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Researching and writing effective scholarship essays (page 9)

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The reason why I choose the Public Health course

4 - @Holt thank you for your feedback. it is very helpful...

Scholarshipkurulu - Apr 15, 2021 / kurulu - May 6, 2021
Why I take master of agribusiness? AAS Aplication

4 - Dear Holt, thank you a million for your invaluable support I highly appreciate your comments and will certainly use...

ScholarshipFarmer - May 3, 2021 / Farmer - May 5, 2021
Why Master of Governance and Public Policy at the University of Queensland? AAS Application 2021

3 - @Holt Thank you so much for the insight!...

ScholarshipApaajaboleh1 - May 2, 2021 / Apaajaboleh1 - May 3, 2021
Practical examples on how I will use my knowledge - AAS (Master of International Trade)

2 - The constraint that you present must coincide with the solutions and help that the courses you will be studying...

ScholarshipOnbr - Apr 29, 2021 / Holt - Apr 30, 2021
Why Do I Want To Become An Exchange Student In The US.? - scholarship

3 - Hi @juliemikulova In my humble opinion, this essay is too emotional. Not to mention that this essay is...

Scholarshipjuliemikulova - Apr 28, 2021 / Ratudestiani - Apr 29, 2021
Essay for AAS Scholarship: Why I choose supply chain management course

3 - Hi @aditya23 Perhaps, it will be good if you also put the background of the urgency of the...

Scholarshipaditya23 - Apr 28, 2021 / Ratudestiani - Apr 29, 2021
Diet / Nutrition - practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills you will gain

3 - Thank you. Your responses are taken into account. Much appreciated...

Scholarshiplukewaqanivere - Apr 26, 2021 / lukewaqanivere - Apr 27, 2021
I've always been interested in urban planning, that's why I'm pursuing master degree in this field

2 - There are 2 things that your essay fails to address in relation to your chosen course. The first is...

Scholarshipdaskapitallll - Apr 25, 2021 / Holt - Apr 25, 2021
Civil Engineering focused on Geotechnics - AAS Supporting statement

2 - The national program and your desired contribution are not well connected in the second paragraph. It would be better...

Scholarshipncincinci - Apr 23, 2021 / Holt - Apr 24, 2021
AAS - Political Science - How will the proposed study contribute to your career?

2 - Your essay is way over the standard character maximum of 2000 characters. You need to edit your content into...

Scholarshipcalicookies - Apr 22, 2021 / Holt - Apr 23, 2021
Political science - [AAS] Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?

5 - Hi @calicookies AAS essays have 2000 character limit, which is around 300 words. I would recommend to shorten the...

Scholarshipcalicookies - Apr 21, 2021 / brsn - Apr 23, 2021
PhD in Engineering (AAS Supporting Statement)

3 - Rather than speaking much of your undergraduate study, you need to focus more on your master degree and research....

Scholarshipmasamune_date - Apr 20, 2021 / calicookies - Apr 22, 2021
Entrepreneurship and Innovation - [AAS] Why did you choose your proposed course?

3 - I suggest you to not waste length of paragraph on explaining the entrepreneurship situation in Indonesia. You can minimize...

Scholarshipandrianiwd - Apr 20, 2021 / calicookies - Apr 22, 2021
World Food Programme - FULBRIGHT STUDY OBJECTIVES

3 - Dear Holt, thank you very much for your invaluable support, you are the Best! I highly appreciate your comments...

ScholarshipFelex - Apr 20, 2021 / Felex - Apr 21, 2021
Why am I applying for Master of Data Science? Proposed course and institution (AAS Essay)

2 - Good job! Well developed, insightful, and forward projecting. It shows that you have given a great thought to your...

Scholarshipsatriaa - Apr 20, 2021 / Holt - Apr 21, 2021
Master's degree in transportation - proposed course and institution

3 - I suggest you to be more analytical to explain the background of your study in the first paragraph. The...

ScholarshipMadam - Apr 19, 2021 / miftahul - Apr 20, 2021
Analyzing complex problems - solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform

NEW - Over the past four years, I have implemented my ability on analyzing complex problems, theoretical and conceptual understanding and...

Scholarshipmiftahul - Apr 20, 2021 / — -
Essay on Contribution of Proposed Study to Career Plan - AAS application for MBA Program

2 - You only gave a description of your career plan. There is no reference to how the learning at the...

ScholarshipOscarPangestu - Apr 12, 2021 / Holt - Apr 20, 2021
ESP practitioner - TESOL and the prospect for my future career (AAS)

2 - This is not a definitive career goal. There is uncertainty in your presentation thus, making the contribution of...

ScholarshipDA786 - Apr 10, 2021 / Holt - Apr 19, 2021
How will Master of International Trade course contribute to my career - Australia Awards Scholarship

2 - Change the first paragraph to reflect that you will be changing your career path from foreign relations manager to...

Scholarshipbrsn - Apr 18, 2021 / Holt - Apr 19, 2021
Motivation Letter for Counter Terrorism and Criminology Course (Australia Awards Scholarship)

2 - You need to relate your current position and position within the agency with your interests in the aforementioned courses....

