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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 7)

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Introduction my family and myself

3 - Work on the improvements Holt suggested. However, I also suggest you rewrite this paragraph in a more concise manner...

UndergraduateAfshin - Dec 25, 2021 / animishg - Dec 26, 2021
Family talk - EXPLAIN HOW YOU RESPONDED TO A PROBLEM AND/OR AN UNFAMILIAR SITUATION.

2 - 5670 characters. That is the number of characters that you wrote. What does this tell me? You did not...

UndergraduateEJ1809 - Dec 26, 2021 / Holt - Dec 26, 2021
A plane ticket to Richmond - Umiami Supplemental Prompt

2 - Thankfully, you did not use the Covid-19 lockdown to discuss the topic. That is the tired and most common...

Undergraduateaxelkirsch - Dec 26, 2021 / Holt - Dec 26, 2021
Myself and I - UBC Personal Profile: What is important to you ? And why ?

2 - This response essay is all over the place. There is no order to the idea presentation, the sentence structures...

Undergraduatenonameplz - Dec 26, 2021 / Holt - Dec 26, 2021
Waterloo's health science, software engineering and the business and computer science program - AIF

2 - These are unique responses and direct qualifiers for your double major. Why not make it more definitive...

Undergraduatechickenloo - Dec 24, 2021 / Holt - Dec 24, 2021
Books and social issues - Essay about UWC (2022-2024) application

3 - thank you so much for your kind information. I will work more on the essay to make it...

UndergraduatePrity - Dec 20, 2021 / Prity - Dec 21, 2021
"The teaching process" - Personal Importance Essay - NTU Undergraduate

3 - woah thx a lot. I will try to fix it....

Undergraduatecanewriter - Dec 14, 2021 / canewriter - Dec 19, 2021
THE OTHER ROAD I'LL TAKE - MY BACKUP PLAN IF I DO NOT GET A SCHOLARSHIP

3 - Thanks a lot for helping me out and for replying at the earliest. @Holt...

Undergraduatehardilaz - Dec 18, 2021 / hardilaz - Dec 19, 2021
UBC Undergrad Personal Profile: (Engineering)

2 - This response statement does not provide any semblance of prompt responsiveness. There is no reference at all to the...

Undergraduateanimishg - Dec 18, 2021 / Holt - Dec 18, 2021
Creativity takes courage. Photography and video Statement of Intent.

3 - Thank you I will take this into consideration when editing....

Undergraduater3njnbott - Dec 16, 2021 / r3njnbott - Dec 16, 2021
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY? (UBC but can be used in other university/scholarship applications)

2 - I believe that you have over philosophized your response to the point where it lost its logic and common...

UndergraduateDaegu - Dec 15, 2021 / Holt - Dec 15, 2021
Share your reasons for choosing AIF Computer Science program at Waterloo. Why this school?

2 - It is obvious that you have done much research into the course listing for your chosen major. You can...

Undergraduateglacierstar56 - Dec 14, 2021 / Holt - Dec 15, 2021
The pandemic influence on your activities in community

3 - @Holt Thank you very much for the response! I really appreciate your advice. Do you think it would be...

UndergraduateZacknr03 - Dec 11, 2021 / Zacknr03 - Dec 12, 2021
UBC Personal Profile. One of the activities that had been the most impactful to me, would be fitness

2 - You cannot use physical fitness as one of the activities in this essay. That is because the reference will...

Undergraduateakshat05 - Dec 10, 2021 / Holt - Dec 11, 2021
Personal statement about what you learn from extracurricular activities

2 - Since you suffer from social anxiety, you can revise this essay to discuss how social anxiety led to your...

Undergraduatedasiddd - Dec 9, 2021 / Holt - Dec 9, 2021
Fighting Ageism by Being Open and Being Bold - NTU Undergraduate Scholaship Essay

4 - @ salmonjunk some of the sentences are confusing, try to make them more simple....

Undergraduatesalmonjunk - Dec 8, 2021 / Sonny Tran - Dec 8, 2021
The Best Version of Me - NTU UNDERGRADUATE

4 - @Holt Oh thank you sir for your response. My apologies, for posting the thread without any prompt. The prompt...

UndergraduateKielChan - Dec 5, 2021 / KielChan - Dec 7, 2021
Sharing my passion for food with others. UBC personal profile "What is important to you?"

3 - I love the food part. However, considering that this is part of a larger application that I am sure...

Undergraduatedavinnuhh - Dec 4, 2021 / SSS2022 - Dec 6, 2021
A concept I find so engaging that I lose all track of time. Who I turn to when I need help.

2 - Science is the all encompassing systematic study of an area of interest based on research and experimentation. It is...

UndergraduateAryan_DT - Dec 6, 2021 / Holt - Dec 6, 2021
Enhancing my skills - What is important to me - UBC application

2 - I understand that you are motivated by success because you stated that directly. The problem, is that you are...

