Writing Feedback

if it should be parents who choose the partner of their children

5 - I guess you have written this essay in preparation for IELTS or TOEFL. It's always good to include that...

Writing Feedbackmonokakau - Nov 14, 2013 / dumi - Dec 8, 2013

The charts below show the number of girls per 100 boys in all levels of education.

2 - Use the "Attach file(s)" feature that appears on the top in the Message block. Then select your file and...

Writing Feedbacktarhuna16 - Nov 12, 2013 / dumi - Dec 8, 2013

Public utilities and surroundings are the primary factors to consider before moving to a place

7 - I don't find much meaning in this line.... Your introduction sounds better without this line. Therefore,...

Writing Feedbackaoey - Nov 21, 2013 / dumi - Dec 8, 2013

"Whether or not violent media has a harmful effect on children"

3 - First of all, what is the purpose of writing this essay? Is this for practicing for TOEFL or IELTS?...

Writing FeedbackT1G - Nov 11, 2013 / dumi - Dec 8, 2013

university students required to attend classes; learn better when attend

3 - .... Secondly followed by Firstly gives a bit of an odd feeling to the reader. You better rephrase...

Writing Feedbackanteros06 - Dec 7, 2013 / dumi - Dec 8, 2013

IELTS letter- request for a training course to your manager

5 - Many thanks to sigh3508,dumi,pahan. I rewrite this letter to make it more convincing. I am writing to...

Writing FeedbackFrankZheng - Dec 6, 2013 / FrankZheng - Dec 8, 2013

Difference between Public and Private School

6 - I'm not sure if your post is looking for help in general or just grammar help, but there seems...

Writing Feedbacklaxmineupane - Dec 7, 2013 / Lydmeister - Dec 8, 2013

The salary of top management stuff and menial workers in big companies differ

3 - The salaries between the top management members and the members of lower grades differ significantly. This...

Writing Feedbacktarhuna16 - Nov 10, 2013 / dumi - Dec 7, 2013

TOEFL: people can communicate faster and more conveniently using phone or e-mail

4 - Thank both of you a lot. I will use two thread later:d. I am going to take TOEFL ibt...

Writing Feedbackphuongnam95 - Dec 4, 2013 / phuongnam95 - Dec 7, 2013

University studies are easier than you think

3 - ...but now you have a vast range of choices even within each field. For example, if we take...

Writing FeedbackYazale - Dec 3, 2013 / dumi - Dec 7, 2013

IELTS Writing Task 2; Old values have no relevance in the modern world

6 - That is not a bad idea if you could refute it. But in this case, you do not provide...

Writing Feedbackgreenleaf - Dec 5, 2013 / Pahan - Dec 7, 2013

[TOEFL] Agree/Disagree? - Secure job with low pay or job with high pay but easy to lose

4 - ... well, it is not necessarily that lower payment relates to less working time. You need to be...

Writing FeedbackAllen Hu - Dec 5, 2013 / Pahan - Dec 7, 2013

"Adolescence Stripped Away"

2 - .... I feel you write this in present tense because it is the story she tells; In the...

Writing FeedbackGreg Wolf - Dec 3, 2013 / Pahan - Dec 7, 2013

TOEFL PRACTICE - I prefer to live in big city - more convenient and appropriate

3 - Yes, I too notice that you try to narrow down the scope of this general topic to your...

Writing Feedbackllxcodegeass - Dec 5, 2013 / Pahan - Dec 6, 2013

IELTS practice-Government should subsidize traditional arts? by doing what?

5 - That's five months ago... May be you have improved hell of a lot by now :D ...

Writing Feedbackterry_tian - Dec 5, 2013 / Pahan - Dec 6, 2013

Toefl. Should countries engage with others or they should isolate from other countries.

7 - Thank you very much...

Writing Feedbacksanzhar - Dec 4, 2013 / sanzhar - Dec 6, 2013

IELTS1: process by which academic books are published

4 - Where is the flow chart? It's good to upload all the diagrams so that others can refer to them...

Writing Feedbackinhe - Nov 11, 2013 / dumi - Dec 6, 2013

Lots of people choose to have a pet as a companion in their lives

6 - Some grammatical errors: teach somebody something (to do something); expect somebody to do something I think you...

Writing FeedbackKate64 - Nov 23, 2013 / greenleaf - Dec 6, 2013

IELTS: ECOLOGICAL BALANCE; 'technology as major culprit for ecological impact'

4 - Well .... your prompt requests you to express your opinion on; I find this has a...

Writing Feedbackgtamani - Nov 23, 2013 / dumi - Dec 6, 2013

No field of study can advance significantly unless it incorporates outside knowledge.

2 - What is the purpose of this writing? Is it for GRE? It's always better you include this purpose in...