Scholarshiplisandroid - Apr 18, 2021 / Holt - Apr 19, 2021
The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australia universiti

2 - The lack of image makes the review of this essay difficult. Due to changes in company policy, I am...

Scholarshiprei1412 - Apr 6, 2021 / Holt - Apr 17, 2021
Master of Social Work and Psychology - AAS Supporting Statement

2 - Include information prior to Covid, during Covid, and a projection regarding GBV once the pandemic is lifted or...

ScholarshipRis - Apr 16, 2021 / Holt - Apr 16, 2021
Energy field - my proposed course and institution in Australia

2 - The reason for you proposed course must be similar to a motivation or career goal. The presentation does not...

Scholarshipmariaindira - Apr 15, 2021 / Holt - Apr 16, 2021
Information Systems - supporting statement for AAS about choose proposed course and institution

4 - and I feel RMIT is the right campus for me, and I hope Halo Juna, In my opinion,...

Scholarshipjuna91 - Apr 8, 2021 / Ris - Apr 16, 2021
Supporting Statement for AAS: Why did you choose proposed course - Master of Education

3 - Great write up. Only comment I would give you is to remove the last paragraph. This will give you...

ScholarshipMachica - Apr 14, 2021 / brsn - Apr 15, 2021
Different cultures and lifestyles - PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR USEFP SEMESTER EXCHANGE PROGRAM

2 - The overall essay is extremely vague in reference. You need to be clearer in your presentation in terms of...

Scholarshipfaseeh - Apr 15, 2021 / Holt - Apr 15, 2021
Master of Economic Policy (MECPO) - MECPO AAS

2 - You need to have a focus beyond Covid - 19 to help make your desire to compelete this program...

Scholarshipkra013 - Apr 14, 2021 / Holt - Apr 15, 2021
Master in Local Government - How will the proposed course will contribute to your career?

4 - Hello @assad12. If you are not an Australian citizen, I would advise you to be cautious since there are...

Scholarshipassad12 - Mar 26, 2021 / Alif ID - Apr 14, 2021
Why I choose to study the bachelor of commerce majoring in economics? Australian Awards Scholarship

5 - Hi Nicky. My advice would be that you need to elaborate more about your proposed institution. You need to...

ScholarshipNickyross - Apr 12, 2021 / Alif ID - Apr 14, 2021
AAS scholarship question: why did I choose my course - Master of Engineering (Civil and Structure)

7 - @MM1695 Hi MM. For this essay question, I don't think you have to mention the rankings. Try to research...

ScholarshipMM1695 - Apr 5, 2021 / uray - Apr 14, 2021
Career in the academe - PERSONAL STATEMENT - GKSP MASTER'S DEGREE

2 - There are several aspects of the prompt that you fail to address. The most obvious missing theme is the...

Scholarshipriagntry - Apr 8, 2021 / Holt - Apr 14, 2021
International law - AAS Supporting Statement for LL.M. Study in Australia

2 - You need to focus less on your background and interest development because you are applying for a masters degree...

ScholarshipAlif ID - Apr 13, 2021 / Holt - Apr 14, 2021
Essay for Australia award scholarship (master of finance) Why proposed course prompt

4 - @OscarPangestu Hi oscar! Thanks a lot for your advice. it's really really help! I already revised my essay!...

Scholarshipuray - Apr 7, 2021 / uray - Apr 13, 2021
PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR USEFP SEMESTER EXCHANGE PROGRAM

2 - As a draft, this is an essay that has potential and nothing more due to under development of the...

Scholarshiplevi285 - Apr 11, 2021 / Holt - Apr 12, 2021
Social sciences - AAS Supporting Statement for LLM Study in Australia

5 - The first paragraph is not necessary as it does not focus on how the proposed course will help your...

ScholarshipAlif ID - Apr 7, 2021 / Holt - Apr 11, 2021
"Things are getting complicated..." - Personal Statement - Erasmus Mundus IMSISS Scholarship

2 - EM-IMSISS is a highly competitive scholarship to apply for. You have to understand that the applicants for this program...

ScholarshipHolse - Apr 9, 2021 / Holt - Apr 10, 2021
Essay about solving a challenge - AAS application for course in MBA

3 - Hi Holt, always thankful for your insights, will update accordingly. Best Regards...

ScholarshipOscarPangestu - Apr 8, 2021 / OscarPangestu - Apr 9, 2021
AAS Scholarship Master of Commerce; Data Analyst for business, Digital Transformation Specialization

5 - I would advise you to add at least one other university - which provides a similar programme - for...

Scholarshipalfazrinb - Mar 27, 2021 / Alif ID - Apr 9, 2021
Petroleum Geoscience - Supporting statement for AAS about choose proposed course and institution

2 - Try to avoid ranking the schools as your first and second choices. You must appear to be interested and...

Scholarshipsuryawibawa - Apr 8, 2021 / Holt - Apr 9, 2021
"Upon completing my postgraduate degree in the UK......" - Commonwealth Scholarship Impact Statement

2 - You are speaking of research you will have done as a student. The prompt actually requires a description of...