Undergraduatetoastedbread7533 - Dec 3, 2021 / Holt - Dec 4, 2021
Why are you applying to UW Madison and why are you interested in studying the major?

2 - This essay only focuses on the prompt requirement starting from paragraph 5-9. The complete first half of the presentation...

Undergraduategolspants - Dec 2, 2021 / Holt - Dec 3, 2021
UBC - what my family, friends, and community think of me? A person who they know they can count on.

2 - You are right about the story removing the focus of your statement from the prompt requirements. Actually, the reviewer...

Undergraduatemjanders - Dec 1, 2021 / Holt - Dec 1, 2021
UIC application personal essay -"Meaning of My Life"

2 - Here is the thing, reviewers find it hard to believe any truthful interest in a specific form of...

Undergraduatedavid18 - Nov 30, 2021 / Holt - Nov 30, 2021
Common App Essay - "Love Yourself"

2 - I do not personally believe that this is the correct prompt for this essay. Your discussion is more of...

Undergraduatehannah18 - Nov 30, 2021 / Holt - Nov 30, 2021
The Importance of Staying Active - UBC What is important to you

2 - There is a disconnection between mental health, physical health, cross country, and your stressors in life. It is all...

Undergraduatevanvanvan - Nov 29, 2021 / Holt - Nov 30, 2021
Balance - UBC Tell us about who you are.

3 - @Holt Thank you for the response! This is my first time using this website so I am...

UndergraduateChroma - Nov 28, 2021 / Chroma - Nov 29, 2021
Overcoming setbacks. UBC personal profile essay : TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

2 - The problem is that YOU HAVE TO REWRITE THIS ESSAY FROM SCRATCH. Read the prompt and then review your...

Undergraduatelin003 - Nov 28, 2021 / Holt - Nov 29, 2021
An emerging young adult - UBC Essay Application: Tell us about yourself

2 - Why is that so? Offer an example of your "adulting" skills in terms of being a responsible and...

UndergraduateJaydenzhang0928 - Nov 28, 2021 / Holt - Nov 28, 2021
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY? Knowing my limits

2 - Knowing your limits refers to actually finding out what your limitations are and how you got around it. It...

Undergraduatemo6562 - Nov 27, 2021 / Holt - Nov 28, 2021
Taking Initiative - UBC Personal Profile Admissions - What is important to you and why?

2 - There is a problem with your claim. While you did take the initiative to make your voice heard and...

Undergraduatekarenxmx - Nov 25, 2021 / Holt - Nov 26, 2021
The unlimited possibilities of engineering. Accomplishment that sparked a period of personal growth.

3 - @Holt ok, thank you, i will take a look....

Undergraduatematemrtnez - Nov 21, 2021 / matemrtnez - Nov 22, 2021
Describe an experience which talks a lot about you

2 - The essay that you wrote best suits the personal topic prompt. The events as you relate it do not...

Undergraduatebriannah16 - Nov 15, 2021 / Holt - Nov 16, 2021
Reason for choosing your program and Waterloo- AIF form Math (Financial Analysis/Risk Management)

3 - In my opinion you should start the essay by briefly mentioning the reasons why you are interested on FARM...

UndergraduateASG - Nov 3, 2021 / vanehers - Nov 9, 2021
Applying for nursing school and would like others to read my short answer response.

2 - Please clarify, are you already working as a nurse or in a related field ? This statement could...

Undergraduatebbarkey30 - Nov 8, 2021 / Holt - Nov 9, 2021
Common App 5th prompt- College deciding period has been a soul-searching for me

NEW - an accomplishment, event, or realization essay Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of...

Undergraduatejaehyunpeaches - Nov 5, 2021 / — -
"I see life flowing through wires"- My common app personal statement

NEW - the prompt: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one...

Undergraduatehmed satour - Nov 1, 2021 / — -
My desires became my fuel. Common App essay (Any topic)

NEW - the topic of your choice My desires became my fuel. The summer before ninth grade, my parents sold...

Undergraduatemzou335 - Nov 1, 2021 / — -
College essay review - learning to love what i hated

NEW - Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself...

Undergraduateplutoz - Oct 30, 2021 / — -
Personal Statement about suitability of being part of Glocal:Erasmus Mundus Global Political Economy

2 - Before discussing your career path, consider your academic background first. There is no connection between your Social Work...

UndergraduateMahle - Oct 28, 2021 / Holt - Oct 29, 2021
I chose Information Engg Course at Ritsumeikan because.. of opportunities

2 - The discussion paragraphs are disconnected. Logical development and connection between paragraph ideas are necessary to properly answer the question....

Undergraduatefeminjo - Oct 26, 2021 / Holt - Oct 27, 2021
Debating challenge - How did it affect you (COMMONAPP)

2 - The discussion should represent both sides of the story. Surely you were told the reason why you were being...