Writing FeedbackPriGo - Nov 28, 2013 / dumi - Dec 6, 2013

[IELTS ,Letter] Apply for a housekeeping position

3 - I only get 5.5 in my writing last time. Maybe lots of minor errors, like you mentioned. ...

Writing FeedbackFrankZheng - Dec 5, 2013 / FrankZheng - Dec 6, 2013

agree that telephones are playing a more effective role than television in people's life

4 - Overall, I think this is a good essay. Your vocabulary and grammar are quite good :)...

Writing Feedbacksurichen - Dec 5, 2013 / haodiep7640 - Dec 5, 2013

IELTS (Academic)Task 2- Responsibility to pay for the cost of road development

16 - Gabbie: Some nouns and verbs have the same form in English. For example: She set an Olympic...

Writing FeedbackRachel26HJ - Nov 28, 2013 / JethroJosh - Dec 5, 2013

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods.

2 - .... the middle section is not at all relevant to your idea. This is your hook and do...

Writing FeedbackCASOON - Dec 3, 2013 / Pahan - Dec 5, 2013

IELTS Task 2 - Will the Internet make schools unnecessary in the future?

2 - voldemortlucky [i][i]Hi My first language is not English, may be I'm not good at telling you how to correct...

Writing Feedbackvoldemortlucky - Dec 4, 2013 / buheboljgin - Dec 4, 2013

Is the Affordable Care Act a good idea;English1001 Explanatory Paper on Health Care Reform

2 - Yh that's really good.you shouldn't include 'the main sticking point'!try something like the main priority stance is.......

Writing FeedbackRowbear - Dec 3, 2013 / Emerald123 - Dec 4, 2013

IELTS; Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together

4 - I think that the second sentence is like a fact and Internet not only touched aspect in the past,...

Writing Feedbackgtamani - Dec 4, 2013 / phuongnam95 - Dec 4, 2013

Ielts ;Does modern technology make life more convenient, or otherwise?

5 - play on the stock market, Are just a few samples of what c I think example is best here...

Writing FeedbackLorax - Dec 1, 2013 / gtamani - Dec 4, 2013

School violence is one of the social issues that is demanding corrective attention

7 - Thank you very much for your corrections....

Writing Feedbackhaodiep7640 - Nov 30, 2013 / haodiep7640 - Dec 4, 2013

Toefl Essay- How do movies and TV Influence our behavior?

4 - Just make yor essay longer ,coz ETS raters will lower your score if essay is not 300 words....

Writing FeedbackAlice123 - Nov 29, 2013 / sanzhar - Dec 4, 2013

IELTS : consumers and advertisements

3 - dumi In my opinion, hook is a sentence which can be done by telling a story or setting a...

Writing Feedbackgavin - Dec 3, 2013 / gavin - Dec 4, 2013

Do you agree that every organization has a right to set age maximum for the candidates ?

6 - Hey...don't worry, with practice you'll get over it :D You need a good hook to start with. This hook...

Writing Feedbackalex90 - Nov 30, 2013 / dumi - Dec 4, 2013

IELTS (Academic)Task 2- Museums VS. Internet

3 - detailed descriptions impossible to be replaced With the Internet explain...

Writing FeedbackJiaYin - Dec 2, 2013 / MisterWandering - Dec 3, 2013

some people prefer to eat at food stands. other people prefer to eat food at home.

3 - thanks for your best suggestions...

Writing Feedbacksaadati - Nov 24, 2013 / saadati - Dec 3, 2013

Does Media Violence Cause Violent Behavior?

3 - dumi ty...

Writing FeedbackTiffanye Duthie - Dec 2, 2013 / Tiffanye Duthie - Dec 3, 2013

IELTS TASK 1; Making sea water drinkable

4 - I think you're doing well except some little mistakes. good luck...

Writing Feedbackhanasaka - Dec 1, 2013 / khodekhodam - Dec 3, 2013

Introduction of essay: How to become a doctor

3 - do you think it has hook, background and thesis?...

Writing FeedbackPraewa - Dec 3, 2013 / Praewa - Dec 3, 2013

Toefl ; Independence from parents

2 - First, it is better if you post the prompt together with your essay so that we can understand what...

Writing Feedbacksanzhar - Dec 3, 2013 / dumi - Dec 3, 2013

'Jail time or community sevices work' - Ielts essay 02

5 - First, I have an admin request for you - IELTS threads should be opened in Writing Feedback forum (...

Writing FeedbackHgly - Nov 21, 2013 / dumi - Dec 3, 2013

IELTS (Academic)Task 2- Is advertisement just a form of entertainment?

2 - Well, I think this introduction of the background of this issue is somewhat deviated from the actual one....

Writing FeedbackRachel26HJ - Dec 2, 2013 / dumi - Dec 2, 2013

IELTS academic - increase petrol price to reduce traffic and pollution

6 - Generally, it is easier for you to take one side of the argument and then give reasons to support...