Scholarshipkhanfaiza - Apr 7, 2021 / Holt - Apr 8, 2021
AAS - Choosing MBA will be the most proper course for me to learn how to be a great leader

3 - really appreciate it @Holt. I will try to add something in first 2 praragraphs...

Scholarshipsuperbia - Apr 7, 2021 / superbia - Apr 8, 2021
Digital and technology transformation - AAS application for MBA

3 - Hi Holt, this really helps. Thanks a lot for your insight. Best Regards....

ScholarshipOscarPangestu - Apr 6, 2021 / OscarPangestu - Apr 7, 2021
English teacher - TESOL and the prospect for my future career (AAS)

4 - thank you, Oscar. I just delete the phrase because it is little bit confusing....

ScholarshipDA786 - Mar 29, 2021 / DA786 - Apr 7, 2021
Learning Success - Personal Statement - GKS Graduate University Track

3 - @Holt Thank you so much for the review. You are right about what is missing and I will definitely...

Scholarshipsmics - Apr 5, 2021 / smics - Apr 6, 2021
HOW YOUR PROPOSED STUDY RELATES TO: A) DEVELOPMENT ISSUES AT THE GLOBAL.. -Commonwealth Scholarship

NEW - Hi. I am writing my development statement for Commonwealth Scholarship. Please leave useful comments for revisions in the essay...

Scholarshipfassehmemun10 - Apr 6, 2021 / — -
Question about AAS Support Statement for Master of Business Administration

4 - You need to revise your essay in way that is aligned with former paragraphs in a logical fashion....

ScholarshipOscarPangestu - Apr 3, 2021 / fassehmemun10 - Apr 6, 2021
AAS Scholarship for public policy

3 - Hi Dlsm, I think you need to be more careful also about active-passive form in your sentences. Your opening...

ScholarshipDIsm - Apr 1, 2021 / OscarPangestu - Apr 6, 2021
Supporting Statement AAS Scholarship for Master Degree in Public Health

4 - Hi Hanna, I think the sentences in your essay are too long and complex. You might want to break...

Scholarshiphanaadilaa - Apr 1, 2021 / OscarPangestu - Apr 6, 2021
Treasury operations / Accounting - How will the proposed study contribute to your career*?

3 - The first problem this presentation has is formatting. Divide the short, medium, and long term plans into paragraphs. The...

Scholarshipgonzforever - Apr 2, 2021 / Holt - Apr 3, 2021
"Raising in a middle-class family was indeed demanding" Commonwealth Scholarship Personal Statement

2 - The essay is on point until you get to the last paragraph. Since it appears that you are going...

Scholarshipfassehmemun10 - Apr 1, 2021 / Holt - Apr 2, 2021
Personal Statement for MSc Data Science scholarship in Sweden

3 - Thank you for your advice. Do you mean that I need to combine Machine Learning, Business, and Big Data...

Scholarshipkenna007 - Apr 1, 2021 / kenna007 - Apr 1, 2021
Motivation Statement for AAS - applying for a master degree in Public Health

8 - @albertedwn keep fighting! you will pass the scholarship at the right time. so, actually what I mean is...

Scholarshipalbertedwn - Mar 24, 2021 / MsC - Mar 30, 2021
Development Impact Plan - Theme: Science and Technology - Commonwealth

2 - Your response is widespread but common. It does not present a proper representation of each development issue as it...

Scholarshipzaineb0131 - Mar 29, 2021 / Holt - Mar 30, 2021
The proposed study will have a vast impact on my professional career - Australian awards scholarship

3 - @Abl steven Hi, let's me to add some feedback. first of all, as there is a limited word in...

ScholarshipAbl steven - Mar 28, 2021 / MsC - Mar 29, 2021
Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*? AAS; Crawford School of Public Policy

4 - use the more specific reason for university choice rather than the reputation reason. what course you interested and why...

Scholarshipyanbro - Mar 24, 2021 / DA786 - Mar 29, 2021
Not one without water - Personal Statement for Commonwealth Shared Scholarship

2 - There should be an expanded discussion in relation to the second paragraph. Consider how you contributed to solving the...

Scholarshipchhena96 - Mar 28, 2021 / Holt - Mar 29, 2021
Autobiography to apply scholarship study abroad

5 - @giangkc1811 Ok. I will try to write again. Thank you so much 😊...

Scholarshiptuongvy1992003 - Mar 27, 2021 / tuongvy1992003 - Mar 28, 2021
Why I decided to take up science? Bachelor of Engineering or Bachelor of Aviation

3 - @Jesus1 I get this input and I think you will find it helpful as well. The question...

ScholarshipJesus1 - Mar 24, 2021 / jackkenshi - Mar 25, 2021
What aspect of your leadership you consider to be effective, how you solve problems in organisation?

2 - The only useful paragraph in this presentation is the second paragraph. So retain that for your revised response. For...

Scholarshipenkay30 - Mar 24, 2021 / Holt - Mar 25, 2021

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