talk - EXPLAIN HOW YOU RESPONDED TO A PROBLEM AND/OR AN UNFAMILIAR SITUATION.

2 - 5670 characters. That is the number of characters that you wrote. What does this tell me? You did not...

UndergraduateEJ1809 - Dec 26, 2021 / Holt - Dec 26, 2021
A plane ticket to Richmond - Umiami Supplemental Prompt

2 - Thankfully, you did not use the Covid-19 lockdown to discuss the topic. That is the tired and most common...

Undergraduateaxelkirsch - Dec 26, 2021 / Holt - Dec 26, 2021
Myself and I - UBC Personal Profile: What is important to you ? And why ?

2 - This response essay is all over the place. There is no order to the idea presentation, the sentence structures...

Undergraduatenonameplz - Dec 26, 2021 / Holt - Dec 26, 2021
Waterloo's health science, software engineering and the business and computer science program - AIF

2 - These are unique responses and direct qualifiers for your double major. Why not make it more definitive...

Undergraduatechickenloo - Dec 24, 2021 / Holt - Dec 24, 2021
Books and social issues - Essay about UWC (2022-2024) application

3 - thank you so much for your kind information. I will work more on the essay to make it...

UndergraduatePrity - Dec 20, 2021 / Prity - Dec 21, 2021
"The teaching process" - Personal Importance Essay - NTU Undergraduate

3 - woah thx a lot. I will try to fix it....

Undergraduatecanewriter - Dec 14, 2021 / canewriter - Dec 19, 2021
THE OTHER ROAD I'LL TAKE - MY BACKUP PLAN IF I DO NOT GET A SCHOLARSHIP

3 - Thanks a lot for helping me out and for replying at the earliest. @Holt...

Undergraduatehardilaz - Dec 18, 2021 / hardilaz - Dec 19, 2021
UBC Undergrad Personal Profile: (Engineering)

2 - This response statement does not provide any semblance of prompt responsiveness. There is no reference at all to the...

Undergraduateanimishg - Dec 18, 2021 / Holt - Dec 18, 2021
Creativity takes courage. Photography and video Statement of Intent.

3 - Thank you I will take this into consideration when editing....

Undergraduater3njnbott - Dec 16, 2021 / r3njnbott - Dec 16, 2021
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY? (UBC but can be used in other university/scholarship applications)

2 - I believe that you have over philosophized your response to the point where it lost its logic and common...

UndergraduateDaegu - Dec 15, 2021 / Holt - Dec 15, 2021
Share your reasons for choosing AIF Computer Science program at Waterloo. Why this school?

2 - It is obvious that you have done much research into the course listing for your chosen major. You can...

Undergraduateglacierstar56 - Dec 14, 2021 / Holt - Dec 15, 2021
The pandemic influence on your activities in community

3 - @Holt Thank you very much for the response! I really appreciate your advice. Do you think it would be...

UndergraduateZacknr03 - Dec 11, 2021 / Zacknr03 - Dec 12, 2021
UBC Personal Profile. One of the activities that had been the most impactful to me, would be fitness

2 - You cannot use physical fitness as one of the activities in this essay. That is because the reference will...

Undergraduateakshat05 - Dec 10, 2021 / Holt - Dec 11, 2021
Personal statement about what you learn from extracurricular activities

2 - Since you suffer from social anxiety, you can revise this essay to discuss how social anxiety led to your...

Undergraduatedasiddd - Dec 9, 2021 / Holt - Dec 9, 2021
Fighting Ageism by Being Open and Being Bold - NTU Undergraduate Scholaship Essay

4 - @ salmonjunk some of the sentences are confusing, try to make them more simple....

Undergraduatesalmonjunk - Dec 8, 2021 / Sonny Tran - Dec 8, 2021
The Best Version of Me - NTU UNDERGRADUATE

4 - @Holt Oh thank you sir for your response. My apologies, for posting the thread without any prompt. The prompt...

UndergraduateKielChan - Dec 5, 2021 / KielChan - Dec 7, 2021
Sharing my passion for food with others. UBC personal profile "What is important to you?"

3 - I love the food part. However, considering that this is part of a larger application that I am sure...

Undergraduatedavinnuhh - Dec 4, 2021 / SSS2022 - Dec 6, 2021
A concept I find so engaging that I lose all track of time. Who I turn to when I need help.

2 - Science is the all encompassing systematic study of an area of interest based on research and experimentation. It is...

UndergraduateAryan_DT - Dec 6, 2021 / Holt - Dec 6, 2021
Enhancing my skills - What is important to me - UBC application

2 - I understand that you are motivated by success because you stated that directly. The problem, is that you are...

Undergraduatetoastedbread7533 - Dec 3, 2021 / Holt - Dec 4, 2021
Why are you applying to UW Madison and why are you interested in studying the major?

2 - This essay only focuses on the prompt requirement starting from paragraph 5-9. The complete first half of the presentation...

Undergraduategolspants - Dec 2, 2021 / Holt - Dec 3, 2021
UBC - what my family, friends, and community think of me? A person who they know they can count on.

2 - You are right about the story removing the focus of your statement from the prompt requirements. Actually, the reviewer...

Undergraduatemjanders - Dec 1, 2021 / Holt - Dec 1, 2021
UIC application personal essay -"Meaning of My Life"

2 - Here is the thing, reviewers find it hard to believe any truthful interest in a specific form of...

Undergraduatedavid18 - Nov 30, 2021 / Holt - Nov 30, 2021
Common App Essay - "Love Yourself"

2 - I do not personally believe that this is the correct prompt for this essay. Your discussion is more of...

Undergraduatehannah18 - Nov 30, 2021 / Holt - Nov 30, 2021
The Importance of Staying Active - UBC What is important to you

2 - There is a disconnection between mental health, physical health, cross country, and your stressors in life. It is all...

Undergraduatevanvanvan - Nov 29, 2021 / Holt - Nov 30, 2021

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