Writing Feedbacksri_1 - Nov 28, 2013 / dumi - Dec 2, 2013

IELTS - Is consumerism a Positive or negative development?

3 - The traditional attire for Indian women is saree. Why yous link it with history? sounds redundant :( You...

Writing Feedbackieltsp - Dec 1, 2013 / dumi - Dec 2, 2013

World Cub can bring people of different ethics, color and language together

3 - ... pretty good introduction.... the only thing that is missing out is your opinion on the issue. It...

Writing Feedbackbatais - Dec 1, 2013 / dumi - Dec 2, 2013

'Teaching children and goals' - IELTS essay

4 - .... this sentence has many issues.... most importantly clarity and redundancy of words :( There is no denying...

Writing Feedbackqazzas - Nov 30, 2013 / dumi - Dec 1, 2013

IELTS: The wealth gap between 1st world countries and 3rd world countries

4 - .... let's take this hook statement. I find this has a powerful idea, but it is not presented...

Writing FeedbackGulala - Nov 30, 2013 / dumi - Dec 1, 2013

IELTS Task 1 : Water consumption around the world

3 - Thanks for your useful comments. I'm so happy !...

Writing Feedbackbinhpht - Dec 1, 2013 / binhpht - Dec 1, 2013

Museums - Why People Visit Museums?

5 - yes, the topic suggests so :D What dumi says is that you should have kept the introduction in...

Writing FeedbackOguzhan - Nov 29, 2013 / Pahan - Dec 1, 2013

'Radio and Television users' - IELTS - Line Graph

4 - At first, I think "over-4-years" can be used as an adjective but I think it is better if I...

Writing FeedbackLifeBringer - Nov 24, 2013 / LifeBringer - Dec 1, 2013

Every day computer use by children - 'Computer is a miraculous tool'

4 - thank you msr 2013 and dumi .. since the topic was quite okay,i managed to finish it up in...

Writing FeedbackMe1992 - Nov 22, 2013 / Me1992 - Dec 1, 2013

'Making money first' - IELTS- task 2 cause and effect writing

4 - Than you for your advises. I found that I focus on causes too much then make my solutions weak....

Writing FeedbackOlivia Han - Nov 30, 2013 / Olivia Han - Dec 1, 2013

IELTS; Freedom, economics and education in China

5 - Economic success is considered to be one of the most important factors in the classification of the countries. ...

Writing Feedbackqusay_75 - Nov 30, 2013 / dumi - Dec 1, 2013

The 2nd Holocaust - Argumentative essay about Death Penalty.

2 - it could be true, but need more evidence and judgment....

Writing Feedbackjorgearmando18 - Nov 27, 2013 / batais - Dec 1, 2013

IELTS-Line graph ( The rate of smoking in Someland - men and women)

4 - Thank you guys for correcting it, I will keep it in mind and fix the mistakes....

Writing Feedbackbloodkid - Nov 28, 2013 / bloodkid - Dec 1, 2013

IELTS- parents give children TV/PC game to make them quiet,Give your solutions and reason~

7 - thanks dumi!!...

Writing Feedbackduo008 - Nov 28, 2013 / duo008 - Nov 30, 2013

IELTS task 1 (Cambridge 1) a survey of adult education. (two charts)

5 - Oh, thank you Dumi! You are always in proper time! I noticed that pie-chart is small. But I tried...

Writing Feedbackladyjoy - Nov 28, 2013 / ladyjoy - Nov 30, 2013

IELTS essay, Men and women are different in terms of their characteristics and abilities

7 - great.... I think you should what you desire :) Let us know when you get your score. Also, keep...

Writing Feedbackphuoc - Nov 22, 2013 / dumi - Nov 30, 2013

IELTS academic - Rules on loan and credit card

6 - hai... I too agree that your answer is out of topic. As a result of using large...

Writing Feedbacksri_1 - Nov 27, 2013 / joythblessy - Nov 30, 2013

IELTS academic - teaching good manners by parents or teachers

4 - This is a very good essay. Your grammar and vocabulary are also good as well. But I think you...

Writing Feedbacksri_1 - Nov 28, 2013 / haodiep7640 - Nov 30, 2013

"book smarts" and "street smarts" ; The Intellectual Aspect of Nursing essay

2 - Hi, Ok, then I have a few admin requests for you. You should have a more meaningful...

Writing FeedbackDonnanicole - Nov 27, 2013 / dumi - Nov 30, 2013

Journalism article for Final Paper on the Berley brothers

2 - You are very good at writing! It was easy to read and follow. I learned a lot about the...

Writing Feedbackariulloa - Nov 25, 2013 / ivylaw - Nov 29, 2013

Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 234)