Undergraduatedezade - Oct 26, 2021 / Holt - Oct 27, 2021
My friends and family hold great trust in me and would describe me as ...

3 - Hii! This is not professional advice, just a peer-to-peer review based on what I've learned from past applicants &...

Undergraduatebhavye - Oct 25, 2021 / Aiza05 - Oct 26, 2021
ADHD, Dyslexia - UBC Sauder School of Business - Personal Profile Essay

3 - @Holt Thank you soo much for your review. I sadly reached the world limit hence I couldn't reflect more...

UndergraduateAiza05 - Oct 25, 2021 / Aiza05 - Oct 26, 2021
My foundation for the future. International Relations Personal Statement

2 - A personal statement should help the reviewer understand the basis of your interest in International Relations. It should not...

Undergraduatevankhanh - Oct 25, 2021 / Holt - Oct 25, 2021
Playing squash - UBC Personal profile - WHAT ARE U PROUD OF AND WHY?

2 - The essay is too busy in terms of telling the reviewer who you are and what you are proud...

Undergraduatehypermonk - Oct 21, 2021 / Holt - Oct 23, 2021
Computer Science, Biology, and Psychology - Why Northwestern? for ED

2 - Unnecessary references.The current discussion is casually relaxed as it is. Don't overdo it. Stay mindful of...

UndergraduateBackwardsPi - Oct 20, 2021 / Holt - Oct 21, 2021
My college essay - Describe the most important thing in my life and explain why - My persistence

3 - @Holt Thank you so much for your help, but can you tell me if my essay was on-point or...

Undergraduatedavid2004 - Oct 20, 2021 / david2004 - Oct 20, 2021
My 16-inch World. Personal Statement - HKUST - Undergraduate Program in Computer Science

2 - Do not confuse the personal statement with your autobiography. The reference to your parents are out of place and...

Undergraduatetechsavvy576 - Oct 18, 2021 / Holt - Oct 19, 2021
My creativity - How would people in your community describe you, what are you proud of yourself

2 - There is no "I" reference in this essay. Disassociate yourself from the presentation. Use a 3rd person reference since...

Undergraduatedavid2004 - Oct 18, 2021 / Holt - Oct 19, 2021
My gap year essay - Pandemic, work, struggles and social service.

2 - The essay is very wordy and definitely set out to impress. . The problem is, beyond bragging eights, you...

UndergraduateThe_Adam - Oct 17, 2021 / Holt - Oct 18, 2021
Solving puzzles in my life - Personal Narrative essay on an accomplishment, event, or realization

2 - The actual discussion focus does not match the prompt. since you have placed so much effort into the development...

Undergraduatekevpink11 - Oct 14, 2021 / Holt - Oct 14, 2021
Hardworking - My UBC Personal profile- Tell us about who you are.

2 - I believe that this section should be the main focus of the section because it implies a type...

UndergraduateLilDavy - Oct 11, 2021 / Holt - Oct 12, 2021
Business is the blood of the nation's economy. GKS personal statement - business administration

2 - This sentence is mether a motivation nora family background reference. Aat let's down the reviewer who is expecting...

Undergraduateprincevince - Sep 27, 2021 / Holt - Oct 10, 2021
In 250-300 words, tell us more about you and why you are considering VCU (Transfer Essay)

2 - The reviewer will be looking for reasons why you will bea good fit for the VCU student community and...

UndergraduateMadisonM99 - Oct 2, 2021 / Holt - Oct 8, 2021
MIT Essay: I am a BLEND. Cultural Identity short essay. Evaluate my essay.

4 - To add on to the comments above, I believe you need to tell us how your culture makes you...

Undergraduateasm525 - Sep 30, 2021 / Janyanwu03 - Oct 7, 2021
Your activities (up to three) to which you attached meaning and devoted yourself in high school

2 - The response to this prompt should focus an activity that challenged the applicant's skills or, helped develop character through...

UndergraduateMiha - Oct 2, 2021 / Holt - Oct 5, 2021
My background and identity - I'm from Morocco - country with people attached to their traditions

4 - I believe that your essay is too short and not detailed enough to describe yourself. You literally spent almost...

Undergraduatemessilyass - Sep 29, 2021 / mirajanesherry - Oct 3, 2021
Tell us about any hobby you are passionate about and why you think it's important. UWC essay.

4 - I started as a that hobby This gave me immense .. playing among with the best players I...

Undergraduateaanya_05 - Sep 25, 2021 / Huongmie - Oct 2, 2021
Cite cases in which you thought/attemped in ways different from others & how it affected you.

3 - Thank you for the feedback, I'll start working on the points you mentioned....

Undergraduateashes1 - Sep 25, 2021 / ashes1 - Sep 26, 2021
Study plans to learn something new everyday by learning Korean and also about the country

6 - In the language plan, you need to mention what you did or will do before going to Korea and...

UndergraduateJessica05 - Sep 3, 2021 / nb19 - Sep 24, 2021

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